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Meat Patriarchal wannabe catfishers

Cap said:
I know this thread is geared towards men catfishers, but let's not lose sight of the fact that there probably is just as much, if not more women who do the same to families for the same reasons.
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That’s exactly why I focused on males, because not many picture them as catfishers. We have all heard about the females.
 
Verifyveritas76 said:
Too many of us men are legends in our own mind, @Lisa McMillan It is very common to think higher of ourselves and our poly readiness than reality would deem prudent. It’s not until you find out the first wife’s not on board, or they’re in debt beyond redemption, or they/he’s just in it for a side piece does his/their true colors begin shining. Just be careful what you commit to, make certain you have in depth conversations with the wife without him around and vice versa. Utilize video chat apps, check out their online media presence, find out who they’ve told about poly, etc.

My advice to single ladies looking to join a family is to become informed of key signs that the men are posers, as well as to become educated in a plural family mindset yourself. Too many single women don’t understand that a monogamy only mindset in a plural family sabotages your chances of acceptance as well as success if you are accepted.

IF you find a couple that are interested in you, and they are a good family, and are all trying to work through the transition to be a plural ready family, you might wanna slow down and just take it easy and be willing to grow with them into a plural family. We ALL need transforming to resemble Him more.
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Thank you for taking time to comment. This type of behavior is also common in monogamy. I have experienced it in monogamy too. Thank you.
 
steve said:
There may be as many motives as there are catfishers, but I will give you the two ends of the spectrum as I see them.
The light end of the spectrum would be the honest, sincere dreamer that enjoys building the relationship and believes in doing it, but then chickens out when he starts to realize that it’s a lot harder than dating and does a fade.
The dark end of the spectrum would be the guy that loves to control and toy with women’s emotions and see how far he can play them. Kind of a heart scammer. It’s a really cheap hobby and it makes them feel powerful.
I’m sure that there many gradations of these two.
Doing it purposely is diabolical, while the guy with good intentions is to be pitied and prayed for.
Both of them need to be forgiven, for ones own souls sake.
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Thank you for taking time to answer my questions.
 
Lisa McMillan said:
Thank you for taking time to answer my questions.
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Shabbat Shalom dear sista! May Abba Yah bless you with His Presence and sweet fellowship this Shabbat.
 
Lisa McMillan said:
I know women who use men too.
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I know both men and women can be used by satan to hurt each other because God created marriage and it is to be holy and honorable to Him and satan hates God and he will do anything to try to destroy what God has made. I know it's a spiritual battle we fight not against flesh and blood, but against evil spirits. So we must all pray for each other. Thank you everyone that has brought this topic up because it needs to be dealt with and only God can help us know how to deal with it and to change to be more like Yeshua. It is good to support each other and bear one another burdens. Shalom!
 
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Cap said:
It's all a terrible thing. Why can't men and women be kind to each other when it comes to something as important as trying to figure out how to start a relationships, or not. Just be honest with you feelings. If it's working it's working if it's not say so.
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I totally agree with you 100 percent. I value open and honest communication and being led by God not by our flesh. Marriage is sacred and so is having kids. It's a very serious matter. Many times people can put on a facade even if you know them for years. I know people who have been married for 20 yrs and found out the person was not in love with them and the person left them or cheated or started acting cold etc. Its very sad.
 
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ברחות ושבת שלום
 
Lisa McMillan said:
Thank you again for posting this. I have a question maybe it may be hard to answer because no one is inside someone else's mind, but do you have an idea maybe as to why these types of men would catfish women?
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I feel I should point out that catfish in this thread is being used incorrectly. While the men Steve is describing here are acting fraudulently, catfishing is a specific fraud. Catfishing is the fraud of using the anonyminty of the Internet to create a fake persona to defraud someone. The men described in this thread are not doing this.

The term comes from the 2010 movie "Catfish" and the movie is highly recommended viewing for anyone trying to understand it and why people do this.

By the way, both sexes catfish each other.

Having said this, understanding the specific fraud of catfishing and why people do it to each other, might also help you understand why more general frauds such as Steve is describing happen.
 
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cnystrom said:
I feel I should point out that catfish in this thread is being used incorrectly. While the men Steve is describing here are acting fraudulently, catfishing is a specific fraud. Catfishing is the fraud of using the anonyminty of the Internet to create a fake persona to defraud someone. The men described in this thread are not doing this.
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Good point about the technical definition.
Any idea what a person who didn’t create a false profile but still misled people as to their intentions?
I guess scammer would fit.
 
I have experienced this a lot and not just in romantic relationships, but people try to scam you in lots of things. I don't know what the correct term is I just wish it would stop its getting to the point you don't know who you can trust. I do agree that I think they should be called con artists or scammers or something to that affect. Its very frustrating to find honest people, but God did warn us this would happen in the last days that people would get worse and worse. Online there are a lot scammers like the Foreign scammers that try to do romance scams as wells as other scams to get money from people and they pretend to take on another identity and steal pictures and pose as someone they are not. Some people have given these people money and cannot get it back. But I do agree you are right the term catfish may not be the correct term and maybe scammer is. I am just glad that you guys are talking and praying about how to deal with this because its a real issue for men and women both.
 
cnystrom said: ↑
understand why more general frauds such as Steve

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