why not multiple husbands?

[Amelie]

Hello, I'm new here. I wasn't even looking for info on polygamy, I followed a link from another site. but here I am! Its an interesting thing to think about. but then I wondered... and I know its nowhere in the Bible, perhaps because men had all the power and resources back then, so women needed them... but these days, I'm wondering... if it's ok to have more than one wife (and women work and bring an income now) why not a wife (or two?) with more than one husband? In my life I can think of several men I would love to have in my daily life. Why do I have to choose, but, theoretically, they don't?

 

[Isabella]

Hello Amelie,

Welcome

To answer your question, there are women who have two husbands, it is just not Biblical and that is why you are unlikely to see it amongst most Christians. I think the classical Abrahamic definition of adultery was sleeping with another man's wife, not visa versa, so a man can have more than one wife, but a woman can't have more than one husband.

You are more likely to find Polyandry amongst people who are from other cultures or more secular people.

Hope this helps,
Bels

 

[steve]

as bels said it is not biblical.
the reason that it is not biblical is that it does not fit into YHWH's pattern which has always been one male leader with one or more wives.
if you study typology at all in the bible you will find that it breaks the type that Yeshua(Jesus) is with his bride/church.

i would describe group marriage as a clan with no sexual boundries between its members (of course, homosexuality might as well be included). it may appeal to some, but i think that YHWH's way is much more stable for the offspring.

 

[Isabella]

i would describe group marriage as a clan with no sexual boundries between its members (of course, homosexuality might as well be included). it may appeal to some, but i think that YHWH's way is much more stable for the offspring.

Not to be overly pedantic Steve but she specifically referenced Polyandry, not group marriage and considering the length and health of traditional Polyandrous communities in places like Nepal, I don't think anyone is in any position to talk about stability.

group marriage OTOH is rarely practised in Westernised societies and as such, we really cannot compare it. I understand this is what you strongly believe to be true, but you have to be clear and honest with your definition.



Bels

 

[steve]

....... why not a wife (or two?) with more than one husband?

maybe i do not understand, but it appears that she is including both polyandry and group marriage in the question.

 

[Tali]

Amelie,

This might be overly simplistic, but a man has a right to know who his children are. At core, marriage is about many things, including companionship, synergy, protection, financial stability, intimacy, and having children. A guy shouldn't have to need DNA testing to know the identity of his own little ones.

 

[Isabella]

....... why not a wife (or two?) with more than one husband?

maybe i do not understand, but it appears that she is including both polyandry and group marriage in the question.

You are quite right Steve, I apologise. I missed that implication.

Polyandry is practised though and quite a stable configuration. Just not as common.

Bels

 

[Isabella]

Amelie,

This might be overly simplistic, but a man has a right to know who his children are. At core, marriage is about many things, including companionship, synergy, protection, financial stability, intimacy, and having children. A guy shouldn't have to need DNA testing to know the identity of his own little ones.

In cases where a man is the sole provider for a child it may be a concern, but in most modern families, especially large ones, this is not the case. In a group situation one would think the men involved would be as keen to share parental responsibility as do women in some polygamous families. However, It would not be, cannot be compatible to Biblical Patriarchy where it is assumed that children are, in effect, property of their fathers (which was indeed the case in the ancient world) therefore Paternity must be assured. This is hardly an issue with a group marriage by consent and no more complicated than any Polygamous situation (Poly relationships being more complicated by nature) Many men, and indeed most men I know, have raised children who are not theirs and doing a good job of it too.

Bels

 

[Shadowjak's Dancer]

Well, not only would it be a difficult thing to know whose children belong to whom.... the Bible also describes it as an "Unclean" practice for a husband whose wife has taken a different husband to have her again afterwards.

 

[CecilW]

the Bible also describes it as an "Unclean" practice for a husband whose wife has taken a different husband to have her again afterwards.

Is that actually completely accurate, Jacob?

Seems to me that Hosea was told to marry a prostitute, and to redeem her over and over when she returned to her promiscuous ways.

I believe that the passage you reference says that if a man DIVORCES his wife, i.e. total rejection as being impossible to go forward together, and she then marries another, who then rejects her also via divorce, then the first cannot suddenly decide that she's suitable after all and marry her again himself.

The reason I consider this an important, though seemingly m1nor, point, is twofold:

First is that the first thing the devil did when messing with Eve's head was to bring exaggeration into the mix (Can't eat OR TOUCH!).

Secondly, some folks point to the text in question (Deuteronomy something or other, if memory serves) to justify saying that if a woman commits adultery, hr husband MUST divorce her. I do not find that in Scripture. Rather an allowance for the hardness of our hearts.

However it seems to me that men whose hard stony hearts have been supernaturally replaced by hearts of flesh upon which God Himself has written His law of Love would tend to do as God has done with us, and bear long and lovingly with an erring wife, knowing that Elohim have born long and lovingly with our own struggles, whatever they might happen to be. To the point that we have the Divine Promise, "I will NEVER leave thee nor forsake thee!" Period. No escape clause for Divinity based on our messing up badly and painfully for all involved!

None of which is to say that I disagree with the answers above about either polyandry and/or group marriage. Since THIS site is all about BIBLICAL families, we restrict our teaching and approval to the Biblical model.

There is another Biblical issue not yet articulated, namely that since the Bible specifies the man to be head of the home, a woman with two husband would have two heads. Some may use the word "masters". Jesus articulated the natural law that no-one can truly serve two masters. Looked at another way, a two headed beast would be a freak doomed to die rather than thrive.

I agree with Bels that there ARE stable societies where men share a wife. But they have a different base for their thinking than Scripture.

Is this "fair"? I dunno. Take it up with God. *grin*

 

[steve]

a further point about the children, it is not so much about about the ownership of the children but about the ownership of the responsibility for the children. yes, many men have taken on the responsibility for other mens children, been there done that, but it does create a frustrating, compromised situation in this culture where accepting responsibility is not the norm. i would not doubt that there are cultures in which it may work out well.

 

[Isabella]

a further point about the children, it is not so much about about the ownership of the children but about the ownership of the responsibility for the children. yes, many men have taken on the responsibility for other mens children, been there done that, but it does create a frustrating, compromised situation in this culture where accepting responsibility is not the norm. i would not doubt that there are cultures in which it may work out well.

Surely that is a problem with serial monogamist culture rather than Polygamous culture? Sharing responsibility is normal in families, men jumping from woman to woman to woman is the sick cultural norm (not meaning to absolve women from engaging in serial monogamy just sticking to the issue of men taking responsibility) If we aim to try to get back to or strive for a responsible and honest (and religiously valid, for some) form of relationships, this would not be an issue.

Bels

 

[steve]

i agree, and i am pointing out that any form of relationship in which a man does not who his children are is not a step toward responsibility and stability in this culture.

 

[Isabella]

i agree, and i am pointing out that any form of relationship in which a man does not who his children are is not a step toward responsibility and stability in this culture.

Ermm, Steve, perhaps I am not explaining it right. My point is, he knows who his children are, they just may or may not share DNA with them.
Any man who takes care of ALL the children, regardless of paternity, is a really responsible man and helping to maintain a stable household (ie multi parent/shared parenting) as opposed to a less stable or deprived household (single parent/serial monogamist).

Bels

 

[CecilW]

he knows who his children are, they just may or may not share DNA with them. Any man who takes care of ALL the children, regardless of paternity, is a really responsible man

Lovely theological point, Bels. You SURE you aren't a professing Christian? :roll:

God IS our Father, and provides for us all -- whether we acknowledge Him or not, and have been re-born / grafted into Him or not. He provides for us regardless, and holds the title!

We men are privileged to do the same. (Ok, sometimes it is a bewildering and infuriating trial. But STILL our privilege ...) Isn't it COOL that we get to share God's experience and learn from it?

So personally, I tend to look towards the headship thing rather than the paternity issue for my No Polyandry justification. Got too many adopted and fostered kids in my heart.

 

[Isabella]

Got too many adopted and fostered kids in my heart.

Respect!

 

[PolyPride]

Hello, I'm new here. I wasn't even looking for info on polygamy, I followed a link from another site. but here I am! Its an interesting thing to think about. but then I wondered... and I know its nowhere in the Bible, perhaps because men had all the power and resources back then, so women needed them... but these days, I'm wondering... if it's ok to have more than one wife (and women work and bring an income now) why not a wife (or two?) with more than one husband? In my life I can think of several men I would love to have in my daily life. Why do I have to choose, but, theoretically, they don't?

Polygamy can be practiced with any combination of genders and sexuality. I'm sure this is not only theory because I'm sure some are secretively living in a polygamy that wouldn't fit your typical male and multiple female arrangement. I'll be honest and say that my reasons for opposing polyandry is because of my Christian beliefs and not necessarily because I believe it causes harm or abuse. The Bible forbids polyandry or calls it sin so it's not really about if a woman can also take care of herself and two other guys or whatever resources and dependency.

If you're a Christian then you are left with engaging in marriage in a Christian or biblical way. Look up 'adultery' in the original language and you'll see in the Hebrew language it's defined as a man that sleeps with another man's wife. Deuteronomy 22:22 gives a descriptive explanation of this: "If a man is found sleeping with another man’s wife, both the man who slept with her and the woman must die."
A married woman will always be some man's wife so no man other than her husband can have any intimate relations with her. Then there's also that passage where Jesus mentions that a person can not serve two masters (Matthew 6:24). If the husband is the head or leader in the relationship, then having 2 leaders of the same position (the husband role) will cause conflict. This latter reason only supplements the moral reason regarding polyandry being adultery in the Bible.

 

[DiscussingTheTopic]

Romans 7:3

 

[Shadowjak's Dancer]

the Bible also describes it as an "Unclean" practice for a husband whose wife has taken a different husband to have her again afterwards.

Is that actually completely accurate, Jacob?

Seems to me that Hosea was told to marry a prostitute, and to redeem her over and over when she returned to her promiscuous ways.

I believe that the passage you reference says that if a man DIVORCES his wife, i.e. total rejection as being impossible to go forward together, and she then marries another, who then rejects her also via divorce, then the first cannot suddenly decide that she's suitable after all and marry her again himself.

The reason I consider this an important, though seemingly m1nor, point, is twofold:

First is that the first thing the devil did when messing with Eve's head was to bring exaggeration into the mix (Can't eat OR TOUCH!).

Secondly, some folks point to the text in question (Deuteronomy something or other, if memory serves) to justify saying that if a woman commits adultery, hr husband MUST divorce her. I do not find that in Scripture. Rather an allowance for the hardness of our hearts.

However it seems to me that men whose hard stony hearts have been supernaturally replaced by hearts of flesh upon which God Himself has written His law of Love would tend to do as God has done with us, and bear long and lovingly with an erring wife, knowing that Elohim have born long and lovingly with our own struggles, whatever they might happen to be. To the point that we have the Divine Promise, "I will NEVER leave thee nor forsake thee!" Period. No escape clause for Divinity based on our messing up badly and painfully for all involved!

None of which is to say that I disagree with the answers above about either polyandry and/or group marriage. Since THIS site is all about BIBLICAL families, we restrict our teaching and approval to the Biblical model.

There is another Biblical issue not yet articulated, namely that since the Bible specifies the man to be head of the home, a woman with two husband would have two heads. Some may use the word "masters". Jesus articulated the natural law that no-one can truly serve two masters. Looked at another way, a two headed beast would be a freak doomed to die rather than thrive.

I agree with Bels that there ARE stable societies where men share a wife. But they have a different base for their thinking than Scripture.

Is this "fair"? I dunno. Take it up with God. *grin*

That's a good argument. I think that my previous view might need some changing.

 

[DiscussingTheTopic]

Something to think about

I would think a woman can not be impregnated by more than two different guys in any nine month period if she only ovulates two eggs. Which might be able to happen without breaking biblical laws if she becomes a widow (by accident and not through unethical premeditation) then remarries really fast.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Superfecundation

But a man can impregnate more than two women in a single day.