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Marrying a reformed prostitute?

Re: Marrying a reformed prostitue?

We have already had a sexual relationship, which further complicates matters. I know that this was wrong and I feel bad about it, but I can't undo what has been done and yes my wife knows about it and has forgiven me my indiscretion and there has been no further sexual contact with this woman, only friendship.
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Did you have sex with her as a prostitute or as someone you were interested in? I'm just wondering here if you made a mistake of sleeping with a prostitute and now think that you need to take her as a wife to fix that.
Now, that sounds like a lovely fix, doesn't it? Except to my mind there are some bigger issues at play here. First of all, you say your sex drive is less than that of your wife's, yet you felt the need to have sex with a prostitute. What drove you to that, and will it happen again?
Secondly, she's a prostitute! She does this day in and day out and probably doesn't want what you are offering her. I think it's pretty obvious from what you've posted so far that she isn't 'reformed'. This is very dangerous territory my friend.

The bible says that if you should sleep with a virgin you should take her as your wife. This woman is not a virgin. But I would hold that the same thing would be a good idea to apply to all unmarried women.
But if she's got a fairly good chance of committing adultery, which is a grounds for divorce, then I would backtrack dude.

You can't rescue her and help her if she doesn't want it.

And I haven't even mentioned the fact that she isn't a Christian. :roll:

So, in conclusion, I will say this in the most obvious way that I can, and I hope that most people here agree with me. If she does not wish to stop being a prostitute (actions, not words) AND she does not want to know God in any way:


RUN!!!

This will only end in disaster. The question is only: How large will the disaster be?
 
Re: Marrying a reformed prostitue?

Thanks and in answer to your questions.....

I had sex with this woman not as a prostitute but as someone I was interested in and attracted to. No I don't want to take her as a wife to 'fix things'. I love her and she has told me that she loves me too.

I don't know for sure that she has given up prostituting herself. Only that her adverts are still on the internet and she tells me that she is unable to remove them. She says that she is no longer prostituting. I can only take her at her word.

I am the adulterer but my wife has chosen to stay by my side and not divorce me even though she has grounds to do so.
 
Re: Marrying a reformed prostitue?

Ok, thankyou for clarifying, that makes more sense now.

Lots of red flags still. Be very, very careful. Take it slowly, there is no rush. This is a very serious matter and you have to get it right. As Sarah has pointed out, there is not a biblical requirement to marry her, you need to work out what is best for your family.

Take lots of time to be sure she's truly changed. During that time, try to teach her about God. If she's not interested in Him don't go there. If she is take even more time to be sure she's genuine and not just saying what you want to hear.

The ads are a red flag, nothing is free, someone is probably paying for them if she isn't, maybe a pimp. Her lack of faith in God is an even bigger red flag. The fact that you are unsure about her true behavior is another. Tread very carefully.

Sounds like you have a wonderful and forgiving wife. Make sure that her welfare is uppermost in your mind, and don't take her support for granted, this must be extremely difficult for her.
 
Re: Marrying a reformed prostitue?

PRAY!!! Pray now, pray later, pray pray pray.

I am heading this weekend to go see "her." My her is also a reformed sinner. We still sin. Doesnt really matter the sin.

Several thoughts for you:

-There is no reformation apart from God. We may give up an area of immoral behavior, but we are not washed in the blood until saved.
-Salvation and acceptance of Christ would be my first priority in ANY relationship.
-Bible says not to be unequally yolked. So no need to offer "opinion." Your answer is in the Word.
-PROBLEM: I already had sex with my wife/ concubine. "and the two become one flesh"-------- This is the evidence given over and over to signify marriage. It is the sealing of the deal. So as I read it you are already married.
---I was not always a Christian, and even as a "baby" believer, sexual sin was rampant in my life. I would have some "splaining" to do if they all came to claim their marriage rights.... Thank you God for grace.

As for now, any woman I am interested in has to be scripturally "available" and that means: no sex b4 marriage (sex= evidence of marriage), Believer (unequally yolked), no after salvation divorce from another believer. (of course if they left her it is okay) there are more but you get the point. Follow God's word and it will keep you out of these issues.
 
Re: Marrying a reformed prostitue?

Exodus 22:16 would suggest that it is possible to have sex with a virgin and not be married. The father can insist on the bride price and that they get married, he can also insist on the bride price and send him on his way.
 
Re: Marrying a reformed prostitue?

Tis true.

Johnathon, it is true that one becomes one-flesh with a woman when having sex with her. However, that is NOT the whole thing.

Think of getting Biblically married as being a similar to our modern process of purchasing Real Estate. The normal process involves 3 steps:
  1. One makes an offer, which is accepted, then some period passes, a time of "discovery", or "betrothal" in the case of a mate, leading up to ...
  2. The "closing" or "wedding", in which the deal is formally accomplished. Almost. The last step is ...
  3. "Taking possession" of the property, or "consummating" the marriage.

That is the proper order.

But what if one begins at the wrong end, by having sex? The equivalent of moving onto an unpurchased property? Well, the Bible has a pretty good answer -- you simply go back and complete the other steps. The deal isn't done until you do.

The problem with prostitution, one-night stands, and short term affairs, is that one has effectively "squatted", whether overnight or for a longer period, without completing the transaction.

So what is one to do in the cases of one's past, when both he & she have moved onto other relationships?

An apology would seem to be in order, if the occasion arises. However, must one feel duty bound in the case of a past casual relationship which has been succeeded in the life of the young lady involved by other relationships?

It would seem that, in the absence of a clear "Thus saith the Lord", that is up to your own conscience. However, it seems unlikely that you, in particular, are so unusual as to bear the responsibility alone; or that each man in her life is equally bound to her, else she is effectively polyandrous! Probably best to let it go with an apology and resolution to avoid a repeat.

Having said that, if you unite with one who has such a past, and her response is that you are the man she has sought, and she plans to abandon the search in favor of commitment to you, it does indeed get more complicated. It would seem, in that circumstance, that the thing to do would be to complete the transaction in as godly a manner as possible.

... my opinion, subject to the refinement of further enlightenment ... :geek:
 
Re: Marrying a reformed prostitue?

I agree for the most part. However (and now we enter the legalistic side) In the case where there is no Father to whom one can make the offer AND the sex occurred while in pursuit of a meaningful (marriage) relationship (as was stated before) I believe the offer was made, and accepted. Seems the only step skipped was the formal part.

However, these three steps were not mentioned in the original marriage, or in many cases thereafter as a "necessary" step. They were cultural, yes. The steps God mentions at the beginning are 1. leave father and mother (mentioned for the man only) and knock boots (become one flesh) AGAIN correct me if wrong.

If we move to including man's customs about marriage (the bride price, the bloody sheet, the feast etc) we would also need a gold nose ring and bracelets, some camels etc.
 
Re: Marrying a reformed prostitue?

Jonathan

I fully agree that the only steps actually outlined in the Bible are leave father and mother and do some horizontal folkdancing. However just having sex does not not necessarily constitute marriage, that is also clear throughout scripture. For instance, the Bible describes Samson sleeping with a prostitute. It does not say he was then married to the prostitute. If you want to be a builder you'll have to hammer nails. However hammering nails does not necessarily make you a builder.

If you want to discuss the nature of marriage, feel free to start another thread for that, we could quickly derail this one with that line of discussion. Here, the point to make clear to the OP is that he is NOT obliged to marry this woman, it is rather something he should consider very carefully and prayerfully.

This is very clear from scripture. The Bible clearly states that if a man sleeps with a virgin he should marry her, unless her father forbids it (Exodus 22:16-17). That law is limited to virgins. Therefore, this obligation does not apply if the woman is not a virgin. And an ex-prostitute is certainly not a virgin.

At the same time, a prostitute is a very needy woman, and Jesus himself hung out with prostitutes when He was on earth, showing how much God loves them. Bringing a prostitute to know God, and giving her a husband, is a very honorable thing to do. Preferably in that order.
 
Samuel,

Thank you for your response. I enjoyed it. I had thought about Samson when I was writing my response, however the title was "Marrying a REFORMED prostitute" and since the only cases I could remember in God's word of sex without marriage were either incest (lot and daughters) or sleeping with a PRACTICING prostitute, I didn't think either applied to a woman he was actively SEEKING/TRYING to marry.

But, like you said, we can spend countless hours debating legality (likening ourselves to the pharisees) or we can take a Christ-like view and apply the spirit of the law. What I am trying to say is that while we can try to use legality when we want to try to justify our actions, we should be clinging to the spirit of the law to rule and guide our actions. The SPIRIT of the law here is sleep with your believing wife. That is the goal, and we should be doing all we can to aim for it. Do we have an unbelieving spouse we should do all we can to foster a relationship with God. Are we having sex with a fellow believer? We should rectify the active sin by marrying. Are we sleeping with an unbeliever? We need to stop sinning. I can go on..
 
i can't remember which book of the Bible it is; however, GOD ordered one of the prophets of Israel to marry an UNREFORMED Prostitute to reflect on how Israel was committing adultery with other "deities" and was unfaithful to it's Creator. And when Jericho fell but Rahab the Harlot who harbored the spies was saved from the fall of that city, i can't imagine she continued to ply her trade among the Children of Israel - and since she's listed in Christ's genealogy in Mathew, she must have married.

Just some thoughts that came to mind - that along with the Gospel of John: about he who is without sin casting the first stone
j/L Matrika 52/ "Granny" Matrika / Rolling Buffalo Woman
 
hosea
 
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