What rules should you have in place before entering a polygamous relationship?

[indigenouspolygynist]

I've been thinking for a while that there should be some rules in place before adding a third person to our marriage. I want to get ahead of potential conflict and jealousy. I've come up with two ground rules so far. What am I missing?

- I will never complain to one spouse about the other. If I have an issue, I'll talk to that spouse directly or seek help from someone on the outside. I don't want to bond with one person over annoyance with the third person.

- Each wife is completely equal. Equal access to finances, equal authority in parenting, equal treatment, and equal relationship time to whatever extent is possible.

 

[MemeFan]

I've been thinking for a while that there should be some rules in place before adding a third person to our marriage. I want to get ahead of potential conflict and jealousy. I've come up with two ground rules so far. What am I missing?

I think you need less rules and more focus on taking care of needs and loving.

- I will never complain to one spouse about the other. If I have an issue, I'll talk to that spouse directly or seek help from someone on the outside. I don't want to bond with one person over annoyance with the third person.

Verbal gangbang of two on third is real issue.

- Each wife is completely equal. Equal access to finances, equal authority in parenting, equal treatment, and equal relationship time to whatever extent is possible.

Totally impossible simply because people are different. Each of us needs to be loved in different ways, so loving wives is exactly same way need to giving at least one wife her preffered way of love.

Have you heard of love languages?

Also, you encourage time-keeping etc... by each wife how much you spend with wife. Do you want to have fight and unhappy wife because you spend 5 minutes more with one wife than another?

We already track did we get fair deal. (Automatically, in background brain activities). They will notice you being unfair. Or treating one better.

It's very common in our time to assume justice means equality. But justice is giving eveybody what they deserve. So by trying to be equal you can be unjust.

Easy example. One wife has mental issue, so you check her every few hours. Another wife is healthy, so you check her once per day. Is that inproper? Why? Wives (in this case) have different needs.

 

[indigenouspolygynist]

I think you need less rules and more focus on taking care of needs and loving.

I think you need both. Rules may be the wrong way to describe it. I probably should have said boundaries. I set parental boundaries before my kids were born. For example, I decided that I will never tell my kids to shut up and I will never hit them for any reason. It's good to decide what your boundaries are before you're in the heat of the moment so you know what reactions are completely off limits when you're under stress.

Verbal gangbang of two on third is real issue.

Yeah. I think this would be one of the most damaging things I could do in the marriage, so I want to make it clear from day one that me criticizing a spouse is completely off limits.

I don't mind them talking about me though. If they're both annoyed with something I'm doing, that's probably an indication that I'm in the wrong. I'd tell them if they're being hurtful, but I think it could even be a healthy thing for them to bond over the things I do that annoy them lol.

Totally impossible simply because people are different. Each of us needs to be loved in different ways, so loving wives is exactly same way need to giving at least one wife her preffered way of love.

Have you heard of love languages?

Also, you encourage time-keeping etc... by each wife how much you spend with wife. Do you want to have fight and unhappy wife because you spend 5 minutes more with one wife than another?

We already track did we get fair deal. (Automatically, in background brain activities). They will notice you being unfair. Or treating one better.

It's very common in our time to assume justice means equality. But justice is giving eveybody what they deserve. So by trying to be equal you can be unjust.

Easy example. One wife has mental issue, so you check her every few hours. Another wife is healthy, so you check her once per day. Is that inproper? Why? Wives (in this case) have different needs.

I don't mean to be that legalistic. I mean that neither of them would get preferential treatment. That may not be 100% equal in every quantifiable way, and I won't be keeping track, but they'll be treated with equal respect.

But is there something I'm overlooking here? What other boundaries should be in place to avoid conflict?