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General Honorable women stuck in neutral

Eye4them,
Wow! That was a fascinating post. I didn't realize that a lot of facial beauty was environmental and somewhat correctable like that. I just assumed it was mainly genetic.

We all like to look more attractive, and appearance really does point to being able to produce and provide for healthy children (both from a female and male perspective). We want to produce healthy offspring.

It is interesting how men and women tend to match up with someone roughly comparable to themselves in terms of attractiveness.

Female attractiveness is fairly simple and straightforward. Beauty and youth are most important. Then, femininity and a pleasant and agreeable personality follow up.

What makes an attractive man is more complex. Sure, physical appearance is an important factor, but not to the extent that it is with women. Confidence is extremely important for men. Diligence and competence are also factors. Social status is very important, as is financial status and the ability to provide.

Women want to be with the type of men that other men admire, want to be around, and to follow.

Relationships are strained when there is a substantial disparity in attractiveness. Say a man and a woman who are both 7 on a scale of 1-10 get married. Then the husband gains 40 pounds, and his career goes nowhere. Now, he might be a 5 (and if he starts talking about Biblical polygyny he is a 3). At the same time, the wife started eating better and working out at the gym. Now she is an 8.5. That 3.5 difference is huge. She will be tempted to run off with a fitter man at the gym, or a more financially successful man.

On the other hand, let's say the wife gains 40 pounds, and gets a negative attitude and starts withholding sex, while the husband works out, and also becomes a successful executive. Now he is a 9 and she is a 4. He may be tempted to run off with his young secretary.

One of the potential benefits of polygyny is that it allows a woman to potentially shoot out of her class.

In monogamy world man who is a 7 will only marry a woman who is a 6 or a 7. A woman who is a 5 will have no chance with him. As a second or third wife, this woman who is a 5 could very possibly marry a man who is an 8.

Look at that woman hollywood superstar Arnold had a baby with.

Any men who would like to have more than one wife should probably do what they can to move up in terms of fitness, confidence, status, and wealth.

Are we such excellent men that a woman would prefer to share one of us rather than have a lesser man all to herself?
That should motivate us.
@Bartato , This is excellent stuff, thank you. I feel so blessed to have this place, where we all seem to be on pretty much the same page; Such a blessed outpost of sanity in an insane world.

I think @eye4them is grabbing one tiny detail and making a giant tangent out of it.
Well, I prefer to think of it as Trying to hop my way to the end of a rabbit hole. But... giant? Is that it... Giant??!!! This was supposed to make giants look like ants! <mutters to self> shudda used the gold flecked paint after all. :D
 
Your present situation is the most common one I've seen in families that successfully added another wife. I'd be interested to hear how those families in your situation got past this hurdle:

my wife was willing (she definitely is not),

I can't tell you how, and a lot depends on your wife and the nature of her unwillingness.

But I can tell you it probably won't happen by hyper-focusing on poly or this potential wife but rather by being a better spiritual leader and bringing your wife to greater levels of sanctification.
 
I can't tell you how, and a lot depends on your wife and the nature of her unwillingness. But I can tell you it probably won't happen by hyper-focusing on poly or this potential wife but rather by being a better spiritual leader and bringing your wife to greater levels of sanctification.
I believe you are right. That seems like good advice.

And it is good advice, but one also has to recognize that, given the cultural and spiritual muck in which we swim, we should not consider it any kind of guarantee that being a better or even a tremendous spiritual leader will reap the benefit of one's wife providing her blessing for plural marriage or refraining from sabotaging any relationship one forms with another woman.
 
And it is good advice, but one also has to recognize that, given the cultural and spiritual muck in which we swim, we should not consider it any kind of guarantee that being a better or even a tremendous spiritual leader will reap the benefit of one's wife providing her blessing for plural marriage or refraining from sabotaging any relationship one forms with another woman.

Keith, I think that is also good advice.
 
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