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Raising boys in a feminized world

ZecAustin said:
This isn't something for you to be concerned with. It's his father's job and he will know almost instinctually what is appropriate for the boy.
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Actually I think this is what it boils down to. We were raised very differently, plus we're different genders, and we keep butting heads on this (in a discussion way, we're not fighting about it). I think we're both trying to figure out where the balance is between mothering, fathering, and parenting, and making sure we're both on the same page in this.

I think survival shows are probably the best way to go from here. We have Bear Grylls on DVD, and they loved that for a while then grew bored of it. I could get that out again. Samuel's also keen to do some more stuff with them out in the bush.
 
Well loved wife said:
You could steer him towards John Wayne. It's about guns and horses, No/to little language to gaurd against, there's bad guys and good guys and it's more real life then Star Wars and such.
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Or go for the sci-fi Western and watch Firefly....
 
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andrew said:
Or go for the sci-fi Western and watch Firefly....
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I blame all of you for leading me to that show which is going to end all too abruptly. I've got one episode left, and I don't want to watch it knowing it stops after that.
 
aineo said:
I've got one episode left, and I don't want to watch it knowing it stops after that.
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But it doesn't. Just in case you didn't know.... The movie "Serenity" came out 3 years later in 2005 that puts to bed the end of the show. It was still sad to see the series end, but at least it had one now.
 
aineo said:
I blame all of you for leading me to that show which is going to end all too abruptly. I've got one episode left, and I don't want to watch it knowing it stops after that.
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I feel your pain. Welcome to the Brotherhood.
 
Shibboleth said:
Noticing this issue was one of the first things (of several) that started me down the path of really investigating the differences between male and female (reminder: I'm still single). I work with my church in a Wednesday night children's ministry focused on Bible memorization (Awana, for those who know of it), and I noticed over several years that the girls were consistently completing the curriculum handbooks at a higher rate than the boys, which didn't make any sense to me. Furthermore, the boys were more likely to be on ADHD meds, or to have apathy about the whole program, or to cause "trouble" for various reasons. This was all very confusing to me, because it was pretty much the opposite of my experience (e.g. I was home-schooled, then got straight A's throughout college), so I started wondering about how boys were being treated by society and how I could help them.

Digging further, I realized that this was a wider phenomenon in our culture, with schools more focused on helping girls while abandoning boys. One excellent book about this that I started reading last year (though I haven't made it even half-way through yet) is Christina Hoff Sommers' "The War Against Boys: How Misguided Feminism is Harming Our Young Men". It was published in 2000, so all of its stats are from the 80's and 90's, but I'm sure things have only gotten worse since then. From there, I started falling into watching logical tear-downs of feminist ideology on youtube, and ended up distracted by that.

Bottom-line: I'm still not sure how to best help boys memorize, but I'm more willing to try different approaches -- and to encourage and help them to take responsibility for their own progress, while allowing them space to fail if they don't. I had one boy tell me this year that I was "savage," and the same boy also tell me that I was his favorite teacher. So that's something, I guess? Unfortunately, I'm a bit disheartened that Awana has begun changing its curriculum (again) to include a "discussion" time, because I haven't seen that sitting around in a circle talking about things is a particularly useful way for most boys to learn.
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Try TPR (total physical response) and music/songs. It will reach boys, but not be dis interesting to the girls. Focused and purposeful noise and motion are great alternatives to rigidity.
 
NetWatchR said:
But it doesn't. Just in case you didn't know.... The movie "Serenity" came out 3 years later in 2005 that puts to bed the end of the show. It was still sad to see the series end, but at least it had one now.
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I bought my Sons the Firefly and Serenity comics so I could read them to them. They fill in the gaps between show and movie and follow up after the movie.

When we do history lessons we act them out, then try to do a feild trip if possible. During road trips we give the kids info about where we are going and try to find a mussem that they can get the stimulation they need.
 
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I saw this topic and had to say a few things even tho it was started a while back.


I have studied a lot about how brains work. Memorization and learning fluidity. With out going into all the science of brain synapses and such I will try to break it down.


Your body has different quadrants lower/upper, right/left, front/back. When you do an actives that crises those quadrants while studying you will retain longer and be able to pull from memory quicker. I have my kids march, or do jumping jacks or jump rope when the have a hard time with spelling words saying a letter at each hit point. That’s why the “soldiers of God” in Awana works. Most kids don’t just lazily push the sword forward they cross the body and step with the opposite leg. The more quadrants you can cross at a time the better and deeper the memory becomes.


Also I have an amazing book that I got from my Grandmother. It is called, So You Want To Raise A Boy. This book has been amazing for me. It explains boys and how they act throughout the years. So far it has been spot on! Sometimes I will call my Grandma frustrated with something one of my boys has done and she will say “Have you read that book? It’s just a faze.” It’s never what I want to hear but it is very true. It’s been really great for me for signs of what to look for and ideas on how to get through it. This was a book she found while raising my father so it is out of print now but can still be found on EBay some times.


I feel like all we can do is pray and ask for guidance. Sometimes I wish someone would have warned me that Parenthood is so hard. But then again, I wouldn’t have listened.
 
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What of the opposite direction from guns and death?

What to make of boys who gravitate towards imagination not in war and death, but in family life?

Playing house and being father and husband is a preoccupation with one of my sons. His earliest years were trains, dinosaurs, cars and such, but once his sister was old enough to play, they created elaborate domestic scenes with stuffed animals, houses, dolls, cars, and all. My sister was not much of a doll or imagination girl, so I can't relate to that type of sister/brother play activity.

As my son gets older, I sometimes get worried, but my boy is always the hero dad who saves the day or the loving father helping his children, and my daughter the loving wife, or damsel in distress.

When he's alone, I often find his imagination acting out Star Wars scenes with sabers, fighting and all the mouth noise that goes with it.

He's such a mixed bag. We don't get a manual for us to say what is normal, so should I be worried?
 
Mojo said:
As my son gets older, I sometimes get worried, but my boy is always the hero dad who saves the day or the loving father helping his children, and my daughter the loving wife, or damsel in distress.

When he's alone, I often find his imagination acting out Star Wars scenes with sabers, fighting and all the mouth noise that goes with it.

He's such a mixed bag. We don't get a manual for us to say what is normal, so should I be worried?
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My sisters made me be the dad when we played house or I was the knight defending the princesses.

It's good for boys to be play caring games. It is important that they play agressive games. Aggression is not a bad thing when it is focused and tempered by compassion. When aggression is unchecked that's when it becomes a problem. Man was made in the wilderness and placed in the Garden. It's in our nature, expecially when we are young, to be aggressive and adventurous. Man was made for the conflict in the wilderness out side the garden. War is part of that conflict. Whether spiritual or physical. As long as he is taught compassion and validated as a young man, which I have no doubt you are doing, nature gives way to nurture. I wouldn't worry.
 
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Mojo said:
What of the opposite direction from guns and death?

What to make of boys who gravitate towards imagination not in war and death, but in family life?
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If the imagination is used for solving problems in various forms ,which is conflict, there's no problem. If the imagination is used to escape reality....take the boy hunting or something to reconnect him to his true nature.

Its ok for a boy to foucus on family life as long as he is shown the responsibilities of a what a father truely is supposed to be like. The Biblical standard of being a Husband/Man not the modern atm, I'm busy playing my Xbox, get me a beer and stay out of my way standard of today.
 
Kevin said:
If the imagination is used for solving problems in various forms ,which is conflict, there's no problem. If the imagination is used to escape reality....take the boy hunting or something to reconnect him to his true nature.

Its ok for a boy to foucus on family life as long as he is shown the responsibilities of a what a father truely is supposed to be like. The Biblical standard of being a Husband/Man not the modern atm, I'm busy playing my Xbox, get me a beer and stay out of my way standard of today.
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I hear you. When I start to see it getting too much in the realm of fantasy, I get out the tools and have him help me fix things, tighten up things, build something.

I've had good heart to hearts with him. I tell him that I love his imagination, but that it should never get so elaborate that he acts out roles of the girl parts with his sister. I told him that would not make Jesus happy. He agreed.

I've had talks with him about the gender roles he is expected to take on as a biblical man in the future. He loves talking with me about being a father some day, or being a "big man". He's seen quite a bit of death of family members in his young years and I am certain a lot of it is escape from reality. I think we need a good camping trip soon.;)
 
Fishing, camping, practicing survival skills, just going out in the woods and doing nothing more than teaching them how to walk / move through the woods, teaching them how to pick a spot and sit still till the woods come back to life.

All of these things will call to something in a young boys psyche and will give them incredible memories of a Dad that shared incredible moments with them.
 
aineo said:
I blame all of you for leading me to that show which is going to end all too abruptly. I've got one episode left, and I don't want to watch it knowing it stops after that.
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There has been a movement to get more made but the writer was involved in other stuff when the funding was finally there.
So sad the best shows end too soon.
 
First thing I would say - is do what it takes to avoid 'estrogen dominance' (ED). ED is not good for men or women - and in particular children being exposed to ED products and such mindsets in society.

Soy milk/products (except for small amounts of fermented soy) increase estrogen levels in men and women, to the point that some women gave birth to male children with breasts and deformed genitals - that drank a lot of it while pregnant. Men with ED get flabby and are prone to have prostate hyperplasia - as estrogen dominance increases - and women tend to get pear shaped, depressed and frumpy and lose sex-drive.

The more abdominal fat, the more of the enzyme 'aromotase' is produced, which in turn converts testosterone (the good guy in men and women) to estrogen. A male of 54 has more estrogen than a woman of 59 by reports I have read. It is the duty of every level-headed male, to be testosterone dominant, and its advisable for women to ensure they have adequate amounts of testosterone, which increases sex drive. ---Natural--- (not synthetic) progesterone balances these hormones to optimal levels in women AND men.

Whatever increases 'growth hormone' (GH) increases lean muscle mass and fat burning - esp. at night. L-arginine is an amino acid classic which stimulates GH production. L-arginine follows the liver pathway to increase Nitrous Oxide (NO) in the bloodstream, and in turn repairs the endothelial lining of the arteries, which causes vaso-dilation, and the arteries to produce more of their own NO, which the heart and cardiovascular system requires, and which increases blood flow to the genital areas - which is what Viagra and Cialis do in a more synthetic manner. Taking Cialis is considered healthy for the prostate gland according to some medical practioners; however bringing ones person to optimal levels of manhood is preferable naturally by more natural or semi-natural means.

One overlooked vitamin is K2, (and the manmade variation K3 - taken with care for short period) - which is great for the prostate, but also de-calcifies the arteries in the blood vessels (calcium makes them hard) and sends the calcium back to the bones - a bit like magnesium.

L-Citrilline (found in watermelons) is better to take than L-Arginine, as it works via the kidney pathway and ends up converting to a lot more available L-arginine in the bloodstream for the body to untilize and repair the endothelial lining of the arteries. Herbs such as 'passionflower' and its extract have a compound called 'chrysin' which has been found to remove/neutralize the enzyme aromatase and minimise the vicious cycle of abdominal fat increase, as aromatase creates more estrogen and more estrogen creates more aromatase, and the more belly fat, the more aromatase is created by it - and so it goes on.

This is the physiological reality that effeminates men, and in turn children. A number of plastics can increase estrogen dominance considerably. With children I believe optimal nutrients and knowing what they are - including exotic ones would build about a solid foundation for a better physiological expression of their male phenotype (male expression of gene) to its greatest extent, with sound psychological elements in place.

Now that the physiological aspect is covered; I believe that men and children esp. males - need to train more in doing masculine things, such as boxing, marital arts, and mind/emotional/energy disciplines. Above all however, is the character training element in all this and invoking the Most High to bring about the ideal pattern of being-becoming in His Image as a male - to dominate and prevail in his own psyche and inner being, which then in turn manifests to the physical...

The 'feminine' side of 'man' is not being effeminate - as the new age believes; I believe it is in reality having 'compassion, empathy, forgiveness, being sensitive in the Spirit ... and so on ... as Messiah was - but he was very masculine - not feminine...but perfectly balanced. I would teach children the true complimentary polarities in this regard and how to be balanced in them, as strong males).

These are just my immediate thoughts in the matter/issue ...
 
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