I'm not sure what answers I'm looking for if any. I'm having an extremely difficult time. I don't want to complain. I just want to know if I'm wrong in my feelings and how can I fix them. I'm the second wife been married for 3 weeks. There has been so many ups and downs. I just want to curl up hide and cry. I feel every step I take I'm possibly doing something that I'm later going to be corrected on. I love my family but I don't feel like a family if that makes any since. So if anyone knows what I could do to make things better for us please let me know. Thank you!
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Having troubles
- Thread starter kay2
- Start date
Understand that they are going through an adjustment too. The fact that you are "new" also means that you are "wrong" about every decision that they have ever agreed upon jointly. From what time "normal" people wake up, to whether it is "better" to use powder laundry soap or liquid laundry soap, to what is the "best" store to get groceries at. They have had years to merge their views on even the most minor details without even realizing it was happening to them. Also, none of these things were issues until you came along, so surely (in their minds at least) you must be the source of the drama! It will be harder for them to make the adjustment than you, because they agree with each other that you are wrong! It is going to take a major commitment on their part to really examine who they are and what they hold to be true and whether it really is true or just something they have done for so long that they don't ever do it any differently. DO NOT curl up, hide and cry. Keep getting back up and try to find your voice until they are able to hear it. Until you do, you will never really be part of the family. Let them know how hard it is for your every move to constantly be "corrected" - you are not a mind reader and if they cannot communicate in a loving and kind way or if they cannot EVER adjust or compromise on how things are done, then you can never actually have the conversations you need to have. Also realize that ultimately whether you use liquid or powder soap is not really the issue. The fact that everyone can be heard and respected and involved in the decision making process IS the issue.
Ups and downs: yes. Of course. There will be more. It is part of the journey of every relationship. Not sure why people expect mono marriage to be hard and parenting to be hard and spending time with family over the holidays to be hard, but think plural families will be easy. This is part of the journey
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Ups and downs: yes. Of course. There will be more. It is part of the journey of every relationship. Not sure why people expect mono marriage to be hard and parenting to be hard and spending time with family over the holidays to be hard, but think plural families will be easy. This is part of the journey
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The beginning of every plural marriage is extremely hard. So many adjustments need to be made by EVERYONE in the family. I encourage you to take a deep breath and try your best at talking clearly about your desires, about your fears and about your expectations with your husband and sister wife. All three of you most likely have different expectations in your minds about how things should go. Until each of you voices them and also listens to the others, then it is like playing three different variations of the same card game at the same time. Be as truthful with yourself and them as possible. Remember, God knows where you are and what you need. He desires only good things, not necessarily easy things but good things, for you. Praying for you Kay2.
With hope for the future...
With hope for the future...
i don't have answers, as i've not been through the experience myself.
But i wanted to say i think you have amazing courage for trying and that, if it's like most marriages, things always seem to work out, if you give these things, yourself and anyone else involved, time - at least that is how it was in my marriage, which was not plural, but in which we did practice submitting unto the Husband (may He rest in peace) as to the Lord. And i can't exactly say i'm not in a plural marriage as i'm LDS - but a Christian first and i don't have a testimony of every single thing some leader in the Church may say, in fact i was going to leave that faith before i ended up married to a Priest/Elder in it. But in our someone schizoid view of plural marriage in that flavor (sect) of Mormon, one can't be in a plural marriage on earth - unless one is divorced and remains sealed to the woman he divorces and then gets sealed to someone else, without a cancellation of sealing taking place- however, my late Husband had a wife who died before He joined the Church and i gave permission for them to be "sealed for eternity" also - so i should say i don't practice plural marriage in this life. And if that confuses you, don't yell at me please, it confuses me more. i remain in that church as i have a strong conviction and testimony that, for whatever reason, my Heavenly Father/God wants me to stay there and so does my late Husband. So unless i get other direction, i'm there for the duration; however, i try to put Jesus Christ before my denomination - i hope that makes it okay for me to be on here and sharing.
j/L "Granny" Matrika /Rolling Buffalo Woman
p s yes, i am Native American Indian - the Sokoki tribe, which is, by definition a Christian (not-LDS specific, more "Born-Again" believers) Indian Tribe, as it stated on their web site when we could afford to have one. And a Navajo (Dine) friend told me that in the South Western American Indian Tribes Plural marriage was and is common.
i found that interesting - oh, i'm rambling again. Just call me rambling rose or the you-know-what of babbling on - and on and on and on! (GRIN)!
But again i admire the courage of any woman consensually in a plural marriage, as an adult!
But i wanted to say i think you have amazing courage for trying and that, if it's like most marriages, things always seem to work out, if you give these things, yourself and anyone else involved, time - at least that is how it was in my marriage, which was not plural, but in which we did practice submitting unto the Husband (may He rest in peace) as to the Lord. And i can't exactly say i'm not in a plural marriage as i'm LDS - but a Christian first and i don't have a testimony of every single thing some leader in the Church may say, in fact i was going to leave that faith before i ended up married to a Priest/Elder in it. But in our someone schizoid view of plural marriage in that flavor (sect) of Mormon, one can't be in a plural marriage on earth - unless one is divorced and remains sealed to the woman he divorces and then gets sealed to someone else, without a cancellation of sealing taking place- however, my late Husband had a wife who died before He joined the Church and i gave permission for them to be "sealed for eternity" also - so i should say i don't practice plural marriage in this life. And if that confuses you, don't yell at me please, it confuses me more. i remain in that church as i have a strong conviction and testimony that, for whatever reason, my Heavenly Father/God wants me to stay there and so does my late Husband. So unless i get other direction, i'm there for the duration; however, i try to put Jesus Christ before my denomination - i hope that makes it okay for me to be on here and sharing.
j/L "Granny" Matrika /Rolling Buffalo Woman
p s yes, i am Native American Indian - the Sokoki tribe, which is, by definition a Christian (not-LDS specific, more "Born-Again" believers) Indian Tribe, as it stated on their web site when we could afford to have one. And a Navajo (Dine) friend told me that in the South Western American Indian Tribes Plural marriage was and is common.
i found that interesting - oh, i'm rambling again. Just call me rambling rose or the you-know-what of babbling on - and on and on and on! (GRIN)!
But again i admire the courage of any woman consensually in a plural marriage, as an adult!
Hi Matrika52. You are most certainly welcome to be posting here, we value everyone's input . For those who affiliate themselves with the LDS faith we ask that you make that clear in your signature which appears at the bottom of your posts. That way it removes any confusion and we all understand where you are coming from a bit better.
Click your name at the top right of the screen, then User Control Panel. Then click on Profile and Edit Signature.
kay2, I hope that things are going a little better for you. I am not in a PM so can't offer much advice to you. My only advice is to listen to Julie and Eternity, they are some clued up chicks right there!
. For those who affiliate themselves with the LDS faith we ask that you make that clear in your signature which appears at the bottom of your posts. That way it removes any confusion and we all understand where you are coming from a bit better. Click your name at the top right of the screen, then User Control Panel. Then click on Profile and Edit Signature.
kay2, I hope that things are going a little better for you. I am not in a PM so can't offer much advice to you. My only advice is to listen to Julie and Eternity, they are some clued up chicks right there!