I think you might be missing his point. . . . And perspective.
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Is finding a second wife impossible?
- Thread starter Cam
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My wife belongs to me as do my children. I will steward my family as I see appropriate and as God leads me.
I do not want to marry a woman that would have interaction with another man like Co-parenting. I will not marry a woman that is accepting support from another man. I would gladly accept her child as my own and provide for them but I don’t not want the child to serve two masters.
If another man wants to lead his family differently that is his business. That is just how I do things.
My expectations would be clear up front.
I also would hope that if this other dad was a good guy that was safe to be in the child and moms life that they would be able to return to him. Obviously there is a lot of circumstances for serperation and divorce so it’s very much a case by case basis that takes discernment. There could even be instances where the mom would need to give custody of the children to the father in order to break ties with him and follow in a direction she needed to go.
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Nope.
Not a 50/50 partnership, but it is a form of partnership.
Before this question is answered, are you wanting a family based on Biblical values or values of our current society?
You’re wrong. This is definitely not true for all single mothers. Perhaps some. Perhaps even most, but definitely not all!
No it’s not. It is the farthest thing from a partnership there is.
I have three stepdaughters whom I love vociferously. We have a good relationship and I attribute that to the fact that they’re good girls, their mom has always treated me with respect and I NEVER act like I’m their real dad. I’m not. I can’t appropriate the spiritual authority of another man. I don’t try. They don’t have the same standards that my other children have. I don’t love them any less but I can’t force them in to my image and I wouldn’t succeed if I tried. I am a submission hawk. I demand it of my wife and biological children but being a submission hawk means I can’t violate some other man’s authority. Your basic conclusion is correct. You just think it’s a bad thing. It isn’t. It’s simply a thing that is.
Break that will. No matter if their past is pristine or sordid.
(Really just wanted to say "Heyyy" @ZecAustin catching up on BF on his new smartphone at work, lol!)
I am so busted.Break that will. No matter if their past is pristine or sordid.
(Really just wanted to say "Heyyy" @ZecAustin catching up on BF on his new smartphone at work, lol!)
Oh wait. Me too. lol
I’m so freaking pumped that the Bearded Beast now lives in the now with the rest of us!
I disagree with the comment on single mothers. Yes it might make them more cautious about who to let into their lives but if a single mum chooses to let you in you can be sure shes all in and has no doubts.
I love your perspective.
Correct me if I may have missed it, but this is an important discussion to have and it needs its own thread.
I did that dance with Ali’s children, but I didn’t have as good of a focus on it as you do.
There are always exceptions. I don't tend to rely on their occurance.
I'm not primarily talking about a mans authority over the step child, but over his wife. Too often he becomes the third wheel in the relationship. There is this tendency among wives to put the children first in the relationship (I'm talking about relationships where the biological parents are together) and to use them as leverage against the authority of the father. She's primarily there as a mother, not as a helpmeet. That is backwards. These sorts of things lead to trouble in the empty nest phase when they suddenly find they've "grown apart". Or divorces soon as the youngest is out of diapers. Single mothers are that same affect on steroids, and baked into the cake.
But now that you bring it up, it does really seem odd to me to have children in my house, eating my bread, but completely not under my authority. I won't say its wrong, I have no experience for how to navigate that situation. Just feels odd.
Break that will. No matter if their past is pristine or sordid.
Where there is always that option. Not sure how much I should count on it though.
Ha! I've lost count of the number of single mothers I've seen who come right out front saying "my kid will always come first" as if its the most important thing you need to know about her. It's so common as to be a cliche.
So basically anyone that disagreed with you is wrong?
Christian marriage is a reflection of the relationship of Christ and the Church.
I would hate to be in the position that a single mother is in today’s world.
Before you start a relationship with ANY man your first consideration must be your children. But once you choose to be led by a man, your primary focus has to his wishes. @ZecAustin’s point about the children still being under the authority of their birth father is an extremely complicating factor.
That’s pretty far from the reality of what I have seen.