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Why stop at 2 wives, why not 3 or 4 or 5...?

Sean Miller said:
Is it wrong for me to take and marry them with them promisimg and committing to me and God?
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You've gotta do whatever you think God wants you to do, but at some point you're going to have to ask yourself why these 'marriages' keep failing.

For whatever reason, it seems built into human nature to look for sets of three ("good things happen in threes", "three strikes, you're out", celebrity deaths...), and you seem to have hit the three strikes rule. This would be a good time to sit down and try to figure out why these relationships aren't sticking and looking for what you could do to affect the outcome next time around.

There's also "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me", but that doesn't have a line for the guy who gets fooled three times. What are you missing that is creating this revolving door of relationships?

Put another way, how many times would this have to happen for you to consider the possibility that you're doing something fundamentally wrong? Three? Four? Eight? Ten? If you don't see a line somewhere, then it is hard to argue with your wife's assessment that this is a convenient way for you to have access to more women without sufficient regard for the long-term consequences to your two faithful wives, the women who come and go, and your own soul.
 
If I can piggy back on Andrew a bit: I find it odd that you say you have 2 wives and 3 have left. Is that to say that you have written divorce papers sending away the three that left, or that the three that left have remarried and are now untouchable by you?

If not, then you might actually have more wives than you are counting, and maybe seeking restoration with the ones who have left is what is more necessary than pursuing others.

Jesus will indeed draw near to those that draw near to Him, but He will also pursue His lost sheep.

An attitude of plenty is easy to fall into. "I have some wives, and can always get more, so if one leaves, that's unfortunate, but it's on her"

I am 100% NOT accusing you of this attitude, but bring up extremes to consider. If you haven't wept, prayed and fasted over the loss of each of your wives the same way you would have if you had lost your one and only wife, and pursued restoration in the same manner: it might be that you need to work on that more than looking for who else might want to come into your house.

I don't know your situation, so it might be nothing I said applies. If nothing else, stepping back and re-evaluating what you're doing is a great idea.
 
Slumberfreeze said:
[Y]ou might actually have more wives than you are counting, and maybe seeking restoration with the ones who have left is what is more necessary than pursuing others.
. . . .

If you haven't wept, prayed and fasted over the loss of each of your wives the same way you would have if you had lost your one and only wife, and pursued restoration in the same manner: it might be that you need to work on that more than looking for who else might want to come into your house.
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Well said.
 
Hum, yes all good feedback. Thanks. And your completely correct, an assessment was necessary. Many factors came into play, primarily a culture influence living abroad and well being stupid in taking a wife that I had a strong feeling wouldn't work out, but i did it anyway hoping that her desire to obey God, my rules and leave her old life behind would last, it didn't.

Slumberfreeze, Yes, I fully accept they are still my wives, no I did not divorce any of them, nor would I. They know they are welcome to return. I put effort into restoring 2 of the three, that didn't work because they didn't want to be in a poly home and wanted to fulfill family wishes. The traditions here are putting the parents over the husband, if the parents are not happy with the daughters choice after she made it the daughter leaves to please the parents, more specifically parents and family are not okay with or like their daughter moving away and most of all, marring a man with 2 other wives. Keep in mind these ladies were new Christians and not grown up in the that life. I don't think its all bad, marriage to a new Christian, the down size is God's values don't always tend to be hers yet, so "if I am not happy and legally married then I'll just walk away if I don't get what I want or it doesn't go how I'd like".

Andrew, three times is enough, haha! The biggest change after this was, no longer being quick to go into a relationship or marriage just because she said she "loved me", wanted and accepted the biblical marriage, and household rules. Finding women who are Christians, have been for some time, accept poly, never been married (I won't marry a divorced woman) and are single, is not as easy, if not almost impossible, especially when compared to finding a woman who has had a troubled past, bad previous relationships, is a new Christian, or wants to learn about being a Christian, and is good with Poly. I wanted to be to much of the hero in the story and help fix the ladies past with a new life, save them I guess, kind of how Jesus does for us.... Well, I'm not Jesus for sure, lol and I can't make anyone do or want to do anything either. I have changed my expectations or standards, and who and what I am okay with as for a dating relationship. Take my time, build the relationship, don't be the savior from her past and see how it goes. Lots of prayer and lots of patients.
 
Sean Miller said:
Hum, yes all good feedback. Thanks. And your completely correct, an assessment was necessary. Many factors came into play, primarily a culture influence living abroad and well being stupid in taking a wife that I had a strong feeling wouldn't work out, but i did it anyway hoping that her desire to obey God, my rules and leave her old life behind would last, it didn't.

Slumberfreeze, Yes, I fully accept they are still my wives, no I did not divorce any of them, nor would I. They know they are welcome to return. I put effort into restoring 2 of the three, that didn't work because they didn't want to be in a poly home and wanted to fulfill family wishes. The traditions here are putting the parents over the husband, if the parents are not happy with the daughters choice after she made it the daughter leaves to please the parents, more specifically parents and family are not okay with or like their daughter moving away and most of all, marring a man with 2 other wives. Keep in mind these ladies were new Christians and not grown up in the that life. I don't think its all bad, marriage to a new Christian, the down size is God's values don't always tend to be hers yet, so "if I am not happy and legally married then I'll just walk away if I don't get what I want or it doesn't go how I'd like".

Andrew, three times is enough, haha! The biggest change after this was, no longer being quick to go into a relationship or marriage just because she said she "loved me", wanted and accepted the biblical marriage, and household rules. Finding women who are Christians, have been for some time, accept poly, never been married (I won't marry a divorced woman) and are single, is not as easy, if not almost impossible, especially when compared to finding a woman who has had a troubled past, bad previous relationships, is a new Christian, or wants to learn about being a Christian, and is good with Poly. I wanted to be to much of the hero in the story and help fix the ladies past with a new life, save them I guess, kind of how Jesus does for us.... Well, I'm not Jesus for sure, lol and I can't make anyone do or want to do anything either. I have changed my expectations or standards, and who and what I am okay with as for a dating relationship. Take my time, build the relationship, don't be the savior from her past and see how it goes. Lots of prayer and lots of patients.
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That desire is a good God-given one though. Yes, we need to be careful, but I dont think you did anything wrong. Ask God what He thinks of course, but when I pray about you:

God gives me an image of a noble son of His, going out (maybe a bit too eagerly, like a young boy), and trying to right all the wrongs of the world, but finding your hands full and too many things going on at once. Therefore be more selective in who you chase, but do not deny the Holy Spirit's leading (love is a leading as well), and His design for you. That is who you are. He will bless decisions you make in Faith. Do not forget that just because a decision turns out painful or to go poorly does not mean it was wrong. Perhaps He is testing you to see what kind of man you will prove yourself when shit hits the fan :)

That's all. Just a small prophetic word for ya :) Take what you feel is true and discard that which your spirit does not confirm.
 
andrew said:
fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me
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“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, shame on both of us.” ― Stephen King
 
If God Made Two Wives For Adam

If God Made Two Wives For Adam
Then pious men would say;
"Upon two wives each Christian man
Must certainly lay claim!"

Now if a Christian man
Would take himself but one,
They'd charge him with monogamy
And soon he would be hung.

Dare he take more than two, such shame
For Adam took but twain.
They'd hang him high upon a tree
'For two made He, not three.'

If God made two wives for Adam
Then Christians would make war
On heathens who dared take just one.
"Two wives!" the cry, "Not less! Not more!"

So God in his great wisdom tells
Of just one wife for Adam.
If more there were, kept secret still
Lest men misread God's perfect will

What helpmeet could God have created
To prove some men be unequally mated?
Should He have made a fraction more
Yea, 1.1 or 1.4?

Nay, He created one
No precedent to set
And if today one's not enough
There's plenty more than that.

So finally, I am left to ask,
If you cannot read minds,
How do you know our Lord's intent
Of God - Creator of mankind?


Note: Copyright 2007 - Don Milton - All Rights Reserved
 
EternalDreamer said:
That desire is a good God-given one though. Yes, we need to be careful, but I dont think you did anything wrong. Ask God what He thinks of course, but when I pray about you:

God gives me an image of a noble son of His, going out (maybe a bit too eagerly, like a young boy), and trying to right all the wrongs of the world, but finding your hands full and too many things going on at once. Therefore be more selective in who you chase, but do not deny the Holy Spirit's leading (love is a leading as well), and His design for you. That is who you are. He will bless decisions you make in Faith. Do not forget that just because a decision turns out painful or to go poorly does not mean it was wrong. Perhaps He is testing you to see what kind of man you will prove yourself when shit hits the fan :)

That's all. Just a small prophetic word for ya :) Take what you feel is true and discard that which your spirit does not confirm.
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Hey brother, wow, deffintly appreciated that, welled up while reading it. If you knew everything that's happened in my life, haha, then well I think he has been testing me to see what I'd do when shit hits the fan for 15 years!
 
Brother Don Milton said:
If God Made Two Wives For Adam

If God Made Two Wives For Adam
Then pious men would say;
"Upon two wives each Christian man
Must certainly lay claim!"

Now if a Christian man
Would take himself but one,
They'd charge him with monogamy
And soon he would be hung.

Dare he take more than two, such shame
For Adam took but twain.
They'd hang him high upon a tree
'For two made He, not three.'

If God made two wives for Adam
Then Christians would make war
On heathens who dared take just one.
"Two wives!" the cry, "Not less! Not more!"

So God in his great wisdom tells
Of just one wife for Adam.
If more there were, kept secret still
Lest men misread God's perfect will

What helpmeet could God have created
To prove some men be unequally mated?
Should He have made a fraction more
Yea, 1.1 or 1.4?

Nay, He created one
No precedent to set
And if today one's not enough
There's plenty more than that.

So finally, I am left to ask,
If you cannot read minds,
How do you know our Lord's intent
Of God - Creator of mankind?


Note: Copyright 2007 - Don Milton - All Rights Reserved
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I don't mean to be rude here, but it seems like your posts all seem to be quoting a book, yours? Personally I don't think this is the place to advertise or promote your book. Sorry if I am wrong.
 
Sean Miller said:
I don't mean to be rude here, but it seems like your posts all seem to be quoting a book, yours? Personally I don't think this is the place to advertise or promote your book. Sorry if I am wrong.
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The Prince of Sumba doesn't really need any promoting here. It used to be in the resources section ae I recall although that may have been one of the other websites from back in the old days.
 
Sean Miller said:
Hey brother, wow, deffintly appreciated that, welled up while reading it. If you knew everything that's happened in my life, haha, then well I think he has been testing me to see what I'd do when shit hits the fan for 15 years!
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I mean, His time moves differently. He also gives lots of chances so, maybe you still have more to learn? Oh wait, that will be the case until Heaven, so... ;)

You are welcome. That is only the second or third time I have felt something meant for someone besides myself or my family. So, glad it was meaningful :)
 
It’s possible that you and I have different goals for our families. Thats fine, you do you and I’ll do me, but at face value there must be something very wrong with how youre going about it if youre experiencing a 60% failure rate, especially if it is as short term as you’ve made it sound.

Certainly the finger could be pointed at her/them for swearing and leaving, but you invited em and allowed them into the family. IMO whatever the reason for them leaving, youre still the accountable one. It’s your family and you should be the gatekeeper.

Yes, I realize that the quality of women out there is not high and the pool of good women is more like a puddle, but you cant build a lasting structure out of wood hay and stubble.
 
Verifyveritas76 said:
It’s possible that you and I have different goals for our families. Thats fine, you do you and I’ll do me, but at face value there must be something very wrong with how youre going about it if youre experiencing a 60% failure rate, especially if it is as short term as you’ve made it sound.

Certainly the finger could be pointed at her/them for swearing and leaving, but you invited em and allowed them into the family. IMO whatever the reason for them leaving, youre still the accountable one. It’s your family and you should be the gatekeeper.

Yes, I realize that the quality of women out there is not high and the pool of good women is more like a puddle, but you cant build a lasting structure out of wood hay and stubble.
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I don't remember asking for criticism or judgmental behavior, however I do and am open for wisdom. Nothing your saying here is either helpful, or specifically wise. I have clearly said there was a problem, and who to better know that then me? Do you have more than one wife? Three even? Have you ever made a decision by trying to make the best or biblically right one and it not go the way you hoped or expected it to? Is it your fault when your children don't do what you tell them or God says? Is it Gods fault when humans sin and don't obey him, should we say "God something fundamentally wrong with what your doing when thousands of people are going astray"? Is it the husband's fault if his wife goes against His word and leaves or commits adultry? I don't remember reading that a husband was stoned for his wife committing adultry or other sins. When does the husband stop being responsible end in your mind? I am not perfect but i take as much responsibility as I can that is what I had control over. At the end of the day we are each accountable for our own choices and sins, father, husband, wife, son, daughter.

Let me clear the log from my eye so I can help you remove your speck.
 
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This is not an I’m better than you, or a pissing contest. This is me being Captain obvious. Actions and relationships like you’ve described do nothing but hinder the acceptance of a biblical plural family and bring reproach to Christ and anyone trying to follow this path.

I get that it is impossible to guarantee the actions of those under you. But . . .it is not impossible to vet those who you allow into your covenant to a degree of reasonable certainty before you actually covenant with them.

Everybody makes some mistakes as we try to figure out how to do this thing. Virtually none of us have a real life cultural background in this to know exactly right from wrong and red lights from green lights. My point is that with that kind of failure rate, you need to identify what you are doing wrong in getting from point A to C or Z or wherever you’re taking it.
 
Verifyveritas76 said:
This is not an I’m better than you, or a pissing contest. This is me being Captain obvious. Actions and relationships like you’ve described do nothing but hinder the acceptance of a biblical plural family and bring reproach to Christ and anyone trying to follow this path.

I get that it is impossible to guarantee the actions of those under you. But . . .it is not impossible to vet those who you allow into your covenant to a degree of reasonable certainty before you actually covenant with them.
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Maybe you should read everything i said in prior posts on this thread. You also avoided all of my questions and points I made, why? Just because you wanted to make your opinion known?

Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one!
 
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