Calling all Biblical Families members with a sense of humour...
What is a potential patriarch to do when there are no potentials in sight (for years...)?
Help me out here with the list, I only got up to 48!
Continue the number sequence with your replies and the person who posts reason 101 is the winner!
101 things to do while waiting for a second wife
1. Sit the children down and read to them “My two mommy’s ”
2. Go through your list of friends and take bets on who will disown you the fastest.
3. Contemplate the one bed / separate beds debate
4. Don’t throw out all your baby stuff ‘just in case’
5. Do up a list of churches that might put up with weirdos like us.
6. Rearrange the spare room to get it just right.
7. Read Isaiah 4:1 and discuss how you would humbly settle for just one extra woman grabbing hold of you and that seven is a bit over the top (although if seven is the number you will accept that anyway).
8. Work out how much older you have gotten since you first started looking!
9. Imagine the scene at church when you walk in with a second wife in tow.
10. Plan the first ‘special meal’.
11. Go through the healthcare brochures and see if you would still fit under the ‘family cover’ definition.
12. Buy a larger fridge and freezer.
13. Fantasize about calling the FLDS - “Hello, is that FLDS, can you mail me a membership pack”?
14. Log onto the Utah travel site (http://www.utah.com/) and think about the many features of the beehive state.
15. Cross a few more items off the ‘she must have’ personal profile list.
16. Subscribe to a poly personal site and sit by your inbox waiting for the flood of responses.
17. Calculate the discounts you will get when you start buying in bulk like the Duggars (the more you spend, the more you save ?!#)
18. Locate a doctor you can all go to for blood tests that is not your normal doctor (hey, who has been messing with my anti-paranoia tablets)
19. Give advice on polygamy to others on Biblical Families from your deep well of expertise.
20. Discuss the duration and location of the honeymoon.
21. Go ring shopping.
22. Start to find head coverings strangely attractive.
23. Consider the pros and cons of African village life.
24. Narrow the ‘she must have’ list down to two items – “Christian” and “has a pulse”.
25. Start a home group specialising in ministry to single mothers.
26. Run through the “widows we know” list again.
27. Go bed shopping
28. Begin thinking that the second cousin thing is not so bad really.
29. Contemplate the virtues of with and without beards for profile photos.
30. Go to the gym and turn yourself into a chick magnet.
31. Scroll in your mind through the list of all the women at church and why they are off the list.
32. Speculate on who will visit you for “the talk” – the elders or the pastor or both.
33. Regret ever starting to research biblical polygamy.
34. Remind your wife about all the wonderful benefits of polygamy for women (honey I am pretty much doing this for you!)
35. Visit car dealerships and enquire about vehicle models with a bench seat at the front "wide enough for three adults to sit together"
36. Talk out loud about how this house seems so empty.
37. If your wife has an unmarried sister, develop a deep inner conviction that Leviticus 18:18 is about vexing and not sisterhood per se.
38. Print a “second wife wanted” flier and letterbox the neighbourhood.
39. Move out of your current neighbourhood real quick (see item 38).
40. Notice things that would be so much easier if you had another adult around.
41. Discuss the joint/separate bank accounts issue.
42. Subtly eliminate phrases from your conversation like “you are the only one for me” and “just you and me baby”.
43. Imitate Martin Luther and develop a deep burden for nuns and an urge to help them leave the monastery and start a new life (wherever that may lead?)
44. Browse the Wikipedia article on the legal status of polygamy (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legal_status_of_polygamy ) and see if somehow while you weren’t looking, polygamy has become legalised in your country.
45. Run a yard sale specialising in cheap baby gear and then become really helpful to selected customers.
46. Make matching sailor suits for all the children and parade them the park (okay it’s a long shot).
47. Train your wife to include “lord” in all replies (1 Peter 3:6)
48. Brush up on homeschooling in preparation for your forthcoming status as 'social pariah'.
ylop the secret believer
What is a potential patriarch to do when there are no potentials in sight (for years...)?
Help me out here with the list, I only got up to 48!
Continue the number sequence with your replies and the person who posts reason 101 is the winner!
101 things to do while waiting for a second wife
1. Sit the children down and read to them “My two mommy’s ”
2. Go through your list of friends and take bets on who will disown you the fastest.
3. Contemplate the one bed / separate beds debate
4. Don’t throw out all your baby stuff ‘just in case’
5. Do up a list of churches that might put up with weirdos like us.
6. Rearrange the spare room to get it just right.
7. Read Isaiah 4:1 and discuss how you would humbly settle for just one extra woman grabbing hold of you and that seven is a bit over the top (although if seven is the number you will accept that anyway).
8. Work out how much older you have gotten since you first started looking!
9. Imagine the scene at church when you walk in with a second wife in tow.
10. Plan the first ‘special meal’.
11. Go through the healthcare brochures and see if you would still fit under the ‘family cover’ definition.
12. Buy a larger fridge and freezer.
13. Fantasize about calling the FLDS - “Hello, is that FLDS, can you mail me a membership pack”?
14. Log onto the Utah travel site (http://www.utah.com/) and think about the many features of the beehive state.
15. Cross a few more items off the ‘she must have’ personal profile list.
16. Subscribe to a poly personal site and sit by your inbox waiting for the flood of responses.
17. Calculate the discounts you will get when you start buying in bulk like the Duggars (the more you spend, the more you save ?!#)
18. Locate a doctor you can all go to for blood tests that is not your normal doctor (hey, who has been messing with my anti-paranoia tablets)
19. Give advice on polygamy to others on Biblical Families from your deep well of expertise.
20. Discuss the duration and location of the honeymoon.
21. Go ring shopping.
22. Start to find head coverings strangely attractive.
23. Consider the pros and cons of African village life.
24. Narrow the ‘she must have’ list down to two items – “Christian” and “has a pulse”.
25. Start a home group specialising in ministry to single mothers.
26. Run through the “widows we know” list again.
27. Go bed shopping
28. Begin thinking that the second cousin thing is not so bad really.
29. Contemplate the virtues of with and without beards for profile photos.
30. Go to the gym and turn yourself into a chick magnet.
31. Scroll in your mind through the list of all the women at church and why they are off the list.
32. Speculate on who will visit you for “the talk” – the elders or the pastor or both.
33. Regret ever starting to research biblical polygamy.
34. Remind your wife about all the wonderful benefits of polygamy for women (honey I am pretty much doing this for you!)
35. Visit car dealerships and enquire about vehicle models with a bench seat at the front "wide enough for three adults to sit together"
36. Talk out loud about how this house seems so empty.
37. If your wife has an unmarried sister, develop a deep inner conviction that Leviticus 18:18 is about vexing and not sisterhood per se.
38. Print a “second wife wanted” flier and letterbox the neighbourhood.
39. Move out of your current neighbourhood real quick (see item 38).
40. Notice things that would be so much easier if you had another adult around.
41. Discuss the joint/separate bank accounts issue.
42. Subtly eliminate phrases from your conversation like “you are the only one for me” and “just you and me baby”.
43. Imitate Martin Luther and develop a deep burden for nuns and an urge to help them leave the monastery and start a new life (wherever that may lead?)
44. Browse the Wikipedia article on the legal status of polygamy (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legal_status_of_polygamy ) and see if somehow while you weren’t looking, polygamy has become legalised in your country.
45. Run a yard sale specialising in cheap baby gear and then become really helpful to selected customers.
46. Make matching sailor suits for all the children and parade them the park (okay it’s a long shot).
47. Train your wife to include “lord” in all replies (1 Peter 3:6)
48. Brush up on homeschooling in preparation for your forthcoming status as 'social pariah'.
ylop the secret believer
