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Too high of standards?

L

Lulu84

New Member
Hello all,

I have only begun really "searching" for a family to join, and am quite new about all of this. I have an account at sisterwives, and I recieved a rather nasty email from a couple who said I shouldn't have personal standards that disqualify couples such as age, religion, lifestyle preferences, etc. Am I wrong? I am 25 years old and just do not feel attracted to a man old enough to be my grandfather. Nor am I willing to sacrifice religious beliefs in order to find someone! Is it wrong to have standards? Or am I just being too picky?

Lulu
 
Dear Lulu,
No, you are not wrong. You are very right. I have encountered the exact same issue in the past when searching for a family. Although it is difficult to be criticized or to disappoint a potential family, stick to your guns! Not only is the advice they gave you unrealistic, but unwise in a marriage of any kind. Likenesses make better marriages so the more you have in common the better. Also, obviously a marriage with Christ at the center is the best choice.

Lulu, if I may speak as an older sister would...if I had it to do again, I would not communicate with just anyone. Sometimes those you let in when searching for a family, even if it's just long enough to see that you are not a match can leave scars or bad feelings that you end up carrying with you. I would read some of their posts first...see what background they are coming from...and submit a profile to the Introduction service. The families that they select are ones they know well.

God bless you in your search. I'm so glad you found this site. Please email me if you ever need to talk.

-Love
 
Lulu,

You have an absolute right to NOT marry anyone you don't want to. Since there are something like 3,000,000,000 men in the world, that will pretty much be MOST men you meet. Reject away. :D

Those who write nasty letters most of all. I'm an old codger of 48 myself, and I do hereby officially give you permission. That's one for and one against, effectively canceling out the nasty one. If need be, you have my further permission to print out all nasty e-mails you receive from such folks and use them to line your birdcage. :lol:

Figure this, God made you who you are, and said not only, "That's very good!", but even "The screwed up version is still so full of potential, either Jesus or I will go pay the price to fix her." At which point Jesus hopped up and said, "Hey! Let ME get this one!"

All that adds up to ... think things through, ask God's help in doing so, then trust what you conclude. Not what someone else tries to thrust upon you. On the whole, I would expect that to include going with the highest level of compatibility you can find on the most fronts.

Having said that, don't be too surprised if God leads you into a situation that DOESN'T match what you thought were your necessary ideals of shared interests, background, and such, in some areas. He's still God, and is known to surprise us as He works out our best. :roll:

Finally, relax and enjoy the journey. It's SUPPOSED to be interesting. Otherwise it would be boring, and then why bother? :D
 
Marriage is one of the most significant life altering decisions that one makes in their entire life. Not only is it not wrong to have standards, I believe that it would be wrong to not have high standards. At least for me, I must really be confident that it is not just a perceived fit but that it is a Divine fit.

I wish you the best in your search.

Curtis
 
Lulu,
The others have said it all quite well, but we just wanted to chime in and encourage you to stay the course.

Never compromise your faith. Ever.

And if you aren't attracted to a man "old enough to be your grandfather", then that's fine, too! Nothing wrong with admitting that and looking for someone younger. :)

It sounds like people are sour-graping that they don't fit your standards.

Don't let it get you down. Rely on the Lord to guide you where He wants you to go.

Ben and Bex
 
LuLu,
God made you who you are. The bible says that "Her desire will be for her husband." That means he expects us to desire our husbands. Just because you believe in polygamy does not give anyone the right to tell you who you can or cannot marry (unless it is your dad or big brother.) You have a relationship with God and he will guide you to a relationship that is what he wants for you.

Love has shared a lot with us and you can definitely trust her advice on specific things.

SweetLissa
 
I can't locate your high standards to find out if I make the cut!
I'm old enough to be your older brother ;)
You absolutely have to change your religion to the right one....oh yea I need to change my religion to the right one also. Whoever gets there first, PLEASE tell the other person so we can have the same religion :idea:
I betcha my standards are higher than yours, nanananana :lol:
 
Standards are fine. And they are something you should be sure to share with God. The reason being that it is God that should join together and not the man or the lady. Be aware that the man may have his set of standards, and the first or others may have their set of standards for a new/additional lady. God may have his own overriding set of standards. My standard would involve taking a three day road trip/vacation with everyone in a van and being able to take a nap in the vehicle anywhere during the trip. But then God may have in mind a different kind of road trip then I imagine.
 
welltan said:
Standards are fine. And they are something you should be sure to share with God. The reason being that it is God that should join together and not the man or the lady. Be aware that the man may have his set of standards, and the first or other plural wives may have their set of standards for a new/additional lady. God may have his own overriding set of standards. My standard would involve taking a three day road trip/vacation with everyone in a van and being able to take a nap in the vehicle anywhere during the trip. But then God may have in mind a different kind of road trip then I imagine.
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Very good point! Since God is very invovlved with our lives, we can almost expect God to change the course of our lives - no matter what we have planned. Standards should be used as general guidelines, not absolute rules. We don't want to find ourselves fighting God Himself!
 
LuLu,

As owner of SW, you have the right to choose your standards. If you receive nasty email from ANYONE on our site, please forward it to me, and I will personally take care of this person.

SFL
 
Wow what did I miss? Ok first of all I'd like to say Howdy Lulu :D . Secondly I can say that even though some may say I am wrong for sayn this, attraction has a lot to do with things. Like age, weight, height, and so forth. It is what you are attracted to. We ain't on no Flds compound here. Although they do live 6 miles from me,lol. A person has the right to be lookin out for who they like. Like with me I have a weight limit cause I work out it's a mental thing, but my buddy Ray with a woman she can't be under 175. He says he'll look where I am leaving off,lol. Just like I wouldn't want a wife too young or too old. Just like lulu doesn't want to date a guy her grandpa went to school with. She's not being shallow just selective. It's cool. I was approaching single ladies with me and my wife on there. Some people were really cool and Becky made a couple of friends to chat with. It just all seemed so competitive. I told Becky she can find the sister wife. If Becky Likes her then I will meet her. I am like some kind of pegan magnet. All the pegans and wiccans approach me. I applaude you Lulu. I seen your profile. I even believe I have said hello. I have always tried to be respectful of peoples wishes. To tell some one they can't be them selves isn't good. Lulu yours is one of the better profiles. I have seen some where people just want a man to take care of them and they wanted to do nothing in return. At least you want to be part of a family! Good luck Lulu. If ya ever need to talk or vent I am here for ya as well! Rev Gill
 
I agree! There is absolutely nothing wrong with having standards. If we didn't have standards then we could all be politicians!

(Did I say that out loud?)
 
Hi everyone,

I was just reading some of the "new" replies on my letter. I was in the process of moving from Europe back to Colorado, and have not been very active on here. But I am a bit more settled, and am hoping to change that! Anyways, thanks again for all of your support. That particular couple ended up blocking my profile because they didn't like my opinions on things. Alls well that ends well, I guess. So, I look forward to getting to know you all!

Blessings,

Lulu :D
 
I don't even go to sisterwives any more. I am waiting for God too send us the right sister wife. I want to love our sister wife past my heart past my body I want to love her with my soul. I would like the same in return. I guess I have high standards as well. People are so quick to just take any thing that comes along and that's why sisterwives end up being in many families and some give up cause all parties are so quick to find some one and not take the time to get to know them inside and out. Becky and I have really learned a lot about what we want in a sister wife. When we get to know her we will know who she is! :D Rev Gill

Lulu84 said:
Hi everyone,

I was just reading some of the "new" replies on my letter. I was in the process of moving from Europe back to Colorado, and have not been very active on here. But I am a bit more settled, and am hoping to change that! Anyways, thanks again for all of your support. That particular couple ended up blocking my profile because they didn't like my opinions on things. Alls well that ends well, I guess. So, I look forward to getting to know you all!

Blessings,

Lulu :D
Click to expand...
 
I have never met two people with the exact same standards or convictions. Defining a conviction is difficult. Perhaps it is an
unshakable belief in something without need for proof or evidence. That seems a good definition or their set of scriptural beliefs. However, I think that many convictions are not a set of scriptural positions, but rather a set of moral or psychological barriers we use to keep
certain people or types of people at arm's length or farther. The following phrases are good self-evaluation keys of default negative personal relations that subconsciously need a reason.

He or she reminds me of so and so.
Oh no another so and so
That type of person is just not......
I have learnt my lesson about people that...........
I can't believe that God puts up with...........
I wouldn't be caught dead talking with that...........

Often these are projections of past experiences upon innocent bystanders. They also are ways to remove responsibility to show Christ's love. Our love is not the same as Christ's love. There are people that we can never love most likely. However, sharing Christ's love with them should not feel foreign or a betrayal of self. That is filtering Christ's love piece meal according to what we want or can put up with. Christ's love displayed on the cross should have no filter and if so will prevent love and destroy love as Christ seeds it into our hearts. I could shorten what I am saying by this: Love grows by showing love, not by hiding love. Christ showed his part of love. Now we should grow it likewise.

It is remarkable that many expect God to bring love to them because "God is love" and that is God's job. Being condemned under sin, God owes us nothing. Not finding love on this earth is not unique or odd and is not cured by wanting it. The cure is in Christ's example. Risk trying to not find love growing in old burnt soil and rather let God through Christ start something new, even if it does not fit our recipe.
 
I am a bit confused about what you were trying to convey in your message, but I do not think it is unGodly or whatever you would like to call it to want someone around your age with the same moral guidelines. I am not close-minded to what God has for me, but I can almost gurantee you it is not an old man (don't mean to offend anyone here if you are of elderly age, lol) who really wants nothing but an attractive, younger woman in his bed. But thank you for taking the time to reply.

Blessings,

Lulu
 
Lulu84 said:
... but I can almost gurantee you it is not an old man (don't mean to offend anyone here if you are of elderly age, lol) who really wants nothing but an attractive, younger woman in his bed. But thank you for taking the time to reply.

Blessings,

Lulu
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Yikes, that sounds eerily familiar to the responses my husband got when he took a second wife:

"You just want more sex"
"Any carnal man would love getting to sleep with more than one woman"

Yes, those are real, live quotes from "Christian" friends and aquaintances. My husband was quite frustrated and disgusted by the shallow carelessness of those responses, and I was saddened by the perjorative view that they had of my husband's character. The overwhelming, life-altering choice of taking a second wife makes the potential added physical benefits almost disappear.

There are acually people, including elderly men, who are truly fulfilled by the person God brings into their life as their wife, whether young or old, thin or heavy, loud or quiet, etc.

There certainly isn't anything wrong with looking for a specific type of person, but truly seeking the Lord's will means that He and He alone is the provider of your mate.

I hope this doesn't come across as judgemental or unkind, because it certainly isn't meant to be.

Katie
 
Katie, with all due respect, I was referring to an email in which I recieved that basically stated this man wanted to take a young, pretty, wife to keep him company in his bed. I don't have to be a Biblical scholar to figure out what that means. And that was only in the second email. This gentleman was in his 60's. I am in my early 20's. If you feel that I am not open to God's will in this situation, then I guess I'm not. However, my mom taught me to recognize a creep, and this man was most certainly that.
 
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