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General Let's talk Submission!

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Kerry Young said:
This post is so resonant with stuff that the men here are exploring at the moment. Would it be possible for me to have permission to share it with my husband? Many thanks. Kerry Young
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Yes, even though you have to be a Female to post on this thread, it is still a public thread and can be viewed by everyone. Your husband can read it but just can't make any comments. :-)
 
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It's been a little over a year since I posted this and I wanted to give an update partially for my own records to see where I was and where I am now, and also just because 😅.

When I wrote this I thought I had "arrived" and that my learning was almost over but I was wrong 😂 my husband has had several girlfriends since then, some that almost became wives but when he prayed that if she is "the next one" that God would make it happen or to end it and so far every time it has ended.

There was one lady who he dated that I had the most issues with, which was ironic because I introduced her to him and they clicked really well. However the more I learned about her the more uncomfortable and difficult things became for me. It was a true test of submission, this was one of my lowest points in our marriage I'd rather not go into details publicly here but if people are interested feel free to message me. During this season I kept asking "where did the joy and peace in submission go?" "Why am I feeling such strong repulsion towards following?" "Why is it so hard?" "Am I a failure as a wife?" "Why can't it just be easier? Lord, please make it easier!" This was about 6 months ago and I hated being a wife, I hated patriarchy, I hated submission and above all I hated myself for hating it all. I was so upset, riddled with guilt, stress, shame, disgust, distraught and I was stuck in this funk. It was not a fun time.

I would often pray and cry and ask for help. For the short version of this over time I started questioning if my disgust wasn't actually towards my husband and submission but towards God. I didn't even want to think or acknowledge that and over a month or so some of my friends pointed out that same observation, eventually I let myself feel the frustration and anger I had towards God for creating me to be a help meet and to be submissive which took those feelings off of my husband and I repented and prayed some more for help with changing my heart and believing (not just knowing) that submission in everything is what God wanted and is actually good, because it wasn't feeling very good.

Fast forward a few more months, long nights, healing from trauma and lies, more Bible studies and prayer. My husband brought up how he felt it was a good time for the both of us to go through "Created to Be His Help Meet" by Debi Pearl. I was hesitant but followed, and oof that was rough lol I sobbed and felt anger again and just had so much hate, and confusion and it was so hard and emotionally draining. But God is faithful. He heard my cry and my intention has always been to please Him and I started to own that by following my husband I am serving the Lord. I also realized that my husband is doing his job by leading the household even when days are hard for him too so that was a helpful thing for me to know that he struggles with his role in this life too, he makes it look so easy and effortless. Which made me struggle with feeling like I was the only one who was struggling but I found that wasn't true and that was helpful.

So after working through the many girlfriends and insecurities and still parts of me wanting to control what my husband allows me to do and when lol and the journey of rewiring my thoughts, actions and reactions, getting to a stopping point in Created to Be His Helpmeet and lots more internal healing leads me to now.

I still don't think I have "arrived" yet when it comes to submission. I still struggle with it from time to time but it has gotten easier. My brain feels like it's still learning to adapt to God's way of life rather than the life I have learned to life this far. I do have more peace and it does come easier in some ways so praise God for that. I know I still have more to work through, so hopefully this is encouraging for those who are also on this walk.

So to sum it up, cling to Christ and your husband always. Be honest with your feelings and don't let shame and guilt keep you in the dark. God already knows what we are feeling, so hiding from Him just doesn't work lol shining light on it will though. I asked my husband one day when I was struggling to follow him "Why is it just so hard to be submissive" and he gently chuckled and said "because you're a broken person" and I chuckled back and said "yeah that's true" and it made me feel better and reminded me that there is grace and forgiveness and also a reason why it can be hard 😅 We live in a sinful world and we won't be perfect here 🤷🏽‍♀️ but I will continue to pray that Jesus helps me to be more like Him. All of this was made possible because of our faithful Father and my wonderful husband who has been so patient with me as I learn and studying with me and helping me find answers and letting God use him to help me out as well. So that's my update. I'd love to hear others too if you feel so inclined. If anyone would like further clarification feel free to ask.

Thanks for reading ☺️
 
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What an awesome update! The death of our old ways of thinking is such a difficult road, yet if we keep searching for God's best, as you have done, then freedom comes, and peace comes...even to the broken person. Praise God for that!
 
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RubyRose said:
There is a lot to process here, I have to admit that after what has happened with my late husband (above and beyond his death), I am actually realizing that I am terrified to submit to another man.
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It's funny (or something), after posting my last update I have been hit with submission trials, and it has been exhausting. Just when I felt like I made more progress I feel put to the test once again. I can only imagine what you must be feeling and going through. I am glad you are able to have this realization though. I will be praying for you!
 
Thank you, a lot of good things happening by reading the forum today, helping me process and really take stock of where I am. Lots of tears flowing! I would have originally said that I was a lot farther along than I feel I am in dealing with grief and pain. No not really. A lot to sort through, but it's finally time.
 
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I know this post is older however, I wanted to share my thoughts on Submission.

Culture has turned submission into a dirty word. Submission is not that though but instead a beautiful word. When I am in submission to Christ it is easier to be in submission to my husband.

When I am having struggles with my submission to Christ this will be displayed in my submission to my husband.

I look at my husband as the King of his castle. He should be in charge that is his role as God-given headship. My role as a wife is to support his headship. Am I always going to agree with my husband and his position on things? No but my job is still to support him and his role as head.

I don’t always agree with what Christ ask of me but I do it because I love him. The same applies to my husband. I love him and therefore submit to his authority.
 
He would have to be able to consistently beat me in a wide area of tasks, otherwise it would just be a charade, and I think many would find that difficulty.
 
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