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About me/us

JPR

JPR

Member
This may be a bit long winded but it should give you some perspective about us and how I got started down this road and I'm not much of a writer but I'll do what I can.
It's been just over 15 years nice I came to the realization that polygyny is acceptable in the bible and always has been contrary to popular belief.
I don't remember the exact year it happened but I remember when it happened.
I was sitting in the hot tub visiting with my at the time neighbors. I don't remember exactly why, this isn't something I do often, maybe at the time we just got the hot tub and my neighbors wanted to use it and I had time. I'm not totally sure, but I do recall that my wife was in the house running around taking care of our daughter with disabilities. I remember having a thought that I wished she could come out and visit too and then it struck me! I want to say it was like lightning or a massive thought that rolled into my head but it was something along the lines of, "The men of old, the men of renowned, the men in the bible had multiple wives". This started the journey!
Prior to this and what I realized later is I have always been interested in having multiple wives.
In bible camp I had two girlfriends for that one week span during camp. I remember being so dad gum stressed trying to decide which one I had to pick, because as we know you can only have one, right?
Funny thing is they didn't mind me holding both their hands during church services, they didn't mind me hanging out with one or the other. They both were interested in me and I in them, but in the end I let one go because at the time I knew that was what I was supposed to do. Ultimately even that relationship ended.
Later I met my now wife though I was still a bit flirty with girls though still respectful. The flirtatiousness has since backed off quite a bit as people pointed out I was too friendly with other women.

So, back to the hot tub. After that I did a BUNCH of digging to determine if polygyny was a sin and I couldn't find anything to say specifically that it was so I called on a fellow believer and good friend to help me find the answer. I told him I had been doing some digging and I can't find anything that says it is a sin. He said, "No problem, I'll call you back when I find the answer". He called me the next day and said he couldn't find anything either, so at that point we agreed we needed to define the biblical definitions for adultery, lust, sexual immorality, marriage, anything that could give us some idea as to why it is a sin. Needless to say we came up short regarding it being a sin but we learned a LOT in the process.
At this point I was excited, I could add to my house and my wife would have help and some additional companionship!!!
I presented my finding to my wife but needless to say I was met with resistance!
She called our pastor at the time and told him what was going on. He said he would have a talk with me. Days, maybe a week or two went by and we didn't hear back, so we followed up. At this point his reply was, "Once someone has convinced themselves that polygyny is OK I can't change their minds. I have been down this road before with someone else and I couldn't change his mind, so there is nothing I can do for you", which of course for my wife was a major let down and for me too. I mean hey, he is a pastor, he's a leader of a congregation, he said it is a sin but he can't back up his claims and is leaving me out in the cold!!!! He either needs to back up his claims or he needs to tell my wife that I'm not wrong!!!
After that my wife and I were at odds on the subject periodically, I approached another pastor at one time and he simply said, "If you go down this road you will loose your wife". Yea, thanks for the help! We left that church too.
My buddy approached his pastor and he said it was a sin too but couldn't back up his claims, my buddy left that church as well.

Long story short my wife and I were at odds for a long time on the subject.
Her strongest argument has always been, polygyny is not God's original design because in the beginning it was Adam and Eve, not Adam, Eve and Sarah.
My reply has generally been, "And if we still lived that way we would all be running around naked, we wouldn't have needed a savior and everything would be perfect, but it isn't, we live in a fallen world".
Since then I hear things like, "This is not how I envisioned my life" or something to that extent.

Anyhow, back to the story. Years after that, likely about 6 or so years a friend at the time was living the plural life style but he was and is not a biblical man. He took a at the time 17year old girl as a second and at 18 got her pregnant. Both the women were at odds with each other. We tried to help him by bringing him to Christ, showing him that his house is at odds with each other. We tried to help them stay together but in the end the young lady ended up leaving him and came onboard with us as a care giver. She was not saved but was very interested and LOVED our family dynamics.
We gave her a couple trial runs mostly because she needed a place to stay and we were helping her out.
The last time we gave her a true trial run we called it off due to some life style differences and because her ex had a son with her which meant if I took him on as my own this guy had a foot hold in my home and would indeed put my home at legal risk and it is my job, my duty to protect this house and everyone in it! But we did and still do love her.
She has since moved on to a guy I like to call a "nice guy". He is nice but he is just that. He doesn't have much of a backbone, but he is good to her. They do however have more similar interests than we did, such as periodically smoking weed. In my house that is a no-no! And while he is a bible believer he's still immature, but that could change.
After she moved out she later came back to help my wife as a care taker for our daughter and this went on for years. We were all still friends.
Later I found out that about a year after moving out of our home into her apartment, someone broke into her apartment and raped her. This broke my heart! I felt I was in part responsible for allowing her to be in a situation in which she could be taken advantage of!
Her current boyfriend apparently knew about it before I did and did nothing to get her out of harm's way! While at the time of writing this she is currently in the process of moving (I had something to do with that) he let her stay there for another few years before working on trying to get her out of there.

I know I'm bouncing around a bit, but I write it as it comes to mind as fast as I can because we have gone through a lot.

After our last trial run with this young lady there were a lot of trials, we lost a lot of friends though some stuck around. I had to point out to my wife over the years, multiple times that our true friends stuck with us. Those that left were not true fiends. They wanted us to be like them, think like them and since we wouldn't they left. While I am great with that she struggles with it. She has pointed out many times that she feels like she doesn't have any friends left and I have pointed out that they were not true friends, I am your friend and I am still here and will continue to be and she acknowledges and knows that.

My wife and I have grown since, we've grown closer and do talk about it more but it is still a bit taboo. She accepts that it is not a sin, she sees the good but also sees the potential bad.
Normally she's a very optimistic person and I'm the pessimist. She sees the good and I see how things can go bad but in this she sees mostly the bad and I see the potential good.
I do know this, that if we find someone they can't just love me, they have to love us, though frankly anyone that doesn't love my wife would have some serious problems. She's a very wonderful, smiley, empathetic, very caring and a loving woman.
I've pointed out many times that I love her so much I'd love to have another just like her. Her reply is always, "There's only one of me!"

I know I didn't cover everything but I think that'll do for now.
 
Welcome. You've covered a lot of ground in your introduction. I won't offer any advice, I would just say that this is definitely the place to be if you're considering this.
 
Welcome!
That’s quite a journey that you have traveled to this point.

As far as original design, I like to point out that every woman had a husband.
Then ask how we could duplicate that without polygyny.
Single women, especially single mothers, simply did not exist in the garden.
 
steve said:
Welcome!
That’s quite a journey that you have traveled to this point.

As far as original design, I like to point out that every woman had a husband.
Then ask how we could duplicate that without polygyny.
Single women, especially single mothers, simply did not exist in the garden.
Click to expand...
ahh, good point, and frankly there were no children that we know of until after the fall of man and the bible does call for each woman to have a covering and that can't be done without a husband and since there are generally more women in a population than men, they can't have a covering without practicing polygyny.
Another thread I want to start at some point is the pros vs cons of polygyny. I know there are more pros and cons but it is always good to have a list that one can see and frankly, just like with any other responsibility comes cons.
For instance, you buy a car to travel, great! now you can travel but you have to change the tires, change the oil, fix things when they break, keep insurance in case of a accident, ect. You can't have one without the other. Wouldn't we all love to be able to eat our candy and never eat our vegetables? Well, some at least, not me, I like the vegetables. The point is, with each each blessing you add comes with responsibilities, it doesn't matter what it is, the person that is considering taking on another blessing has to weigh the benefits vs the responsibilities, is it worth it to them?

Yea, that was a lot.

Oh and there's more to that story coming later but I have things to tend to. I figure I have not, as of yet dumped my life story regarding polygyny anywhere and I feel this is a safe place to do so. It will also give me the opportunity to write it down if someone wants to know one day so I don't have to keep repeating myself.
 
oh, I'd like to add, though I don't see a way to edit my previous post as of yet that WITH polygyny men and women alike have to step up their game and be better, be more responsible, be more selfless and just be better in all because there is more competition and would rely less on political help and more on each other. Polygyny can and I think will change the world, for the better, but it will take time and for some will not be a fun process because they will come face to face with issues in their life that have to be confronted.
 
Welcome and thank you for the intro. May God continue to bless you and your family as you grow in the knowledge of the truth.
 
So a bit more about me.

My wife and I do not have any family support. Her mother left her biological father when she was a baby, her mother divorced her step dad, shacked up with another man during her teens and then passed away a few years ago.
I was raised on welfare, I refuse to go back. My parents are like old children. Having them around is more of a burden than a help. I know it sounds mean but that's the best way to describe them. So we are on our own.
Being raised on welfare you learn to do things yourself because you can't afford to pay anyone! So I am a self employed computer tech, network administrator, ham radio operator, back yard mechanic, a jack of all trades and master of none.
We have 4 kids. The oldest 21 who still lives at home because he can't afford to live on his own and he loves his parents, plus we plan on going into business together in the next couple years.
The second oldest is disabled because my wife got sick with CMV during pregnancy. She's a innocent child, 17 with the mind of a 6 month to 1 year old and is stuck in a wheel chair.
3rd oldest is 16, she's very independent, loves her mother, animals, reptiles, loves to read and knows Jujitsu. I pitty the poor fella that tries to take advantage of her! She's a bit of a tom boy, doesn't like the patriarchal order but has a lot of growing up to do.
The 4th is a girly girl, 12, ADHD, very lovie and forgets everything!

We are a animal loving family for sure though we have a limit on animals. If they can't be cared for they have to go.
We have 2 dogs, 1 lizard, 1 snake, 10 chickens, 1 indoor/outdoor duck, currently 7 rats (most are babies, they are going to be leaving to homes) and 2 fish tanks, cichlid and community.
Yes, we have a busy house. The indoor/outdoor duck ended up bonding with us. She is trained to stay on her pads or in the kitchen or go outside. She sleeps inside and goes outside during the day. If she doesn't behave she sleeps with the chickens and she doesn't like that so she generally behaves.

Back to the story a bit.

The reasons we called it off this last time with the young lady (at the time she was 19, we were 34 if I recall correctly) was because she liked to smoke weed here and there, mostly for self medicating purposes. She had some PTSD family trama she was dealing with that we didn't know about until later when she sought concealing.
When chores were being done, she didn't step in to help. When dinner was being cooked she didn't step in to help, ect.
Now looking back I realize that her lack of helping was a combination of at the time she was not feeling well and I didn't step up and say, "You need to step in". I failed to provide direction.
We had differences in child rearing. She coddled a lot, too much. Something I tried to curve and while she listened she didn't respond by changing what she was doing.
At the time I didn't like her kiddo because I saw her ex in him and he didn't want to listen. Since then I've gotten over that and we know now the he is very autistic and I see more good in him now because of his mother.
As for her being assaulted and now moving out, I lit a fire under her butt and her boyfriend's butt to get her out of there after I found out but I didn't find out until after a hug incident.
As for the "Hug incident", I for some reason felt the need to give her a good bye hug, this trigger a cascade of feelings I had apparently put away since we let her go the last time about 7 years prior. After that I basically fought to have her come back and I didn't want to see her on her own and assaulted again. I felt her boyfriend was not doing his duty and was dragging his feet to marry her and if he wasn't going to care of her well DAD GUM IT! I WILL!!!
During that 2 month period (just 3 months ago) there was a emotional tug-a-war going on but in the end she felt that he is more mold-able than I am, plus he is her age and decided to stick it out with him. She did tell him she needs to move and is currently in the process of doing so and she needed to move out because the guy that assaulted her works at the apartments.

Prior to the "Hug" incident and since we let her go the last time I had dropped the poly stuff due to the emotional conflicts with my wife. I felt defeated and that's the best way I can think of describing it.
Since the hug incident I am on fire again though I'm keeping my desire to have another woman around tempered as I do NOT want to rush into anything and my wife has agreed that it should happen naturally and since we have care takers coming into the house to help with our daughter it may potentially happen, but we shall see. I believe that when and if it happens my wife will love it. If not that is OK too, I love my wife and she loves me, we are stubborn as all get out so we will stick it all out!

Currently I am on the sisterwives, polygyny community and Modern Polygamy sites though there seems to be more catfish than anything on there. I've been approached by a couple young girls at about 21 to 24 but I steer them to my son as I'm not really interested in starting all over and I don't really feel it is right to take a wife that is the same age as my oldest son. Now if she needed a home and was not interested in him and could not find a headship I would give it serious consideration but I think I would try to find her a alternative solution as it would likely be in her best interested.

hmm, well I think that is it for now though there is more. Feel free to ask question, critique, whatever. I do enjoy constructive criticism plus doing such could potentially bring out some good conversations.
 
Thank you so much @JPR for a very interesting testimony! I look forward to hearing more of what God is doing in your lives. May you continue to search for His path for your family.
 
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