So, Who's this NetWatchR guy Anyway?

[P. Jagger]

For now, things seem to be simmering at an acceptable level.

Boy, was I wrong! Turns out we only went from Defcon 1 to Defcon 2. Last few days have been interesting. Won't go into too much detail but there was more crying and strained discussions. We really have calmed down now. I'd say Defcon 4. We talked a lot more last night about some of the underlying issues (everything non-poly) and I showed her that book, The Excellent Wife. She's always had fear issues and I know that the enemy has been playing on fears in all of this like a 300-year old, out of tune, pipe organ. Lots of noise that doesn't make sense.

I didn't force the book on her, but did suggest she read the chapter on fear. I also asked that she not throw it away or burn it so I wouldn’t have to buy a new one when she finally decided to read it. We hugged, I went to work. This morning I get home and things are better. I could already see a slight difference in the way she was acting. Later she told me she read the chapter on fear and then started back at the beginning of the book. yay!

Long story short, we did a lot more talking and restated our positions. She acknowledges that she needs to work on being more submissive and limit her extracurricular activities, but doesn't agree with everything in the book. I didn't argue in so far as she is still a work in progress. I restated my need to work on being more of the spiritual leader and she responded with some ideas on how I could better achieve that . She reaffirmed that she is totally against PM. I simply reworded it back to her that she is currently against it. That got me an :roll: which is not such a bad thing considering how she responded just a couple days earlier.

Anyway, current crisis dealt with. Looks like we’ll continue to be married for awhile longer. Meanwhile, we keep heading in the direction of Truth step by step, prayer by prayer, verse by verse. I'll know I’m halfway there when I can at least get her to simply admit that polygyny isn't a sin. She's still in that irrational, this is what I’ve always been taught, it's just wrong, "everyone knows that", fingers in the ears "la-la-la-la", phase.

My dad will be interesting. I look forward to that this weekend.
And let's not forget, I’m getting baptized.
And my wife decided she will be there to support me. Progress!

-Mike

Ideas are like trees, they take time to grow. If you try to push her, she'll feel like she's being pressured and resist. However, if you allow this new way of thinking to really transform you, she'll be transformed as well. I think it's great she's willing to listen and study. That's how change starts.

 

[CecilW]

Yay for patient progress!

 

[NetWatchR]

Thanks for the support.

As I'm quite sure many of you all (including those who read but aren't active [nothing wrong with that]) have seen and heard this before, I really do appreciate having a sound board where one can rehash their experiences. I know that active encouragement, and even the occasional silence, means I'm [probably] in the right direction. For I know that if I stray, I'm sure there will be 1, 2 or 12 of you who will gladly let me know . In fact, I'm counting on it. It has always been the duty for believing brothers and sisters to admonish one another when necessary.

May the Lord bless you and keep you.

 

[FollowingHim]

Sounds like you're doing a good job Mike. It's tough for you, but it's even tougher for her. When she married you she would have felt that the term "forsaking all others" in your vows was the most important bit that showed how much you loved her. Now you're saying you now think that was wrong, so she feels that you're saying "I don't love you" - even though that's not what you're really saying at all. Her entire view on marriage, like that of all women in our society, has been built on a false foundation from the time she was a little girl, and this false foundation has been reinforced by every single person she has interacted with throughout her entire life. Coming from that background, polygyny is about the most shocking thing you could possibly be presenting to her. It will take time, love and prayer for her to come to a correct understanding of marriage and your love for her. I think you're on the right track. Just keep praying and continue to give her lots and lots of time.

 

[NetWatchR]

Hey all. Got back from 3 week vacation and still settling in. Will take me awhile to read all the new posts. Just wanted to let you know I didn't fall off the edge of the earth.