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Glutton for punishment

CountrySquire said:
The irony is, even many Christian women who seem sincere in the essentials and their beliefs have a very superficial, almost cosplay version of "submission." They presume it to be in practice some sort of politeness or deference to the husband without any honor or actual expectation that they will do it when it becomes difficult.
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BOOM!
 
CountrySquire said:
The irony is, even many Christian women who seem sincere in the essentials and their beliefs have a very superficial, almost cosplay version of "submission." They presume it to be in practice some sort of politeness or deference to the husband without any honor or actual expectation that they will do it when it becomes difficult.
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This is SO on the nose. Exactly my observations as well.

CountrySquire said:
This also goes along with the observation I have that many seem to in our social media age enjoy the image or trappings of a "trad" lifestyle without digesting the actual foundational beliefs and meanings of those Scriptures. It's a costume that they wear but have no idea how to perform the actual duties.
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Again, exactly well put. Like putting on a pair of scrubs and expecting that to make one a surgeon.

My wife and I have run into this ourselves.
I have been guilty of the male version of this.

I think it speaks to the failure of “the church” to teach. And the failure of generations to instruct and model behaviors. This could just be a problem as old as time. The old adage “Strong men create good times, good times create weak men, weak men create hard times, hard times create strong men.” The Fourth Turning.

As men, we need to be cognizant of the fact we might be walking around as caricatures of “a real man, or a strong man”. I pray we all have the wisdom, strength, and critical thinking skills to assess ourselves and make the necessary changes to at least train up the next generation.
 
CountrySquire said:
The irony is, even many Christian women who seem sincere in the essentials and their beliefs have a very superficial, almost cosplay version of "submission." They presume it to be in practice some sort of politeness or deference to the husband without any honor or actual expectation that they will do it when it becomes difficult.

This also goes along with the observation I have that many seem to in our social media age enjoy the image or trappings of a "trad" lifestyle without digesting the actual foundational beliefs and meanings of those Scriptures. It's a costume that they wear but have no idea how to perform the actual duties.

That being said I can certainly understand why a woman who understands and is open to polygyny would desire to be a second wife, and in my observation that seems to be the bulk of the legitimate seekers in the various "personals" venues for polygyny. In a weak field, it would certainly be reassuring to see that security and "proof" in place, as Megan experienced.
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I like the bit of analysis with respect to the theoretically "trad" girls cosplaying some sort of superficial role. I have seen a large measure of this in recent years.

I agree about the women open to polygamy generally wishing to be a second...or I have also encountered a fist full of those who prefer being a third.
I am lucky howe er in that my first wife is amazing and a wonderful example and buttress for whatever future wife I might find.
 
Keith Martin said:
I describe it as the need to embrace having callouses on one's heart.

It's far preferable to putting one's effort into avoiding all pain. Don't give up, and don't over-protect your heart. Yes, you have to put yourself out there for any form of love, and that risks mistreatment.
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You are correct.
I am like the hyperbolic coach character I referenced though who upon getting kicked, pushes down the pain and shouts "Again!". I suppose that is fortunate. You keep swingin and eventually you score.
 
@paterfamilias, I know you're not one for religion, but I do think you would find it helpful and interesting to read Ecclesiastes - wisdom from the world's most successful polygamist (Solomon). Incidentally, most Christians are uncomfortable with that book and find it strange that it's in the Bible, it's not religious enough for them, and they cannot understand when I say it's my favourite book.

In chapter 2, Solomon describes all the things he did to try and find pleasure and meaning in life - all his wealth and wives/concubines, "the delight of the sons of man" in his words. After it all, he concludes
Ecclesiastes 2:11 said:
Then I considered all that my hands had done and the toil I had expended in doing it, and behold, all was vanity and a striving after wind, and there was nothing to be gained under the sun.
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He categorises most such pursuits as "striving after wind", a phrase that occurs again and again through the book. And as I read of your frustrations finding women, that term just keeps coming to my mind. It's a lot of effort, and in the end you grab nothing - it's "striving after wind".

Some of his conclusions after a life of pursuing women and riches were:
Ecclesiastes 6:3 said:
If a man fathers a hundred children and lives many years, so that the days of his years are many, but his soul is not satisfied with life’s good things, and he also has no burial, I say that a stillborn child is better off than he.
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Ecclesiastes 2:24-25 said:
There is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil. This also, I saw, is from the hand of God, for apart from him who can eat or who can have enjoyment?
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Maybe you're wasting effort pursuing the wrong goal, and rather than finding a better strategy should look for a better goal? Seriously, read Ecclesiastes. It's quite short and I think you'd enjoy it.
 
FollowingHim said:
@paterfamilias, I know you're not one for religion, but I do think you would find it helpful and interesting to read Ecclesiastes - wisdom from the world's most successful polygamist (Solomon). Incidentally, most Christians are uncomfortable with that book and find it strange that it's in the Bible, it's not religious enough for them, and they cannot understand when I say it's my favourite book.

In chapter 2, Solomon describes all the things he did to try and find pleasure and meaning in life - all his wealth and wives/concubines, "the delight of the sons of man" in his words. After it all, he concludes

He categorises most such pursuits as "striving after wind", a phrase that occurs again and again through the book. And as I read of your frustrations finding women, that term just keeps coming to my mind. It's a lot of effort, and in the end you grab nothing - it's "striving after wind".

Some of his conclusions after a life of pursuing women and riches were:


Maybe you're wasting effort pursuing the wrong goal, and rather than finding a better strategy should look for a better goal? Seriously, read Ecclesiastes. It's quite short and I think you'd enjoy it.
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Excellent advice and I fully agree. Blessings and thanks Samuel.
 
FollowingHim said:
@paterfamilias, I know you're not one for religion, but I do think you would find it helpful and interesting to read Ecclesiastes - wisdom from the world's most successful polygamist (Solomon). Incidentally, most Christians are uncomfortable with that book and find it strange that it's in the Bible, it's not religious enough for them, and they cannot understand when I say it's my favourite book.

In chapter 2, Solomon describes all the things he did to try and find pleasure and meaning in life - all his wealth and wives/concubines, "the delight of the sons of man" in his words. After it all, he concludes

He categorises most such pursuits as "striving after wind", a phrase that occurs again and again through the book. And as I read of your frustrations finding women, that term just keeps coming to my mind. It's a lot of effort, and in the end you grab nothing - it's "striving after wind".

Some of his conclusions after a life of pursuing women and riches were:


Maybe you're wasting effort pursuing the wrong goal, and rather than finding a better strategy should look for a better goal? Seriously, read Ecclesiastes. It's quite short and I think you'd enjoy it.
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I will read it.

I think that Solomon may have had different goals however as many of the things that he accomplished but which apparently failed to fulfill him are goals I have also achieved albeit to a far lesser extent but that have given me the most fulfillment. Loving wife and an amazing child. I simply wish to do more.

I should probably clarify a bit in that I am having a surprising lack of difficulty in finding women interested in me and my silly shenanigans. My difficulty lies in them being the right women for an admittedly difficult match. So either they discover that I am no good for them or I discover they are no good for us. Unfortunately it is frequently after there has been some emotional bonding. There is where the coach being kicked moment comes in for me and mine.

It would likely be an easier proposal if I were religious. The secular non monogamous types tend to be...well, we all know what they tend to be. Not exclusively mind you but largely. Narrows the field. I semi regularly meet secular women who are not just hedonistic loons, only a few however are not unabashedly left wing types full of bad ideas, running on gaslight and lacking the ability to see, much less analyze patterns.
So the search goes on and we brace for the next kick.
 
I have long realized that hope does spring eternal. I wondered for many years why God would put it in my heart to want a sisterwife....it seemed a lost cause at times.

But now I am looking across the room at a beautiful sweet, tender hearted young mom and her handsome son.....and they belong here.....and I can see now why the wait was so long. And I'm counting my blessings. ....with a full heart.
God sure does a great job of making something beautiful of our lives.
 
Joleneakamama said:
I have long realized that hope does spring eternal. I wondered for many years why God would put it in my heart to want a sisterwife....it seemed a lost cause at times.

But now I am looking across the room at a beautiful sweet, tender hearted young mom and her handsome son.....and they belong here.....and I can see now why the wait was so long. And I'm counting my blessings. ....with a full heart.
God sure does a great job of making something beautiful of our lives.
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What great news! And very inspiring. How wonderful.
 
That warms the cockles of my heart!
😊
 
Joleneakamama said:
I have long realized that hope does spring eternal. I wondered for many years why God would put it in my heart to want a sisterwife....it seemed a lost cause at times.

But now I am looking across the room at a beautiful sweet, tender hearted young mom and her handsome son.....and they belong here.....and I can see now why the wait was so long. And I'm counting my blessings. ....with a full heart.
God sure does a great job of making something beautiful of our lives.
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Absolutely outstanding testimony

Brava
 
Joleneakamama said:
I have long realized that hope does spring eternal. I wondered for many years why God would put it in my heart to want a sisterwife....it seemed a lost cause at times.

But now I am looking across the room at a beautiful sweet, tender hearted young mom and her handsome son.....and they belong here.....and I can see now why the wait was so long. And I'm counting my blessings. ....with a full heart.
God sure does a great job of making something beautiful of our lives.
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Just curious.... How long was the wait? Did you bring it up to your husband or did he bring it up to you or mutual? How did you guys find her?
 
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