This is intended for the FAQ, but I'd like some feedback on it first so I can improve it. Men - is this how you think too? Women - would this be helpful for you if you struggle or have struggled with this question?
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A man is keen on plural marriage. His wife is not. But then he realises that there is a really "noble" reason to become a polygamist:
Husband: "You know we could really help out a woman with this. Maybe there's a single mother out there that could really do with some help. I could marry her, be a father to her children, support her practically. See, polygamy is a good idea!"
Wife: "Sure, we can help her, but why do you need to have sex with her?"
It's a very common conversation.
In reality, a man wants an additional wife for essentially three key reasons, all at the same time. He's just picked the one that sounds best in order to persuade his wife. He wants an additional wife:
1) For him. He wants more sex, and he wants the additional support and companionship of another woman. If he knows her he might already have fallen in love... :-D
2) For his current wife. He can see the difficulties she has in her life and believes a sister-wife would be a great help for her.
3) For his new wife. He realises she will also have difficulties in her life that he may be able to help her with.
His wife may be quite happy with the third reason, which sounds quite noble. She might also see some benefits in the second. But she is against polygamy because she doesn't like the first - she does not want him having sex with anybody else, and finds it insulting and upsetting that he thinks she isn't "good enough".
However long the husband argues that he could help another woman through this, his wife will never agree it's a good idea, because he isn't addressing the key thing that she's really thinking about: him having sex with another woman.
Marriage, as opposed to the occasional food parcel and help with odd jobs, gives a woman:
- Love
- Security. Help comes and goes, but a husband is there for good.
- Quality time. She cannot relax in the company of a married man who is not her husband, she'd be constantly tense, not wanting to act inappropriately. She can relax with a husband and enjoy his company and assistance without reservations.
- Intimacy. Everybody needs intimacy, women as much as men.
However the first wife must first come to understand that it is acceptable for a man to have more than one wife, and within that framework to have sex with more than one woman, before she will be willing to accept the idea of marriage to help another.
- The husband needs to be honest with her that a large part of the reason he wants to marry another woman is for more sex - she knows this already, if he won't admit it she just won't trust him.
- The wife needs to realise that her husband can love another woman, and desire her for both companionship and sex, without detracting from his love for her. And the husband needs to show her how much he loves her, to help her to realise this.
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A man is keen on plural marriage. His wife is not. But then he realises that there is a really "noble" reason to become a polygamist:
Husband: "You know we could really help out a woman with this. Maybe there's a single mother out there that could really do with some help. I could marry her, be a father to her children, support her practically. See, polygamy is a good idea!"
Wife: "Sure, we can help her, but why do you need to have sex with her?"
It's a very common conversation.
In reality, a man wants an additional wife for essentially three key reasons, all at the same time. He's just picked the one that sounds best in order to persuade his wife. He wants an additional wife:
1) For him. He wants more sex, and he wants the additional support and companionship of another woman. If he knows her he might already have fallen in love... :-D
2) For his current wife. He can see the difficulties she has in her life and believes a sister-wife would be a great help for her.
3) For his new wife. He realises she will also have difficulties in her life that he may be able to help her with.
His wife may be quite happy with the third reason, which sounds quite noble. She might also see some benefits in the second. But she is against polygamy because she doesn't like the first - she does not want him having sex with anybody else, and finds it insulting and upsetting that he thinks she isn't "good enough".
However long the husband argues that he could help another woman through this, his wife will never agree it's a good idea, because he isn't addressing the key thing that she's really thinking about: him having sex with another woman.
Marriage, as opposed to the occasional food parcel and help with odd jobs, gives a woman:
- Love
- Security. Help comes and goes, but a husband is there for good.
- Quality time. She cannot relax in the company of a married man who is not her husband, she'd be constantly tense, not wanting to act inappropriately. She can relax with a husband and enjoy his company and assistance without reservations.
- Intimacy. Everybody needs intimacy, women as much as men.
However the first wife must first come to understand that it is acceptable for a man to have more than one wife, and within that framework to have sex with more than one woman, before she will be willing to accept the idea of marriage to help another.
- The husband needs to be honest with her that a large part of the reason he wants to marry another woman is for more sex - she knows this already, if he won't admit it she just won't trust him.
- The wife needs to realise that her husband can love another woman, and desire her for both companionship and sex, without detracting from his love for her. And the husband needs to show her how much he loves her, to help her to realise this.
