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prayer for strength and better times
- Thread starter cordbuff
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Re: prayer for strenth and better times
Cord,
When I am "stuck," (and believe me, I get stuck way more than I want to,) there are some tools that I have found to be helpful when I actually use them.
The first is to make a conscious effort to "walk around to the other side" of my dilemma, crisis, pain, (fill in the blank) and make myself look at my situation from an opposite viewpoint. You might consider asking God what He needs while you are waiting. How can you grow? How can this circumstance make you into a better man? How can you meet the need of God's heart while you are going with your own need unmet? That will "un-kink your thinkin'," which asking Him why He isn't doing things your way won't.
The second tool is worship. I am not suggesting that we worship for the purpose of beating the blues, because that isn't worship, that's quid pro quo. I am suggesting that if we obey Paul's mandate to "give thanks in all things," we will change. YHWH dwells in the praises of His people, and His presence is better than the best spouse any day of the week.
Cord,
When I am "stuck," (and believe me, I get stuck way more than I want to,) there are some tools that I have found to be helpful when I actually use them.
The first is to make a conscious effort to "walk around to the other side" of my dilemma, crisis, pain, (fill in the blank) and make myself look at my situation from an opposite viewpoint. You might consider asking God what He needs while you are waiting. How can you grow? How can this circumstance make you into a better man? How can you meet the need of God's heart while you are going with your own need unmet? That will "un-kink your thinkin'," which asking Him why He isn't doing things your way won't.
The second tool is worship. I am not suggesting that we worship for the purpose of beating the blues, because that isn't worship, that's quid pro quo. I am suggesting that if we obey Paul's mandate to "give thanks in all things," we will change. YHWH dwells in the praises of His people, and His presence is better than the best spouse any day of the week.
Re: prayer for strenth and better times
I'm having a real bad day on this today. I'm in the middle of paying the phone bill and I have over 12 hours of phone calls between us on here and that was just in about ten days before she dumped us. It really hurts. I'v also spent several hours here in my office lights off sitting in the dark praying and crying. I don't understand why. It's almost enough to make you give up on God. Only a few times in my life has something really gone well for me and then it's fleeting and God takes it away. This was one more of those times. It always seems to me that God is a cat playing with a mouse (me). Every time the mouse starts to get away the cat slaps it and drags it back until it finally dies. If this is to push me to my breaking point then I hope it happens soon and I can finally get some peace. But I have to wait for God to make that decision I can't do it myself.
I'm having a real bad day on this today. I'm in the middle of paying the phone bill and I have over 12 hours of phone calls between us on here and that was just in about ten days before she dumped us. It really hurts. I'v also spent several hours here in my office lights off sitting in the dark praying and crying. I don't understand why. It's almost enough to make you give up on God. Only a few times in my life has something really gone well for me and then it's fleeting and God takes it away. This was one more of those times. It always seems to me that God is a cat playing with a mouse (me). Every time the mouse starts to get away the cat slaps it and drags it back until it finally dies. If this is to push me to my breaking point then I hope it happens soon and I can finally get some peace. But I have to wait for God to make that decision I can't do it myself.
A
Anonymous
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Re: prayer for strenth and better times
Dear Cordbuff,
I do (seriously) feel your pain. Been there and done that. You wrote,
Dear Cordbuff,
I do (seriously) feel your pain. Been there and done that. You wrote,
You will not find this issue resolved until you answer this question correctly, "Who do you love the most in your life"? There is nothing that anyone can do to ease your burden until this is dealt with. NO woman will be the blessing in your life that you desire, until this is dealt with. I know I may seem harsh, but I am really being kind. Until the Lord is all you need, He is all you need. My heart and prayers are with you.
Re: prayer for strenth and better times
What John said is so true. There is no person, no situation, no thing that can make everything right. The only way to have true happiness, is to take whatever God gives you, whether it's a little or a lot, whether it's heartwarming or heart breaking, and embrace it BECAUSE God gave it to you.
He is your Creator, and he knows exactly what you need. He loves you and desires good things for you. It might just be that He has a different idea of what good is than you have. But I think that's true for every human being!
Trust in the Lord and watch Him give you beauty for ashes!
Katie
What John said is so true. There is no person, no situation, no thing that can make everything right. The only way to have true happiness, is to take whatever God gives you, whether it's a little or a lot, whether it's heartwarming or heart breaking, and embrace it BECAUSE God gave it to you.
He is your Creator, and he knows exactly what you need. He loves you and desires good things for you. It might just be that He has a different idea of what good is than you have. But I think that's true for every human being!
Trust in the Lord and watch Him give you beauty for ashes!
Katie
Re: prayer for strenth and better times
Thanks to everyone. Issue resolved. God created a situation where we would be forced into contact. Within 1 day we were talking. It turned out that she was as upset as me and wanted to come back but thought she had burned her bridges. We talked it through and have resolved most of the problems, the rest are minor.
Thanks to everyone. Issue resolved. God created a situation where we would be forced into contact. Within 1 day we were talking. It turned out that she was as upset as me and wanted to come back but thought she had burned her bridges. We talked it through and have resolved most of the problems, the rest are minor.
I did not want to come back to this tread but after two years The new wife over the last few months has become a different person and is leaving me. She was everything that I hoped she would be, A good homemaker and a helpmate at my business. I had some health issues earlier this year that will make it difficult if not impossible for my business to survive without her. My only hope now is to continue on and hope that god will send me another wife to help. Anyone that is single and would like to talk I would love to talk to. If you are wondering I had a stroke related to stress and trying to handle the customers at work may trigger another one. Since she was my wife she was paid less since it included part of the house. We cant afford a fully paid employee.
I know you are in a lot of pain right now, so this may be difficult to read, but it's the impression I get from reading this whole thread.cordbuff said:
Do you want a wife so you can have a woman to love and care for? Or as cheap labour for your business?
How is your wife that has just left going to feel if she reads that your first reaction here was NOT to pray for her return because you love her, but rather to try and find another woman to replace her? Is this going to help you get her back, or remove any hope of that ever happening? Do you want your wife back, or just want anyone who is willing to take her job?
Why, in each of the rough situations in your life that you have mentioned here, have you seen the solution being another wife? Might there actually be a different solution? Is a second wife God's solution, or your attempt to make your current situation work so you can avoid His solution, which might involve change you are scared of?
Read the earlier posts by John and others again. God should be all you need. That's admittedly easy to say and hard to actually feel when you're in a tough situation though.
Your priority right now should not be your business, with a wife being a tool you are seeking to keep that going. Rather, your priority should be your wives, getting your second back and caring for both, with your business being a useful but disposable tool you can use to support your wives or abandon if it is getting in the way.
Is your business an idol in your life that you are placing more importance on than God or people?
That's a bummer - the Christian (non-Mormon) poly household i know have a similar problem except the Husband lost His job, not one of the ladies - and He had to have surgery too. i hope by now your situation has improved. i will pray for you too.
j/L "Granny" Matrika / Rolling Buffalo Woman
j/L "Granny" Matrika / Rolling Buffalo Woman
Samuel
I have been trying to compose an answer for you for quite some time now. You have it wrong. The business is the only way I have to put food on the table and keep the lights and the heat on. I was tricked into buying it by my father. If I had seen the real set of books or had an outside audit done I never would have bought it. It gets very complicated but by the time I figured it out I was in too deep to get out without loosing it and my home. Along with praying for a sisterwife I prayed separately for help with the business. God gave me both in one. She is so good with the business that we went from just making ends meet to turning a fair profit. She also is the kind of wife we all dream of. With her I can see the light at the end of the tunnel for this family.
I have been trying to compose an answer for you for quite some time now. You have it wrong. The business is the only way I have to put food on the table and keep the lights and the heat on. I was tricked into buying it by my father. If I had seen the real set of books or had an outside audit done I never would have bought it. It gets very complicated but by the time I figured it out I was in too deep to get out without loosing it and my home. Along with praying for a sisterwife I prayed separately for help with the business. God gave me both in one. She is so good with the business that we went from just making ends meet to turning a fair profit. She also is the kind of wife we all dream of. With her I can see the light at the end of the tunnel for this family.
I am very pleased that God gave her to you and she filled these real needs in your life. She sounds a wonderful woman. My concern was that your reaction to her leaving was not to talk about trying to get her back, but instead you were looking for someone else to take her place. At least that's what you posted, whether that reflects what you're actually doing I wouldn't know.
God has given you a wonderful second wife. Yet she chose to leave. Why? What made her do that? What would need to change for her to return?
Those questions are the critical ones right now. NOT wanting to talk to anyone who is single.
I appreciate you feel stuck in your business, and have a strong emotional connection to it. But it's not as important as a wife. It is the way you put food on the table today, but if the whole thing was wiped out by a fire or something tomorrow, you would soon find that God would provide another way for you to feed your family. We serve a mighty God, who told people to leave their businesses and follow Him, and they didn't starve but rather formed His church and passed on His teachings to us today.
I mention this not because I think your business is easy or unimportant. I mention it because there is a reason your wife has left, probably many reasons, and your job now as her husband is to figure those out and get her back. The way you are talking you sound like your business is about the most important thing in your life. This makes me suspect your business or your attitude towards it may have a role in her departure. I write this not to accuse but rather to get you thinking, in the hope that by considering this you may come to a better understanding of her thoughts and what you need to do next.
So focus on getting your wife back. Hopefully in doing so you can keep your business running smoothly. But that's less important than getting her back.
God has given you a wonderful second wife. Yet she chose to leave. Why? What made her do that? What would need to change for her to return?
Those questions are the critical ones right now. NOT wanting to talk to anyone who is single.
I appreciate you feel stuck in your business, and have a strong emotional connection to it. But it's not as important as a wife. It is the way you put food on the table today, but if the whole thing was wiped out by a fire or something tomorrow, you would soon find that God would provide another way for you to feed your family. We serve a mighty God, who told people to leave their businesses and follow Him, and they didn't starve but rather formed His church and passed on His teachings to us today.
I mention this not because I think your business is easy or unimportant. I mention it because there is a reason your wife has left, probably many reasons, and your job now as her husband is to figure those out and get her back. The way you are talking you sound like your business is about the most important thing in your life. This makes me suspect your business or your attitude towards it may have a role in her departure. I write this not to accuse but rather to get you thinking, in the hope that by considering this you may come to a better understanding of her thoughts and what you need to do next.
So focus on getting your wife back. Hopefully in doing so you can keep your business running smoothly. But that's less important than getting her back.
I second that. When you are old, sitting on a rocking chair on your porch, you will never regret having made this your focus, regardless of cost, but may well regret NOT doing so.FollowingHim said:
And I testify to this, having experienced it numerous times.FollowingHim said:
Dear Cordbuff,
I just spent the last several minutes reading this entire thread so I fully understood all the posts at the end and what has transpired since your original post on Sunday, November 28, 2010. There were several things that came to mind and seem to be real concerns throughout these last few years.
One thing I noticed was what you said on your Monday, August 26, 2013 post, and I quote,
“I did not want to come back to this thread but after two years the new wife over the last few months has become a different person and is leaving me. She was everything that I hoped she would be, a good homemaker and a helpmate at my business. I had some health issues earlier this year that will make it difficult if not impossible for my business to survive without her. My only hope now is to continue on and hope that god will send me another wife to help. Anyone that is single and would like to talk I would love to talk to. If you are wondering I had a stroke related to stress and trying to handle the customers at work may trigger another one. Since she was my wife she was paid less since it included part of the house. We can’t afford a fully paid employee.”
1. First question that came to my mind was your point that over the last few months she had become a different person. What did she say the reasons were that she had changed and was leaving?
2. You said she was everything that you had hoped she would be; namely, a good homemaker and a helpmate at your business. Was that really what your hopes were for your relationship? That she would be a good homemaker and helpmate at your business? What about her loving you and your family? What about your loving her? What about an intimate bonding love between you and her sisterwife and the kids? Did those things matter to you or was her performance to accommodate your “needs” the foremost value expressed to her by you? That would be very disheartening to any woman…that she was a good asset and commodity to suit your needs.
3. You also said that you had health issues and that it would make it difficult, if not impossible for your business to survive without her. You say that you had a stroke related to the stress and that you trying to handle the customer load without her could possibly trigger another one. This comment is like a giant red flag. Laying that kind of pressure on a woman…to hold up your end of the business due to illness and that her leaving could cause you another stroke is pure and simple manipulation on your part, in my opinion. Causing her to carry that type of burden; namely, the financial responsibility and the condition of your health is way, way too much pressure to put on anyone, especially a relatively newly married second wife. She would feel damned if she did and damned if she didn’t. Damned if she continued to live under the stressful demands and obligations you were posing on her and damned if she didn’t and chose to leave for her own health and well being but having to live with the knowledge that doing so could kill you. I am sure it looked to her like there was no light at the end of the tunnel and she would have to carry her end as well as major parts of yours to survive without catastrophe. And you wonder why she “changed” the last four months and left? I don’t.
4. In the midst of all that, you then come to the conclusion your only hope is “to continue on and hope that god will send me another wife to help,” followed by an advertisement for a replacement wife by stating, “Anyone that is single and would like to talk I would love to talk to.” That just seriously took me back in shock. I was thinking, “Oh boy, where do I sign up? Da!…Not a chance in hell.” I’m thinking the woman was smart to have bailed as soon as she did before she had a nervous breakdown or stroke from the stress herself!
5. The last comment you made that she was paid less because she was your wife “since that included part of the house” was a “he’s got to be kidding, right?” So here you have this new wife with children carrying the burden of your business pressures and your health pressures and the household pressures AND you consider her low wages justifiable because you’re their housing is considered part wages? What the heck? Who is the actual provider here? Who was taking care of whom? What security did you freely give her? Housing obviously had strings attached and so did her financial security. Did she ever feel loved and taken care of by you just because you loved her? Or truth be told, did you even love her or did you just need her skills and what she could offer you. I really feel sorry for this woman and her daughter. It appears to me that you mainly used her to fulfill what you wanted and needed and was a pretty selfish relationship. From what you have said, I do not necessarily believe that God arranged this marriage, because I do not believe the Lord’s heart was for her to be treated the way she was by you. That, of course, is my personal opinion based on what you wrote. Maybe there is more to the story, but you failed to indicate a redeeming quality that I can see so far.
Dear Brother Cordbuff, please understand that I understand your plight in needing to take care of your family’s needs financially…but at what cost? In my opinion, if you do love this woman and want her back into your family, I would start by a serious self-examination of what you consider your “love” for her to actually be. It appears to be all about what you need, what you want, and how to feed your existing family and succeed in what appears to be a downward spiraling business. Have you even taken the time to understand the position you put this woman in by placing such heavy responsibilities upon her…taking your God-ordained responsibilities to provide for your first family AND her and her daughter and placing the results of failure ultimately on her shoulders? What kind of love is that? Do you believe that is the heart and love of her Heavenly Father for her to carry what should be your first and foremost responsibility? I think that stress and fear has blinded you to the realities of the situation. Have you considered that maybe the Lord wants to remove that business from you and your family so you are not all living under that extreme pressure all the time? God is well able, like Samuel and others said, to open new doors and provide new avenues of income that do not constantly suck the life out of you and your family. I’m sure you have invested a lot into salvaging your business, but it does not appear to have changed a whole lot. The only upswing you saw was because your new wife put her skill and time into it and lessened the burden on you. But even then, you still had a stroke, so seriously, where does that leave you?
I would strongly suggest you get before the Lord and repent for your choosing to control the situation the way you have and lay it all at His feet. I would give it all to Him and tell Him you want only HIS will in your life, love, and business and not that your will be done…only His…and then be willing to follow through with what He does with it all. I realize you must think that everything you have done was out of sacrifice for your family’s needs, but the fruit is just not there from what I can see. Maybe you will lose the business and the house, but know that if that is the will of the Lord, He will make a way for you to provide for and house your family if you continue to seek His will and your relationship with Him is first and foremost. His love and direction for our lives does not always look anything remotely resembling what we thought it should look like, but God’s divine plans rarely do. I pray that you can find a peace in walking a new walk of blind faith in Him and Him alone. “Lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and he will make your paths straight.” Give Him the chance to restore all that the canker worm has obviously worked overtime in destroying in your life and relationships. I pray that your new wife returns to your family; that is, of course, if it was His will for her to be there in the first place. Laying her and your step daughter down at His feet is the most precious symbol of love you can do for them, because He will never leave or forsake them. If the Lord so chooses to reconcile her back to you, please love her selflessly without her performance and carrying your burdens being an agenda. Please love her for who she is not what she can do for you. You may find that the results of that one thing could be one of the biggest and most precious experiences of your life. A woman who knows she is loved unconditionally loves back in measures that are hard to even put in words. I would love for you, her, and the whole family to experience a bond between you all that is unbreakable and divinely inspirited.
In Christ’s love,
Deborah
I just spent the last several minutes reading this entire thread so I fully understood all the posts at the end and what has transpired since your original post on Sunday, November 28, 2010. There were several things that came to mind and seem to be real concerns throughout these last few years.
One thing I noticed was what you said on your Monday, August 26, 2013 post, and I quote,
“I did not want to come back to this thread but after two years the new wife over the last few months has become a different person and is leaving me. She was everything that I hoped she would be, a good homemaker and a helpmate at my business. I had some health issues earlier this year that will make it difficult if not impossible for my business to survive without her. My only hope now is to continue on and hope that god will send me another wife to help. Anyone that is single and would like to talk I would love to talk to. If you are wondering I had a stroke related to stress and trying to handle the customers at work may trigger another one. Since she was my wife she was paid less since it included part of the house. We can’t afford a fully paid employee.”
1. First question that came to my mind was your point that over the last few months she had become a different person. What did she say the reasons were that she had changed and was leaving?
2. You said she was everything that you had hoped she would be; namely, a good homemaker and a helpmate at your business. Was that really what your hopes were for your relationship? That she would be a good homemaker and helpmate at your business? What about her loving you and your family? What about your loving her? What about an intimate bonding love between you and her sisterwife and the kids? Did those things matter to you or was her performance to accommodate your “needs” the foremost value expressed to her by you? That would be very disheartening to any woman…that she was a good asset and commodity to suit your needs.
3. You also said that you had health issues and that it would make it difficult, if not impossible for your business to survive without her. You say that you had a stroke related to the stress and that you trying to handle the customer load without her could possibly trigger another one. This comment is like a giant red flag. Laying that kind of pressure on a woman…to hold up your end of the business due to illness and that her leaving could cause you another stroke is pure and simple manipulation on your part, in my opinion. Causing her to carry that type of burden; namely, the financial responsibility and the condition of your health is way, way too much pressure to put on anyone, especially a relatively newly married second wife. She would feel damned if she did and damned if she didn’t. Damned if she continued to live under the stressful demands and obligations you were posing on her and damned if she didn’t and chose to leave for her own health and well being but having to live with the knowledge that doing so could kill you. I am sure it looked to her like there was no light at the end of the tunnel and she would have to carry her end as well as major parts of yours to survive without catastrophe. And you wonder why she “changed” the last four months and left? I don’t.
4. In the midst of all that, you then come to the conclusion your only hope is “to continue on and hope that god will send me another wife to help,” followed by an advertisement for a replacement wife by stating, “Anyone that is single and would like to talk I would love to talk to.” That just seriously took me back in shock. I was thinking, “Oh boy, where do I sign up? Da!…Not a chance in hell.” I’m thinking the woman was smart to have bailed as soon as she did before she had a nervous breakdown or stroke from the stress herself!
5. The last comment you made that she was paid less because she was your wife “since that included part of the house” was a “he’s got to be kidding, right?” So here you have this new wife with children carrying the burden of your business pressures and your health pressures and the household pressures AND you consider her low wages justifiable because you’re their housing is considered part wages? What the heck? Who is the actual provider here? Who was taking care of whom? What security did you freely give her? Housing obviously had strings attached and so did her financial security. Did she ever feel loved and taken care of by you just because you loved her? Or truth be told, did you even love her or did you just need her skills and what she could offer you. I really feel sorry for this woman and her daughter. It appears to me that you mainly used her to fulfill what you wanted and needed and was a pretty selfish relationship. From what you have said, I do not necessarily believe that God arranged this marriage, because I do not believe the Lord’s heart was for her to be treated the way she was by you. That, of course, is my personal opinion based on what you wrote. Maybe there is more to the story, but you failed to indicate a redeeming quality that I can see so far.
Dear Brother Cordbuff, please understand that I understand your plight in needing to take care of your family’s needs financially…but at what cost? In my opinion, if you do love this woman and want her back into your family, I would start by a serious self-examination of what you consider your “love” for her to actually be. It appears to be all about what you need, what you want, and how to feed your existing family and succeed in what appears to be a downward spiraling business. Have you even taken the time to understand the position you put this woman in by placing such heavy responsibilities upon her…taking your God-ordained responsibilities to provide for your first family AND her and her daughter and placing the results of failure ultimately on her shoulders? What kind of love is that? Do you believe that is the heart and love of her Heavenly Father for her to carry what should be your first and foremost responsibility? I think that stress and fear has blinded you to the realities of the situation. Have you considered that maybe the Lord wants to remove that business from you and your family so you are not all living under that extreme pressure all the time? God is well able, like Samuel and others said, to open new doors and provide new avenues of income that do not constantly suck the life out of you and your family. I’m sure you have invested a lot into salvaging your business, but it does not appear to have changed a whole lot. The only upswing you saw was because your new wife put her skill and time into it and lessened the burden on you. But even then, you still had a stroke, so seriously, where does that leave you?
I would strongly suggest you get before the Lord and repent for your choosing to control the situation the way you have and lay it all at His feet. I would give it all to Him and tell Him you want only HIS will in your life, love, and business and not that your will be done…only His…and then be willing to follow through with what He does with it all. I realize you must think that everything you have done was out of sacrifice for your family’s needs, but the fruit is just not there from what I can see. Maybe you will lose the business and the house, but know that if that is the will of the Lord, He will make a way for you to provide for and house your family if you continue to seek His will and your relationship with Him is first and foremost. His love and direction for our lives does not always look anything remotely resembling what we thought it should look like, but God’s divine plans rarely do. I pray that you can find a peace in walking a new walk of blind faith in Him and Him alone. “Lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and he will make your paths straight.” Give Him the chance to restore all that the canker worm has obviously worked overtime in destroying in your life and relationships. I pray that your new wife returns to your family; that is, of course, if it was His will for her to be there in the first place. Laying her and your step daughter down at His feet is the most precious symbol of love you can do for them, because He will never leave or forsake them. If the Lord so chooses to reconcile her back to you, please love her selflessly without her performance and carrying your burdens being an agenda. Please love her for who she is not what she can do for you. You may find that the results of that one thing could be one of the biggest and most precious experiences of your life. A woman who knows she is loved unconditionally loves back in measures that are hard to even put in words. I would love for you, her, and the whole family to experience a bond between you all that is unbreakable and divinely inspirited.
In Christ’s love,
Deborah
Sounds good news in that she hasn't actually left yet, and you've got 3 months to work on a solution that might help her change her mind. There's always a bright side.
What about their relationship makes her wish to leave? Could a solution be separate housing so they're not butting heads all the time? Yes, that would cost money, but you'd be far from the first person to find they had to do it, remember even Rachel and Leah had separate tents. Is there something else that you can work on?
You've got more time for prayer also.
What about their relationship makes her wish to leave? Could a solution be separate housing so they're not butting heads all the time? Yes, that would cost money, but you'd be far from the first person to find they had to do it, remember even Rachel and Leah had separate tents. Is there something else that you can work on?
You've got more time for prayer also.