My husband and I have been talking about this for several years and we don’t really have any good answers so wanted to have some input from everyone here. This is our deal:
My in-laws are both in their mid 80’s and both have cancer among other ailments. My Father-in-Law has fallen numerous times and broken hips a total of 3 times with one fall resulting in hip replacement surgery. He’s cracked ribs, ran his lawn mower off into a creek and was pinned under it with no one home to help him and wrecked his van so many times we gave up counting.
My Mother-in-Law weighs about 90 pounds, falls all the time, has fallen down the stairs and cracked ribs, blackened eyes, and is quite feeble physically.
Between the two of them they’ve burned down one house (left a pile of leaves burning and forgot about it), almost caught their own house on fire because a hat was put in the oven to dry and forgotten, stove eyes get left on constantly, water gets left running constantly; and these are just the high-lights (trust me). They get stopped by the cops constantly because their driving is so bad they get mistaken for drunk drivers.
So, my question is: What does it mean to Christian’s to age gracefully? How do we honor parents who refuse to be responsible and make an effort to help in their own care?
Neither of my Grandmothers would move in with anyone. One broke her ankle twice before my mom finally stepped in and forced her to move into a retirement facility. She hated every day of it but she couldn’t live out in a rural area 45 minutes from all of us. The other Grandmother did a similar thing. All of us 4 kids offered to move each of them in with us but neither would have any part of it.
Same thing now with my in-laws; we are constantly asking them to sell their rural property and move into town so it’s easier for them to get around and for us to help them. Since all of us (2 children and their spouses who live locally) work full time it’s quite difficult to deal with them. My husband calls to check on them every day and sometimes they don’t answer the phone because they’ve dropped it and either don’t want to bend over to pick it up or can’t find it. You don’t know how many times he’s rushed over there at midnight when he gets off from work to check on them because they didn’t answer the phone all evening.
So how would or did you handle this? They refuse to stop driving even though they are very dangerous. They refuse to move to a house that’s one level and centrally located to Dr.’s/ shopping/etc. In short, they refuse to be responsible for their own life in old age because they’d prefer to pretend that they’ll live forever. It’s so frustrating for my husband and his brothers and sisters to deal with.
My in-laws are both in their mid 80’s and both have cancer among other ailments. My Father-in-Law has fallen numerous times and broken hips a total of 3 times with one fall resulting in hip replacement surgery. He’s cracked ribs, ran his lawn mower off into a creek and was pinned under it with no one home to help him and wrecked his van so many times we gave up counting.
My Mother-in-Law weighs about 90 pounds, falls all the time, has fallen down the stairs and cracked ribs, blackened eyes, and is quite feeble physically.
Between the two of them they’ve burned down one house (left a pile of leaves burning and forgot about it), almost caught their own house on fire because a hat was put in the oven to dry and forgotten, stove eyes get left on constantly, water gets left running constantly; and these are just the high-lights (trust me). They get stopped by the cops constantly because their driving is so bad they get mistaken for drunk drivers.
So, my question is: What does it mean to Christian’s to age gracefully? How do we honor parents who refuse to be responsible and make an effort to help in their own care?
Neither of my Grandmothers would move in with anyone. One broke her ankle twice before my mom finally stepped in and forced her to move into a retirement facility. She hated every day of it but she couldn’t live out in a rural area 45 minutes from all of us. The other Grandmother did a similar thing. All of us 4 kids offered to move each of them in with us but neither would have any part of it.
Same thing now with my in-laws; we are constantly asking them to sell their rural property and move into town so it’s easier for them to get around and for us to help them. Since all of us (2 children and their spouses who live locally) work full time it’s quite difficult to deal with them. My husband calls to check on them every day and sometimes they don’t answer the phone because they’ve dropped it and either don’t want to bend over to pick it up or can’t find it. You don’t know how many times he’s rushed over there at midnight when he gets off from work to check on them because they didn’t answer the phone all evening.
So how would or did you handle this? They refuse to stop driving even though they are very dangerous. They refuse to move to a house that’s one level and centrally located to Dr.’s/ shopping/etc. In short, they refuse to be responsible for their own life in old age because they’d prefer to pretend that they’ll live forever. It’s so frustrating for my husband and his brothers and sisters to deal with.
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