If a wife feels like her husband “is controlling”. And negativity is being fostered in the home. She can submit herself to his authority and will, to his control. Or she can act in rebellion against his control, authority and will. Full stop. There are no real grey areas here. She is either obeying GOD or she is in rebellion/sin against His commandments.
"....obedient to your husbands in the things you agree with as long as he is being sweet with how he makes his requests." New Feminist Bible 2020
"...obedient to their own husbands that the word of God be not blasphemed." KJV
Ephesians 5
22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
"As", the same as, in the same way, with the same attitude and demeanor, exactly as you would to the Lord. So let the wives be subject to their own husbands in
every thing. You should put yourself beneath your husband's authority and wishes
as if he were God himself giving the command. Because he is quite literally
God's agent in the matter. Just as a vice president can show up with an order from the president on the disposition of troops. He can act with the authority of the president in the matter because he has been given authority.
Your heart and attitude upon hearing the wishes of your husband
should be just the same as if God himself were standing in the room making his wishes made known. If God himself showed up and said, dear woman, I sure would like if you wore that one dress that I like, and it would be great if supper was ready at 5. You would leap to obey and please him and do so with joy and reverence in your heart because the King of Kings just asked you to do something for Him. You would do it to glorify Him and to please Him. And you'd probably be excited to show him how well you could fulfil his wishes wouldn't you?
After she chooses to honor God’s will in the matter (which I sincerely hope she does for her sake) she can humbly go to her man and ask if she is displeasing him, or if there is something deeper going on that she can help him with. Is he stressed by things he has not brought up to her? Outside events? Can she help relieve some of that stress? *wink wink* Sometimes this means you get the kiddos put down for a nap, or busy with something, or down for bed, you take a bath and clean up, put on some makeup or whatever you do to "feel pretty". Honestly, you should do what your husband likes to see, and go seduce him. Make your attitude all about desiring him, and wanting to drain all the stress and worries from his whole body. Then ask him those above questions.
You see, we protect our women. Sometimes we are protecting you from knowledge of something that would stress you beyond your ability to cope. So naturally you cannot know what the thing is or else the protection would be gone. Brings to mind this image, except switch out the child for a wife. We are fighting battles for you that sometimes you cannot know about. Give your man the benefit of the doubt. Change your heart and attitude from "I'm being treated unfairly!" to "he must be so overwhelmed, how can I help and bless him?"
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You can choose to win him with your "chaste conversation" (behaviors, attitudes). Or you can choose to harden his heart against you with rebellion and adding to his stress. You can be part of the problem or part of the blessed solution. God instructs you in how to be a blessing and solution. He warns against being part of the problem.
You have to always go back to the root purpose and drive of each spouse. His purpose and drive is to protect. (manage and control the dangers and threats) Ensure his family is cared for and provided all their needs. And to procreate. If the wife can understand this and truly set her mind to helping him as best she can. She will cease worrying about how “controlling” he is being. And will become a fully submissive and willing, joyful helper in everything.
When he's short with you, or grouchy, Don't take it personally. Assume the best, assume he loves and adores you but today he is overwhelmed with life and needs some extra grace and help. Instead of returning his sharp tongue with your own sharp tongue. Give him a soft tongue *if ya know what I mean*. You'll COMPLETELY change his heart towards you and you will have a great day. Always assume the best, and look for ways to bless him beyond his ability to handle all your blessings.
Does he deserve that kind of treatment? Some would say no, others would say yes. He truly deserves death, but if you treat him as your Lord and Master here on earth, then he deserves your everything, your all, your joy, devotion, the outpouring of all your creativity and blessings.
Let's flip the script. If you're having a terrible day and speak harshly to him, and instead of him responding with anger. He bustles the kids out, takes your task from your hands, sits you down and gives you a back rub (only a back rub) and kisses you tenderly, speaks words of affirmation, gives you a piece of chocolate and then helps you knock out the task. His response is tender care and affection instead of harsh words and slammed doors. Would you say you deserved to be treated with generosity and kindness? Maybe yes, maybe no. I say the answer should always be to give generously, return love for hate, bless and curse not. Always look for ways to bless and build up. A foolish woman tears down her own house.
If he is negatively "controlling", assume the best and believe he is protecting you. Believe he is trying his best to do what is best for you and your family and receive his control with a twinkle in your eye, big smile, suggestion of love and desire on your lips and a "yes Lord/Master" response.
Go to him and apologize (whether the apology is needed or not mind you) for bad behavior and attitudes. Profess your desire to be a wonderful helper to him, fully submitted to his will for your life and family. Apologize for anything you might have done in the past that dishonored him or his wishes. Ask how you can serve him. Ask him how he would like for you to dress, and adorn yourself. How often he would like to have sex, when he wants to eat his meals. You will likely blow his mind and he will start blessing your name publicly. He will change his heart towards you. His negative controlling attitude will change. You will win him by your chaste behavior coupled with fear.
Remember, your man is your physical example and representative of Christ on earth. Reverence him like you would your Lord and Master. Obey him accordingly. That is what the Most High instructs you to do. He blesses obedience.