WOMEN-ONLY POLL, or How Deep Does Being on Board Go?

[Keith Martin]

This poll is for women only, and please, men, do not presume to answer for your women. Let them vote for themselves.

This poll is open to women of any age or marital status: single, married, divorced, widowed; young, middle-aged or senior citizens.

The poll has been set up so that the only people who can see the results are those those who participate in the poll -- and voters will not be identified. That way, even the first person voting doesn't have to risk being outed. It can be useful for us to learn what is really going on -- if women answer truthfully.

If you want to declare your vote in a post, feel free, but it's unnecessarily transparent.

If anyone wants to know why I'm posing this poll, just ask, and I'll do so, but for now I'd rather run this as blindly as possible.

Discussion is open to everyone, male and female. My assumption is that, after a while, women who've participated in the poll will leak the ongoing results to aid in discussion.

 

[NickF]

There’s a lot of implications in the specific verbiage of the options you chose. My guess is many women who think deeply enough and critically will balk at choosing many of those.

 

[Keith Martin]

You didn't specifically ask why I'm posing this poll, but given that you're questioning its approach, I might as well address my motivations . . .

Implications flow from all positions and choices in life.

How would you change the questions, @NickF? Or add to them?

But keep in mind that no one -- not even I -- will ever know who chose which poll results unless individual women declare what they chose (and even then we may not know).

Also, keep in mind that I've created the poll knowing full well that one of the possible outcomes is that no one may be willing to be honest enough about this to make a declaration -- even if they're not worried about anonymity.

What I know, though, is that it's worthwhile to confront the existence of a known problem, and this is definitely a known problem among our ranks, one that was pried open at the retreat when one of the more courageous women called for other women to stop gossiping about their husbands behind their husbands' backs.

It is my experience that such problems rarely correct themselves but only fester and perpetuate unless confronted head on. Even if no women 'vote' in the poll, the gauntlet has been laid down. Lots of talk occurs about the importance of bringing our women around to acceptance of poly, and sometimes the discussion flirts with the 'implications' to the point of asserting that men who discover this after making "forsaking all others" vows have no right to implement plural marriage, but rarely does anyone come right out and confront the degree to which acquiescing to that assertion without so much as taking up arms against it represents a terminal veto to male headship.

My guess is many women who think deeply enough and critically will balk at choosing many of those.

Is it unreasonable on my part to ask why a critically deep-thinking woman who therefore isn't just making a superficial choice would do anything other than just honestly answer the question?

 

[MemeFan]

@Keith Martin Is it possible for rest of us males to see current results? Or must we wait for poll to finish? If so, when will poll finish?

 

[Keith Martin]

@Keith Martin Is it possible for rest of us males to see current results? Or must we wait for poll to finish? If so, when will poll finish?

No.

The poll has been set up so that the only people who can see the results are those those who participate in the poll -- and voters will not be identified. That way, even the first person voting doesn't have to risk being outed. It can be useful for us to learn what is really going on -- if women answer truthfully.

If you want to declare your vote in a post, feel free, but it's unnecessarily transparent.

The only way to make the poll entirely confidential was to make the results known only to those who participate. If anyone votes, and if the number grows to something significant, I highly suspect some women who has voted will share the results.

 

[windblown]

There needs to be an option between #1 and #2.

 

[Edward]

There needs to be an option between #1 and #2.

I fully support polygyny but I am nervous and not sure how I will handle it.

 

[Keith Martin]

There needs to be an option between #1 and #2.

I fully support polygyny but I am nervous and not sure how I will handle it.

Actually, windblown and Edward, I fully considered having an option between 1 and 2 that would have been worded almost exactly as Edward suggests -- and I rejected that. Here's why: it would have won hands down, but that wouldn't have meant it was both (a) sincere and (b) reflective of what any woman could do if she just probed her soul a little deeper.

The option of, "I fully support polygyny but am nervous and not sure how I will handle it" would far too easily function as camouflage for options 2-5, and it represents an aversion to self-awareness. If one is nervous, one knows what one is nervous about, and what that means is that one knows that one fears what might be possible as well as knowing how one fears one will respond. I also believe that resting in that spot of just being 'nervous' (as if everyone involved isn't nervous) is also a safe way to avoid facing how much one fears being fully straight with one's husband.

I'm not going to add it, but I suppose someone else is free to create their own thread with that question included in the poll, but I'll be curious to see which options are deleted.

 

[WifeOfHisYouth]

Is the poll only for women (only wives/ singles) yet to enter into plural?

I also believe that resting in that spot of just being 'nervous' is also a safe way to avoid facing how much one fears being fully straight with one's husband.

For some it might be more of a fear on being fully straight with one’s self.

 

[Keith Martin]

Is the poll only for women (only wives/ singles) yet to enter into plural?

No; any woman can answer -- and I fully acknowledge, though, that the questions are mostly tailored toward those yet to enter (if ever). At the same time, I think most of the women currently practicing poly can find a reflection of their personal sentiments in that list.

For some it might be more of a fear of being fully straight with one’s self.

That's insightful; thanks for making that point. It reminds me of your beautifully-written series you've been sharing with us lately in another thread. You're a poster child example of a woman who has been examining herself.

 

[windblown]

These options are written by a male brain. They don’t reflect the way at least this female brain works.

How about…
I fully support patriarchy thus polygyny; and if my husband is successful in creating a plural marriage then I sincerely hope I will not only tolerate but embrace it when the time comes. Until then, I will not worry nor speculate as to what the unknown holds. As Corrie Ten Boon said, “Our Father will give us our ticket when we need it, right before the train pulls in.” Still a cop out?

 

[Keith Martin]

These options are written by a male brain. They don’t reflect the way at least this female brain works.

How about…
I fully support patriarchy thus polygyny; and if my husband is successful in creating a plural marriage then I sincerely hope I will not only tolerate but embrace it when the time comes. Until then, I will not worry nor speculate as to what the unknown holds. As Corrie Ten Boon said, “Our Father will give us our ticket when we need it, right before the train pulls in.” Still a cop out?

I wouldn't come within 10 miles of even considering the possibility that you're copping out, @windblown! I love that Corrie Ten Boon quote, and I'm even more confident that you will live your life in congruence with that sentiment. My camouflage comment wasn't even potentially directed toward you.

You're correct: the options were written by a male brain; it's the only kind I have. What might not be recognized in reading your statement, though, is that no female brain has in the history of this organization formulated a set of options that tackles the same concern. And yet what was made plain at the retreat was that duplicitous undermining by some wives has been going on for years.

Of course it's the product of a male mind, as well as of a male mind that has rejected mutual submission and has its feet planted on firm ground. I get it that the concern I'm addressing doesn't apply to you; I know that from our many interactions, not to mention from the initial reaction I got from you and @The Revolting Man back when you first met my p***y self 5 years ago. You are a straight shooter and consistently demonstrate having the heart to submit even when you don't like it -- not to mention having the spine and integrity to acknowledge that it's something you struggle with.

What I don't want to knuckle under to here, though, is the mainstream-culture-driven impulse to rescue women as if they are all damsels in distress. The options were meant to point to some harsh truths, as well as to avoid providing how-about-if-I-just-sit-on-the-fence-forever-in-hopes-that-I'll-never-be-tested options. I guess we'll just see which wins the day: embracing of taking this on, or resistance to doing so.

 

[FollowingHim]

Let us know if you get any responses to the poll @Keith Martin.

 

[Keith Martin]

Let us know if you get any responses to the poll @Keith Martin.

Well, you're the expert on how this software works, but I unchecked all the boxes, and I can't see any way that I'll receive any information about responses, Samuel.

And I really wanted it to be entirely anonymous and confidential.

 

[FollowingHim]

If even you won't see the results, then what on earth is the point?

You could change to make the results public so we can actually see and discuss them, add a choice of "I'm a man wondering what the results are", or decide it's a waste of time and not bother.

 

[Robeld]

How about I fully support patriarchy and polygyny and would welcome a godly sister wife, but if it doesn't happen I'll except that too...

 

[Keith Martin]

How about I fully support patriarchy and polygyny and would welcome a godly sister wife, but if it doesn't happen I'll except that too...

That's essentially option 1.

 

[Keith Martin]

If even you won't see the results, then what on earth is the point?

You could change to make the results public so we can actually see and discuss them, add a choice of "I'm a man wondering what the results are", or decide it's a waste of time and not bother.

Well, we'll see. I do have the power to add that Man option, so maybe I'll do that later if no woman wants to discuss what she's seeing.

But I don't want to reverse the original intention to keep the results secret, because I think making them public has suppression effects.

 

[Joleneakamama]

For 20 years I've believed I would be better as a first but not only wife.
It's only been a couple of months....but I am even more certain this is and will remain my first choice.
For a long time imagining a future with one more unrelated person in it felt odd....but imagining daily life with someone else was easy.
My baby sis was nervous about marring her hubby. He was older then her, had already been married once and had a son that was about 7. She went through with it because she didn't like the thought of a week, or even a day without him. Years can seem scary, but they are made up of months weeks and days.
If you care for someone and want to share moments....the years follow.

 

[Hisdaughter]

These options are written by a male brain. They don’t reflect the way at least this female brain works.

How about…
I fully support patriarchy thus polygyny; and if my husband is successful in creating a plural marriage then I sincerely hope I will not only tolerate but embrace it when the time comes. Until then, I will not worry nor speculate as to what the unknown holds. As Corrie Ten Boon said, “Our Father will give us our ticket when we need it, right before the train pulls in.” Still a cop out?

Ditto. Although I am a 3rd wife at present. So I kinda made the choice with eyes wide open. Sort of. But I will second everything you said. I felt this same way most of my life.