How does Courting a SW differ from the FW in your experience?

[NBTX11]

A genuine woman generally doesn’t ask for money. I can only offer my experience. My second wife was in extreme financial hardship living alone. She never asked me for anything. I offered to help and did help but it was never asked for and was appreciated when I did help. She did want to be courted but never asked for anything. We had many video calls and in person visits (we lived in the same state) so it was easy to see she was genuine. I personally would not attempt to court anyone on the other side of the world. As has been said, too many scam artists that know how to push their scam on victims.

 

[Joleneakamama]

I have a friend who travelled all the way to Ukraine to meet a woman who did not exist. Anyone looking from the outside can see he was a fool to fall for it - but for him at the time it did not seem foolish, because he had become caught up in it emotionally.

My husband has a younger brother who years ago was very emotionally involved with a woman from the Philippines. To everyone else it was obvious that she was not what she claimed. Why would a woman who claimed to have money and be educated be interested in a man with no job, no education, and no money? ...in fact he had debt!?! He has child support because he had two daughters with a woman who we also could have told him was a bad idea. She didn't stay with her babies daddys just turned into a witch after having a man's children and kept collecting child support from these dads that might have supported her and their kids if she didn't act like a you know what!...so she's living on the men she chewed up and spit out while she looks for a prince charming that she ignorantly thinks will want to live with her rather toadly self....and she don't plan to change!!

The devastation is real!

He no longer had hope of being a family, quit caring if he kept up with his child support payments....then did something else that wasn't wise (with his smart phone) and has been locked up for a couple years.

Please do be careful!

 

[NBTX11]

She didn't stay with her babies daddys just turned into a witch after having a man's children and kept collecting child support from these dads that might have supported her and their kids if she didn't act like a you know what!

There’s one word for this woman, and it starts with a W.

 

[MemeFan]

Yeah....this is a scammer

Run, do not walk, to the nearest exit.

Better sit on active rocket engine.

 

[MemeFan]

@Lilac, your situation looks like scam.

Why wouldn't woman show her pretty body to potential man for real?

If she isn't ugly, him seeing her will make him more motivated.

Her behaviour is total nonsense from love perspective.

 

[Edward]

The videos she has provided are quite in depth and use our names and reply specifically to us

It is super easy to do videos nowadays and get very specific, look what they can do with AI.
I think the below passage speaks volumes. Your husband may not be a young man, but we don't want him to be guilty of v7. I am aware that he has not met this woman in person and maybe just maybe v 11 and 12 apply. Scammers know how to get their way, she has caught his attention v 13, and maybe just maybe she is guilty of v 20. We don't know, just speculation. But we want to make sure that your husband doesn't fall for v 21 and 22. But the warnings that have been given, I believe v 24 and 25 speak for themselves. Scammers definitely fit v 26 and 27.

Proverbs 7:5-27 KJV That they may keep thee from the strange woman, from the stranger which flattereth with her words. (6) For at the window of my house I looked through my casement, (7) And beheld among the simple ones, I discerned among the youths, a young man void of understanding, (8) Passing through the street near her corner; and he went the way to her house, (9) In the twilight, in the evening, in the black and dark night: (10) And, behold, there met him a woman with the attire of an harlot, and subtil of heart. (11) (She is loud and stubborn; her feet abide not in her house: (12) Now is she without, now in the streets, and lieth in wait at every corner.) (13) So she caught him, and kissed him, and with an impudent face said unto him, (14) I have peace offerings with me; this day have I payed my vows. (15) Therefore came I forth to meet thee, diligently to seek thy face, and I have found thee. (16) I have decked my bed with coverings of tapestry, with carved works, with fine linen of Egypt. (17) I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon. (18) Come, let us take our fill of love until the morning: let us solace ourselves with loves. (19) For the goodman is not at home, he is gone a long journey: (20) He hath taken a bag of money with him, and will come home at the day appointed. (21) With her much fair speech she caused him to yield, with the flattering of her lips she forced him. (22) He goeth after her straightway, as an ox goeth to the slaughter, or as a fool to the correction of the stocks; (23) Till a dart strike through his liver; as a bird hasteth to the snare, and knoweth not that it is for his life. (24) Hearken unto me now therefore, O ye children, and attend to the words of my mouth. (25) Let not thine heart decline to her ways, go not astray in her paths. (26) For she hath cast down many wounded: yea, many strong men have been slain by her. (27) Her house is the way to hell, going down to the chambers of death.

why not do a live video call?

If she is not willing to do a live video, then your husband needs to cut his losses now.

RED FLAGS, RED FLAGS RED FLAGS... and just in case you missed it, RED FLAGS.

Hits the nail on the head, he hit the nail with such precision that he didn't have to go back for a second wack, with each RED FLAG!

 

[paterfamilias]

@Lilac, your situation looks like scam.

Why wouldn't woman show her pretty body to potential man for real?

If she isn't ugly, him seeking her will make him more motivated.

Her behaviour is total nonsense from love perspective.

Certainly not the way I would couch things but unwillingness to get on video call is a massive red flag.
Mentioning the idea of sending money is getting jabbed in the face and hit in the pills with the flag pole.

This is common behavior with scsmmers. At minimum, do a reverse image search on the pics. They are likely harvested from the internet

 

[steve]

Mentioning the idea of sending money is getting jabbed in the face and hit in the pills with the flag pole.

Taking red flags to an all new level.
Nice!

 

[MeganC]

Agreed with all the comments that this is a red flag to talk about sending money and paying her for anything plus the lack of a video chat is so concerning. There's more to this than your heart wishes. I've been in a similar situation and had to learn that before I even get beyond a few messages we require a video chat. That eliminates a scammer right away. It doesn't remove the risk of being scammed though so backgrounds and meeting in a public place is a must.

The US Secret Service teaches their officers/agents to identify counterfeit/fake currency by intensively studying genuine currency.

When you know what the real thing looks like then the fakes become obvious.

A woman who is genuinely interested in poly is probably not going to be in any huge hurry to establish intimacy with anyone. She can be expected to be cautious and to take things slow.*

Desiring less intimacy at the outset should not be a red flag.

Asking for money (usual scammer thing) is itself a very intimate thing. Too many men who want to establish themselves as providers will too often rush into this kind of intimacy and they'll send money to a scammer in the hope that further intimacy will follow.

A video chat these days is no guarantee that you're talking to a real person. AI is rapidly advancing to the point that online it will be indistinguishable from real people maybe even before the end of this year.

Some folks forget how rapidly AI has been implemented in our social fabric.

It's only been in the public space for just one year and nine months as I write this. And in that short a time it is everywhere.

Chat GPT was the first publicly accessible AI and it launched November 30, 2022.

Forgive my little tangent there. I mean this as a caution.

The real and only best practice is to meet people in person before you allow deeper intimacy.

It is not too much to ask someone to meet you for coffee in a public place. Do this.

* I said a woman can be expected to be cautious and to take things slow. I should have followed this advice when I was young and stupid. I met and visited some folks and while nothing bad happened I later realized that angels were watching over me. It could have easily gone very bad for me. Meaning that if a potential plural were to ask me for advice I'd counsel extreme caution as she goes forward.

 

[JudahYAHites]

When you know what the real thing looks like then the fakes become obvious.

 

[MemeFan]

Certainly not the way I would couch things but unwillingness to get on video call is a massive red flag.
Mentioning the idea of sending money is getting jabbed in the face and hit in the pills with the flag pole.

This is common behavior with scsmmers. At minimum, do a reverse image search on the pics. They are likely harvested from the internet

Because marriage is about breeding. When things don't move towards it, something is wrong.

Notice I didn't say how fast.

 

[paterfamilias]

Because marriage is about breeding. When things don't move towards it, something is wrong.

Notice I didn't say how fast.

Hand waggle...
Ideal circumstances I agree it should be about having kids and building a family.
The world is not ideal though and there have been loads of conversations on here about taking on older women, woman with reproductive health issues or moms with kids who may not be into the idea of carrying more babies

I am not personally entirely adverse to the notion but I am significantly more focused on the idea of lots of crumb crunchers who manage to be cute despite looking like me, running about the joint and potentially terrorizing the neighborhood. Much more my thing...but what percentage of men seeking this plyg-life dynamic do i represent? Plenty I am sure but all, certainly not.

So a lirtle column A little column B circumstance

 

[MemeFan]

Hand waggle...
Ideal circumstances I agree it should be about having kids and building a family.
The world is not ideal though and there have been loads of conversations on here about taking on older women, woman with reproductive health issues or moms with kids who may not be into the idea of carrying more babies

I am not personally entirely adverse to the notion but I am significantly more focused on the idea of lots of crumb crunchers who manage to be cute despite looking like me, running about the joint and potentially terrorizing the neighborhood. Much more my thing...but what percentage of men seeking this plyg-life dynamic do i represent? Plenty I am sure but all, certainly not.

So a lirtle column A little column B circumstance

Look, standard justification for polygyny is widows, women with children without fathers etc...


But we know this is rather rare. And just like all those monogamy-only guys would in instant takr polygyny option is available without risk, I'm certain polygyny men would all prefer young, hot, sweet and fertile women over widow, woman with children etcc...

I get life get in way and dreams don't fall from sky, but people still prefer dreams.

 

[FollowingHim]

How are you doing @Lilac? I note you haven't logged in since Tuesday, don't know if you're browsing and reading the replies without logging in. We've hit you with a rather upsetting bit of news, sorry, and we'd all like to hear how you and your husband are doing.

 

[IndianaLife]

My husband is courting a lady online and he likes her and she him. I agree that she seems to be a good fit.

She has stated recently that she wants to be conquered like a first wife. She mentions a story of a man sending gifts and money for a year to the maidens family, which get returned if the marriage doesn’t occur (I don’t think she expects this exact thing but she has mentioned it twice so I think it demonstrates a certain mindset).

Honestly if a woman expressed that to me, I'd lose her number. That's all a giant red flag to me.

 

[paterfamilias]

Look, standard justification for polygyny is widows, women with children without fathers etc...

That may be yours but I will wager it is not the majority motivation.
Maybe you will say justification ≠ motivation and that would be fair but I am not interested in justifying my own interest in plural marriage. Justification smacks of making excuses or a lie by obfuscation or structure if you prefer.
I am a firm advocate of being extremely honest about my motives.
I know that would shoot a lot of guys in the foot as a Tonne really do want either additional sexual access or an ego stroke. Likely a solid mix. Some feel a religious calling. Others as you describe feel that it is a duty to cover those who need it.
Me, I believe it makes for a bigger happier family with more kids and more life. That it is not just a practical way to live one's life but that happiness is multiplied.
In the end though I don't think the majority are fully honest about All of their motivations and as a result, they will conceal a part of why they desire polygamy and will justify the intent with noble sounding fiction.
So, not over fond of justifying this lifestyle.
Context thing I imagine

But we know this is rather rare. And just like all those monogamy-only guys would in instant takr polygyny option is available without risk, I'm certain polygyny men would all prefer young, hot, sweet and fertile women over widow, woman with children etcc...

I get life get in way and dreams don't fall from sky, but people still prefer dreams.

Yes they certainly do.

We all have our fantasy list.
My own would be youngish...not because I have a thing for it but because of the second wish ie fertile and interested in being a mom. Third would be stability in a broad stroke sense. Brains....being on the same page politically or at minimum willing to bloody learn.
Yeah hot would be nice. Everyone likes fitness signals. It is less interesting in my mind than who she is and if we can bond and be happy together.

 

[MemeFan]

That may be yours but I will wager it is not the majority motivation.
Maybe you will say justification ≠ motivation and that would be fair but I am not interested in justifying my own interest in plural marriage.

It's not my justification. I say it's something used by most.

And we need some sort of justification. Some why. Off course, sometimes explains ourself to some people is bad, but as principle it's good.

 

[paterfamilias]

It's not my justification. I say it's something used by most.

And we need some sort of justification. Some why. Off course, sometimes explains ourself to some people is bad, but as principle it's good.

No. We do not remotely have to justify anything. Polygyny is older than human history. It is as natural as it gets.
Justification is fighting with one's back to the wall. It is making excuses for a perceived bad act.
Well maybe I am a mean ole polygamist but I am caring for a widow and children so it balances out the scales. Just don't harass me any more Mr and Mrs fine with me degenerate propaganda sapling westerner.

Heeeeeeeeell no. There is zero immoral about plural marriage. I will not remotely make excuses for it or put my back to the wall on the topic. All charge all the time.
The oppositions arguments are freshly harvested tripe and can be slapped down casually.
No need for justification, no excuses, no need for defense as plural marriage is good and natural.

 

[MemeFan]

No. We do not remotely have to justify anything. Polygyny is older than human history. It is as natural as it gets.
Justification is fighting with one's back to the wall. It is making excuses for a perceived bad act.
Well maybe I am a mean ole polygamist but I am caring for a widow and children so it balances out the scales. Just don't harass me any more Mr and Mrs fine with me degenerate propaganda sapling westerner.

Heeeeeeeeell no. There is zero immoral about plural marriage. I will not remotely make excuses for it or put my back to the wall on the topic. All charge all the time.
The oppositions arguments are freshly harvested tripe and can be slapped down casually.
No need for justification, no excuses, no need for defense as plural marriage is good and natural.

View attachment 8605

You don't need to justify yourself.

But institution still needs justification. If somebody claims polygyny practicioners needs to be put in jail or why current monogamy-only marriage laws need to be abolished, what would you answer?

There is still need for victory in court of public opinion.

 

[paterfamilias]

You don't need to justify yourself.

But institution still needs justification. If somebody claims polygyny practicioners needs to be put in jail or why current monogamy-only marriage laws need to be abolished, what would you answer?

There is still need for victory in court of public opinion.

Easy
I was not married via any license with any woman. I am not braking your fake and gay law. You do not have authority over my relationships.
Not an issue of abolishing monogamy only laws. Issue of abolishing the pretense that functionaries get a say in my relationships or anyone else's.
That is where I hard disagreed with the same sex marriage recognition...yeah yeah I know it was a cultural contagen and Overton issue rather than a real push for the state to feck off out of people's lives but in broad strokes I see far more sense in pointing out to the state that they are not part of my family and that they should butt out.

Wasn't it you who did a long post about origins of anti plig attitudes in Greece for what amounts to bureaucratic red tape etc?