@Nathan7. I cannot agree with you more. Having the right and the resources to do something does not mean that it is expedient to do it at a point in time. Beyond our personal wisdom, though, we all should actively depend on the leading of the Holy Spirit. For instance, though Abraham was insistent on keeping Ishmael and Haggai, God showed up to advice him otherwise and Abraham was humble enough to follow that leading. We live in a better dispensation; we are temples of the Holy Spirit.
My perception of contributions so far is that, while there seem to be a consensus on the freedom of a man to add to his family (without let) ---as a principle, Love-not-force is a practice that is expedient to have so that the "monogamaniacs " (as Steve described them) will have nothing to latch on to. I think @pebble put it better than I could have.
Well, in my opinion, that is a reasonable middle ground to take for a concept that is widely frowned-at in the society. Knowing that Satan is a captor that will not let his captive go, no matter what; it must be understood, though, that love-not-force will not palliate a rabidly hostile society. I believe that every man, polygamous or monogamous, must the encouraged and taught to exercise their leadership knowing that they are accountable unto God. At the same time, our women (especially younger women) should be taught to rely absolutely on their husband's judgement in all things. I felt that if we emphasize the fact that our men are godly, whether in a monogamous or in a polygamous relationship, we will increasingly build a pool of women that will come to practice order in the home according to the pattern of the Lord.
This have extensions to homes where polygamy is practised. As I mentioned in my earlier contribution, I perceive that the consensus today is that “a family is looking to add to the family”. Is it not the husband that is adding to his family? I have seen, on several websites that I have been visiting as I try to understand more, instances of the first wife having a very active role in courtship of a new wife. If the wife have fully accepted trust in the judgement of her husband, apart from being made aware and her questions answered, why should she be involved in dinners evenings between the husband and the potential second wife, asking questions directly from the potential second wife, etc. Is this not a bye-product of love-not-force even in homes with more than one wives? Is that not the wives saying, “we can't trust that bloke(as we say in the UK) to do the right thing, we better get involved”? I have even stumbled on a model where it the wives' who select whom to add to the family; no input from the husband at all.
In my very, very, little experience of pioneering work, things of God (which is foolishness, anyway, to them that are perishing) have to be done according to HIS will for it to be successful. Any middle way we try to find will not be good enough.
Had there been love-not-force in the days of the fathers, how many polygamous families will there be even then? Honestly, if the law permits a woman to say “no second wife” and there is nothing in the law a man can do as long as she says no, what is in it for a woman to say yes? I have, in my study of the scripture, so far failed to find anything that a Christian woman would have done wrong if they object to a second wife. They would not have been disrespectful, they would not have been disobedient (there is nothing they would have disobeyed; they have merely expressed a preference).
It occurred to me that, in monogamous and polygamous families, we should actively promote the order of God. To think that if me are given full authority, according to the scripture, they will be abusive might be to be second-guessing the wisdom of God. While it might seem far-fetched now, I am persuaded that there will be a day in our life-time (ops, I don't know how old everyone is) when it will be mainstream in the church for a man to seek to add to his family and that will be taken as a given.
