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Please share the advantages of being poly minded

Joleneakamama

Joleneakamama

Seasoned Member
Real Person
Female
So I've been thinking about this for a while,thought I'd finally get
around to asking the other poly minded ladies here to share the upside to biblical poly
thinking.....even if you don't live it!

I am the first and so far only wife of my dear husband, but one of the advantages that I see is less stress for both of us.
He doesn't have to hide anything from me or worry about what I will think if he visits with someone or meets someone at work. I enjoy hearing about his day and the people he meets, I get to hear his thoughts about them even if they are pretty, sweet, and pleasant single girls.

Another big plus for me is perhaps more related to trusting my husband, but
while some women worry about their husband meeting someone new and
replacing them, I have no such concerns because we both believe in biblical marriage
and I am confident he will never leave me or replace me even if he finds a
new love.

That trust helps in other ways too, since I do trust him and his judgment as well I am confident if he does find a new love she will be someone I will like and want to be around and good for the family.
And after all, to even imply that he has lousy taste in women when you are his wife would be to insult yourself :lol:

To share a bit on another subject (off the topic of this post) He did meet someone about a week ago that he describes as pleasant with a bubby outgoing personality. She also has some common interests.

He has seen her three times now all related to work and she seems interested in him.
So far the family hasn't come up (which makes him feel just a bit guilty).
You see he doesn't wear his ring for safety reasons with the work he does, and since I'm poly minded and would like a sisterwife that is more then fine with me, but it has brought us to an interesting place here.
If biblical marriage was a more accepted practice it would be easier perhaps to know how to get all the cards on the table without putting someone off.
If he says "hey I have a wife but would like another" you know what people tend to think, and she hasn't made it plain she is interested in him yet.
But if he acts interested in her when she doesn't know the whole situation (like that his wife is the kind that encourages him to go and meet girls :eek: ) and then she finds out from her sister or the local gossip that he is married he could end up looking like the kind of scumbag that would cheat on his wife. :(
It will be interesting to see what happens next or how things go when he sees her again (the job isn't quite done)
I hope that wasn't to confusing. I was just commenting I guess on the ups and downs of believing the way we do in a world of people that have been very much conditioned to think differently.

One of my favorite verses is Romans 8:28 I like to keep this in mind when life takes unexpected turns (like it did this past week when CPS dropped in to investigate a report of 'alleged neglect') it is a great comfort to me.
"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." :D
 
Well it sounds to me like you both are confident in what the Lord has given you regarding biblical marriage.

To answer your question.

Here are a list of what I see as advantages to being in a Plural Marriage.
Love and lots of it!
The children never have to go to daycare or a babysitter because there will always be a mommy in the house.
Having a sister wife gives both women the chance to form a special bond that no everyone has.
Being Obedient to the Call of practicing a Biblical Marriage.
Being able to share responsibilities of the home with more than one person.
Seeing your husband happy and fulfilled. ( not saying that he isn't with just one wife but some might feel a slight void because his family is not yet complete).
 
Well I have to second the 'lots of love'.
You never need to be alone if you don't want to be, but also, you can escape and
BE alone for a while without worrying that you are leaving your partner alone just so
you can indulge in a little 'me' time.
Because there are more adults in the house, it is a lot easier taking the kids out anywhere.

and lots more things I can't think of right now :D
 
Hi..
Bit nervous posting for the first time but here goes. Ive stumbled across the idea of multiple wives in a marriage and although im only 19 and I dont think im ready for marriage, it seems to me to be a most natural and romantic notion to be part of that kind of family. I guess the main reason im nervous is that ill admit ive never been a follower of God but i still like the idea of one day being part of a poligmists (?) family.
I guess before I go to far I just want to ask, do i have any right in being part of a forum such as this?
Hope I dont get howled out!
Jemma

PS Sorry if i posted in the wrong area..this seemed the closest :)
 
Welcome Jemma,

You are most certainly welcome here! I hope you will find some knowledge about Polygyny here and some new friends but mostly I hope you will discover the love Christ has for you thru it all. For us plural marriage just doesn't work "the best" if it is not grounded in the Bible and wht it says regarding marriage. I think you are a wise woman to learn about marriage and the kind of family that you would like, even as you know that you aren't quite ready for it. I believe one of the great things about Polygyny is that a single lady can see first hand how a man deals with his family and how good of a husband he is to his first wife. It really helps in knowing who a man is before making a lifetime commitment to him.

Please ask any questions you might have. We are a diverse group so you should get a well rounded view on things. I also hope you will take the time to read any thread that seems interesting to you. Lots of great info on this site.

If you would like you can introduce yourself on the Introductions thread (in Community) or just post more about yourself in this section, For Ladies Only, if that feels "safer". :) Look forward to getting to know you!

Blessings,
Julieb
 
Hi Jemma,
Good to see you here. It's only been about five years since I first opened up a bible to actually read it. The fact that God approves of polygyny is only the tip of the iceberg of eye-opening information that it contains. It sure changed my life for the better. Welcome......
AnneMarie
 
Thank you Anne Marie,

You all sound like such wonderful people. Nice to feel amongst friends already.

Jemma
 
Jemma,
I want to second and third the welcome to our forum. If we turned away people who don't know God or Christ as a rule we would be slacking on the great commission that God gave us, which is to make disciples of others.

I am so glad you found us. Being 19 is such a great thing because you have the whole world at your fingertips. I am glad you have decided to work out your life and make wise decisions. I remember being 19 and convinced that I was nobody until I was a wife. Then, when I was a wife, being nobody until I had children. At 46 (now) I still don't have children, so that was a hard lesson to unlearn.

Anyway, this is just my way of saying I am glad you are here.

SweetLissa
 
Lissa,

Thank you to all for such a beautiful reception. I'm looking forward to being a part of your forum and any guidance I can get spiritually or otherwise will be accepted and appreciated.

Love Jemma
 
Okay so I know I am super late in responding to the original question about what benefits there are in Plural Marriage but I still thought about it and wanted to compile a list for this question:

1.) Lots of Love
2.)Having more than one set of hands and eyes to deal with the children.
3.)Having the opportunity to have another view point on situations and circumstances.
4.)Having an extended family and having lots of children to surround myself with.
5.) Having a great husband rather than having to settle for someone that would treat you badly.
6.) Having the opportunity to have special bonds with the children that others in the family do not have.
7.) Having help with household chores and upkeep

This is just a small list and I really wanted to get it out there.
 
Jemma,

I hope you are starting to get the idea that we are all really glad that you are here, want to learn and grow and prepare for a most awesome life as a wife, mom, and hopefully cultivating a personal relationship with Christ. You sound like a lovely young woman with a good head on her shoulders, and I know I am looking forward to knowing you better on the board and maybe at retreats.

Shalom to you, dear one,
Ali
 
<3
 
What a thread resurrection!
It's been over 7 years. In a strange turn of events, the lady I mentioned replied to a post I had put on Craigslist, but then never replied when I pointed out that she (an English teacher) had missed that the post was written in the third person, by a wife who was interested in a co-wife. Oh well.


Practically speaking polygyny is, or could be, very much a job share kind of deal for the wives. That sounds cold, but in all honesty my reasons for wanting a co-wife are as warm and close to my heart as my children. They are just hard to articulate, and words used can be easily misconstrued.

C.P.S. never came back, but the agent I talked to never sent me the report she promised stating the allegations were found to be false.

Since I wrote this post we lost three baby boys, and have two more wonderful girls, and the then baby is now 8 years old with big guy teeth in his smile. He's a bit like a banty rooster, and has enough spunk to handle having five big brothers.

We also got to know a neat gal who considered being part of our family seriously, but in the end was too fearful of losing her birth family. It's been over five years since I heard from her.


Life is a very good gift from our very good God.
 
Resurrecting this topic again. LOL
The question I have is this.. when a new wife joins the family how does parenting work? I would be afraid there would be power struggles, jealousy and what not.

I was married to a man with a daughter. I love her as much as my own but she would tell her dad I was treating her bad which I would never do! Ultimately it played a big part in destroying our marriage. She is now a mother herself and jas apologised for being so hateful and told me she loves me. I still claim her and always will.

Children are so precious and I love them even when they are acting foolish. In a situation where there are multiple wives how does that work?
 
I'm sure the situations faced in plural families are as unique as the individuals in the family, and as universal as mortality. We are all works in progress (or should at least aspire to be) and true communication between any two people can be hard to achieve. I think it matters more if parents agree on how to parent then what method or approach they implement. Kids will likely respect both parents if mom supports dad, but will probably rebel and/or resent them both if either is undermining the other.
Charity towards your partner goes a very long way and as the saying goes, LOVE (charity) covers a multitude of sins.
All that said I'm sure that the family functions best as YHWH intended, patriarchally. If and when the wives submit to the husband, he is head of the family and sets the tone and boundaries in the home and for the children.
 
When I first entered the family as a second wife we all sat down and talked it out. The kids understood that I was to be dad's second wife and a second mom. It was explained to them that I had just as much right to parent them as mom and dad did. As the parents we sat down and discussed our different views and made solid decisions on what and how to discipline. If there was something that I was unsure on how to handle, I would talk to the child first and then let them know I would be talking to mom and dad and the three of us would discuss the consequences later after we all talked. It worked great until mom started to be more and more of a non participating entity in the parenting before she moved out. Then it was left to me and dad. After awhile the kids just looked to me to be more of a mom than mom was because mom was absent for so long.

I would think that regardless of if it is your biological child or not that as a second or third wife you would treat the other children as your own and have a set parenting plan with the other parents as to protocols and such. AND before anyone gets upset, I KNOW that most people would treat the other wives children as their own, but I also know that there are a few out there that do not.

Bobbie
 
SouthernGrace72 said:
I would think that regardless of if it is your biological child or not that as a second or third wife you would treat the other children as your own and have a set parenting plan with the other parents as to protocols and such. AND before anyone gets upset, I KNOW that most people would treat the other wives children as their own, but I also know that there are a few out there that do not.
Click to expand...

I loved your whole post Bobbie, but especially agree with and like how you expressed the "golden rule" lived out in treating another wife's children as your own.

I have seen extreme differences in parenting cause issues in my own family when I was a child.
My parents believed in teaching, and training children (my mom was great at training even very young children) but they also believed in spanking both when training those too young for language, (spank the hand when teaching a little one not to touch) and correcting older children.
My mom's sister did not believe in spanking children, and even when she tried to spank did not do it effectively. (Love taps through a diaper do nothing to change a spoiled child's behavior)
When I think about the huge difference there was between our families, and the conflicts and division over the years, I am certain the only way that I could have a sisterwife like that aunt (who I love dearly, along with my cousins) would be if we both "met in the middle" (though that is a poor analogy) and both let our husband decide how to handle the training and discipline of the children.
That was some of the in my head reasons for affirming patriarchy as a MUST like I did.
 
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