Looking to find like minds

[steve]

Welcome!

 

[Edward]

Good morning and welcome. May YaHWeH guide you in your journey.

 

[julieb]

Greetings! I hope you and your wife find lots of good things here.

 

[cnystrom]

Again, I understand this is not a matchmaking site. I'm only asking where others have gone to find someone to introduce their daughter to. Maybe a church barbeque? A literal matchmakers? I'm only asking advice, not actively searching.

I have three daughters, so I know where you are coming from, and I compliment you on wanting to be involved in your daughters life. I do think finding a spouse is an important and critical part of a child's life and a wise parent is willing to facilitate this as much as the child is willing.

I keep an eye out on church and social events of who might make a good spouse for my child and I am willing to discuss the pros and cons of any candidates with my children.

I do try to establish some guidelines ahead of time. We frown on dating. I encourage my kids to avoid the whole scene until they actually want to find a spouse. If they want a spouse I encourage them to limit themselves to potentials who also actually want a spouse, too, a not just a boyfriend or girlfriend, etc.

I try to teach them what Christian marriage is, and what a Biblical Family looks like so they know what the goal is. I try to teach them the importance of character, especially when selecting a mate.

There is probably a whole lot more that can be said concerning this topic.

 

[Leaderofthehome]

Good morning and welcome. May YaHWeH guide you in your journey.

Thank you and the same to you, brother.

 

[Leaderofthehome]

I have three daughters, so I know where you are coming from, and I compliment you on wanting to be involved in your daughters life. I do think finding a spouse is an important and critical part of a child's life and a wise parent is willing to facilitate this as much as the child is willing.

I keep an eye out on church and social events of who might make a good spouse for my child and I am willing to discuss the pros and cons of any candidates with my children.

I do try to establish some guidelines ahead of time. We frown on dating. I encourage my kids to avoid the whole scene until they actually want to find a spouse. If they want a spouse I encourage them to limit themselves to potentials who also actually want a spouse, too, a not just a boyfriend or girlfriend, etc.

I try to teach them what Christian marriage is, and what a Biblical Family looks like so they know what the goal is. I try to teach them the importance of character, especially when selecting a mate.

There is probably a whole lot more that can be said concerning this topic.

I think thats an excellent approach to the search for trustworthy men. I like to make the joke that any man interested in my daughter better buy me dinner before he even thinks about asking her on a date. Has it worked yet? Any son in laws?

 

[cnystrom]

I think thats an excellent approach to the search for trustworthy men. I like to make the joke that any man interested in my daughter better buy me dinner before he even thinks about asking her on a date. Has it worked yet? Any son in laws?

The eldest kind of did her own thing and now has a somewhat rocky marriage (but a grandbaby on the way!).

The second one found a good man and knows she has our positive recommendation but is kind of dragging her feet.

The third one is only 16 and wants to marry one of the members of the Korean pop band BTS.

 

[Leaderofthehome]

The eldest kind of did her own thing and now has a somewhat rocky marriage (but a grandbaby on the way!).

The second one found a good man and knows she has our positive recommendation but is kind of dragging her feet.

The third one is only 16 and wants to marry one of the members of the Korean pop band BTS.

Think you'll get into the dating game? Or is it just the one wife for you? My wife wants me to start looking but I'm still hesitant to do so, don't want to upset thw happy balance and all.

 

[Paulsen]

I personally have kind of a holistic approach. I pray that God will send and reveal suitable spouses for my children and keep my eyes open for His answer. Which is more or less how I try to do everything, (which is in turn more or less lifted from Henry Blackaby's Experiencing God teaching).

My opinion on this is provably not the only one to be found on this site, but my view is best summed up by saying "The Lord is my Shepherd, He leads me beside still waters and makes me to lay down in green pastures" An actual matchmaker or a church barbecue might be green and still, but unless it is exactly where the Lord has personally led you, you won't find what you're looking for.

This might seem like a 'n0-answer' answer, but it's one that I hold with sincerity.

I agree with @Slumberfreeze on this. Adonai will be faithful to guide you if you ask him. In fact if you ask him and you see him answering please let us know how it goes (as far as is appropriate) I think it would build this community's faith to hear testimony of how the father led you and your family.

 

[Leaderofthehome]

I agree with @Slumberfreeze on this. Adonai will be faithful to guide you if you ask him. In fact if you ask him and you see him answering please let us know how it goes (as far as is appropriate) I think it would build this community's faith to hear testimony of how the father led you and your family.

This is very true, the Lord works quietly away. It is only in retrospect that we behold all he has given us. Tell me, has God guided you to brides?

 

[Paulsen]

This is very true, the Lord works quietly away. It is only in retrospect that we behold all he has given us. Tell me, has God guided you to brides?

Adonai certainly guided me to my wife. I will never forget shortly after we started dating I was praying about the future of our relationship and I heard clearly "take care of my daughter" I received it as God telling me to take headship and life long responsibility for her. Only about a month after that experience her father told her that he was moving out of state and she would have to move out of the family home. He also decided he wouldn't be in touch much and effectively ended his functional headship over her. Her mom had passed on (as a believer) a couple years earlier. Her church also began a very tumultuous split at the same time. So God placed those responsibilities on me just as she was losing her covering and supports. I saw this as God not only leading me to her but caring for her needs. I am eternally greatful to Adonai for placing us together and the priviledge of being her covering.

 

[Leaderofthehome]

Adonai certainly guided me to my wife. I will never forget shortly after we started dating I was praying about the future of our relationship and I heard clearly "take care of my daughter" I received it as God telling me to take headship and life long responsibility for her. Only about a month after that experience her father told her that he was moving out of state and she would have to move out of the family home. He also decided he wouldn't be in touch much and effectively ended his functional headship over her. Her mom had passed on (as a believer) a couple years earlier. Her church also began a very tumultuous split at the same time. So God placed those responsibilities on me just as she was losing her covering and supports. I saw this as God not only leading me to her but caring for her needs. I am eternally greatful to Adonai for placing us together and the priviledge of being her covering.

You sound like a very responsible and caring young man. It's rare these days to see such a devotion to faith. I pray God sends a man like yourself for my daughter, so I know she won't go hungry, physically or spiritually. I've never had the privilege of hearing God's voice that loudly, maybe one day though.
Do you think fatherhood is in the near future? Is your wife awaken to the truth of polygamy?

 

[Leaderofthehome]

Ummm.....I don't think you'll find any match-making services here. That's not what we're about. But...welcome!

Thank you, hope I fit in well!

 

[cnystrom]

Think you'll get into the dating game? Or is it just the one wife for you? My wife wants me to start looking but I'm still hesitant to do so, don't want to upset thw happy balance and all.

I am not discontented with my current situation but I keep my eye out. I have been on the polygamy dating sites. They seem like pretty much of a dead end, and I do not know anyone who has formed a successful polygamy family using them. The ones I know that are successful met in real life. I dunno. If it happens it happens. It does seem like something that can be forced. I am open to it if God has that in my future. It is really up to him.

 

[Paulsen]

I agree with @Slumberfreeze on this. Adonai will be faithful to guide you if you ask him. In fact if you ask him and you see him answering please let us know how it goes (as far as is appropriate) I think it would build this community's faith to hear testimony of how the father led you and your family.

You sound like a very responsible and caring young man. It's rare these days to see such a devotion to faith. I pray God sends a man like yourself for my daughter, so I know she won't go hungry, physically or spiritually. I've never had the privilege of hearing God's voice that loudly, maybe one day though.
Do you think fatherhood is in the near future? Is your wife awaken to the truth of polygamy?

Thank you for the encouragement. I have tried to follow Jesus' commands to love Adonai and his people since I started following him when I was sixteen. I pray also that your daughter would be cared for all the days of her life. It's an honorable pursuit to seek someone to care for your daughter.

My wife is convinced that polygyny is not sin but we were married with an understanding of monogamy that she has not released me from. I am not seeking to force my way out of that understanding either since it would be of my own authorship and not necessarily God's.

Where are you from? Some of your English phrases are unusual to me.

 

[Keith Martin]

Not here of course, I meant if a biblical father such as myself were to seek out matchmaking services where would he go?

My daughter, she'll make the perfecf wife for a man worthy of her

I like to make the joke that any man interested in my daughter better buy me dinner before he even thinks about asking her on a date. Has it worked yet?

Hi, @Leaderofthehome. Welcome to Biblical Families.

I know you were asking @cnystrom that question about whether it has worked yet, but after reading the sentence immediately preceding it about how you joke that men interested in your daughter better buy you dinner and your earlier posts in this introductory forum thread all I could wonder was, "Hey; is that working for you?"

So, is it? Are you getting a lot of free meals? If so, how many of the men who've been willing to take you out to McDonald's or Olive Garden have impressed you as being worthy of your daughter? I have to admit being curious about this, because my assumption based on the fact that you're so interested in finding a matchmaking service is that either you haven't found a worthy suitor or you haven't considered the potential alternative explanations for why your daughter remains unmarried.

Have you put any thought into helping your daughter develop a resumé she could present to men who might possibly be interested in marrying her? Doing so might really increase her odds of finding a suitable mate before all the good catches are caught, so to speak.

What I'm saying may be counterintuitive, but please indulge me for a minute while I explain where I'm coming from: Dating sites, whether for those seeking traditional partners or plural marriage, suffer from what's known as the numbers fallacy. The same thing exists in dance clubs. The misperception exists in the world that eligible bachelors outnumber eligible bachelorettes; that's why there are such things as ladies nights where they get free drinks, because it is thought that otherwise the bachelors will far outnumber the bachelorettes. In reality, though, because of a whole host of reasons, among unmarried marriageable adults, the number of women far exceeds the number of men. Therefore, it should be the women who should recognize that the pickings are slim, because it really is the case that most of the good men are already taken. Instead of remaining lonely while continuing to play hard to get, unmarried women should be more effectively marketing themselves to keep up with the competition.

Now, this is exacerbated when it comes to the average man associated with Biblical Families seeking to create a plural family. Because the men in this group, on average, are more godly, more responsible, more willing to take on additional responsibility, and demonstrate not only greater allegiance to following Scripture but to being loving husbands than their satisfied-with-monogamy counterparts, we as a group of male human beings are more likely than women to demonstrate the kind of assertive, courageous leadership necessary to stick our necks out and initiate involvement with a cutting-edge but unfairly-stigmatized movement like Biblical Families. We are more likely to do this even when we are single. Therefore, for these reasons, there are typically more men (both single and already-married) actively involved in Biblical Families than there are single women actively involved in Biblical Families.

That does not, though, indicate that the men in Biblical Families looking to expand their families are desperate. Quite the contrary. Instead, the average man involved in Biblical Families is highly discriminating and has standards that far exceed the average man's willingness to just marry the first woman who responds positively to any hints he makes about cohabitating.

Biblical Families men are very serious and strong leaders or are at the very least engaged in a committed effort to develop the type of leadership/headship skills any sane woman would highly appreciate.

With that in mind, and also keeping in mind that we do not exist to perform the functions of a matchmaking service, might I strongly suggest that you sit down with your daughter and your wife and brainstorm a list of qualifications and experiences that your daughter possesses that would indicate to potential godly men who know the truth about Biblical polygyny that she could possibly qualify to join one of their families? I believe this would be a worthwhile exercise that, despite the fact that we don't conduct any kind of resumé exchange service, would help your daughter do the kind of necessary self-evaluation that could lead to more invitations to join one of the families represented by the men in our membership. In addition, getting all that written down on paper would help your wife and you to provide your daughter the support she needs in engaging in whatever self-improvement one or more of you might identify that she needs in order to improve her chances of success. If nothing else, it would help her develop a blueprint for how to initiate conversations with men who are looking for sister wives for their already-existing mates.

I'm also quite certain that, should you wish to share your daughter's resumé, many members of this community will be quite happy to provide suggestions about how to tweak it.

 

[Leaderofthehome]

Hi, @Leaderofthehome. Welcome to Biblical Families.

I know you were asking @cnystrom that question about whether it has worked yet, but after reading the sentence immediately preceding it about how you joke that men interested in your daughter better buy you dinner and your earlier posts in this introductory forum thread all I could wonder was, "Hey; is that working for you?"

So, is it? Are you getting a lot of free meals? If so, how many of the men who've been willing to take you out to McDonald's or Olive Garden have impressed you as being worthy of your daughter? I have to admit being curious about this, because my assumption based on the fact that you're so interested in finding a matchmaking service is that either you haven't found a worthy suitor or you haven't considered the potential alternative explanations for why your daughter remains unmarried.

Have you put any thought into helping your daughter develop a resumé she could present to men who might possibly be interested in marrying her? Doing so might really increase her odds of finding a suitable mate before all the good catches are caught, so to speak.

What I'm saying may be counterintuitive, but please indulge me for a minute while I explain where I'm coming from: Dating sites, whether for those seeking traditional partners or plural marriage, suffer from what's known as the numbers fallacy. The same thing exists in dance clubs. The misperception exists in the world that eligible bachelors outnumber eligible bachelorettes; that's why there are such things as ladies nights where they get free drinks, because it is thought that otherwise the bachelors will far outnumber the bachelorettes. In reality, though, because of a whole host of reasons, among unmarried marriageable adults, the number of women far exceeds the number of men. Therefore, it should be the women who should recognize that the pickings are slim, because it really is the case that most of the good men are already taken. Instead of remaining lonely while continuing to play hard to get, unmarried women should be more effectively marketing themselves to keep up with the competition.

Now, this is exacerbated when it comes to the average man associated with Biblical Families seeking to create a plural family. Because the men in this group, on average, are more godly, more responsible, more willing to take on additional responsibility, and demonstrate not only greater allegiance to following Scripture but to being loving husbands than their satisfied-with-monogamy counterparts, we as a group of male human beings are more likely than women to demonstrate the kind of assertive, courageous leadership necessary to stick our necks out and initiate involvement with a cutting-edge but unfairly-stigmatized movement like Biblical Families. We are more likely to do this even when we are single. Therefore, for these reasons, there are typically more men (both single and already-married) actively involved in Biblical Families than there are single women actively involved in Biblical Families.

That does not, though, indicate that the men in Biblical Families looking to expand their families are desperate. Quite the contrary. Instead, the average man involved in Biblical Families is highly discriminating and has standards that far exceed the average man's willingness to just marry the first woman who responds positively to any hints he makes about cohabitating.

Biblical Families men are very serious and strong leaders or are at the very least engaged in a committed effort to develop the type of leadership/headship skills any sane woman would highly appreciate.

With that in mind, and also keeping in mind that we do not exist to perform the functions of a matchmaking service, might I strongly suggest that you sit down with your daughter and your wife and brainstorm a list of qualifications and experiences that your daughter possesses that would indicate to potential godly men who know the truth about Biblical polygyny that she could possibly qualify to join one of their families? I believe this would be a worthwhile exercise that, despite the fact that we don't conduct any kind of resumé exchange service, would help your daughter do the kind of necessary self-evaluation that could lead to more invitations to join one of the families represented by the men in our membership. In addition, getting all that written down on paper would help your wife and you to provide your daughter the support she needs in engaging in whatever self-improvement one or more of you might identify that she needs in order to improve her chances of success. If nothing else, it would help her develop a blueprint for how to initiate conversations with men who are looking for sister wives for their already-existing mates.

I'm also quite certain that, should you wish to share your daughter's resumé, many members of this community will be quite happy to provide suggestions about how to tweak it.

Thats a very concise, well thought out response. Would you be open to chatting privately should I have any other questions I would prefer not to broadcast?

 

[rockfox]

the bachelors will far outnumber the bachelorettes. In reality, though, because of a whole host of reasons, among unmarried marriageable adults, the number of women far exceeds the number of men. Therefore, it should be the women who should recognize that the pickings are slim, because it really is the case that most of the good men are already taken. Instead of remaining lonely while continuing to play hard to get, unmarried women should be more effectively marketing themselves to keep up with the competition.

This bears repeating.

 

[cnystrom]

This bears repeating.

This is a point I try to impress on my daughters without being too negative: it is a competitive market and your marketability changes over time. There are advantages to picking early when your selection is best.

And like in the story of Ruth, it is not a sin to go get the one you want.

 

[Leaderofthehome]

This is a point I try to impress on my daughters without being too negative: it is a competitive market and your marketability changes over time. There are advantages to picking early when your selection is best.

And like in the story of Ruth, it is not a sin to go get the one you want.

She's more than pretty enough, but shes fiesty as all get out. Definitely have to prune some thorns before shes ready to be someone's wife