• Biblical Families is not a dating website. It is a forum to discuss issues relating to marriage and the Bible, and to offer guidance and support, not to find a wife. Click here for more information.

What draws you to this lifestyle?

I

indigenouspolygynist

New Member
What is drawing you to the polygamous lifestyle?

I think for me, it mainly stems from my lonely childhood and my dysfunctional family. I wasn't born into the supportive, functional family I need. I'm hardly even in contact with my family now. It's really hard to raise a family with no support. (Same with my wife's family.)

I dream of having a healthy family. We've been working hard for years at creating healthy children, but that leaves us as the only family members in our generation. I want another peer for both of us.

For years, I've dreamed of it being three of us gathering around the table in the evenings to play board games and enjoy each other's company. I want to experience the closeness that only comes from doing life together forever. I want two best friends who will never leave me.

I also get a lot of satisfaction from being the provider for my family and I would love to provide for two women. I've been pretty successful financially and I can't think of anything more rewarding to do with my money than to care for someone I love.
 
I grew up with sisters, but never really had close female friends. Once you are married with children you have less time for relationships outside of family. I wanted to be able to build a relationship with someone I trust...be the kind of friend I would have found helpful when raising my little ones....and have another someone who would still be here after the children grow up and move out.
 
Joleneakamama said:
I grew up with sisters, but never really had close female friends. Once you are married with children you have less time for relationships outside of family. I wanted to be able to build a relationship with someone I trust...be the kind of friend I would have found helpful when raising my little ones....and have another someone who would still be here after the children grow up and move out.
Click to expand...

You've been on this forum a long time. How long have you had a sister wife? How has it gone for you? Is it difficult? Are you best friends?
 
indigenouspolygynist said:
What is drawing you to the polygamous lifestyle?

I think for me, it mainly stems from my lonely childhood and my dysfunctional family. I wasn't born into the supportive, functional family I need. I'm hardly even in contact with my family now. It's really hard to raise a family with no support. (Same with my wife's family.)

I dream of having a healthy family. We've been working hard for years at creating healthy children, but that leaves us as the only family members in our generation. I want another peer for both of us.

For years, I've dreamed of it being three of us gathering around the table in the evenings to play board games and enjoy each other's company. I want to experience the closeness that only comes from doing life together forever. I want two best friends who will never leave me.

I also get a lot of satisfaction from being the provider for my family and I would love to provide for two women. I've been pretty successful financially and I can't think of anything more rewarding to do with my money than to care for someone I love.
Click to expand...
It's actually super refreshing to see someone state reasons that aren't just "me, me, me." That's rare. Actually, what drew me to the idea of plural marriage to begin with, was the thought of just filling in whenever I was needed for a family, and actually genuinely enjoying a life with everyone involved. I still very much like that idea, even if I am a bit jaded from bad encounters early on when I was more serious about looking for a family. I did meet one family that I hit it off with well early on, and I still think about them often, but they live on the other side of the country, so it's just not feasible at the moment.
 
FeministVampireQueen said:
It's actually super refreshing to see someone state reasons that aren't just "me, me, me." That's rare. Actually, what drew me to the idea of plural marriage to begin with, was the thought of just filling in whenever I was needed for a family, and actually genuinely enjoying a life with everyone involved. I still very much like that idea, even if I am a bit jaded from bad encounters early on when I was more serious about looking for a family. I did meet one family that I hit it off with well early on, and I still think about them often, but they live on the other side of the country, so it's just not feasible at the moment.
Click to expand...

It sounds like we have very similar perspectives (based off the comments in my other thread also). That's refreshing. After lurking here for a while and seeing some really disgusting comments (misogyny, clear signs of abuse, etc.), I was afraid I might not find like minded people here. I'm glad I was wrong.
 
indigenouspolygynist said:
It sounds like we have very similar perspectives (based off the comments in my other thread also). That's refreshing. After lurking here for a while and seeing some really disgusting comments (misogyny, clear signs of abuse, etc.), I was afraid I might not find like minded people here. I'm glad I was wrong.
Click to expand...
That's actually one of the things that contributed to putting me off on the idea. I never seem to get along with the people biblical plural marriage attracts, lol. I don't want to discourage anyone from being on the forum though, I've learned a lot from the people here as well. There seems to be some new people here lately and I'm enjoying seeing new perspectives ❤️
 
indigenouspolygynist said:
You've been on this forum a long time. How long have you had a sister wife? How has it gone for you? Is it difficult? Are you best friends?
Click to expand...
Had a sisterwife over four years now. If wanting this had made me equipped I would have had no problems. There is really not much about monogamy that helps you with this. It changes pretty much everything. I have really never had a problem with my sisterwife. She is very sweet and easy to like and live with. It was partly not expecting issues that made it worse, but my husband didn't know how to support me with the adjusments, and I didn't know how to be what he needed either. I know God brought her into our lives and family....so this is right, but he and I did a lot wrong as in not beneficial or supportive for each other. Finding the book Magnetic Femininity that I recommended in another thread, then the Enneagram, and then finally information about attachment styles has helped me figure out my internal conflicts and fears. It has not been easy. ...but there is a lot of compatibility between us, a lot of love, and my sweet sisterwife has been very non judgemental and understanding. Like I said, wanting it doesnt mean you are good at it. Thank God He equips the called instead of calling the equipped! There are two beautiful little children here that I am not related to....who claim me and love me. .. and He keeps giving me insights and outside perspectives that help me understand what I need to change. I wouldn't go back if I could! Is it easy? Not always. It it worth it? YES! It is ALWAYS worth it!
 
FeministVampireQueen said:
That's actually one of the things that contributed to putting me off on the idea. I never seem to get along with the people biblical plural marriage attracts, lol. I don't want to discourage anyone from being on the forum though, I've learned a lot from the people here as well. There seems to be some new people here lately and I'm enjoying seeing new perspectives ❤️
Click to expand...

If you'd like to talk, send me a DM. I'll give you my contact info. There are some things I don't feel comfortable sharing through the forum.

Joleneakamama said:
Had a sisterwife over four years now. If wanting this had made me equipped I would have had no problems. There is really not much about monogamy that helps you with this. It changes pretty much everything. I have really never had a problem with my sisterwife. She is very sweet and easy to like and live with. It was partly not expecting issues that made it worse, but my husband didn't know how to support me with the adjusments, and I didn't know how to be what he needed either. I know God brought her into our lives and family....so this is right, but he and I did a lot wrong as in not beneficial or supportive for each other. Finding the book Magnetic Femininity that I recommended in another thread, then the Enneagram, and then finally information about attachment styles has helped me figure out my internal conflicts and fears. It has not been easy. ...but there is a lot of compatibility between us, a lot of love, and my sweet sisterwife has been very non judgemental and understanding. Like I said, wanting it doesnt mean you are good at it. Thank God He equips the called instead of calling the equipped! There are two beautiful little children here that I am not related to....who claim me and love me. .. and He keeps giving me insights and outside perspectives that help me understand what I need to change. I wouldn't go back if I could! Is it easy? Not always. It it worth it? YES! It is ALWAYS worth it!
Click to expand...

I'm really glad it's been going well for you. This is what I want for my family too. F2, as I'm calling her, is also very sweet and I think she will be best friends with my wife once they meet -- which is going to happen in about a week if all goes well. I'm really excited to see them interact. My wife has always been lonely, and I can't wait to see her have someone to share her life with.

That's actually the reason I started thinking about this several years ago. She had a good friend who's since moved away. I came home one night and saw the two of them together, playing a game at the table and she was smiling more than I had ever seen before. I want her to feel that way every day.
 
indigenouspolygynist said:
After lurking here for a while and seeing some really disgusting comments (misogyny, clear signs of abuse, etc.),
Click to expand...
If you feel that this question would derail your original intent, feel free to let me know:

Do you have examples of what you consider misogynistic or abusive? I’m not saying they’re not on here. I’m just curious how you identify or define it.
 
Mojo said:
If you feel that this question would derail your original intent, feel free to let me know:

Do you have examples of what you consider misogynistic or abusive? I’m not saying they’re not on here. I’m just curious how you identify or define it.
Click to expand...

Here's an example of what I'd consider misogyny. I don't take issue with the fact that being a good cook is a positive trait for a wife, but the implication seems to be that her contrary views and independence make her otherwise unfit for marriage.

I also happen to agree with the views I've read from her posts. There's a lot of discouraging comments in the Trump thread in particular. But it would be best not to open up that can of worms here.

In regard to abuse, was one post that stood out to me in particular that I read a couple months ago, but it's too late tonight to go look for it. A guy was putting a lot of pressure on his wife to accept polygamy when, as I recall, he didn't even have a potential second spouse. He wrote about how he realized he hadn't been leading his family the way he should have as the patriarch, so he finally decided to put his foot down. I can't remember the details, but it was very clear that he was being abusive to his wife and kids. I don't remember anyone calling him out for it. I'll have to go dig it up now because it's really bugging me that I don't recall the details.

Obviously, I'm not accusing everyone here of misogyny or abuse. I was just really discouraged by some of the comments I came across that went unchallenged. I hope to find more like minded people like FeministVampireQueen.
 
indigenouspolygynist said:
I was just really discouraged by some of the comments I came across that went unchallenged.
Click to expand...
Sometimes the situation reaches a point where we try to apply the lesson from Proverbs; Where there is no wood, the fire goes out; And where there is no talebearer, strife ceases (Proverbs 26:20). Rather than continuing to pour fuel on the fire, we hope it will burn itself out. Not always successful, but we live in hope. ;)
 
I found the post I was thinking of. I think I was misremembering some of the details, but this comment in particular is incredibly alarming to me. This guy has been trying to force this lifestyle on his wife for almost two decades and his 16 year old daughter decided to move out because of the stress it was causing the family.

There's obviously a lot more going on here than what the guy is letting on. I can't imagine how bad the situation is in order for his child to want to leave. I strongly suspect there's a lot of abuse involved beyond the information provided, but just the narrative he provided alone is harrowing. She doesn't want to be a sister wife and he's trying to force her to accept it. The disagreement has been going on for 17 years. He won't let it go and it's spilling out into their relationship with their daughter? That alone is not only toxic, but incredibly abusive.

There's also a comment in that thread where someone said women need to be trained like animals.
 
frederick said:
Sometimes the situation reaches a point where we try to apply the lesson from Proverbs; Where there is no wood, the fire goes out; And where there is no talebearer, strife ceases (Proverbs 26:20). Rather than continuing to pour fuel on the fire, we hope it will burn itself out. Not always successful, but we live in hope. ;)
Click to expand...

Yes, those are wise words!
 
indigenouspolygynist said:
What is drawing you to the polygamous lifestyle?
Click to expand...

Less and less, to be honest with you, even as someone who the Lord hand delivered a perfect person (humanly speaking) to.

The amount of ecumenism and false teaching that is not only tolerated but elevated by pro-polygyny proponents is simply staggering.

The amount of issues (related to stumbling blocks, logistics, jealousy, disunity, etc.) in even entertaining such a counter-cultural arrangement is also very humbling.

The mere fact that pursuing such an arrangement almost guarantees that you will be persona non grata in any orthodox Christian fellowship should be enough to give a genuine disciple of Christ serious, serious pause.

Thankfully the naysayers (such as one of the ladies on the main page at BibFam) aren’t being silenced on this forum, although they aren’t really being amplified either. You see this in secular niches too: transgender communities ostracize the de-transitioners, etc.

My view is that polygyny, even if lawful, is almost always inexpedient for the aforementioned reasons.

Not to mention, if the Lord Jesus Christ did in fact expand (or clarify or fulfil) the law in a way that is new and different in the New Covenant, then every Christian polygynist could find themselves in a grave state of self-deception on the Last Day. It would be a terrible, teeth gnashing scenario to ultimately discover that polygyny in the New Covenant is considered porneia (fornication or sexual immorality).

The juice just probably isn't worth the squeeze in most cases.

Lots of sincere people here who are proponents. But the majority of people can and have been sincerely wrong on matters of eternal weight and moment since even before the Fall.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top