I doubt that there are too many instances of someone catching a case of the clap from their hand….
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How to bring up Biblical marriage
- Thread starter NBTX11
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Also, would it help to think through her task of notifying her family? Many people would accept something they can keep secret. Marrying a married man becomes public. How and when does she explain herself? Finding a way to make that painless would remove a huge barrier for some.
I guess my strategy of just telling everyone in my life that I believe in biblical polygamy and would be willing to practice it openly and proudly might be a little too forward, huh?
Not necessarily...
But I was talking about making it easier for those you pursue to tell their family their plans to join a polygynous relationship.
The best of intentions sometimes just doesn't seem to make a bit of difference.
My husband and I talked about our beliefs with his family for twenty years. His brother in law is now trying to say we are sinning, but his argument is super lame. He claims (because he ignores scripture to the contrary) that marriage has always been between one man and one woman since Genesis. "For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and they twain shall be one flesh" supposedly limits a man to one.
My emails are ignored, texts are ignored, last two phone calls to the family that was friendly for the last 27 years that I've known them went to voice mail....assumed ignored since they have a big family and are usually home.
Telling her family was not easy for her either, and brought all kinds of vile baseless accusations that my husband addressed head on. What they rumored about our family my husband called them out on to the face.
Just count the cost and be prepared to be written off by most of your friends and family.
This bears repeating.
That really is the bottom line. Books could be written about why that is the inescapable conclusion. It's much better to choose wisely whom you share the true nature of your life with. Most are pigs about this, who will trample your pearls and tear you to pieces.
They don't see the beauty in it, or the blessing. They would rather pair that single mom off with any single man....no matter how pathetic he is. My sw found it insulting in a way to be pushed by churchgoers toward any unmarried man.
They would, in most cases, rather have a woman be a baby mama with some baby daddy who has 3 other baby mamas than encourage her to engage in the horror of being married to a man willing to be faithfully committed to more than one woman.
Actually, (a) I'm not at all sure that being easy is the best path, but (b) it may be the case that my approach is the easiest. I get all the disapproval out in the open up front, forcing the spineless to lurk in the shadows rather than expecting me to do so. And then I wait. If I become aware that someone is sh**talking me behind my back, I directly test their cowardice by purposefully bringing up that topic (or really any other). My experience is that, while the results vary, overall I find that, the more confidently I present myself, the less grief I get.
So I would recommend that you encourage that it be treated like an adventure -- one that is worth its down sides.
Paul promised us we would be condemned for being set apart. I'm convinced that it's not just polygyny that Christendom has betrayed; in general, the organized-religion side of Christianity has watered itself down into thin gruel in order to diminish the potential for adherents to receive disapproval from without.
What matter is how Lord looks upon a situation. If it a proper marriage is His eyes, no problemo.
You don't qualify, @Maddog: the "spineless" in my post are those who criticize behind one's back, unwilling to engage in exploratory dialogue. You aren't spineless. You've proven that to me in the past. I'll never forget that you were among the men who engaged in the fruitful private SHREW discussion that took courage just to participate in.
Exactly.
I can't argue against that sentiment, as long as it isn't then expanded outside beyond the bounds of Scripture into justifying thinking that we have the superpower of being able to fully discern His Will in pursuit of judging whether the men in front of us are or aren't meeting the Lord's approval.
One of the reasons I went directly to this one lady's father, was because I figured it would be better to try to convince him first. We left off agreeing that ultimately the Holy Spirit will guide us, which is true. I am still praying that things will work out, and oh by the way, he texted me to let me know that he wants me to limit my interactions with her, so... I anticipated that would happen, but the young lady still has no other prospects out there.
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Good advice here
Unfortunately, being convinced that the Holy Spirit is guiding one is almost as common as buying donuts.
This is true, but I am in a position where I have to trust that God will open his eyes to the truth. I could attempt to convince him, but that could turn sideways, and if I were able to convince him, then it wouldn't be the Holy Spirit doing the convincing. I do want to meet with him again though. He has had a lot going on in his life, so we have not been able to get together again for the past year, when I last told him where I stand on this issue.
I have confidence that if he really wanted to delve into this issue, he would be forced to admit that there is nothing wrong with polygyny. I know that the three unmarried daughters he has (well at least the two that are of marriageable age), could motivate him in that direction, but he would also have to overcome the fear of the negative stereotypes that have been promoted in our society surrounding polygyny. We had the group "Adam's Road" visit the church one Sunday evening, and the lady in that group, grew up in a polygamist home. She mentioned the positive aspects of having so many brothers and sisters, but she also spelled out the negative, that her father was extremely abusive towards her brothers. In addition to concerns over those stereotypes, he is on staff at the church, and there are definitely risks of very real consequences, if he were to accept the truth, and that information were to get out.
Any way, I have been playing the waiting game for the past year, but I am not the one who has a biological time clock that is ticking. The pastor mentioned https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Timothy+2:15&version=NIV in one of his sermons. He said that we should do our homework on that verse; I already had. His conclusion was vastly different from what we all know Paul was saying in that verse. I was a bit mortified to hear him claim that it was referring to the birth of Jesus, as if it were Jesus' birth that brings any of us salvation. At some point, I intend to approach him about that when the time is right. Meanwhile, the two marriageable daughters are still waiting for their "Prince Charming" to come along. Their younger brother proposed to his fiancee right around Christmas Eve of last year. I overheard their mother telling some folks that the two daughters were bemoaning that it was unfair, because they wanted to know where their "Prince Charming" is. Yeah, the fairy tale has a handsome prince out there who is not already married, just waiting for them. If you ever watched the movie "Into the Wood", it has a bit of a different spin, where Prince Charming falls for another lovely woman, not long after he marries Cinderella.
I had another conversation with him about a month ago. I have a number of takeaways from that conversation that I want to follow up with him. I find myself trying to pry open a window of communication that has been closed by the pastor of the church. Of course, once the pastor gets involved, he wants to make sure his flock is not stressed out too much by the individual whom he sees as problematic.