He’s not even got one wife. Take whatever he says under that context. He’s a keyboard warrior. I’d ignore most of what comes from him when it comes to relationship advice.
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- Thread starter indigenouspolygynist
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There’s a famous John Wooden quote that comes to mind:
“Be quick but don’t hurry”.
Remember that God is ultimately sovereign. Rely on his guidance, not your urge to rush into this next phase. Even if it’s just a brief introduction, it’s another step toward the goal.
If you’ve ever hiked up the side of a mountain without a trail, you know it’s sometimes two steps forward then one step back. Eventually you get to the top if you’re in good physical shape.
Make sure you’re in good spiritual shape.
This is wisdom in my opinion....if anything, she gets to see your family and hopefully how you interact with them a little. I think the invitation for dinner is a good idea as long as you don't expect a "yes" to it. It sets some groundwork that you desire her to be a part of your life even if it starts under friendship.
Yes, I think the two of you are right. It may be only a brief interaction, and I need to be patient. It's been hard because she lives far away and I only see her once a month. But I think you're right that only a brief introduction and letting her observe our family is a good next step.
Are you joking for real?
You asked for advice and I told what I think. Giving advice includes hearing where you suck too. If you want only to hear good stuff, next time ask for affirmation.
And what did I tell you wrong? Nothing.
Have you expect something special when intoducing potential wife to existing? There is no special sauce here.
And it's your job as man to push potential relationship forward. You are too risk rejection.
I have checked your posting. I haven't seen you said that you expressed your interest in her. You said she was interested in you and sad after she found you married. You said all interactions were friendly. So unless I missing something this is current situation from her perspective.
She was found potential mate. He is off limits due to marriage. And now this friend was invited me to short time together. Anyway, what are other men interested in me doing?
If you haven't expressed interest back, you are being timid.
If you haven't told her truth, something like: I believe that man can have multiple wives, and sadly current wife isn't fully on board. I think if I find good girl, she can be won. What do you think? You are being timid.
If you are wanting her and hiding that from her, you are being timid.
If you behave as friend and you want sexual relationship (which marriage is), you are being timid.
All you are communicating is you being fine with her seeking other suitors. She can't read your mind and, due to biological clock running out earlier, women are less willing to wait.
And you need to increase time together. Once a month is barely acquitance. People who seriously evaluate each other for relatioship, spend time at least weekly.
Even if you succeed here....it doesn't mean she understands your intentions. She may just think you are secure, and she is safe FROM being seen as an object of your affections.
I like a line from the movie "Mrs. Harris goes to Paris." The old English women tells the young man obviously smitten by a beautiful woman that "Faint heart never won fair lady." It is very counter culture, but also very normal if you can wrap your mind and heart around it.
I'm sorry. Sometimes the things you say are so crazy, I honestly can't tell whether you're joking. Everyone here is in agreement on the issue of plural marriage, but to outsiders, the topic is so taboo, it's practically a guaranteed way to end a relationship before it even starts.
I would definitely like to see her more often. I've invited her to our house. She's interested, but the timing hasn't worked out yet because she's caring for a family member who's been gravely ill. Because she lives so far away, it isn't practical at the moment for her to spend the entire day visiting us. She said she'll come when that situation is resolved (one way or the other, sadly).
I know she wasn't making excuses because I saw her the next day and it went extremely well - better than I had hoped for. It's just bad timing, unfortunately. She may be busy for a few more months, depending on how the family member is doing.
Yeah, I've wondered about this also. I don't want to scare her off right from the start but proposing something so counter cultural, but at the same time, I also don't want her to believe she has no chance with me.
I hope she understands that I'm interested in her. I've given her small gifts a couple times. The first time, I gave her something related to something she had expressed an interest in in passing. I wanted to show I was paying attention. When she told me about her family member, I baked some desserts for her to take home to her family.
I'm not sure what else I should do without seeming inappropriate.
Children are sometimes good ambassadors. Our youngest daughter just LOVED the woman that joined our family (honestly we all did). Our daughter and her son got along very well too, playing with old fashioned imagination. My sisterwife got to know our whole family for about a year before things changed. It was so much better than feeling that we were "on trial" with that resulting pressure.
I'm sure. I'm really glad my kids were with me when I met her. They liked her so much, they kept talking about her when we came home. I think they also left a positive impression on her because they're so well behaved.
I really hope she holds the baby tomorrow. I would love for her to be a second mother to him. I hope she falls in love with him.
I wonder if it would be weird if I made some kind of comment about how I wish she could be in our family.
Anything more than "adopted auntie" or being a godparent to the children might be weird. *shrugs*
For once, I think I actually agree with @MemeFan. Not quite how I would put it, but he has a point that sometimes being assertive (without being TOO assertive) will get you to where you are trying to get to. I also agree you might want to try to not overthinking things, as that can make it hard to take each moment in stride.
Maybe @MemeFan is like Gandalf. You just have to decifer what he says as if it where a riddle to find the deeper meaning!
How would you be assertive in this situation? We haven't known each other long enough to propose something like this.
I could drop some hints to let her know that I do like her, but without mentioning polygamy. I'm not sure. I might just know what the right move is when the time comes.
I'll respond in the DM we have going.
Ok, I should clarify here also in response to your message.
I'm definitely planning to approach her when she comes in. I'm going to introduce them. My wife prepared a list of questions to ask her so she can find something to talk about. The part I'm unsure about is whether we'll be able to have a quality conversation in the noisy room or whether she'll feel comfortable sitting at my table with my family there.
If it seems appropriate in the moment, I'll ask her to join us for dinner.
I would put some smiley if I was joking.
I have read a ton of books and watches bunch of documentaries. That's where I find source for my "crazy ideas". Like doing incest to scare away demons (Zoroastrianism). Humanity has it's vdry strange moments.
What is common to you seems normal and uncommon as crazy. You just don't have experience.
I remember being in tram and listening one teenager girl telling her friend how her other friend was being in cult because other friend was, I believe Pentecostal.
Yes, but it depends where you fishing women. Casual sex will work in night club, but not in church.
Maybe she just need warm up period where you are being seen as "normal" and relatable before being serious.
You can always joke.
Logistics is biggest killer of love and new babies.
But you still need to define relationship.