I am 25 and had been through so much rejection, abuse, loss, hurt but was holding to Jesus for dear life unconditionally. I begged Him for years for just one human to be gentle and love me. One day a man I met took interest in me. Soon after I had gotten more attached I find he is married. I died out, him leaving me out, keeping me hidden. Soon, I got to meet her when I rode a horse up to his house on christmas 2 years ago. She was quiet, tenderhearted. I didn't see her again until 2 months later when he began sneaking me to church as i sat by myself. Soon i went to the bathroom one Sunday and she was surprised as she popped out of a stall. I then began to sit with them, the secret "wife that God has to reveal in His timing." I hurt so much. But he was gentle never yelled and was so very loving. Then, i biked out on Saturdays to prayer meetings. Given i had 4 dreams of serving her and he claims God told him to take care of me. So i already loved her supernaturally. Next it was coming over after church, then playing violin with them on fridays. My burden became too heavy. I was terrified to lose her love but she needed to know. I fasted n prayed for weeks staying up too late. Then i told my testimony leading up to this point. It took her time to adapt to this blow... It took me time when i first met him too. She chose to love me after the few hour silent shock passed as i held her hand her staring into space. At the time my family had rejected me due to my strange walk in Christ and also my depression from past abuse and 2 month old death. I was living in a barn with my horse for 8 months. I had a job but God commanded me to go here... Another powerful testimony... Anyway a few months go by of struggle with our emotions yet we supported eachother, they plan to go to california and i hated being left out yet again. I got so upset i screamed at him "quit fing me!" the biggest shocker came out. I always felt more like a slave rag doll than a wife because all the hiding and being left out i have to go thru still today. She again flew into a big whirl of emotions and anger. That trip to cali to see her mom with him was a battle. She came back and began to reground herself. We continued to pour love on one another. Christmas came and i went to his family. They ignored me and treated them. No one knew who i was. It was too much to bear; being invisible and living in a barn being "married". A few days later, i moved it. Yet again she had fear id take over. Now though i have my own room. I have a night she lets me relieve her of cooking, i lie on her lap in the eve and i give her horse lessons while she teaches me piano. What hurts is i never got a proposal, a wedding, and their family and church virtually dont know im a wife. Only one lady knows thr lead of our Wednesday night group. She is a sweet elderly and she does recognize me as wife and loves me. I feel im here because God saw my future and had to take drastic measures. I needed someone to take care of me and make me feel needed. My walk with God alone previous had made me strange and different as it was. So now my hurt is being unknown with no celebration and i sleep alone always. He says Gods time. I know because it could hurt others and she is new to this too. She and i never saw ourselves here. But we have a powerful friendship. I just keep begging God that I can have nights with him too and that for the first time ever i can have a little wedding. To be recognized as wife also. I've been severely empty and depressed.
I am 25 she is 63 and he is 65 with 42 years of marriage if that clarifies. Its a miracle im here. i do my best to please n serve
I am 25 she is 63 and he is 65 with 42 years of marriage if that clarifies. Its a miracle im here. i do my best to please n serve
