The other woman

[Dancingapple]

To all who are currently in a poly relationship, preferably a first wife:

How did you handle the “dating” process? My husband has a woman he’s been talking to on and off since January of this year who is in love with him. He’s considering brining her on as a second wife. He wants me to build a friendship with her. Thus far I haven’t been able to make myself talk to her. To me, she’s the other woman. A home wrecker who plays games online exclusively with married men. I have nothing positive to say to her. My husband has been rightfully calling me out about that, as she’s a fellow Christian and I should have a love of all the brethren. I’m struggling. She’s young enough to be my daughter and I’ve yet to find a way to not be grossed out by that. I don’t want her in our lives. I hate that she has private access to my husband. They have leisure time together, private calls, texts. I’m gutted. I’m fully aware that I am only thinking of myself. His happiness should keep me from feeling all this. I don’t know how to make my utter despair go away so I can fully submit to his wishes to have her in our lives. He’s obviously not happy with my unhappiness. He’s made it clear that he need a happy help meet. I can’t deliver on that right now and it’s tearing us apart. I’m trying to put myself second and be objective about how selfish I’m being in all of this. It’s just not working.
Those of you who had difficulty when your husband found another woman, how did that play out?

 

[Stanfam7]

I hope some first wives share! I am very curious myself. There is a lot to overcome. ie: centuries of indoctrination and feminism. Husband has interest in a woman our age and I struggle half of the time. Prior to that I was fearful of having to face interest in a woman our daughter’s ages even though I know it is completely acceptable. Our culture has really done a number on us and led us so far away from biblical living. I am spending a lot of time with Jesus and asking for the mind of Christ so that I take thoughts captive and allow Him to show me how to fully surrender and understand better the blessing this is. We just got back from a day out and about. We talked a lot about emotional regulation and training ourselves to obey rather than sit in our feelings. Easier said than done, but efforts are being made.

I could really benefit from hearing how first wives get past all the sense of loss and the redistribution of time with spouse and how to not freak out emotionally every other hour. What a roller coaster ride! If your husband took a way younger wife how did you overcome fear, repulsion, anxiety, panic, insecurities etc.?

 

[Joleneakamama]

My sisterwife is 23 years younger than I am. I'll try and share more later. Busy with visiting family.

You may find the answers on this thread helpful. Serenesprings is my sisterwife.

S

Post in thread 'Who is the subsequent wife?'

Sep 14, 2022

And here is where I am seeking your assistance: I think I need to try to understand the psyche of a woman who would be a wife to a man already married. How does one put herself in that position? Why would she accept the social stigma? Why doesn’t she reject her attraction knowing a man is married? How does it differ for a woman intentionally seeking plural marriage to a man versus one who finds herself enamored with a married man willing to take another wife?

Hello his_muse, my sister wife suggested I reply to your thread, hopefully I can give some insight and understanding in an...

• serenesprings

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[Stanfam7]

My sisterwife is 23 years younger than I am. I'll try and share more later. Busy with visiting family.

You may find the answers on this thread helpful. Serenesprings is my sisterwife.

S

Post in thread 'Who is the subsequent wife?'

Sep 14, 2022

And here is where I am seeking your assistance: I think I need to try to understand the psyche of a woman who would be a wife to a man already married. How does one put herself in that position? Why would she accept the social stigma? Why doesn’t she reject her attraction knowing a man is married? How does it differ for a woman intentionally seeking plural marriage to a man versus one who finds herself enamored with a married man willing to take another wife?

Hello his_muse, my sister wife suggested I reply to your thread, hopefully I can give some insight and understanding in an...

• serenesprings

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• 

Very - thank you