• Biblical Families is not a dating website. It is a forum to discuss issues relating to marriage and the Bible, and to offer guidance and support, not to find a wife. Click here for more information.

Being Shunned, AND LIKING IT.

FollowingHim said:
Seriously - it's about "trophy points". It's more about likes than posts, though both contribute. It's all a bit silly really but it was available as a forum option so we turned on the switch for a laugh. Click here to see what trophies you can get.
Click to expand...

But, it does help to recognize who has been around a while and said a few things worthy of note...

Now, if I can just figure out how to add those trophies to the case... Hmmmm...
 
If I am correct, these awards and designations started up when the new forum format began. I am not the most senior member around here.

It is about number of posts AND likes. But, just volume of postings isn't going to get you there. The members of this forum have to like what you say. They have to feel that your messages contribute meaning, humor, wisdom, thought and insight. The moderators don't grade each poster. It's the members who are determining it by number of likes.

I don't game the system, but if you look at the history of my posts, they tend to be shorter. Uber-Long posts with numerous verses and cut/paste material is often glossed over by many. I like to keep my posts the length of an average conversation. I like to keep them meaningful. How many people bust out 10 paragraphs with charts, links and 20 verses at one time in a face to face? If they do, they're the only ones talking after a while...and to themselves.

I don't think I'm particularly wise or interesting. I think it's my posting style more than anything else.
 
Mojo said:
If I am correct, these awards and designations started up when the new forum format began. I am not the most senior member around here.

It is about number of posts AND likes. But, just volume of postings isn't going to get you there. The members of this forum have to like what you say. They have to feel that your messages contribute meaning, humor, wisdom, thought and insight. The moderators don't grade each poster. It's the members who are determining it by number of likes.

I don't game the system, but if you look at the history of my posts, they tend to be shorter. Uber-Long posts with numerous verses and cut/paste material is often glossed over by many. I like to keep my posts the length of an average conversation. I like to keep them meaningful. How many people bust out 10 paragraphs with charts, links and 20 verses at one time in a face to face? If they do, they're the only ones talking after a while...and to themselves.

I don't think I'm particularly wise or interesting. I think it's my posting style more than anything else.
Click to expand...

Or they can be changed at a whim, jokingly of course.

I can pretty much bet that anyone or group that has done a shunning has found some way to make it a joke to make them feel good about themselves.

I'm one to think this is a serious matter that not only effects those who are having to deal with the division of PM and non PM thought. But it could also include being singled out because of one's beleif, not dealing with salvation, that is different than others, by a group or individual within a PM group. This mechanism of segregation can be everywhere.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
I got an award at another forum I frequent. It was rather telling.:rolleyes: I got it for visiting the site daily for a straight month!

I maintain this is all just healthy humor among people who are DEADLY SERIOUS about real issues and need a laugh every now and then. If the above banter was serious, it wouldn't be funny....and I laughed a lot! :D:p:)
Cap said:
Another thread deteriorates into forum status. One focused on shunning no less.
Click to expand...
That is ironic! Funny too! I liked the serious and the funny on this thread, and I "vote"* we have a floating trophy that goes to whoever is getting shunned the worst. That way people can all alienate friends and family with less concern for what might happen, because if it's bad enough they can polish (figuratively speaking) the consolation prize trophy they get to care for while licking their wounds and finding other things to do then church functions, and other folks to do them with.:cool:

*My use of the word vote is funny if you know me as I don't believe in the concept.

Edited to add there is often a lag in my posting as I get interrupted. Don't assume my post is responding to the latest....I am probably behind.
 
Cap said:
I can pretty much bet that anyone or group that has done a shunning has found some way to make it a joke to make them feel good about themselves.
Click to expand...

I have never shunned anyone, but have dealt with people distancing me for different reasons.
I like this poem


  • OutwittedHe drew a circle that shut me out —
    Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
    But Love and I had the wit to win:
    We drew a circle that took him in!


  • That poem expresses the idea I was raised with, and what the strength of the love of God in us can make possible.
 
Joleneakamama said:
I got an award at another forum I frequent. It was rather telling.:rolleyes: I got it for visiting the site daily for a straight month!

I maintain this is all just healthy humor among people who are DEADLY SERIOUS about real issues and need a laugh every now and then. If the above banter was serious, it wouldn't be funny....and I laughed a lot! :D:p:)

That is ironic! Funny too! I liked the serious and the funny on this thread, and I "vote"* we have a floating trophy that goes to whoever is getting shunned the worst. That way people can all alienate friends and family with less concern for what might happen, because if it's bad enough they can polish (figuratively speaking) the consolation prize trophy they get to care for while licking their wounds and finding other things to do then church functions, and other folks to do them with.:cool:

*My use of the word vote is funny if you know me as I don't believe in the concept.

Edited to add there is often a lag in my posting as I get interrupted. Don't assume my post is responding to the latest....I am probably behind.
Click to expand...

All these likes and trophies and what not are kinda Facebooky if you ask me.
 
Since facebook is the most successful social networking platform in the history of everything, that's actually a compliment....
 
I highly doubt that anyone comes to this site for anything other than content.
 
Verifyveritas76 said:
Genesis 12:1&2. Now the LORD had said unto Abram, Get thee out of thy country, and from thy kindred, and from thy father’s house, unto a land that I will shew thee:
And I will make of thee a great nation, and I will bless thee, and make thy name great; and thou shalt be a blessing:

There comes a point and time where to follow God and truth may mean separation from everything and everyone that you have known. I was honored to share our story at the retreat and hopefully provide a challenge and additional perspective to this journey we all call a Biblical Family. For those of you unable to make it there, here’s a thumbnail sketch of where we were and how God brought our family out.

We attended an atypical small assembly that was atypical because God was doing great things and growing people and showing himself to be mighty there.
I was on record multiple times at BF retreats where I believed that if any church would accept Biblical Poly, this one was it.
When I approached my pastor, just to let him know that I had been studying this and had come to a different conclusion than what was traditionally accepted, it was like he lost his mind. Someone that I had known for close to 20 years turned into someone I’d never have imagined.
The result that I would have never predicted happened. First we were requested to stay away from work parties, then Resurrection Sunday, then indefinitely. When I insisted on a meeting with the deacons per Matt. 18, I was then browbeat to “just leave quietly”.
After I was adamant that the meeting happen, it did. However, only one man out of 4 even attempted to open his Bible and discuss verses (not a deacon or the pastor) and he was quickly ignored by the others as they proceeded to force us out.
One of the best things that happened in the meeting, was that I made sure that there were other witnesses, (my son and another young man in the church) and that the meeting was recorded. This did 3 things. 1) there were other witnesses than just theirs. 2) My son and this other young man got to see the true political machinations behind the scenes of this thing we call normal church. And 3) I’m certain it tempered their responses and attitudes.
Though we did not want to leave and really saw no Biblical basis for being forced to leave, in hindsight, it has become a defining moment in my Christian walk. I definitely see God’s hand in all of it and in so many ways, it was the final test for me to “graduate” into the full measure of a man of faith.
Looking back, so many things are much clearer and I have begun to see things through a different perspective. God used the medium of Biblical polygyny as a fulcrum to test my faith and dedication to truth in an arena that was totally unexpected - the Assembly! The topic and timing was such that I felt I must take a stand when it became an issue, though that was NOT my intent initially. Finally, once having made a stand, and on this topic, it became obvious to me that I and my family would be unwelcome in any brick and mortar “church” that I was aware of and most home churches as well. After having taken a stand in my own assembly that I loved and was invested in, why would I ever try to be a chameleon in another church that I wasn’t invested in?

God used all of these things to bring me to a point where I finally had to accept that He was moving me to my own wilderness and that I would have to step up and truly be the spiritual head of my own household. Though it has been a very trying time, it has been so worth it. The sense of liberty in Christ has been amazing. Multiple members of our household have remarked about it. The spiritual growth of our entire family has been amazing. I have stood in awe as I watched God maturing and growing my children and my beautiful wife in ways that I would have never dreamed possible.

In hindsight, I do not believe that Biblical Polygyny and corporate christianity as we know it today is compatible. This does not necessarily mean that God intends for your family to exist in isolation! On the contrary, IF you are exercising your God given influence and taking a stand where He leads, the fellowship that you will find will be with other extraordinary believers who have taken their own leap of faith into nothing and found everything!
Click to expand...
Awesome VV, truly awesome. Great wisdom to bring witness and it's good you forced the meeting. It's so crazy to think that if you had actually been involved in some kind of serious sin, you would not have been ushered from the church at such speed.
Thanks for sharing I read it twice!
 
rockfox said:
Aside from the reasons we've discussed already, which are good, I stumbled across another explanation: the churches have become people of the lie... (0 - 3:30 min)


Ran across this video and although his subject is completely unrelated to this subject, his first 2.5 to 3.5 minutes were spot on in describing the mindset that may be behind this. Its a brilliant description of what happens when people embrace a lie.

This also leads me to a possible explanation of the why of the reaction. The push back against homosexual marriage by the church caused them to identify with one man and one woman only. In reaction to one lie, they absorbed another and made it a core part of their identity. On top of that you have their revulsion at the thought of anything that causes women feel-bads and their steadfast defense of women's efforts to subtly rule their marriages; two things that polygamy overthrows.

The embrace of lies about women are wrapped up in there somewhere too. But I didn't live through those changes in the church (likely around the 60's when headcoverings were dropped) so I can't put my finger on how that played out.

This is why I said elsewhere you can't lead with polygamy, you have to strike at the root of the problem. If they think causing women feel-bads is mortal sin, you'll never get them to even consider polygamy as it is de facto sin by that measure alone.
Click to expand...
I listened to this while cooking this morning...same media bias but I enjoyed his breakdown. The main interviewer was a wimp though, totally outclassed by his guests.
 
steve said:
I highly doubt that anyone comes to this site for anything other than content.
Click to expand...
I frequent this site more than Facebook and love the friendships I have gained here :)
On BF we share laughs, tears, drama and lots of deep discussions. A growing place and outlet to be real. Way better than the picture perfect lives on Facebook imo ;)
 
Cap said:
All these likes and trophies and what not are kinda Facebooky if you ask me.
Click to expand...
I actually agree, and both like and dislike them as a result.

The good: On the old website, without the "like" button, threads would often be interrupted by many posts saying "well said" and "I wish I could click a 'like' button on that" etc. This was distracting in my opinion. Having a 'like' button means people can express agreement without diluting the content of the discussion through a proliferation of short posts.

The bad: But having a "like" button, in practice, means that many people just click it so often it becomes near meaningless, so that when someone really did "like" something they post such an additional message anyway...

I have set it up to be a useful tool for moderators. I have set certain restrictions for new signups, that are lifted once you are obviously a "real" person. One of the basket of measures I have used is whether a person has received a certain (small) number of "likes". As bots and obvious spammers / scammers won't receive "likes", they are therefore weeded out with these rules. This is helpful as it means there are some very basic levels of protection for real members that are completely automated and will function even if mods are unavailable.

A "like" button does help to increase engagement with the forum. That's why Facebook is successful - people get more engaged partly because they got a notification that someone liked what they said, so they feel more socially included and spend more time on the site. It's subconscious. But I don't like that also, because we should not be looking for social approval, but rather the approval of God. There is a risk that people will become too attached to the "likes" feature, watch who has liked their posts, and get upset when they say something that they felt was important to them and it did not receive any social approval. This has the potential to be harmful psychologically, and Facebook is a prime example of that. Because we need to be willing to say what we believe even when everyone disagrees, and this has the potential to subtly push against people's willingness to do that.

So I hear you Cap, I really do. I don't know what the solution is. An argument can be made either way. So long as we all take it as a bit of fun it should be harmless, and can be useful - but we must be careful that people don't become too focussed on social recognition.

It is possible to add an add-on to Xenforo that would allow us to restrict the number of "likes" a person can give out each day. That could potentially allow the feature to remain more sincere and therefore useful, and minimise the proliferation of "likes" and resultant psychological engineering that is the problem with Facebook.
 
FollowingHim said:
I actually agree, and both like and dislike them as a result.

The good: On the old website, without the "like" button, threads would often be interrupted by many posts saying "well said" and "I wish I could click a 'like' button on that" etc. This was distracting in my opinion. Having a 'like' button means people can express agreement without diluting the content of the discussion through a proliferation of short posts.

The bad: But having a "like" button, in practice, means that many people just click it so often it becomes near meaningless, so that when someone really did "like" something they post such an additional message anyway...

I have set it up to be a useful tool for moderators. I have set certain restrictions for new signups, that are lifted once you are obviously a "real" person. One of the basket of measures I have used is whether a person has received a certain (small) number of "likes". As bots and obvious spammers / scammers won't receive "likes", they are therefore weeded out with these rules. This is helpful as it means there are some very basic levels of protection for real members that are completely automated and will function even if mods are unavailable.

A "like" button does help to increase engagement with the forum. That's why Facebook is successful - people get more engaged partly because they got a notification that someone liked what they said, so they feel more socially included and spend more time on the site. It's subconscious. But I don't like that also, because we should not be looking for social approval, but rather the approval of God. There is a risk that people will become too attached to the "likes" feature, watch who has liked their posts, and get upset when they say something that they felt was important to them and it did not receive any social approval. This has the potential to be harmful psychologically, and Facebook is a prime example of that. Because we need to be willing to say what we believe even when everyone disagrees, and this has the potential to subtly push against people's willingness to do that.

So I hear you Cap, I really do. I don't know what the solution is. An argument can be made either way. So long as we all take it as a bit of fun it should be harmless, and can be useful - but we must be careful that people don't become too focussed on social recognition.

It is possible to add an add-on to Xenforo that would allow us to restrict the number of "likes" a person can give out each day. That could potentially allow the feature to remain more sincere and therefore useful, and minimise the proliferation of "likes" and resultant psychological engineering that is the problem with Facebook.
Click to expand...
We need a heart button, i more than like this post. :rolleyes:

“It is possible to add an add-on to Xenforo that would allow us to restrict the number of "likes" a person can give out each day.“
But then that would subtly encourage (manipulate) people to visit more often just in order to hit their like quota.
I don’t think that there is a perfect system that encourages but isn’t gameable.
As far as shunning, we have had people actively try to get people removed from the forum over the years, but as far as I know there has never been a hint of shunning. Some people mesh more closely with certain others and some just don’t mesh as well.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top