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Marriage Success and Failure

Daniel DeLuca

Daniel DeLuca

Seasoned Member
Real Person
Male
According to the Public Discourse on Polygamy produced by the Witherspoon Institute, polygynous marriages are five times more likely to end in divorce than monogamous marriages. That is obviously a concern for any of us that are considering polygyny, and it is not a statistic I think anyone here would dispute. No one wants to enter a marriage that is supposed to be "'til death do us part", only to have something other than death, end that marriage. The article seems to argue that the reason for this dissolution of marriage, is that the co-wives tend to not get along with each other. We find this to be true in church splits as well. I would be curious to get others perspectives here, on whether this is indeed the case, and if so, what husbands who have been successful in keeping their families together have been able to do, to eliminate this friction.
 
I would be interested to see how they acquired these statistics given how closeted most polygamists are. Also if they were compiled from a propoly culture or an anti poly culture as well as the effect of religious based versus agnostic background.

To generate an accurate perspective would seem insurmountable in our American culture
 
I know, and it is a decidedly anti-poly article, and there seems to be a lot of generalizations made without an actual breakdown of the different cultures. The Christian poly movement seems to be completely overlooked.
 
Here’s you a stat:
1 out of 1 left because of her problems with me.
 
I’m interested in how the wives were brought into the marriage/Family and if there’s an authority ranking among incoming wives or the husband IS the authority and the family revolves around his vision... so many dynamics in a polygamous marriage and family unit.
 
Cap said:
Really, so how does that work if bigamy is against the law and the only way to get a divorce is if one is legally married by the state.
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I think he meant only that the marriages fail, not that there is a process for recognizing the end of something that had no recognized beginning.

Since polygamous marriages (and hence divorces) generally leave no paper trail (at least in Western countries), I think the data used by the Witherspoon author was ROMA, to use a fitting term from the US military.
 
mystic said:
I think he meant only that the marriages fail, not that there is a process for recognizing the end of something that had no recognized beginning.

Since polygamous marriages (and hence divorces) generally leave no paper trail (at least in Western countries), I think the data used by the Witherspoon author was ROMA, to use a fitting term from the US military.
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Possibly, but I would like to read the article.
 
steve said:
Here’s you a stat:
1 out of 1 left because of her problems with me.
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So there is nothing you could have done, right? If fellow believers in our culture took seriously the words of Jesus in Matt 5:31-32, women who might otherwise think that they can run off to another man, might not have that option so readily available to them. That is one of the most rationalized away passages in the Sermon on The Mount that I have ever seen. I have to ask, did she know about this passage and willingly go off and commit adultery?

I am sure that having Christian family members and friends constantly telling them to leave their husbands, is not very helpful either. I just think it would be very sad for me to win over a second wife, only to have her desert me in a couple of years. The article fails to show the breakdown in divorces whether it was the first wife who left or the additional wife or wives that left. I am not so sure it really matters though, because the statistics are not good for couples on their second marriage either, which is essentially what you have when the first wife leaves. Feel free to correct me if I am wrong on that.

Before I jump into this thing, I want to make absolutely certain that I have done my due diligence, because even though I have come to understand that the Biblical arguments used against polygamy are pure bunk, the practical argument against it, seems to be that it isn't very likely to succeed, and I don't think I have a rebuttal to that one.
 
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mystic said:
I think he meant only that the marriages fail, not that there is a process for recognizing the end of something that had no recognized beginning.

Since polygamous marriages (and hence divorces) generally leave no paper trail (at least in Western countries), I think the data used by the Witherspoon author was ROMA, to use a fitting term from the US military.
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That's pretty funny, but I got somewhat alarmed about this after I read some of the testimonials right here on BF. This is a serious matter, and if we don't address it, it will undermine our entire movement, and breed a whole new crop of malcontents who "tried it, and it didn't work".
 
Daniel DeLuca said:
I have to ask, did she know about this passage and willingly go off and commit adultery?
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To the best of my knowledge, she has not yet replaced me. It has been over two years.

The enemy of our souls hates and fears the truth of polygyny. He will bring greater pressure to bear on any household that attempts to live it than he does on monogamous households.
 
Daniel DeLuca said:
So there is nothing you could have done, right? If fellow believers in our culture took seriously the words of Jesus in Matt 5:31-32, women who might otherwise think that they can run off to another man, might not have that option so readily available to them. That is one of the most rationalized away passages in the Sermon on The Mount that I have ever seen. I have to ask, did she know about this passage and willingly go off and commit adultery?
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I’ll just say that you’ve made massive assumptions from just the statement that 1 of 1 left because of her problems with me.

It would be wise not to make such assumptions as it generally puts you in a bad light.
 
"The larger the age gap, the more likely it is that a husband will kill his wife, and vice‐versa (the young wife murders her husband). … This suggests that polygyny is relatively (potentially) much more dangerous than monogamous relations because age gaps of 16 years are not uncommon when accumulating young wives."

His statements appear to be comments about this article,

http://rstb.royalsocietypublishing....1/18/rstb.2011.0290.DC1/rstb20110290supp1.pdf

At the end of his comments I half expected him to say, "I hate polygamy so we shouldn't have it."
 
Cap said:
"The larger the age gap, the more likely it is that a husband will kill his wife, and vice‐versa (the young wife murders her husband). … This suggests that polygyny is relatively (potentially) much more dangerous than monogamous relations because age gaps of 16 years are not uncommon when accumulating young wives."

His statements appear to be comments about this article,

http://rstb.royalsocietypublishing....1/18/rstb.2011.0290.DC1/rstb20110290supp1.pdf

At the end of his comments I half expected him to say, "I hate polygamy so we shouldn't have it."
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Yeah, and he didn't say that he hates age gaps, or that we shouldn't have them.
 
Verifyveritas76 said:
I’ll just say that you’ve made massive assumptions from just the statement that 1 of 1 left because of her problems with me.

It would be wise not to make such assumptions as it generally puts you in a bad light.
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OK, that was a possible explanation, that I came up with on my own, and I should have broken that into a separate paragraph, as it was not really related to his situation.
 
steve said:
To the best of my knowledge, she has not yet replaced me. It has been over two years.

The enemy of our souls hates and fears the truth of polygyny. He will bring greater pressure to bear on any household that attempts to live it than he does on monogamous households.
Click to expand...
In that case, I will add you and her to my prayer list. We have a big God who is far more powerful than the enemy. One of the main concerns that I have, is how much the enemy is using our brothers and sisters in Christ to destroy our marriages, and what we can do to stop it, if that is the case.
 
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The author can be reached at ckaczor@lmu.edu. He is currently on Sabbatical until 2019, so I got an Auto Reply message saying he is slow in responding to emails.
 
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