• Biblical Families is not a dating website. It is a forum to discuss issues relating to marriage and the Bible, and to offer guidance and support, not to find a wife. Click here for more information.

Prayer request Praise -Wife accepting plural marriage

Seems like a very nuanced argument where I think we all agree, for the most part. As far as the 100% on board, I suspect that if every man waited for their wife to be 100% on board, none of them would ever take a 2nd wife. If she releases you from the obligation to forsake all others, she must do so with the understanding that there is no going back and no leaving. I like the concept of Covenant Marriages, that we have in states like Oklahoma, where divorce is only allowed in exceptional cases. After all, the word "marriage" is an English word. The actual word in Greek, is "Gamos", where we get words like monogamy, bigamy and polygamy. So if the government has the purview to redefine the word "marriage", they still haven't redefined the word "Gamos". I don't think that there is a Hebrew equivalent. Perhaps, instead of telling people that we are getting married, we should tell them that we are getting Gamos'd...I just made that up.
 
Daniel DeLuca said:
As far as the 100% on board, I suspect that if every man waited for their wife to be 100% on board, none of them would ever take a 2nd wife.
Click to expand...

It is true that there is no absolute 100%. There is nothing to stop a woman from changing her mind. Even an agreeable wife will have negative emotions flare up about it. That's not really what I'm getting at.

I'm talking about the difference between begrudging acceptance and whole hearted acceptance. Between logicing her into a corner and having her emotional buy-in. Between her loving the idea of it and her merely being willing to go along. Between a woman who is convinced to follow you in this instance and a woman who will follow you in all matters no matter what.

Several men, who later had their marriages blow up, raced into poly as soon as they had any indication of her acceptance of poly. But they never achieved true unity in their marriage.
 
I don't think a wife who is begrudgingly accepting it, would be willing to release her husband from the "forsaking all others", covenant, knowing that there is no going back, and understanding that this is a permanent move on her part, but maybe that is because I am thinking more logically. It seems to me to be such a huge commitment on her part, that it would provide a safe guideline as to when to make a move. Hearing from Ron Higgins and his two wives, at the last retreat, the point was made that if he had waited for his wife to be 100% on board, he would have never married her friend. They did experience breakups, but they ironed them out, because they knew that there was no backing out.
 
FollowingHim said:
Or, to put it another way in your own words @Maverick, he's an

:D
Click to expand...
That sounds a bit harsh. Appropriate where @Maverick used it to describe a pastor who says that his wife is the neck, but obtaining your wife's acceptance, while there are cases that we could find exceptions to that rule, is still a solid foundation to work off.
 
Daniel DeLuca said:
I suppose we have a choice, to either live in fear or live in faith. I have always said that men think, and women feel, which I readily acknowledge, is a stereotype, but it generally holds true. You need both wings of the plane to fly, but when it comes to decision making, it is best to allow the wife to provide feedback, and leave the decision making to the husband. It is like the head processes the information fed to it by the sensory system, so that the brain knows to tell the hand to remove itself from the hot stove, only because the hand informs the brain that the stove is hot. The hand is constantly providing feedback to the brain, but the brain can process the feedback that is most important to address. I don't know if any wife will ever approach polygamy without at least 1% hesistancy, and you can choose to wait indefinitely, but you will never fly, if you don't take that leap of faith, sooner or later. I like what @IshChayil said, and I think that is a good guide, that when your wife is ready to release you from that vow you may or may not have made, because it was at least implied when you married her, that is the best time to take that leap. Certainly more input from those who have a second or third wife, is welcome here, as opinions thrown around by those of us who only have one, is speculative at best.
Click to expand...
Well, I did have 3 wives in the home, my 1st was in support (biblically) after her own research into the subject, her words were it wasn't right for her to prevent me from taking another wife, biblically. Little did I know she was hoping I would only marry 1 and when I married a 3rd, well then she got discouraged and lost her respect because she thought I should be content with 2. I found most of these things out after she lost her faith and after she left. My point is kinda like what I already said, even when you take that leap 1 of 2 things will occur and there is little you can do about it. I married a 3rd wife 2 times, both turned out they couldn't handle the life, even after they claimed they could and wanted it. It's not easy going into this life, and you better be prepared, as Paul said,"those who marry with have troubles of many kinds". And from what we know he never was married! So multiply that trouble times how ever many wives you have.
 
Sean Miller said:
Well, I did have 3 wives in the home, my 1st was in support (biblically) after her own research into the subject, her words were it wasn't right for her to prevent me from taking another wife, biblically. Little did I know she was hoping I would only marry 1 and when I married a 3rd, well then she got discouraged and lost her respect because she thought I should be content with 2. I found most of these things out after she lost her faith and after she left. My point is kinda like what I already said, even when you take that leap 1 of 2 things will occur and there is little you can do about it. I married a 3rd wife 2 times, both turned out they couldn't handle the life, even after they claimed they could and wanted it. It's not easy going into this life, and you better be prepared, as Paul said,"those who marry with have troubles of many kinds". And from what we know he never was married! So multiply that trouble times how ever many wives you have.
Click to expand...
So she didn't really provide the feedback that you needed in order to make a wise choice when it came to wife #3?
 
Daniel DeLuca said:
So she didn't really provide the feedback that you needed in order to make a wise choice when it came to wife #3?
Click to expand...
No, there wasn't much feedback about it at all. My understanding was she was on board and knew my heart was to be a good husband and provider to more than 1. I knew it wasn't her ideal situation that she wanted the fairy tail Hollywood relationship (that I doubt exists). Had she said she wasn't okay with it I'm sure I'd be willing to hold off for a little while but not permanently.
 
I see. Keep us posted. I think we would all like to see restoration if that is still possible.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top