Thank you
Will do.I will not stop then. Ill just try to say it without the 'caveat' of plural
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Strength, wisdom, and a soft heart
- Thread starter DeathIsNotTheEnd
- Start date
Thank you
Will do.I will not stop then. Ill just try to say it without the 'caveat' of plural
Well I mean yeah, if you know God is giving you a clear direction, then you gotta do what you gotta do. I'll continue praying for you!
The end result she want's isn't reassurance or elimination of fear and insecurity but monogamy.
Yeah, I see that
The question is what to do about it. I feel very distinctly that that is not what God has called me to. Whether He directs me to PM now or in the future, or never even, that is a part of WHO I AM, who He has made me to be. I cannot be other than He asks. My wife knows this. She just dislikes it lol.
Encore!
Consider it a leadership test. Are you asking her or telling her?
Seriously, try this: "Honey, I want you to talk with one of these ladies that has experienced this. It doesn't mean I'm going to force you to do anything you aren't willing to do in obedience to God, but at this point you're letting yourself be driven by fear, and that's not healthy. Just try making this one call, this one time, and then let's talk about how it went together and whether you think it helped or hurt, and then we'll go from there. But if I'm the head of this family, then it's up to me, and I think you really should try this one time just to see how it goes. If you're not willing to do that, then I guess you're really the head of this family and from now on I'll just ask you what you'd like me to do."
Just spitballin there, but you get the idea, and you can put that in your own words re your own intentions.
Is that correct as written, or did you mean it is a part of who you are?...
lol oh yeah, good catch. Ooops. It IS a part of who I am lol. My bad.
Met with Joe today for lunch and he said essentially the same thing.
I hear you guys loud and clear. I hear what God is saying. But I'm still worried about her response, I love her and don't wish to cause her hurt. I wish for a way to do both (cause no pain AND pursue God's call
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This is something you and all of us are going to have to work on in the days ahead, and the more clearly you see how screwed up this culture really is, the less you'll fear leading your family through hard things.I wish for a way to do both (cause no pain AND pursue God's call
Fixed it for ya.
A question for all as I deal with this.
As I mentioned to @andrew in a conversation last night, my wife's current position is that in our marriage vows, I promised the typical monogamy clause, and she does not want to release me from that because she does not want PM.
I feel like she has a fair point. For now I am sort of taking the approach that until God gives me a very clear direction of what to do, I need to wait for her to be ready for that. But...I dont know if that is just letting her dictate the change or not. It may be irrational fear, but it is not unnatural fear that she is attempting to protect herself from by 'claiming' our vows
Any thoughts?
Ahhh yes, yet again...
the western polygynist-hearted man's dilemma = we await the mono-wife's "blessing"!
I've been praying for ya and following along...
... I can strongly relate brother... The "vow" conversation is a regular for us as well.
"Forsaking all others..."
grrrrr!We are to love our wives sacrificially, as Christ loved us. We are to lead them in The Way... which means they will sacrifice for us and for the family too. I pray you hear the Lord clearly and follow His lead graciously, for your family, and for His glory.
Do you see in your wife... a strong godly woman that can fight through the growing pains of growing the family by way of you taking a second wife? ...Staying by your side faithfully as you make a decision that goes against her wishes?
Does she love, trust and respect her husband as the leader of the household to walk through that refiners fire with him as his help mate?
I ask myself the same questions often my friend!
:cross::bible:-RW4
hey brother, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I can totally relate and fully understand what your feeling, I've been in those situations, both, my wife not being okay with PM and a woman i love choosing to not be with me or around me. Continue to put your trust in God and Rom 8:28 will prevale. Ask for Wisdom and He will give it to you. In a nut shell, I'm happily married to two ladies now, who are like sisters, things do work out, just trust Him.
Yea, I'm similar, I love deeply and some times very quickly! It does feel very alone! It may not feel like it but it's a blessing to be that way, similar to how God is with us! Here for ya in any way I can be, feel free to message me if you need a friend.
Yea, I'm similar, I love deeply and some times very quickly! It does feel very alone! It may not feel like it but it's a blessing to be that way, similar to how God is with us! Here for ya in any way I can be, feel free to message me if you need a friend.
Looking back on when my wife said similar things (not about poly, something else), the root problem wasn't security or fear. Except the fear of loosing control. The root problem was one of not being in full submission. Not fully surrendering her will to mine. Caring about self. Ultimately that's a spiritual issue. Though you can make it easier by being a better leader.
The problem is that if poly is a viable option, fear and insecurity will ALWAYS be there until she surrenders those to the Father and fully trusts you. Every single female will appear as a potential "other." Therefore, pray the Father deal with those roots now rather than later
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@WifeOfHisYouth , would you be willing to start a thread and tell more about this step or even share the vows if not too personal? Would love info from others along this line. Seems a good way to lend assurance and hope...
This! Every woman that catches your eye in the grocery store. Every text message you get. It’s a vicious cycle of doubt, fear, and insecurity until we, women, can surrender our trust and fully submit to our man.
Once plural is there, it never goes away. It’s always on the back burner and satan knows how to fling those darts of fear at us.
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Even if she was is support of poly and wants you to get a second, the fear and insecurity may well still be there. The question is, how she handles those doubts.
Praying for y'all.
Just my two cents but it sounds like y'all are standing at your line in the sand already. You care for the other woman. She cares for you. A lot of women think the toughest part of polygamy is sharing her husband's body. It isn't. It's sharing his heart. It sounds like you may be there already.
I get the insecurity and the jealousy and the pain that your wife is feeling, I really really do. If she wants to speak with someone already in a plural marriage, I'm available.
Just my two cents but it sounds like y'all are standing at your line in the sand already. You care for the other woman. She cares for you. A lot of women think the toughest part of polygamy is sharing her husband's body. It isn't. It's sharing his heart. It sounds like you may be there already.
I get the insecurity and the jealousy and the pain that your wife is feeling, I really really do. If she wants to speak with someone already in a plural marriage, I'm available.