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Help Please, Is Plural Marriage for REAL?

CecilW said:
In the meantime, what can y'all do in preparation? If she were to show up this year with 4 kids in tow, would your garden need to be bigger? Plant it that size. Would your house need to be enlarged? Start planning how, and building if possible. It's the "I'm praying for rain so carrying an umbrella" principle. That's our part. The who and when is His.
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Cecil

I am so glad you said this. This is something I have done on our farm. My wife has often asked when I have made an expantion to our farms infrastucture" Why do we need to do this much so soon?" I have yet to have a time where she has not said later " I am so glad you made us do this." If you have more than you need give it away. You just may be giving it to your future wife and not even know it.

Robert
 
I would just like to say I really appreciate all that has been contributed. I believe the next issue for myself would be a matter of control. I need to rest in the fact that Adonia has all things under His control. I need to relinquish my (so called) control and give the situation over to Him. I believe He can do a much better job at working out ALL things for good. He did create me, didn't he? Yes, of course. Regardless of whether or not my husband does or does not find a second wife my role still is to be is helpmate to him. Thank you Cecil for your kind advice. It helps me to know that even if at times things are difficult, uncomfortable, or just down right frustraing I can rest in the knowledge that He is holding me in the very palm of His hands. He will never leave me. And even if Idiots do indeed abound, and they seem to be every where lately. I can rest in the reassurance that I know I am doing what is right. Thank you all for your help.
 
Ephraim's D said:
To all following and contributing,
It breaks my heart though that we are good people willing and ready to be a family to someone maybe nobody else wants and here there are people out there wanting to decieve us, trick us, hurt us, break up our family. Trying to say that because we want to do what the Bible says is ok and NOT a SIN, that some how it is sin. They are wrong. What am I to do? Where do we go from here?
We do have our own site. If anyone cares to check it out it is http://www.ephraimsite.webs.com. I would really love it to have people come and check it out. We are still slowly working on it. I don’t think it is exactly done but as we have time we want to build upon what we already have.
Thank you once again to all that have shared. Yeshua bless you.
-D
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Ephraim's D,

I checked out your site; it's wonderful! I'll be praying that our Heavenly Father sends you a Godly woman or two. I'm sure He's got great plans for your family, ones that will wipe away the hurt feelings from the past.

Blessings,
Michelle
 
Thanks Michelle, I really appreciate that!

I would like to say that we are open to the idea of getting to know others. We want to be fully submitted to God’s will and plan for our lives. We have a desire to raise up a godly family. Any more encouraging words or advice is very helpful. It has been a blessing to have seen all the positive responses and it has helped my outlook on plural marriage. God bless you!
 
Ephraim's D,

I also went to y'alls website and thought it was fantastic! Just wait patiently on the Lord and let Him work out all the details in your future. Easier said than done, believe me, I know! But trusting in the Lord is the safest place to be.

Katie
 
Hi D,
To answer your question, yes we have had real relationships in which we were not being scammed, there did not seem to be any alterior motives, etc.. although I will say if you are not careful, you can run into people who do not have your best interests at heart. I would definitely say that poly relationships are a lot harder than mono relationships in that there is a lot of pressure from family members, friends and society as a whole that the relationship is different or not accepted, and that is very hard to overcome. My best advice is to take your time. Do not be in a rush. Talk for awhile before agreeing to meet in person, and don't make any serious commitments until you have spent a lot of time together. A person can be whoever you want them to be on the phone or email, the real test is spending face to face time with them to get to know them on a personal level. And even then, take things slowly! Do not be in such a rush to get everyone under one roof or to get married. I know it is difficult, when you meet someone you click with and it is all very exciting, but taking our time with others has saved us a lot of heartache in the long run, because for various reasons the relationships just didn't work. We were able to see this before we were living together and marriage and children were involved. Believe me, if it is truly meant to be from God it will be. God doesn't make mistakes. Hope this helps. Good luck to you.
Kacy
 
Hi, well I think we are a success story,all praise to Yahweh our Elohim. He gave my children and myself the most wonderful family in the world who we met on the internet. To be honest I allways thought that people who had met and communicated online were a bit strange, but after I was widowed and left with 5 children,I was led to a Messianic network and suprisingly met my husband there.Yahweh has a sense of humour.It has been challenging joining another family,but what marriage isnt challenging? I have been blessed with a husband who loves us, lives a righteous life and wants to please Yahweh in all things,what more could I possibly ask for? His first wife has been the most awesome sister wife and has loved me and encouraged me and been there as a support for our children. All I have to do is look at our happy children and see the positive fruit of what Yahweh has done and then I can say without a doubt, yes He has given us a successful plural marriage. :)
Keep trusting in what Yahweh wants for your life.
MrsJHTWO
 
The title of this topic being "Is Plural Marriage for REAL?" is exactly my thought. I can see that many people have replied yes, but I still struggle to see it working out in practice. It just seems so hard. I find it very difficult to believe that there are normal people out there that would consider the lifestyle. So it is always good to read of real families just living ordinary lives. Sort of like if Bill Henrickson just ran the hardware store and didnt buy a casino or run for political office.
 
Katie- Thank you for checking us out. You must be from the South. :cool: I love the way you all talk. I could just listen for hours. :)
Kacylynn- I totally understand what you are saying. I agree with you 100%. But here is one hang up that we have had. Talking/Communicating and/or face-to-face interaction with a single woman seems to me like mission impossible. I would like to communicate with single women. I think it would be beneficial to understand their hopes, dreams, fears are of meeting or being apart of a family. My husband has tried to email some people we have run across on the net and I have too. It appears to me like they are scared. I understand. I think if I were in their shoes I would be too. I would just like to be able to talk and my husband feels the same way. He does not want to court or be involved with every person we meet. But again I am just stating that if there are real single women out there that want or are willing to be in a PM situation then they are few and far between.
Mrsjhtwo- Ok my question to you is how did you meet? Did you contact them, did they contact you? Do have hints/suggestions on how to go about it? Maybe a list of dos and donts would be helpful. :) There is probabley a list somewhere on this forum but I haven’t found it yet. :lol:
Ylop- Right, exactly. I met some very nice and normal people :D at the retreat but it appears that mono marriage seems to be the only option for people, like maybe they need their brains stretched a little to wrap it around PM being a real possibility.
Thanks YA ALL :lol: again for sharing. I appreciate it.
 
Thanks YA ALL
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Hi D -

Most of us don't make 2 syllables of, just, "y'all." Used even when speaking to a single person, as in, "y'all cum ba heere ofen?" Kinda just all runs together. To say it right, just take the spaces out. That how Mr Foxworthy comes up with his redneck 'word of the week.'

Dave
 
The plural of "y'all", Ephraim's D, being "all y'alls", as in "Whyn't all y'alls amble on over Sun'ay ev'ning fer sum tater salat an' barbeque?" *grin*

As to the topic of this thread here's my two cents of suggestion ... Go ahead. Talk to everyone.

Trying to talk to, and become socially involved with, only pre-screened prospects is WAAAAAAAY too serious AND limiting. Have FUN making friends with everyone possible! Y'all just might find the perfect 2nd/sister-wife in the unlikeliest place. I did.

And y'alls don't have to marry all, or even any, of 'em. Still fun making friends. and sharing tater salat an' barbeque!
 
Have FUN making friends with everyone possible!
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What he said! The more people you meet, the more opportunity you give God to bring the right person into your life.

Dave
 
Here's an off-topic query:

When using the possessive of y'all , such as, "Is that y'alls car?", should I put two apostrophes in the word (y'all's) or just leave it frustratingly empty (y'alls)?

I know that I'm trying to mix proper grammar with the glorious southern vernacular, but I can't for the life of me make myself leave out an apostrophe. IT MAKES ME CRAZY.
 
When using the possessive of y'all , such as, "Is that y'alls car?", should I put two apostrophes in the word (y'all's) or just leave it frustratingly empty (y'alls)?
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Ah dunno, hon. whate'r suits yer fancy, ah reckin.

Dave
 
Hi,all I can say is that Yahweh did it.He led me all the way and likewise with my husband. The odds of me meeting a family who was so compatible were so slim it could only have been Yahweh. His wife spoke to me first,they were also into homeschooling,so the conversation went straight to the kids etc. Then her husband spoke briefly to me,so I guess it was just very relaxed and built a friendship from there.His wife was quite involved with that part which was good because it made me feel relaxed about chatting. After a friendship was established,he then asked if we could start a dialogue to see whether our families would be compatible to join together.

Dos- Allow Yahweh to lead you at all times, take it slow,but not too slow,be direct with questions etc but not pushy and intrusive,be honest and open,take regular mikvehs(immersions) to ensure you are in His will(very important!!!) Surrender all your life and being to Yahweh,live by His commandments and He will make all things work out for good. be prepared to lose all your friends .Try to Keep an attitude of humility at all times. The first wife should be there as a friend and support when needed. Be prepared to be taken completely out of your comfort zone.

donts- do pm in your own strength,
ask too many personal questions too quickly, dont be unequally yoked with unbelievers,dont allow the first wife to make your decisions for you,you should work as a team and she should be involved but not so much that she gets in the way of your communication,there will be a time where she will have to step back and allow the husband time to bond with the new wife. (whether on the phone,internet or in person.)

Shalom
MrsJHTWO
 
I think its important to remember here that even in cultures' where poly is accepted it is still not normal. I believe I read the most poygynous cultures still only have 10 to 15 percent of marriages be plural. Obviously we have a huge pool of single women in this country, but many of them aren't biblically marriageable anyway. If they were going to be obedient to a Godly model of marriage they would be going back to their husbands, not getting an entirely new one. My point though, is that most families are not going to be able to find a suitable wife. You have to be one of the best situated one; financially, spiritually and emotionally.
 
If they were going to be obedient to a Godly model of marriage they would be going back to their husbands, not getting an entirely new one.
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I think you have to be careful not to be too narrow in your thought patterns. Many of the single mom's I've met (plenty as I used to manage a domestic violence shelter), are not single by choice, most would go back to whatever man they had. Often that's not possible do to court intervention or whatever. On the other hand, many are searching for answers and are often open to God's word. Sometimes they are aching for their savior without even knowing it since few have been raised in a church. I was often able to talk with them until they were willing to try church for the first time. I know of several who thus became saved. This could be a huge outreach area for pastors willing to put the time to search out those shelters and minister to those women.

One in particular had 3 kids by 3 different fathers. She began going to Calvary Chapel and now has met and married a Godly young man who took in her kids as if they were his own. They've been doing well for about 10 years now and she's had 2 more kids by her husband. There are single women out there who may not be Christians yet. So what! Be an evangelist. Maybe you can keep them from developing so many "Sacred Cows" if you teach them to be Bereans.

JMHO
Dave
 
"Many of the single mom's I've met (plenty as I used to manage a domestic violence shelter), are not single by choice, most would go back to whatever man they had."

That has not been my experience both as a husband and as an AFDC Social Caseworker and Eligibility Worker for the County. My first single mom lady by covenant was a divorced EuroAm mother of two who divorced her husband because of his persistent immorality and unfaithfulness. She was a good Baptist, in the choir and active in church fellowship. I wrongfully fled from her when she tried to force me to choose between my interracial kids and her racist dad. She went on and married another.

My second single mother of three, Lua Nguyen, was a Vietnamese refugee who turned prostitute in the Cambodian refugee camps to keep her and her kids from starving to death and from being raped. I disobeyed God by covenanting with her before I was sure she was genuinely saved in Jesus (2 Cor 6:14-7:3; Prov 5:20,21; 1 Kings 11). I left after she threw the Bible in the trash saying Jesus didn't answer her prayers, and when I found she was still prostituting to supplement the family income.

My third single AfroAm mother of three, concubine by covenant, was abandoned by the fathers, probably because she is so independent. I served her and her needy family for several months before she told me she would be my concubine. I disobeyed God by covenanting with her before I was sure she was genuinely saved in Jesus (2 Cor 6:14-7:3; Prov 5:20,21; 1 Kings 11). I thought her testimony to attending church and singing in the choir was enough at first, but then I discovered she had no real relationship with Jesus, no time in the Bible or prayer. She "left" me by telling me to not come around for a while, and I took that to be a 1 Cor 7:12,15 termination of marital relationship.

My fourth single mother of eight, AsianMexAm concubine by covenant, was abandoned by her husband and the father of 7 of her children. He left and married a woman from his church. She worked for me as my housekeeper once a week for several months and I got involved with her family. I disobeyed God by covenanting with her before I was sure she was genuinely saved in Jesus (2 Cor 6:14-7:3; Prov 5:20,21; 1 Kings 11). I thought her testimony of believing Jesus was God and Savior, and not Michael the archangel as most JW's believe, was enough but when the ladies at the churches I took her to rejected her rudely and unkindly, she gave up broken hearted and went back to being a nominal JW out of honor to her mother. She scaled down our relationship to good friends after her pastor persuaded her that polygyny was an OT thing and not for today.

An then there is the widow MexAm lady , a very godly church attending-building lady who reads her Bible twice a day and gets down on her knees to pray several times a day, who let me know that she needed to maritally covenant with me becoming her godly marital partner by covenant after I had been ministering to/visiting/serving her for several months.

So the neglected ministry fields of the Deut 25:5; James 1:21; 1 Tim 5:14 are white to harvest and ready to be reaped for one called to wash feet and serve others.

***Deut 25:5If brothers live together and one of them dies and has no son, his wife shall not be married to a stranger outside the family. Her husband's [single or married] brother shall go in to her and take her as his wife and perform the duty of a husband's brother to her.
***1 Cor 7:8 I say to the unmarried and to bereft [abandoned or widowed (5503)] women: It is good for them if they remain [unmarried] as I am. 9 But if they are not consistently abstaining from sinning sexually, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with desire.
***James 1:27 Pure and undefiled religion before our God and Father is this: to look after [bereaved, parentless, orphaned] children(3737) and widows [lacking husbands](5503) in their distress and to keep oneself unstained by the world.
***1 Tim 5:14 Therefore, I want younger widows(5503) to marry, have children, manage their households, and give the adversary no opportunity to accuse us.
(5503) ch>ra, — khay’-rah; feminine of a presumed derivative apparently
from the base of (5490) (ca>sma) through the idea of deficiency;
a widow (as lacking a husband), literal or figurative: — widow.
Thayer's Lexicon: 1) a widow, 2) metaph. a city stripped of its inhabitants and riches is represented under the figure of a widow
http://www.blueletterbible.org/lang/lex ... 5503&t=KJV
Hebrew OT equivalent: (H488) 'almanah, a widow, of a state bereft of its king, desolate; (H491) 'almanuwth, widowhood, Israel bereft of its land
http://www.blueletterbible.org/lang/lex ... rongs=H490
http://www.blueletterbible.org/lang/lex ... rongs=H491
Thayer and Arndt-Gingrich Greek Lexicons: "bereft woman", i.e. deprived of or robbed of a husband, and so lacking a needed husband
 
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