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What did God use to open your eyes and heart to polygyny?

TNOvercomer

New Member
After 2,000 years of church history and Greco-Roman and Church culture that denigrated polygyny, it is only by the grace of God that we are all here, understanding, believing, and trusting in His perfect wisdom and grace....I am generally curious what God used in your life to open your eyes and heart, to push back the onslaught of propaganda of monogamy only thinking, to have the courage to truly see what scripture and God are actually saying....what did God use to move you to a position of polygyny? And probably Biblical marriage, family, submission, etc. as those all go together...

For us, the first piece was my wife's previous experience with polygyny when she was younger. She left it because of worldly and church influences and did not fully understand it Biblically at the time. Then after we were married, and my being a pastor and being able to dig into the exegesis and theology of different things, we talked about it. I had just accepted the mainstream church position and never questioned it, like so many others did. I assumed that those who hold to a polygynous position were cultic, kooky, and not doing good Biblical hermeneutics. I dismissed her thoughts about it early on in our marriage because I assumed it was not correct and I gave her a bunch of the standard sloppy arguments that the mainstream normy crowd gives....we all see those. I was one of those guys! The male individual in her life when she was younger was wise, explained things thoroughly, but she was not mature enough at the time to truly grasp and accept it. She looks back and realizes the man was wise, and mature, and knew what he was talking about. I was truly curious then that a wise, mature man who knew His Bible could make such a terrible mistake in understanding such an important theological topic as marriage. So I started researching and reading on polygyny to understand him and more importantly, my wife's experience. I started reading Rob Kowalski's book Man of Options first. Only God knows why that was the first one. That book was not simply the crack in the wall as Rob describes as well, his book was also the cannon that shattered the whole thing. His arguments were exegetically sound, argued with compassion, understanding, and a deep insight into the modern American culture and church. He dealt with all my questions and suspicions before I even got to them....So I read the book again with my wife, out loud. We had plenty of moments where I stopped reading, she or I or both of us sighed, we looked at each other, we had those moments where you just mouth an exclamation and we started to realize this position was right all along....we kept reading, kept researching, kept digging....and the more we discovered, the more the design that God has for us in a Biblical polygynous marriage and family is so genius, so perfect, so beautiful, so wise....but it started with Rob's book, "Man of Options". We are thankful to God for Rob's ministry and his heart to do all that he has. Many marriages, families, and children have been blessed by it.

What is yours?
 
The first glimmer of this truth hit me when I read 2nd Samuel chapter 12, verse 8. At that point (nearly 20 years ago), I realized polygamy isn't adultery. I didn't yet realize that it is completely legitimate, but I knew for certain that it wasn't adultery.

Infertility issues with my own wife started causing me to wonder why it was acceptable for David, Jacob, and other Old Testament saints to have multiple wives, but that it was now prohibited for Christian men like myself.

One day about 12 years ago, I wondered if there were any Christians who believed the Bible still permitted it, and I Googled something about "Christian polygamy" and began to study the Scriptural arguments in detail.

Martin Madan's book "Thelyopthora", and Tom Shipley's book "Man and Woman in Biblical Law" were also very helpful.
 
The first glimmer of this truth hit me when I read 2nd Samuel chapter 12, verse 8. At that point (nearly 20 years ago), I realized polygamy isn't adultery. I didn't yet realize that it is completely legitimate, but I knew for certain that it wasn't adultery.

Infertility issues with my own wife started causing me to wonder why it was acceptable for David, Jacob, and other Old Testament saints to have multiple wives, but that it was now prohibited for Christian men like myself.

One day about 12 years ago, I wondered if there were any Christians who believed the Bible still permitted it, and I Googled something about "Christian polygamy" and began to study the Scriptural arguments in detail.

Martin Madan's book "Thelyopthora", and Tom Shipley's book "Man and Woman in Biblical Law" were also very helpful.
Thanks, Brother! Yes, Nathan and David! Such a powerful exchange and moment. I love how Nathan uses the lambs as analogies to wives....The rich man took the poor man's ewe lamb while he had his whole flock, David took Uriah's wife when he already had multiple wives and could have had more if he had only asked God for them!

I am sorry for your challenges with infertility. That is so hard and forces us to go to God....Just where He wants us but still it is painful to walk that road. Were you able to have children at some point or did you marry a second wife who gave you children? I also know if that did happen, it can create a huge blow to your first wife if she was not able to give you children....I am sure you loved her well through that.

Thanks for the book recommendations!
 
As the oddball on the site, I have walked a different path to arrive at more or less the same place.

When I met my wife, I was dating her friend. She and I hit it off and we're obviously very interested in her. After knowing her for a time, she and her friend suggested that I date both of them. Being a sixteen year old boy, you can imagine that not only was I in favor of the notion but I had some silly unrealistic visions dancing in my mind.
After a couple of months, my wife's friend got bored of me I suspect and drifted off.
My wife and I, having both read in fictional portrayals of various types of plural marriage and we agreed that we were both in favor of the notion. Not into some of the nonsense ideas as Heinlein had in his stories but traditional polygyny. Any other arrangement simply sounds maladaptive on their face, even to the young and wide eyed.

The notion of whether it was biblical never was in question to me in that there were loads of examples in the Bible. Even in Sunday school it was tough to frame around them. So by extension, biblical.

Later when we met our ex wife, she was not troubled by the anti biblical claims either. So, basically it was just never something that was a big topic.
We were more concerned with what nosey neighbors might have to say. Being fairly low agreeability and not that interested in their opinions from the jump, I was not concerned. Besides...there are the bloody rebranded swingers out there who were making cultural noise. Way more than us. Happily, none of our neighbors ever seemed to notice or if they had theories, nobody ever said anything to us on the topic.
When we moved to the next area, still no interest. One of the only good things about everyone no longer being particularly sociable.

I suspect though that those who are vastly more active in their churches have had significantly more challenges to overcome. Obviously
 
I grew up in the Baptist Church, accepting monogamy as Yah’s only option for marriage in these NT times.
When a friend was talking about the end times and Isaiah 4:1 And in that day seven women shall take hold of one man, saying, We will eat our own bread, and wear our own apparel: only let us be called by thy name, to take away our reproach. I had a problem with the apparent flip-flopping of Yah. I knew immediately that He couldn’t flip like that.
I had always accepted that He changed the rules between the OT and the NT, but for Him to change them back for the end times was just a bridge too far. I quickly accepted that He had never changed them.
This was 20+ years ago and I didn’t know anyone who had this understanding. Of course my wife wasn’t jumping on board with the idea, after a couple of years I told her to look it up on the internet and that’s when we found others who also had this revelation.
 
A woman, now one of my wives, asked why there was a note in her study Bible condemning Lamech for having more than one wife since God never said it was wrong. I repeated all the usual (wrong) answers but got into studying the matter and came to see there is no restriction on numbers, only against adultery. It resulted in no small blow-up of just about everything, but we survived. I discovered Biblical Families and thank God with all my heart for the counsel and encouragement the men here gave. Last month me and my wives celebrated 37 years marriage with my first wife and 10 years with my second.
 
As the oddball on the site, I have walked a different path to arrive at more or less the same place.

When I met my wife, I was dating her friend. She and I hit it off and we're obviously very interested in her. After knowing her for a time, she and her friend suggested that I date both of them. Being a sixteen year old boy, you can imagine that not only was I in favor of the notion but I had some silly unrealistic visions dancing in my mind.
After a couple of months, my wife's friend got bored of me I suspect and drifted off.
My wife and I, having both read in fictional portrayals of various types of plural marriage and we agreed that we were both in favor of the notion. Not into some of the nonsense ideas as Heinlein had in his stories but traditional polygyny. Any other arrangement simply sounds maladaptive on their face, even to the young and wide eyed.

The notion of whether it was biblical never was in question to me in that there were loads of examples in the Bible. Even in Sunday school it was tough to frame around them. So by extension, biblical.

Later when we met our ex wife, she was not troubled by the anti biblical claims either. So, basically it was just never something that was a big topic.
We were more concerned with what nosey neighbors might have to say. Being fairly low agreeability and not that interested in their opinions from the jump, I was not concerned. Besides...there are the bloody rebranded swingers out there who were making cultural noise. Way more than us. Happily, none of our neighbors ever seemed to notice or if they had theories, nobody ever said anything to us on the topic.
When we moved to the next area, still no interest. One of the only good things about everyone no longer being particularly sociable.

I suspect though that those who are vastly more active in their churches have had significantly more challenges to overcome. Obviously
Thanks for sharing your story! No oddballs, we all have a twisting and turning road that God has taken us on! Isn't it amazing how God brings us to a place we never thought we would be in?
 
I grew up in the Baptist Church, accepting monogamy as Yah’s only option for marriage in these NT times.
When a friend was talking about the end times and Isaiah 4:1 And in that day seven women shall take hold of one man, saying, We will eat our own bread, and wear our own apparel: only let us be called by thy name, to take away our reproach. I had a problem with the apparent flip-flopping of Yah. I knew immediately that He couldn’t flip like that.
I had always accepted that He changed the rules between the OT and the NT, but for Him to change them back for the end times was just a bridge too far. I quickly accepted that He had never changed them.
This was 20+ years ago and I didn’t know anyone who had this understanding. Of course my wife wasn’t jumping on board with the idea, after a couple of years I told her to look it up on the internet and that’s when we found others who also had this revelation.
Thanks, Steve! I love to hear which scripture, which influence God used in a person's life....so fascinating how creative God is! Yep, He never changed the rules....this is the way it has always been, we just lost our way as a church for a few millennia! lol 20 years? That must have been lonely! I'd love to hear how you walked those lonely years and how God sustained you...
 
A woman, now one of my wives, asked why there was a note in her study Bible condemning Lamech for having more than one wife since God never said it was wrong. I repeated all the usual (wrong) answers but got into studying the matter and came to see there is no restriction on numbers, only against adultery. It resulted in no small blow-up of just about everything, but we survived. I discovered Biblical Families and thank God with all my heart for the counsel and encouragement the men here gave. Last month me and my wives celebrated 37 years marriage with my first wife and 10 years with my second.
Congratulations, Frederick! God is faithful and amazing! The Lamech passage being so close to the beginning is so encouraging and powerful! Yep, I did that too, repeated all the lame, mainstream church answers that I had just accepted but never researched....so humbling to be on the other side of that now. That is encouraging that there are good men here that will do that!
 
Honestly, you've never struck me as odd. You seem well grounded to me. ;)
You are too kind.

Odd in that I am the only one in the group who does not have religion as part of the consideration with respect to my advocacy for polygamy but focuses almost entirely on the practical advantages.

On a sidebar note as another mental oddball by your own admission, I have a little story you will enjoy.
I was at a monster sized liquor store a couple of months ago in the scotch isle and ended up in conversation with an older woman about different variations of scotch. I was explaining how a design difference in the stills called the Lyne arm angle will result in a heavier and oilier end product and she stopped me to say 'I don't wish to sound rude but you are an aspie aren't you dear?'
I was gobsmacked...rare for me to have no idea how to reply.
She assured me that she had worked on a daily basis with aspergers children, teens and adults as her career and that I was doing a wonderful job of masking and that I am functioning at a level that nobody would ever guess...like I jad just earned a gold star on my homework
Ugh.
My wife and friends think it is hilarious
 
2nd Samuel 12:8 is what did it for me, last year when reading the Holy Scriptures through from cover to cover for the first time (to my shame), as I was baptized and have been walking with the LORD for about 18 years now.

While my theological understanding was generally supportive of the notion of things being tolerated in the OT that might no longer be acceptable in the NT, this verse jumped out at me as something more than a concession, act of toleration or something given in anger.
 
P.S. I’ve since purchased “A Christian Defense of Polygamy Throughout The Centuries” by J.D. Langton, which is itself a compilation of several texts from Milton, Madan, et al, and am working my way through it.

But to be honest, the real thing the LORD used to open my eyes was a direct answer to prayer. Late last year I found myself discussing this topic with my wife and falling asleep shortly after praying and saying out loud to my wife, “wouldn’t it be funny if the LORD sent a nice, subservient Asian woman our way?”

Well, wouldn’t you know it, a Reformed Presbyterian, Half-German, Half-Asian, subservient young lady, a Pastor’s daughter that was part of a small sect of polygynous Protestants, popped up in my life and we are still navigating this with prayer and patience one year later.
 
When I was teenager I suddey got interested in biblical sexual law.

And I wanted one redhead, blonde and brunette as girlfriends.
 
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