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Hello from the chilly Midwest
- Thread starter B1070
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Hello! Thanks for the intro and welcome! I am a first wife and also from the Midwest (but just moved)! I'd love to answer any questions you have to the best of my ability 
and just in case someone hasn't mentioned it we have ladies night in the chat room (you'll have to hit browse rooms) on Monday Nights! I believe it's at 7:30 EST? Maybe? I can't remember the time zone and I can't find the original page mentioning the chat time so I am sorry if I get the time wrong 
and just in case someone hasn't mentioned it we have ladies night in the chat room (you'll have to hit browse rooms) on Monday Nights! I believe it's at 7:30 EST? Maybe? I can't remember the time zone and I can't find the original page mentioning the chat time so I am sorry if I get the time wrong
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Hello! Thanks for the intro and welcome! I am a first wife and also from the Midwest (but just moved)! I'd love to answer any questions you have to the best of my ability
How are you liking the midwest? I'm from Iowa myself and I've always grown up around this area. I know someone did mention the ladies night but thanks for reminding me!
Welcome Becca,
It's good to have another "mid-wester" on BF. . . although "midwest" is pretty hard to pin down. I think you'll find the ladies on the site are a treasure trove of wisdom and experience. May the LORD bless your journey.
It's good to have another "mid-wester" on BF. . . although "midwest" is pretty hard to pin down. I think you'll find the ladies on the site are a treasure trove of wisdom and experience. May the LORD bless your journey.
We (my husband and I) are both from the frozen land called MN and finally moved south lol so I don't know if we are still in the midwest or notHow are you liking the midwest? I'm from Iowa myself and I've always grown up around this area. I know someone did mention the ladies night but thanks for reminding me!
I don't know where the cut off is haha. I am very familiar with Iowa! Hopefully you are staying warm!
I had family that lived in MN for a bit, and man when I visited during the winter...... brutal lol!We (my husband and I) are both from the frozen land called MN and finally moved south lol so I don't know if we are still in the midwest or not
I got to visit Pelican Lake last summer and it was beautiful! I imagine right now it's a frozen chunk of ice!
Minnesota winters were the worst. January and February were just soul sucking.
Yes!! So true, it has gotten way worse these last few years and now the tornados are heading to the cities, it was just crazy lol praise God we got out of there!!
It is definitely a difficult search! However, if you find the couple the Lord wants for you, it will certainly be worth the effort.Hi y'all. My name is Becca and I'm a 22 year old from the Midwest.
I'm currently exploring the idea of polygamy since I have no background of it whatsoever. I feel more and more called to this lifestyle constantly but I'm having trouble with finding the right fit. I talk to some families and some seem to be hiding they are looking for a plural relationship from their wife, or the communication just ends. I have found some good friends out of this search though and I am grateful for them!
I guess this post was just to introduce myself and if anyone has any tips as coming in as a second wife, any Biblically sound resources (books, scripture, podcasts, sermons etc.) Also I would love to make new friends and gain wisdom from families who have been down this path, or anyone going through a path similar to mine!
God Bless!
Hi y'all. My name is Becca and I'm a 22 year old from the Midwest.
I'm currently exploring the idea of polygamy since I have no background of it whatsoever. I feel more and more called to this lifestyle constantly but I'm having trouble with finding the right fit. I talk to some families and some seem to be hiding they are looking for a plural relationship from their wife, or the communication just ends. I have found some good friends out of this search though and I am grateful for them!
I guess this post was just to introduce myself and if anyone has any tips as coming in as a second wife, any Biblically sound resources (books, scripture, podcasts, sermons etc.) Also I would love to make new friends and gain wisdom from families who have been down this path, or anyone going through a path similar to mine!
God Bless!
Hi Becca and welcome
Having been around this block a few times and having met a firmer plural wife online, I feel somewhat qualified to at least throw in an opinion or two. Free advice so make of it what you will.
questions - tonnes of them. You are looking for forever and not a flung so get into the guts of matters and don't be shy about it. If they don't wish to be open an honest then politely walk.
honesty - watch for bs cause there is tonnes out there and be honest and open yourself. Maybe they are great and you are great but just not great for each other. See previous remark about looking for forever
verify - there are so many hosejobs in online dating and this niche subarea is no exception. First you want to be aware that the families who have been given the run around by supposed single women are really gunshy and will want you to prove you really are the person in the profile. Believe me, this is valid and turn about is totally fair play. You Absolutely do want to talk to both of them as a couple at minimum on the phone and probably should do video at least once. You also however want to talk to the wife alone. If you get a different vibe from her on her own than when the husband is present, then keep looking.
age gap - make sure you are clear on your preferences and what sort of pushback on just this subject you are willing to deal with from family if you think you might be interested in a substantially older couple. This is pretty common as women tend to want to join established families and that doesn't happen casually overnight. Some women get Substantial pushback from families on this topic. Occasionally more than on the plural marriage itself. It happened to us quite recently in what otherwise was on the way towards our first in person meeting.
pushback - more generally speaking, are you prepared for the friends and family pushback? Being told that they are taking advantage of you, you are in a cult, being used, crazy, why can't you have extra husbands, do you live on a compound... not everyone gets all of it but it is rare to not get pushback in your position. Some relationships can be strongly undermined by outsiders and again...we are all of us looking for forever, so you should consider what pushback you will likely receive, how you will handle it and whether it could ever change your future relationship
sex - got to bring it up. The vast majority of couples seeking another woman are not looking for another wife, they are looking for another sex partner for several potential reasons. You are not an object or a disposable item so my recommendation is that if they wish to discuss sex in any significant detail then you should keep looking. I would give the same advice to families seeking in fact as well. There are woman who may or may not be genuine in their searches but who will be clearly more interested in the fantasy they have in their minds than the idea of accomplishing a real life goal like integrating a wife into a family and through her growing the family all the more. They act like nookie is their focus, then you should bounce.
be clear about your own motives - could type a lot here but it all comes back to looking for forever. If that is not your goal then maybe a plural marriage is not for you and you should stick to monogamy. It is not just your heart and the husband's heart that could be broken by a breakup. You are proposing to meet and mesh with an entire family. Maybe that is just a wife as well. Maybe it is multiple wives and skads of kids. It is not just you two who could be hurt though.
I could likely come up with more by talking about the sort of false motives you will find in many of the men and lots of other aspects to watch for but I will leave it. That is probably plenty of unsolicited advice from a stranger.
Good luck in your search. It is really not easy. Being you
young and female you will have a lot of opportunities but it can be like an advent calendar with 11 very ugly results and only one prize to be had.
Hell I would throw my own hat in the ring if I thought you were crazy enough for the age gap since we are hopping for a mountain of extra crumb crunchers.
Re coming in as a new wife...the ladies will probably critique me on this but the important thing is to become friends with tje first wife and I mean for real friends not just figuring out how to live with each other...then respect the fact that it is going to be tough for her as well and then y'all be open and honest with each other. Get on the same team with her and make sure you are clear about wanting the common good for the family and it will likely all come together.
Yeah...now I have definitely said plenty. Welcome and good luck
That was a lot of good advice. He's right too. Even if you find a situation you feel is worth it, and right for you, people are likely to feel there is something wrong and treat you like they suddenly feel you are stupid.
"Being told that they are taking advantage of you, you are in a cult, being used,"
My sisterwife's family think pretty much that. She must be brainwashed into a cult, and is just being used by us. It couldn't be that the good man who has been a good husband and father is still a good idea. It couldn't have anything to do with him being willing to commit and raise more children.
Do be prepared for that.
"Being told that they are taking advantage of you, you are in a cult, being used,"
My sisterwife's family think pretty much that. She must be brainwashed into a cult, and is just being used by us. It couldn't be that the good man who has been a good husband and father is still a good idea. It couldn't have anything to do with him being willing to commit and raise more children.
Do be prepared for that.
Excellent advice in that post. Just one part I'd like to expand on for those looking for a family. There is something deeper than friendship needed here. Are you a Christian? Are they? If so then this should characterize your lives...
"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”
If so, love covers a multitude of sins. And this isn't talking about romantic love.
Amen.
Regardless of other difficulties and problems, the errosive effect of family or friends constantly telling you how you are in the wrong, crazy, being used etc is long term toxic.
Not going to claim that I have a solution as I and my first wife are lucky enough to have family who were not troubled by the idea of us becoming polygamist and happily attended the wedding.
What the tribe thinks matters. This is a problem in monogamy. You think all is fine and good but then the moment the honeymoon phase is over and she starts to pull away there is a chorus of people egging her on to burn it all down and willing to aid her.
With polygamy they just start the push early. Both situations are a problem.