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Support Exploring idea of poly

primrose said:
I can only speak for myself and how something comes together is as important as what the outcome is. It’s an erosion of trust and I would have in the back of my mind (even if it worked out in my favor), that he could do that to me at some point in the future for any number of reasons.
You are in the right heart space and coming with a tenderness for others shows empathetic qualities worthy of respect. It is evident you are seeking to honor God with your actions. Feel free to msg me directly if you ever want to vent, ask or share :)
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Thank you! I appreciate that a lot. I don’t have anyone I can talk to about this aside from the guy who brought up the idea of poly so it would be nice to have a woman’s perspective. I’m not able to send messages but you’re welcome to send me one.
 
WifeOfHisYouth said:
He has to do it...

She may respond well, but by the fact that he hasn’t shared it with her over the last year and a half would lead me to believe she will not. The depth of your relationship with him with greatly impact how she views you as well. Plural is a rough ride for the vast majority of women, even when there isn’t already a someone in the picture.

I applaud you for caring about her feelings too. That is a good start. I’ve documented a bit of my heartbreak from my husbands discovery of plural on my blog if you want a bit more insight into a first wife’s ugly emotions. https://whenwebecamethree.wixsite.com/home

I do hope he comes on here and has some convos and advice from the men, as the weight of everything really lays on his shoulders.
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I tried to message you privately but was not able to. Thank you for sharing your story. I just read all your blog posts even though I should be in bed by now but you have given me some things to think about.
 
Southerngirl00 said:
I tried to message you privately but was not able to. Thank you for sharing your story. I just read all your blog posts even though I should be in bed by now but you have given me some things to think about.
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After interacting on the forum some more you should get more privileges. But you are welcome to message me on my blog, as well.
 
Southerngirl00 said:
Thank you! I appreciate that a lot. I don’t have anyone I can talk to about this aside from the guy who brought up the idea of poly so it would be nice to have a woman’s perspective. I’m not able to send messages but you’re welcome to send me one.
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I get that. Sometimes having another woman to have a safe space to share a whole new way of thinking with all the meandering thoughts eases our minds and hearts.
As a new member, I believe there’s a bit of time and forum engagement before messages can be exchanged. There is also a ladies chat and soon a ladies video chat where we gather together for fellowship and support.
 
Welcome. You may not want to hear but i'd be very careful falling for a man like this, unless there's more to the story.
 
Prayer. Fasting. Patience.

Welcome to the forum. Very glad you are here.

My wife and I went through a similar situation. I was learning, growing, and in an emotional - but not physical - relationship with another woman for nearly three years while I hinted and tried to tiptoe through the tough 'reveal' to @KellyR but to no avail.

Only when I put my 'big boy undies on' and took full responsibility did things get (worse, before they got much) better. Sadly, in the process, the other woman revealed some issues with deception and a willingness to try to split us instead of walk righteously and work through it.

You've received a lot of great advice. Your heart seems right, but the man is going to have to take his lumps and man up. Hus wife may even threaten divorce. Mine did. I said, ''No! Ain't happening!'' We began rebuilding from there.

You can do it, but y'all are beginning from a statistically difficult place. Some have come from harder/worse places and been successful, but the odds against I.crease exponentially.

Remember: Pray. Fast. Patience.
 
Southerngirl00 said:
The problem with that is…I’ve already fallen HARD and I’m worried if this doesn’t work out how things will end up. Like would we continue a friendship.
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That is understandable. Leave those worries for if that time comes. I agree with the advice from others for how to walk through the right now of things.
It is out of your hands what anyone else will do, but you can make decisions for you. As women, it is easy to get swept up in feelings, especially ones related to relationships and sometimes taking a step back for clarity is necessary. It can really help for you alone to draw closer to God.
 
Southerngirl00 said:
The problem with that is…I’ve already fallen HARD and I’m worried if this doesn’t work out how things will end up. Like would we continue a friendship.
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Not sure I'd want friends like that but that's just my personal preference. I'd also take into consideration the even longer journey you have ahead of you since he hasn't even discussed this with his wife yet, how much more time are you willing to spend on this? I'll leave it at that because there are others who have/can give you far better advice, just something to think about. Welcome to the forums, I hope it all works out for you either way ❤️
 
Did he tell you or did you know about the wife upfront? But the biblical polygyny talk just start about half way through your 1.5 years?
 
DustinM said:
Did he tell you or did you know about the wife upfront? But the biblical polygyny talk just start about half way through your 1.5 years?
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He told me the day we met in person that he was married and so I told him we could be friends but that grew into more over time. The polygyny talk started in the last 8 months.
 
Southerngirl00 said:
He told me the day we met in person that he was married and so I told him we could be friends but that grew into more over time. The polygyny talk started in the last 8 months.
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Ok,

Sorry if this has been clarified but I didn't see it, he hasn't been sharing any of his learnings on biblical polygyny to the wife?
 
Southerngirl00 said:
That’s okay. He has not and they are currently on a work-related vacation so he says he’s going to bring it up next week when they are home.
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That's a good indication of his willingness to take responsibility.

Do you know where his wife is at in her Christian life with regard to reading her Bible or doing personal Bible study? If she isn't prepared to read her Bible and study for herself but rather just reads books about the Bible or listens to sermons, she will probably not handle this well. Unfortunately, the statistics for divorce among professing Christians in your country are not encouraging and most divorces are instigated by wives who will seek divorce for unbiblical reasons. The blog written by @WifeOfHisYouth is a testimony to the power of God at work in a woman's heart as she struggles through learning about biblical marriage. I can also tell you from my own experience with having two wives that it is the power and authority of the Word of God that will get you all through the challenges this will bring. Family and friends will actively work to destroy what God graciously gives and blesses. It's really sad but it is the so-called Christians who will push for divorce the hardest in spite of there being no grounds for divorce with biblical polygyny. Pray for his wife and keep your own eyes wide open as other women will work behind the scenes doing their utmost to break-up your relationship. Once people see you are standing strong on the authority of God's Word, they will pretty-much leave you alone. May God uphold and strengthen you as you stand for the truth of His Holy Word.
 
frederick said:
That's a good indication of his willingness to take responsibility.

Do you know where his wife is at in her Christian life with regard to reading her Bible or doing personal Bible study? If she isn't prepared to read her Bible and study for herself but rather just reads books about the Bible or listens to sermons, she will probably not handle this well. Unfortunately, the statistics for divorce among professing Christians in your country are not encouraging and most divorces are instigated by wives who will seek divorce for unbiblical reasons. The blog written by @WifeOfHisYouth is a testimony to the power of God at work in a woman's heart as she struggles through learning about biblical marriage. I can also tell you from my own experience with having two wives that it is the power and authority of the Word of God that will get you all through the challenges this will bring. Family and friends will actively work to destroy what God graciously gives and blesses. It's really sad but it is the so-called Christians who will push for divorce the hardest in spite of there being no grounds for divorce with biblical polygyny. Pray for his wife and keep your own eyes wide open as other women will work behind the scenes doing their utmost to break-up your relationship. Once people see you are standing strong on the authority of God's Word, they will pretty-much leave you alone. May God uphold and strengthen you as you stand for the truth of His Holy Word.
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I have been praying for both him and his wife for several weeks which I plan to continue. I’m not sure where she is spiritually. I know they go to church on Sundays he doesn’t travel for work. We live in different states so I only know what he’s told me about her.
 
Southerngirl00 said:
That’s okay. He has not and they are currently on a work-related vacation so he says he’s going to bring it up next week when they are home.
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Well that's certainly not ideal...

That said, he put himself in that position, and he'll definitely need the Lord's help and guidance in moving forward, and he should be praying for the Lord to prepare his wife's heart if he isn't already, for both the truth (biblical polygyny) and the circumstance (you). If it's His will, it will be done, but that doesn't mean it won't be difficult, messy, and a roller coaster. My guess is she will be tested (as other's have mentioned) as to how much she's willing to stand by him, he will be tested as to how much he will trust God, and obey His will and commands, and you'll be tested as to how much you're really wanting to join his family...
 
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