Is My Wife Ready For Plural Marriage?

[FollowingHim2]

Thank you @FollowingHim2 for writing this message.

I made the decision to walk the path of creating a biblical family about 6 months ago and told my wife of my intentions soon after I started doing my research.

The timing of finding your article was perfect. Yesterday I had a deep and meaningful, open-hearted conversation with my 1st wife. I have given her several books to read, as well as articles and this forum. She has been 'open' to the idea and I thought things were 'going great'.

However, I could tell that she was struggling and so I asked her to lay beside me in bed. Wrapped her in my arms and gave her the opportunity to fully express her feelings and emotions on the topic with no filter, all raw and real. I listened calmly and patiently.

Some of the things that she said:

"I don't want to share my husband."
"I understand what all the books say and what the Bible says, but I'm not ready."

I started to get a bit defensive, then stopped. And listened more, keeping calm and feeling great empathy towards her.

I did not 'cave in' or tell her that I won't do X or Y. I simply committed to being a patient and compassionate leader, making the choices I feel called to do, which include helping all members of my family get to the destination together.

^^^ this is the short version.

Later in the day I hopped onto this forum and ended up finding this article. Read it. BAM! Wow, that's exactly correct and that's where we're at. Sent it to her. She resonated well with it, and also read the first page of comments.

Our relationship has gotten much stronger since I made the decision to walk this path, and I have grown as a man and patriarch as I continue to learn and continue to be patient and compassionate.



@FollowingHim thank you for this comment re: obeying and following God's guidance, even if we are 'not ready'. Also, the point about husbanding is timeless and a great reminder.

My role as husband is to be a guide (spiritual and physical), not a persuader or manipulator. If she chooses to follow, that is wonderful. If she chooses not to, that is my burden to bear, and I can only be firm yet patient.

It is impossible to force someone to willingly go along, and the last thing I want is a family of people (wives or children) who do 'what I want' because I have mentally beaten them into submission. I know the pain of this very well because my relationship with my parents was very much like that, and it only leads to bitterness and sadness.

By God's grace and mercy I have learned and am continuing to learn to lead with love... not force.

I'm so glad you found it helpful. On Tuesday nights we have a ladies chat. If your wife is interested, she is most welcome to attend, we'd like to get to know her. We don't always talk polygyny, sometimes we do, and sometimes we talk about whatever is going on in our lives. She will need her own account for the chat. More details here: https://biblicalfamilies.org/forum/threads/ladies-chat-tuesday-nights-7-30p-est.16519/

 

[Joleneakamama]

I'm so glad you found it helpful. On Tuesday nights we have a ladies chat. If your wife is interested, she is most welcome to attend, we'd like to get to know her. We don't always talk polygyny, sometimes we do, and sometimes we talk about whatever is going on in our lives. She will need her own account for the chat. More details here: https://biblicalfamilies.org/forum/threads/ladies-chat-tuesday-nights-7-30p-est.16519/

At another polygyny site chat room we regulars used to joke it was the "What's for dinner tonight chat" as we rarely talked about polygyny.
It was nice to know we had it in common though!

 

[paterfamilias]

If it is the one I think you mean, I rather miss it.

Met my plural wife there and another woman who we affianced.

Loads of contention there and some down right zany ideas

 

[Joleneakamama]

Loads of contention there and some down right zany ideas

That place wasn't moderated....and I remember getting some seriously gross and vulgar messages from someone called "Polydaddy."

 

[paterfamilias]

That place wasn't moderated....and I remember getting some seriously gross and vulgar messages from someone called "Polydaddy."

Charming

Therein lies the trouble with the term poly...stop me if you have heard this rant

Poly as a term was coopted by degenerate swinger trash and their mug got splashed onto us in a big way.
And then there are the narcissistic toads who think they can waltz into some childish fantasy of a harem.

So, I suppose I am not surprised that you caught flack from some retard fantasist type desperately in need of a nut slap.

I am becoming more than a little bit of a hardline purist on the topic of good vs bad motives for plural marriage.

 

[Joleneakamama]

Charming

Therein lies the trouble with the term poly...stop me if you have heard this rant

Poly as a term was coopted by degenerate swinger trash and their mug got splashed onto us in a big way.
And then there are the narcissistic toads who think they can waltz into some childish fantasy of a harem.

So, I suppose I am not surprised that you caught flack from some retard fantasist type desperately in need of a nut slap.

I am becoming more than a little bit of a hardline purist on the topic of good vs bad motives for plural marriage.

It started as a trolling message. ...in spite of the fact that I stated plainly I was married. Then there was another! The excuse was a violation of the site's terms...he claimed his wives were looking for him. Any man that talked that way to ANY woman is just plain nasty ...and it was gross insults on top of the inappropriate aspect of messaging me in the first place.
I miss the site too....and some of the regulars. Saw one at the Phoenix retreat though.

 

[paterfamilias]

It started as a trolling message. ...in spite of the fact that I stated plainly I was married. Then there was another! The excuse was a violation of the site's terms...he claimed his wives were looking for him. Any man that talked that way to ANY woman is just plain nasty ...and it was gross insults on top of the inappropriate aspect of messaging me in the first place.
I miss the site too....and some of the regulars. Saw one at the Phoenix retreat though.

I don't recall the guys moniker but I did have some jackass messing my ex wife who I met on there and who used to be active here. Telling her how much better life would be living in the basement of their vacation house and being their muppet on the weekends.

I have mentioned in passing that it is my intention to offer a place to host gating in the future. If/when that time comes, it is my intention to do my absolute best to exclude that type.
The ones we are both referring to are the ones screwing up so much of the potential community. How many woman attempt to explore this side of the street only to run like squirrels. I know I have talked to tonnes of woman who have had lots of negative attention from trolls. Also have had a few woman who I will send a friendly introductory message to who I have seen talk about their negative experiences publicly. I have to assume that the well was so poisoned that the ability to recognize good faith attempts at communication is severely eroded.

It is my contention that is not for the fantastists, trolls and poly hedonistic types that polygamy would be is not exploding then growing rapidly.

 

[steve]

It is my contention that is not for the fantastists, trolls and poly hedonistic types that polygamy would be is not exploding then growing rapidly.

I have long said that the enemy of our souls entices inappropriate people into this lifestyle to discredit it.
He hates it and fears it because of its potential to harm his kingdom.