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Dating a Married Man

ZecAustin said:
Lol, you know I thought that would be true but it turns out chicks absolutely do not watch prepper/gun/militia videos. It's very frustrating.
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Sally from the Gun Range watches your videos. We talked for a couple of hours. She didn't beleive me at first when I said I knew you. After the Torah live broadcast where you mentioned me by name she called me and apologized for not beleiving me. She's been giving me her employee discount on amo every time since.
 
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FollowingHim said:
There is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman approaching a married man to suggest / request marriage. Ruth is probably a good example of this - we don't know if Boaz was married, but for someone in his position it would be very surprising if he were not.
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The talmud claims that Boaz had over 100 wedding banquets for his sons (which he paid for). I know it's just oral tradition so who knows if it's true but it certainly supports your claim.
Kinda hard to have 100+ sons from one lady and kinda hard to pay for over hundred weddings if not loaded...
 
Kevin said:
Sally from the Abilene Indoor Gun Range watches your videos. We talked for a couple of hours. She didn't beleive me at first when I said I knew you. After the Torah live broadcast where you mentioned me by name she called me and apologized for not beleiving me. She's been giving me her employee discount on amo every time since.
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1. Sally from the Abilene Indoor Gun Range

2. Discount on ammo.

I totally need to start a youtube channel (or at least get Zec to mention me).
 
FollowingHim said:
There is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman approaching a married man to suggest / request marriage. Ruth is probably a good example of this - we don't know if Boaz was married, but for someone in his position it would be very surprising if he were not.


Ruth approached Boaz 1. because Naomi told her to do so and exactly how to approach him and 2. because Naomi knew the family geneology (Ruth probably did not) and she knew Boaz was a near kinsman--that only 1 other stood between him and Ruth. 3. because both Ruth and Naomi understood kinsman/redeemer protocol. Interesting that Naomi specifically did NOT send Ruth to approach the kinsman first in line ahead of Boaz!
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FollowingHim said:
I would go so far as to say that this is what a woman SHOULD do - find the man who'd make the best husband for you and approach him, regardless of how many wives he's already got.

The problem is that all women in our society have been taught that they are not allowed to approach a married man. The "good" women will generally follow this rule carefully. The women who are happy to ignore this rule are also generally those who ignore plenty of other social rules and are as a result not the sort of women you'd actually be interested in marrying. The difficulty is finding a good woman who knows that this one point of "morality" is wrong but all the other stuff is still actually correct...

So:
  • If she approaches you, there's a good chance she's unsuitable.
  • If she is suitable and you approach her, there's a good chance she'll never speak to you again and when the story spreads you'll be run out of church and every other social structure you're involved in
You've summarized a principled female believer's dilemma quite succintly! The system of navigation is still at ground zero leaving the whole process to be left in the hands of the Lord and the female waiting upon the Lord's timing and praying for wisdom and guidance while the male prays and waits upon the same Lord asking for wisdom and guidance and courage to step forward and initiate. Am I seeing this all wrong?!?
 
Also, if you read between the lines in 1 Timothy 5, you see younger widows being told to get married instead of depending on the church.
With the problem being that men were being martyred, there would have to be s shortage of available single men. The only choice that they would have is to choose a likely family and make an application for membership. Probably through an intermediary, but still by their own choice.
 
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rejoicinghandmaid said:
The system of navigation is still at ground zero leaving the whole process to be left in the hands of the Lord and the female waiting upon the Lord's timing and praying for wisdom and guidance while the male prays and waits upon the same Lord asking for wisdom and guidance and courage to step forward and initiate. Am I seeing this all wrong?!?
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I have no problem with going back to a grade-school model: “So-and-so finds your family kind of interesting, what do you think about her?”.
 
Daniel DeLuca said:
These all sound like great suggestions, but I would suggest the man win her over first, without saying a word. Women are good at reading body language, so husbands, break every rule you see from Focus on the Family, when it comes to married men relating to single women. Look the young lady in the eyes and catch her gaze. Act nervous when you get around her. Stumble over your words when you talk to her. She'll get the idea, and have all these mixed feelings of guilt and desire at the same time.
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So you're saying--"fake it" to catch her? Really? If you truly are nervous then fine, she'll accept that. If you DO find yourself stumbling or fumbling for words--that's okay also. It can be a normal, emotional situation for both male and female, but PLEASE, don't live in a facade or pretense to bait her.
 
Mojo said:
Totally get what you're saying, but if he's too calm, cool, and collected, does he risk seeming like he does this a lot? Would it cause her to feel less special? I don't have an answer. I'm just speculating.
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Don't think so , Mojo. She will most likely read his true level of confidence in spite of how he does or does not try to wear the mask.
 
andrew said:
What's the downside of just being yourself around women? What's with all the play-acting?
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Spot on! Andrew. Put the shoe on the other foot--would the man want the woman to be pretending, masquerading, living behind a facade, only to eventually discover that what you perceived to be truth at the beginning was a pure lie, a sham?!? I don't think anyone in their right mind wants that.
 
steve said:
The book of Ruth.

That is the interesting part of polygyny, women can make choices.
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Look at my comment further down in the thread. This doesn't constitute a single woman approaching a single man in today's society. There are NO kinsmen redeemers. :)

BTW--if the woman doesn't have a choice in the matter, then it is forced slavery.
 
steve said:
Also, if you read between the lines in 1 Timothy 5, you see younger widows being told to get married instead of depending on the church.
With the problem being that men are being martyred, there would have to be s shortage of available single men. The only choice that they would have is to choose a likely family and make an application for membership. Probably through an intermediary, but still by their own choice.
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Again, there's no chapter and verse--only an assumption as to what must have or might have been happening. And then there's the argument I hear from so many that "it's ONLY the younger widows that are given permission or commanded to remarry".
 
rejoicinghandmaid said:
Look at my comment further down in the thread. This doesn't constitute a single woman approaching a single man in today's society. There are NO kinsmen redeemers. :)
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He wasn’t the kinsman redeemer.
Naomi skipped the one that was, presumably because she knew that it was a lost cause.
Boaz chose to follow protocol and become the kr by giving the rightful one first right of refusal. I don’t think that Naomi expected this because Ruth was a Moabite and therefore not qualified for consideration under the Law. The true kr obviously didn’t think that she was, or he would have already stepped up.
 
Asforme&myhouse said:
It would seem that “younger widows” refers to any widow under the age of 60.

Edit: maybe not as young as we might picture
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And I classify 75-80 in our day as being equivalent to the 60 of their day.
But with government support, most single women are semi-married to the State.
 
rejoicinghandmaid said:
.....given permission....
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I am not sure where permission is needed or given.
The passage is actually about receiving permission to be cared for by the church.
 
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