Our family has done both, living together and living in 2 separate homes, and now we are back all together. As the others have stated, there isn’t a right or wrong way but I think understanding the reasons supporting your choice is important. Also, situations are rarely “forever” especially if you are a family that is devoted to doing God’s work. We lived together for about 7 years, and then for various reasons we needed 2 homes to work out some things between the 3 of us. It wasn’t supposed to be more than a couple of years but ended up being about 15 years. Thankfully, God provided 2 homes a few minutes away from each other for that season. (I will let
@nathan tell you his experience with going back and forth.) Then a new season started and we needed a home that included Nathan’s aging parents. We are now all together, including his parents, in a home God provided for this season.
The season of separate homes was a time of separately growing in maturity while still making an effort at coming together for dinner every night at one of the houses. We vacationed all together and many other things. It gave me and my sister wife time together and time alone to understand more about ourselves and each other. We both have children also, which was a connecting thing as the kids went back and forth between homes for various things.
We were in a much better place relationship wise by the time God asked us to care for Nathan’s parents and get one home. It was still a difficult adjustment to do this, let's face it no one likes major changes. We also had 3 households to combine, and we also had to learn the needs of Nathan’s parents. Kids were moving out, some were coming home and then Covid-19 happened a few months after we moved into the new home. It was a stressful time, to say the least.
It has taken us about 2 years to really get adjusted to things, communicate our needs and desires, and learn to use that muscle of flexibility with each other. God has continued to be faithful and kind to us through it all. We have continued to grow in maturity with Him and with each other. Nathan has continued to guide his family as best he can and to seek the Lord’s help for wisdom as each conflict or insecurity arises.
I personally would encourage you to try and keep your family together under one roof if possible. It will take a lot of prayer, leadership and love from you to make it work. You set the tone of your home, or at least you should, so you need to be intentful about what positive things go on that develop communication, spiritual growth, and connections with your wives and children. That being said, some women need more space to grow in maturity than others for a season but the mindset of intent should still be a priority about how your family functions in two homes. Maybe a new home for both of them is a solution for the second wife to feel more “a part” of the family? In the end honest communication has to happen for anything to move forward in a positive way; I would start there. Well, of course after lots of prayer.