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How to fix the forum environment

aineo said:
While we may not be able to stop folks from being offended, and I don’t think any of the mods or admins wish to soften everything up so much that we lose the ability to discuss things that need to be discussed in an honest and frank way, something that is missing in many posts is a respectful attitude. When we resort to name calling, insults, and deragatory behavior, we’re no longer adding value, we’re just being jerks.
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Of course, but I don't see that as really called for in any forum, whether a deep or light discussion. And while that went on in the thread which inspired this one, the complaints weren't just about such behavior, but about getting pushback in general. Some people just aren't willing to take what they dish out.

Man@Home said:
Second, I am not a native English speaker or writer, and I must admit that I am indeed a bit afraid of using words in the wrong manner which don’t express my feelings correctly but happen f.e. due to translation errors. I don’t want to insult others unknowingly, but maybe the most important reason might still be that I am still learning to become a worthy head of my own Biblical family.
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Please don't let that stop you from contributing. People understand that non-native speakers sometimes get things wrong or have a hard time understanding our idioms. And if they don't, we'll remind them :). I find the contribution of people from different cultures very valuable, as they can see things we miss due to our cultural biases.

FollowingHim2 said:
No man on here is going to be happy or comfortable being moderated or told off by a woman, and I wouldn't expect them to be. Wrong roles.
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Actually I disagree with this. Well, ignoring the potential problem of a woman having authority over a man in the religious context anyway. I've worked with several women bosses and minded them not at all. There was a rather famous survey that showed women were more likely than men to dislike having a female boss.

When it comes to moderators, it more has to do with how she handles it, can she moderate objectively or will she take everything personally.
 
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So as the current face of this problem I think I can probably solve it fairly easily. I'll just take a step back. I used a lot of credibility recenty and I should build some back up anyways.
I'm not saying I'm leaving in a huff or even that I'm leaving, only that I'll take a step back and be a little less noticeable. I'll be nice and squishy and not run off the normies.
I'm not apologizing. I took a hard stand on an important issue and I think it was the right stand. That error couldn't be let go. But that did spill out in to another thread, one that didn't need the vehemence although the sentiments were not wrong.
So let's not remake the entire forum because of me or those like me. It's a great forum.
All I will say in my defense is that I have been around here for a while now and have seen a lot of people, some of whom I didn't insult hardly at all, come and go. I've put my full name as my screen name, one of only a handful to do so. I believe in this ministry and I believe in these truths. They're vitally important. They're the only way forward for our culture. So they're worth fighting for in my opinion. Small little compromises over time is what got us to where we are. So here's my promise, I'll be super positive and mega-friendly for as long as I can, or until someone says something REALLY stupid again.
 
I was desperate for answers and help when I made my first post here 3 to 5 years ago. Immediately it was life giving: From @julieb inviting my wife to join the ladies chat to Cecil W's comments (don't know where he's at anymore) and Andrew taking so much time and even talking on the phone with me personally. This group has been such a great help for me personally & theologically.

But the last few months it's been bit painful to read some of the threads - where's the kindness, patience and easy-going support of each other? I used to be SO IMPRESSED at how such radically different church/synagogue people could all discuss in the same space - it was obvious the Holy Spirit was enabling this group of people to discuss and support each other, even though they had so much to disagree about.

I'm praying for our website leadership and all us members here for a fresh anointing, that we'd remember & experience afresh how much Jesus loves us, personally, carefully, deeply.

Submitted to Jesus and my fellow Christians and with much love and hope,

--JAG
 
rustysdove11 said:
I don’t think an overhaul of the whole forum is entirely necessary, and I don’t think more moderation is either. I have no problem with debate or delving deeper on any given subject, it’s one of the things I love about the site. I just wish I could post freely as a woman and not be made to feel like my opinion is “less then” or be told to “go ask my husband”.

Rusty’s also gotten private messages before being told to “control your wife” because I made a comment about how rediculous the sages are, yet, if I was posting as a man I could simply have debated the subject. I never post without talking to my husband first, what I say has his approval.

We don’t need more moderation or a different set up, there just needs to be a little more respect. I don’t expect to be handeled with kid gloves, I just don’t want to be treated like child and be all but told to stay in the ladies section.

BF has been a wonderful influence in our lives, it’s a rare place where people can debate freely, which is an attribute that should be preserved. I just want to be able to join in without being told to go to the perverbial corner.... more moderation or even more division in the form of lite and heavy discussion forums isn’t going to change that.... I’d hope that just talking about the issue would be enough.
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I can understand that. I think some of the issue is caused by how men and women perceive things differently. When a man’s post gets picked apart, he perceives it more as a challenge than an attack on him personally. It makes him dig down to prove his point. Think, iron sharpening iron. When a woman’s post is picked apart and the sparks start flying, it feels like a personal attack. A Woman’s nature tends to be nurturing, affirming, and comforting towards each other. That’s how God made women, and it’s a good thing! Men? Well, not so much. I’m not the most tactful person, I know often times when i go back read my own posts, i think wow that sounds mean, but I promise that isn’t usually how i meant it.

I think the ladies section in the forum is not there because that’s where the women need to stay, but rather a protected place to post where they don’t have to deal with any mr. fix its throwing their two cents in. If someone told you to stay in the ladies only section, that is inappropriate.


How about us men try to be more tender in our responses toward you ladies? And, ladies please remember that most of us mean no disrespect when we question something in your post? What do you think?
 
@ZecAustin, you just perfectly illustrated why we value you so much on this forum despite the odd argument. You're firm when you feel it's justified (even if others disagree!), but naturally humble enough to assume an even greater degree of responsibility than is arguably just and willing to sacrifice your own desire for discussion for the benefit of all. It's great to be working with you as a team effort and not fighting against you to achieve this. Thankyou brother Zec.
 
FollowingHim said:
@ZecAustin, you just perfectly illustrated why we value you so much on this forum despite the odd argument. You're firm when you feel it's justified (even if others disagree!), but naturally humble enough to assume an even greater degree of responsibility than is arguably just and willing to sacrifice your own desire for discussion for the benefit of all. It's great to be working with you as a team effort and not fighting against you to achieve this. Thankyou brother Zec.
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Well it's pretty hard to be upset when someone says something so encouraging. Thank you.
 
Having met and fellowshipped with both ZecAustin and Samuel in person, reading the above really confirms my personal perception of them both - you guys rock.

(And maybe a shameless plug, therefore: I think character comes thru much better in person, then in how someone writes. You should try it. BF Newsletter with retreat opportunities this year will be in your email in a few hours.)
 
JustAGuy said:
I'm praying for our website leadership and all us members here for a fresh anointing, that we'd remember & experience afresh how much Jesus loves us, personally, carefully, deeply.
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Amen! Amen! Everything has seasons....may we all move into the next season at BF with much prayer, grace and wisdom for all God sends here.
 
ZecAustin said:
So as the current face of this problem I think I can probably solve it fairly easily. I'll just take a step back. I used a lot of credibility recenty and I should build some back up anyways.
I'm not saying I'm leaving in a huff or even that I'm leaving, only that I'll take a step back and be a little less noticeable. I'll be nice and squishy and not run off the normies.
I'm not apologizing. I took a hard stand on an important issue and I think it was the right stand. That error couldn't be let go. But that did spill out in to another thread, one that didn't need the vehemence although the sentiments were not wrong.
So let's not remake the entire forum because of me or those like me. It's a great forum.
All I will say in my defense is that I have been around here for a while now and have seen a lot of people, some of whom I didn't insult hardly at all, come and go. I've put my full name as my screen name, one of only a handful to do so. I believe in this ministry and I believe in these truths. They're vitally important. They're the only way forward for our culture. So they're worth fighting for in my opinion. Small little compromises over time is what got us to where we are. So here's my promise, I'll be super positive and mega-friendly for as long as I can, or until someone says something REALLY stupid again.
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I actually think you shouldn't take all the blame, others contributed, including me, and I would also say those who have shied away from contributing out of fear also create where we are. I would also say that there are no stupid views here, just views, and I hope that if I ever say anything that is off that those here would kindly direct me to a view that might be a little more broader.
 
Cap said:
I would also say that there are no stupid views here, just views,
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Well, there was that one guy who was planning on having something like 1,000 wives and had it all figured out that he would buy a hotel to house them......
 
rustysdove11 said:
Rusty’s also gotten private messages before being told to “control your wife” because I made a comment about how rediculous the sages are, yet, if I was posting as a man I could simply have debated the subject. I never post without talking to my husband first, what I say has his approval.
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This really bothers me. A husband has the authority to correct his wife but I think it offensive for another man to tell him to control her.

If this man didn’t want women commenting on his thread he should have started it in the men’s only section. If you put it in the general section you should expect comments from both men and women.

And ladies I am definitely going to be a bit more careful in my disagreements with you as well I should be out of respect for your husband and just general decorum... but that doesn’t mean I won’t debate with you...

Just my $.02
 
FollowingHim said:
Yes, that can be done. BUT for practical reasons it would require us to set one forum "style" that everyone must use. At present people can change the style using a small link to the bottom left of the screen. I can change this so that people cannot manually choose the style, rather the style is set depending on what section you are looking at. This would no doubt annoy a few people who have found a style they like, but that's probably a small price to pay.

The other thing I can do is add floating popup messages, as you'll see on the bottom right when browsing gentlemen's only if you're a woman, or ladies only if you're a man.

Edit: Both work for mobile browsers too.
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I like the pop up option I think it is a good reminder as to where you are replying and the "rules" for posting
 
I kind of think that a separate forum for debate would not be enough. If you really want to look friendly to the newbies, then I think the debate section will have to be private to the regulars. Otherwise the newbies are still going to wander in and think we are mean and unfeeling.
 
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