MARRIAGE ADVICE GEMS

[JudahYAHites]

Before getting married I received one piece of advice from a pastor that helped keep things in perspective...

"Marriage is just two imperfect people trying to make a perfect situation"

This extrapolates out to polygyny...

What positive advice have you received or advice that you can share to anyone starting on here starting out or already in marriage whether monogamous or polygynous?

******EDIT******

CLARIFICATION

PLEASE CAN WE HAVE ADVICE.

MEN GIVING ADVICE TO MEN AS SONS & BROTHERS
WOMEN GIVING ADVICE TO WOMEN AS DAUGHTERS AND SISTERS


THANK YOU

 

[steve]

The Gatlin Brothers had a song “All the Gold in California” that ended its refrain with: “It don't matter at all where you've played before
California's a brand new game”

Polygyny can be that way, it’s a brand new game. What you’ve experienced before in marriage can be very inadequate preparation. Even taking a third can be very different from taking a second wife.
The reality is that the enemy of our souls both fears and hates the potential that resides in polygyny. The threefold cord can be many multiples of times stronger than a twofold cord against his kingdom.

Expect opposition like you haven’t encountered before. It may not happen right away, but if you are at all effective, it’s only a matter of time.

 

[B4DWrath]

The Gatlin Brothers had a song “All the Gold in California” that ended its refrain with: “It don't matter at all where you've played before
California's a brand new game”

Polygyny can be that way, it’s a brand new game. What you’ve experienced before in marriage can be very inadequate preparation. Even taking a third can be very different from taking a second wife.
The reality is that the enemy of our souls both fears and hates the potential that resides in polygyny. The threefold cord can be many multiples times stronger than a twofold cord against his kingdom.

Expect opposition like you haven’t encountered before. It may not happen right away, but if you are at all effective, it’s only a matter of time.

Even in a monogamy only marriage, the very mention of female submission brings the sharks around, much less the subject of polygyny.

 

[steve]

Even in a monogamy only marriage, the very mention of female submission brings the sharks around, much less the subject of polygyny.

And it is exponentially more important in plural than in monogamy.

 

[WifeOfHisYouth]

“Fight naked.”

 

[raulus]

I'm reading closely because I am in need of wise counsel. I have no input, just listening to you all. Thanks for the post @JudahYAHites and you other people commenting.

“Hear counsel, and receive instruction, That thou mayest be wise in thy latter end.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭19‬:‭20‬

“Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water; But a man of understanding will draw it out.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭20‬:‭5‬

 

[Mark C]

It is correct that many, if not the vast majority of women even considering marriage (and men, too) tend to recoil at the very word 'submission'.

I contend that one of the most important chapters in Scripture for BOTH of them to understand is Numbers chapter 30. A husband not only has Authority (meaning His) over his wives' vows, but RESPONSIBILITY for them.

Once they both understand this, the path to submission is made straight.

PS> That's only one benefit...

 

[JudahYAHites]

Before getting married I received one piece of advice from a pastor that helped keep things in perspective...

"Marriage is just two imperfect people trying to make a perfect situation"

This extrapolates out to polygyny...

What positive advice have you received or advice that you can share to anyone starting on here starting out or already in marriage whether monogamous or polygynous?

******EDIT******

CLARIFICATION

PLEASE CAN WE HAVE ADVICE.

MEN GIVING ADVICE TO MEN AS SONS & BROTHERS
WOMEN GIVING ADVICE TO WOMEN AS DAUGHTERS AND SISTERS


THANK YOU

I have added a clarification edit, please read

 

[NVIII]

Thinking back to the time a young and dumb me sat wide-eyed and clueless in the preachers chambers, one piece of advice that comes to mind is to take whatever romantic marriage vows the preacher suggests, read them in horror, and then throw them in the trash and come talk to Zec about what marriage really is. If you have already bound yourself with errant vows, talk to the one you made your vows to as soon as their understanding matches yours, and negotiate a release and rewrite. Don't think that vows made in ignorance are any less vows. You will have to keep them if the one you gave them to does not let go, and God will be their mediator.

 

[B4DWrath]

Thinking back to the time a young and dumb me sat wide-eyed and clueless in the preachers chambers, one piece of advice that comes to mind is to take whatever romantic marriage vows the preacher suggests, read them in horror, and then throw them in the trash and come talk to Zec about what marriage really is. If you have already bound yourself with errant vows, talk to the one you made your vows to as soon as their understanding matches yours, and negotiate a release and rewrite. Don't think that vows made in ignorance are any less vows. You will have to keep them if the one you gave them to does not let go, and God will be their mediator.

That's really good!

 

[Joleneakamama]

Thinking back to the time a young and dumb me sat wide-eyed and clueless in the preachers chambers, one piece of advice that comes to mind is to take whatever romantic marriage vows the preacher suggests, read them in horror, and then throw them in the trash and come talk to Zec about what marriage really is. If you have already bound yourself with errant vows, talk to the one you made your vows to as soon as their understanding matches yours, and negotiate a release and rewrite. Don't think that vows made in ignorance are any less vows. You will have to keep them if the one you gave them to does not let go, and God will be their mediator.

The man standing there when we said ours included a "Keeping yourself only to her/him" in there for each of us. No matter to us, as we both were serious about wanting God's will for our lives. I was the first who thought that might include the gal he almost married. ...but once we studied it out neither of us would want ignorant vows that may be in conflict with His plan for our lives to be binding.

 

[Mark C]

...but once we studied it out neither of us would want ignorant vows that may be in conflict with His plan for our lives to be binding.

I would point out (and this has other applications as well) that a husband may cast down his wives' vow "on the day that he hears them." (Thus, don't wait - if you're gonna do it, don't blow it or forget! Do it NOW!)

Thus, if a man takes a wife, it seems to me that one the day she BECOMES his wife, he also has that authority (or if he learns something later) to "cast them down," and free her...

 

[Joleneakamama]

Thus, if a man takes a wife, it seems to me that one the day she BECOMES his wife, he also has that authority (or if he learns something later) to "cast them down," and free her...

The trouble is....he is NOT authorized to negate his own vows, and those are what limit him to one wife.

 

[NBTX11]

The man standing there when we said ours included a "Keeping yourself only to her/him" in there for each of us. No matter to us, as we both were serious about wanting God's will for our lives. I was the first who thought that might include the gal he almost married. ...but once we studied it out neither of us would want ignorant vows that may be in conflict with His plan for our lives to be binding.

Many people do not really think through the vows they are making. A lot of people simply repeat what they are told to repeat by the person officiating the wedding. I know that's what I did 31 years ago. I would have said pretty much anything to marry my wife back then. So when the person officiating said repeat these vows, that's exactly what I did, without really giving it much thought. I just viewed it as part of the marriage process and repeated the vows the preacher said to repeat. I didn't even come up with the vows, he did. And it included a vow to essentially keep myself only for her. I knew nothing about polygamy back then. No excuse, but we were obviously very young. I now know that it was a vow that should not have been made.

 

[B4DWrath]

Many people do not really think through the vows they are making. A lot of people simply repeat what they are told to repeat by the person officiating the wedding. I know that's what I did 31 years ago. I would have said pretty much anything to marry my wife back then. So when the person officiating said repeat these vows, that's exactly what I did, without really giving it much thought. I just viewed it as part of the marriage process and repeated the vows the preacher said to repeat. I didn't even come up with the vows, he did. And it included a vow to essentially keep myself only for her. I knew nothing about polygamy back then. No excuse, but we were obviously very young. I now know that it was a vow that should not have been made.

Even if we were aware of polygamy, it certainly wasn't something for a "good christian man" to even consider!

 

[NBTX11]

The trouble is....he is NOT authorized to negate his own vows, and those are what limit him to one wife.

Even if it's an unscriptural vow? A wrong vow? Should you be held to a vow that's blatantly against the Bible?

I do tend to agree with you and I personally would advise someone to ask their wife to release them from this vow.

 

[NBTX11]

Even if we were aware of polygamy, it certainly wasn't something for a "good christian man" to even consider!

No excuse, but I was only 20 years old when we got married (I'm 51 now). Sadly, my Bible knowledge was lacking at the time, other than what my church told me to believe, and they told me "one man, one woman, for life", and so that's what I believed at the time.

 

[leastofthese]

Don't think that vows made in ignorance are any less vows. You will have to keep them if the one you gave them to does not let go, and God will be their mediator.

Are you saying, if the wife holds to the "forsaking all others" vow but the husband wants to release that vow to pursue polygyny, the husband needs to keep the vows he gave to the one who does not want to let go?
If the wife is not willing to let go of the vows... than the husband needs to back off the idea of polygyny? Unless his wife chooses to release that vow and follow him in polygyny?

 

[NBTX11]

Are you saying, if the wife holds to the "forsaking all others" vow but the husband wants to release that vow to pursue polygyny, the husband needs to keep the vows he gave to the one who does not want to let go?
If the wife is not willing to let go of the vows... than the husband needs to back off the idea of polygyny? Unless his wife chooses to release that vow and follow him in polygyny?

To answer your question, I am not sure. I personally would ask the wife to release the vow, but I can't say that it's required Biblically. I personally would go this way though.

The other way to look at it, was it was an illegitimate, unbiblical vow, and so he could just pursue polygamy anyways.

 

[Mark C]

The other way to look at it, was it was an illegitimate, unbiblical vow, and so he could just pursue polygamy anyways.

Sorry, but very untrue. (But - I guess if YHVH can't keep His Word and His Covenants... )

I can't help but think (see "Faustus" and even "Damn Yankees") that if people can make a "deal with the Devil" - and be bound by that, there is something here to ponder. Remember what Yakov said that cost him Rachel.

No, and even any kidding aside, THIS is why Yahushua said, "let your 'yes' be yes, and your 'no' be no..."
Our vows are vitally important. Numbers 30:2:

"If a man vow a vow unto YHVH, or swear an oath to bind his soul with a bond; he shall not break his word, he shall do according to all that proceedeth out of his mouth."

We have all seen some pretty creative excuses for saying that so many things have been 'done away with', I'm sure that could be made to apply to vows. After all, people do it with the marriage covenant all the time.

But I don't think it's a good way to enter a polygynous marriage.

And it's part of why I suggest Numbers chapter 30 is SO vital to understand, and apply.