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Hints for finding a second...
- Thread starter PeteR
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That was a good video.
Ah, someone's been reading Rollo Tomassi . . .
And the lesson is:
- Women, if you want to get the man you want, you better do it well before you're 30; and
- Men, if you want to get the woman you want, you better be willing to compromise until the end of time.
I also thought it was a very good video, but @PeteR, I don't see it as containing real nuggets for potentially finding a second . . . unless . . . one recognizes that Group D (lower-value women who are willing to settle for less than they want but still can't find a husband), representing about 15% of unmarried women according to the Doc, is the only realistic pool to be drawing from -- as things now stand and as they will likely stand during the lifetimes of at least everyone now over the age of 30. And, you better get ready for those women to be even more resentful of how much they supposedly had to compromise, which means you'll have to be prepared for further negotiations, and by that I mean additional demands those women will make on you or nag out of your hide until you're 6 feet under, despite the fact that without your willingness to marry them they would have ended their days childless and alone.
I thought it was relatively enlightening, but I don't recommend resigning oneself to accepting that level of pessimistic outcome.
More thoughts to come that address much of what Dr. Taraban covered, but while I'm continuing to slog through my most recent writing project, I'll just leave my reaction post about this video with this question:
What can we do to maximize the possibility of females learning that the real choice for 90% of them is increasingly coming down to one among the following?:
- marrying a just-a-couple-years-older, more-sexy-than-average guy by the time she reaches the age of 23 -- a relationship that ultimately will, on average, be ended an average of 7 years from wedding day, and dissolved by her 80% of the time; or
- a more pedestrian but fulfilling marriage, with children, to a dependable but less-sexy-than-average man who is more than 10 years her senior -- far less likely to end in divorce; or
- settling even further to some extent on one of the above scenarios in order to gain advantage in some other way; or
- being among the 25% and rising who will never marry (and thus never have children in wedlock) but will sample a lot of casual sex with a variety of really hot guys until into her 30's, inevitably followed by more sporadic sex for a couple decades with lesser guys, and spend the last 2 to 3 decades entirely unpartnered, and, no matter how high her income, live out all her sunset years in significant poverty.
Heck, if a guy like me who is a 5 can have two wives, all you guys here who are the 7, 8 & 9's will have no trouble.
Great sentiment, but you do live in another culture, right? If so, pray that our devolution doesn't infiltrate your shores. The goal posts are rapidly changing around here. Young women have been raised by Kool-Aid-Drinking mothers, Kool-Aid-Drinking pastors, Kool-Aid-Drinking teachers and even in most cases Kool-Aid-Drinking fathers, all of whom were raised in a generation that hadn't fully embraced the Kool-Aid drinking but were nonetheless promoting it. That is deep-level immersion, so they (and even most of their male peers) fully embrace the Kool-Aid. The results are devastating to their ability to function in ways that would foster marriages that work. The effects are yet to be maximized, and I'm generally a the-empty-cup-is-on-the-way-to-being-full-again optimist, but I fear we can't even conceive of what life will be like when we fully reap the whirlwind.Heck, if a guy like me who is a 5 can have two wives, all you guys here who are the 7, 8 & 9's will have no trouble.
The marriage rate itself has been cut 75% since 1990, and the steepest decline has been in the past 3 years.
These are times that demand that men set aside all their own grievances and simply, as Zec put it in an earlier post somewhere, stand so tall we become ungovernable by the ruling class that is purposefully leading us into oblivion. Maybe getting extra wives will be a fringe benefit of doing so, but it's now imperative that we reestablish true patriarchy.
That, at the bare minimum, is going to have to transcend any mindset that defines men as being 'lucky' to have more than one wife into a mindset that recognizes that polygyny is entirely an act of generosity, which itself will require men to assist women in their own transformations: casting off the cloaks of bullshit they wear so they can recognize that they need our wisdom, provision, protection and love to the point that it is a woman who will be fortunate if she can find a good man who would accept her into his plural family.
As long as we're still acting like we're the buyers in a seller's market, we're never likely to make any headway on any of this.
BiblicalLiteralist
Member
Interesting, that same video popped into my feed this morning. Started watching it, but was in morning news mood, and stopped. Guess I'll have to finish it now.
Yes, I do indeed for the majority of time. And it's been an opportunity to learn some important life lessons. For example, I never had servants before and it has taken a long time to learn how to treat them and work with them. From what I read in the forum here this culture is much better than any western culture now.
Straight up status signaling. I have a friend who has Versace tennis shoes that cost $1895/pair. She considers them and her bags well worth their price tags because they warn every room she enters that she's a woman not to be toyed with.
Indeed.
Some of us have literally no clue about how to find second wife. Not the first clue.Heck, if a guy like me who is a 5 can have two wives, all you guys here who are the 7, 8 & 9's will have no trouble.
Been married 31 years, haven't courted anyone in over 31 years. Tried online dating. Essentially worthless with scams and non-starters. Tried someone wife and I knew personally. Family exploded in anger. Looking in church a no go, unless I want to be run out of town. Tried praying about it. Still doing that.
Fresh out of ideas. Realize it will probably never happen. Am completely OK with that. Maybe that is the answer. Do nothing and wait for the appropriate opportunity, if it ever comes.
If I knew before what I know now, I might have come here long ago and set up home and family. But then again, I see the hand of God providentially bringing me into contact with my wives and I wouldn't want to do things any different to how He has orchestrated my life. Polygyny is legal in some situations here, therefore there aren't the same foundational battles to be won as you have there. Keep in mind there is an underlying spiritual war which we are experiencing the physical outworking of. Stand firm and fight the good fight. Shalom
I sure felt like giving up hope sometimes....but hope dies hard!
Now I have the sweet sisterwife I dreamed of....and she feels blessed to be here.....and it feels too good to be true.
If God purposes this for you, it will happen in His time.
Being open about your beliefs might help, but just enjoy the wait.......if you can. Being happily married is rare anymore....and inspires folks.
Ain't that the truth!
Beautiful note, Jolene.
What I regularly fall back on these days is that, while just possessing the willingness to be a husband of multiple wives is in itself an act of profound generosity, the culture isn't in any shape to recognize that any time soon shy of sudden End Times.
That means most of us will never have 2nd wives. Never give up being available for it, but recognize that YHWH is calling for our generosity of spirit for reasons beyond bringing another woman into one's household. When it happens, as with Jolene's family, it's a tremendous blessing (most assuredly for the woman who was previously uncovered), but we serve purposes in other ways. This journey for me has led to numerous tangential accomplishments, including reuniting my 2nd-ex-wife's parents before they died. It also inspires me as it does countless others to encourage men to reclaim their headship positions. This will all bear fruit, even if we aren't the ones to see it individually.
How concerned should one be about finding the “right” second wife. (Meets all of your major criteria). There are women who are interested in immediate marriage on dating sites and elsewhere. However, in my experience, these particular women have major baggage. I’m trying to put that as politely as possible it’s not my intention to offend but that’s just what I’ve seen.
Love your comments. Thanks!
The vast majority of single women are single for a reason, and it varies.
Caveat emptor. Let the buyer beware.
Having not dated in over 30 years, I am finding that out quick.
I recently struck up a conversation with a lovely 26 year old woman, single, NBSB (No Boyfriend Since Birth, i.e. virgin), who is now considering perhaps having a husband nearly 40 years her senior. They do exist!