Prayer request Needing Prayer

[Tesfalcon]

Sounds rough! You should move to Texas.

I hate Texas. Lived there 5 years. Glad to leave. CPS was an even worse bother there. They're so hard to crack down on anchor babies that home birthing is almost illegal. Our last child, born at home in Kermit, TX, was refused a birth certificate by the courthouse clerk despite all documentation filled out, etc. because he wasn't born in a hospital. Still an "undocumented immigrant" from two 100% US born parents.

 

[Tesfalcon]

I find it rather amusing that you would presume to give me both sides.

 

[Tesfalcon]

If tangible evidence exists, a purposeful attempt to destroy the family certainly qualifies as grounds for divorce.

My original quote from 1 Cor 7 was to let her leave as tantamount to a divorce. She's not willing to live like this or under my rule; I'm not going to fight to convince her otherwise.

 

[steve]

It doesn’t seem that it would be all that impossible to put in a “temporary” (there is nothing so permanent as a temporary fix, I get it) kitchen sink and a tub.
She doesn’t sound like everything has to be finished, just somewhat workable. Even an old laundry sink would be better than a bucket.
Sometimes wanting to do it “right” stalls progress unnecessarily. You don’t sound willing to work out compromises.
How many children do you have living in this house under these conditions?

 

[Tesfalcon]

• It doesn’t seem that it would be all that impossible to put in a “temporary” (there is nothing so permanent as a temporary fix, I get it) kitchen sink and a tub. ... Even an old laundry sink would be better than a bucket. Sometimes wanting to do it “right” stalls progress unnecessarily.

Absolutely. The real sink is mounted on a homemade cabinet and ready for connection to water and drain. Other homemade cabinets will be made shortly to occupy base cabinet positions as planned. Even running the single short line for a stove where the island will eventually go w a drop-in.

The tub is another matter. There is currently no connection from where the tub is upstairs to any drainage pipe. The upstairs bathroom was planned in remodel to remove the old cast iron tub and build a walk-in shower by the window. The bathroom plumbing is all over the current temp kitchen which means pulling down several sq ft of lath and plaster or drywall where we currently cook & eat. I've already done this on the other half of the duplex so I know what's involved. It's not a great idea now nor will it be usable until we move to the other side to similarly demolish this side.

She doesn’t sound like everything has to be finished, just somewhat workable. You don’t sound willing to work out compromises.

Define temporary. Week? Month? Year?
She got tired of the current temporary in less than 45 days. The subject there was her unwillingness to clean. We had a full kitchen at our last house, but there was always an excuse. Finally, she just said, "We have teenagers. Why should I clean anything?" She got VERY angry w Ethan (14) when he noted, "You say you love a clean car, but why am I the only person who ever cleans it?"

How many children do you have living in this house under these conditions?

3.
A 3 mo old grandson.
1 of 2 teenage sons who help w the remodel.
1 of 4 younger children.
These last two swap w siblings weekly.
Most of the time, they stay w my mom ~1 hr away.

 

[Tesfalcon]

She got tired of the current temporary in less than 45 days.

I just recalculated this.
I moved into this house on 13Oct 2020.
Everyone was planning to stay at Mom's until I got a working toilet.
~1 Nov: Mom freaks out from "too many people". Everyone comes up. Stays 1 night. I take a teenage son & all the Littles back the next day.
Saturday after Thanksgiving: Major blowup in person w witnesses.
The following Saturday: Final blowup in text.

She didn't even last 1 month.

 

[Tesfalcon]

I may have given the wrong impression of the weather here. Yes, the windchill that week did hit -14F, but the next week and most of the winter has been in the 40s during the day and in the 20s at night. Right now it's 38F & trying to snow.

 

[Tesfalcon]

Phone number cropped out. Happy?

 

[FollowingHim]

Thankyou.

 

[rockfox]

"These conditions" are still more comfortable than what our Lord enjoyed during His time on earth. We in this country have forgotten an important New Testament teaching...

Now godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out.

And having food and clothing, with these we shall be content.

But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and harmful lusts which drown men in destruction and perdition. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.

To call CPS on someone is to tantamount to violent kidnapping and even murder. An attempt to entirely destroy a family. Many children scooped up by that system disappear into sex trafficking never to be seen again. One who would do such a thing is not a wife but a mortal enemy.

Now's the time to get a lawyer. Once you're on CPS's radar it's hard to get off. Until they officially close the matter they might still come back and make an attempt. You would do well to get things up to conventional standards as quickly as possible.

And bear in mind CPS may be reading this thread.

A good Godly leader will usually not receive those threats from his wives. They will be very happy to submit to his leadership and be proud to be his wife as I am with my husband.

Godly husband or not, a Godly wife wouldn't make those threats (divorce). But many are the women who behave badly for good men.

A man is responsible to shepherd his wives but they themselves bear culpability for their sinful actions.

 

[Joleneakamama]

"These conditions" are still more comfortable than what our Lord enjoyed during His time on earth. We in this country have forgotten an important New Testament teaching...

Indeed. We know a family happily living in tents right now because that is what the lord has called them to for this time.

I love that passage that admonishes us to be content with food and clothes. We have never lacked for either.
We did go for almost three years heating our water on a wood cook stove for washing dishes and bathing. I'm sure some might have objected....but pioneers lived with dirt floors in one room cabins and hauled water from the creek! Rather then nag my hubby or complain about it, we just adjusted until he could get our big wood burning water heater system made and installed. Fighting about it might have stressed our marriage, and we might not have had those two children in those years.....but I'd rather have peace and children without running hot water. At least we had an electric pump and hydraulic wood splitter.

Life can be challenging. One can not always choose to avoid those trying circumstances. You can however choose whether you overcome them, or quit, whether you let them make you stronger, or practice giving up, whether you bear those burdens or dump it all on others, whether you can be thankful for each other and count your blessings rather then complain about everything that isn't the way you want it.
Joy is always an inside job, and a product of a thankful heart.

 

[FollowingHim]

I don't know when, but I do know who called CPS on us. They showed up tonight asking questions. Questions to confirm a report that only someone who no longer lives here would know. The very same objections she made when living here.

Sadly, somebody who is willing to endanger your children in order to get personal revenge on you, in this case by reporting you to a government agency with the power to kidnap the children, is a danger whom you probably need to protect your family from. So if you are correct on this it certainly changes the situation somewhat.

You are making a direct accusation.
I would like to hear the other side of the story.

I want to make clear here that @AlexaH adamantly denies calling CPS on this family. Furthermore, @Tesfalcon has indicated that the family may have a history with CPS, so they're probably already on their records, which greatly increases the likelihood of a visit from them and makes it much more difficult to work out who is to blame for causing the visit. There are probably more possibilities of who could be responsible than @Tesfalcon indicates.

I hate Texas. Lived there 5 years. Glad to leave. CPS was an even worse bother there.

----------------

Broader point: this thread is a mudslinging competition where both sides are trying to paint the other in the worst light possible by telling a selective story.
Both come across as vindictive and unreasonable as each other - posting private conversations in public is as low a blow as misleading by omission.
Both come across as looking to prove your point to us to get us "on your side" so we post self-affirming messages you can happily bask in the glow of and feel vindicated by.

Frankly, you're both a mess and you need to find the logs in your own eyes before pointing out the specks in each others.

Nobody is in the right, you're both in the wrong in different ways.

What you're both lacking is humility, and self-sacrificial love. And until you both find both of those I can't see any positive resolution to this mess. Even a complete and final divorce with neither of you ever seeing each other again would not solve the fundamental problems. Rather, it would only mean you've avoided this learning experience and are likely to just fall again into another similar mess in future, because neither of you would have changed - rather you'd probably become more entrenched in your individual flaws.

The problems are much deeper than an argument between @Tesfalcon and @AlexaH.

 

[FollowingHim]

@Tesfalcon, stop sharing images of private conversations containing personally identifiable information about @AlexaH. That last one contained her surname. That is called "doxing" and is extremely cruel. You are welcome to post here, and I understand you are upset, but just stop this particular line of behaviour.

 

[Tesfalcon]

When I quote her, people say that I'm lying because her words are unimaginable.

I post the text messages to support my earlier quotation, and u call me vindictive.

I have no idea what doxing is or when surname suddenly became so dangerous.

 

[Tesfalcon]

CPS in Texas was called in 2012 when Sandra gave birth to twins at home a month early. The 1st was fine and healthy. The 2nd was stillborn. CPS assumed that I "beat the baby out of her" being the 275# oilfield worker that I was. Tried to charge me w "medical neglect" because of the planned homebirth. Police dropped all criminal charges quickly. CPS suit dragged on for months. Total kangaroo court. $7,500 in lawyers and court fees later they left us alone. Psych analysis showed all the kids were afraid of my out-of-control teen daughter, not me.

Fast forward 2 years. Another home birth as referenced above. Hospital called CPS the first time. I dared not risk it again.

----

CPS interaction in Florida - 2001
- Spat w the neighbors. He called CPS and made blatantly false accusations. We moved out of FL before he was able to call again. Florida law demands kids be taken on the 2nd call then the parents have to "prove themselves innocent".

 

[Tesfalcon]

I want to make clear here that @AlexaH adamantly denies calling CPS on this family.

Of the 2 of us, only one has been confirmed as having been "less than completely honest".

Both come across as looking to prove your point to us to get us "on your side" so we post self-affirming messages you can happily bask in the glow of and feel vindicated by.

I only came out here to counter the lies Alexa told about me by being as open and forthright as I can be. That u spin such candor and frankness as low blows, etc. seems a personal opinion which I disagree w. Alexa made our private struggles public. If she chooses to air our dirty laundry, then let's air it all and not pick & choose what to air. As far as I'm concerned, you can keep your 'self-affirming messages' to yourself. Iron sharpens iron. Butter sharpens nothing.

I guess the question is: Do u want to believe the whole ugly truth or something else?

 

[Tesfalcon]

Is this sufficiently removed from personal info?

 

[FollowingHim]

CPS in Texas was called in 2012 when Sandra gave birth to twins at home a month early. The 1st was fine and healthy. The 2nd was stillborn. CPS assumed that I "beat the baby out of her" being the 275# oilfield worker that I was. Tried to charge me w "medical neglect" because of the planned homebirth. Police dropped all criminal charges quickly. CPS suit dragged on for months. Total kangaroo court. $7,500 in lawyers and court fees later they left us alone. Psych analysis showed all the kids were afraid of my out-of-control teen daughter, not me.

Fast forward 2 years. Another home birth as referenced above. Hospital called CPS the first time. I dared not risk it again.

----

CPS interaction in Florida - 2001
- Spat w the neighbors. He called CPS and made blatantly false accusations. We moved out of FL before he was able to call again. Florida law demands kids be taken on the 2nd call then the parents have to "prove themselves innocent".

Do you really want to make all that information public knowledge? If you regret saying it, you should see a "delete" button below your posts, if you don't I can remove anything you would prefer not to put in the open. Remember that if your family does have enemies (who may or may not be Alexa, but it sounds like somebody reported you to CPS), they could be reading this and gathering information to use against you.

I guess the question is: Do u want to believe the whole ugly truth or something else?

I think there's a deeper question. Does it even matter what I believe? Does it matter what any other random stranger on the internet believes?

You don't have to convince us of anything. We're neither judge nor jury here. What we believe is completely irrelevant to your life.

What matters is whether you can use anything we say to help YOUR life.

 

[Tesfalcon]

She asked for this...

Writ of Divorcement



On this day ____________, ________________(Husband) willingly consent, being under no duress, to release, discharge, and divorce you [to be] on your own, you, my wife __________, And now I do release, discharge, and divorce you [to be] on your own, so that you are permitted and have authority over yourself to go and marry any man you desire. No person may object against you from this day onward, and you are permitted to every man. This shall be for you from me a bill of dismissal, a letter of release, and a document of absolution, in accordance with the law of Moses and Israel.

I offered her this ...

I, ___________________________, on my own authority as an independent woman of the 21st century formally absolve and release myself of any and all prior promises, obligations or commitments in regard to my marriage to ________________.

I made this decision on _____________ when I, without Biblical just cause, left his house of my own volition, have not returned since and have no intention of ever doing so again. I left without request by him nor was any duress or threat received from him. I indemnify him regarding the circumstances leading to my departure.

As of this date, _____________ , I refuse to continue with attempts at reconciliation.

I reject his rule, opinion and counsel. I refuse to continue to even pretend to submit in person by word or deed or maintain any level of civil discourse beyond the bare minimum to retrieve any additional item of mine for return.

I refuse to live my daily life by a Scriptural standard. I refuse to be bound by the words of any ancient law whether given by prophet or apostle. I refuse to attempt to conform to their impossible standard which was only given to show how impossible it was to even try.

I reject his food, body, clothes and lodging. I absolve him of all obligations to me in this regard.

I declare myself free of any restraints on my future behavior to remarry or not unhindered by this single mistake of my past.






Signed: _____________________________________

 

[Tesfalcon]

Do you really want to make all that information public knowledge?

It already is. Not hard to find info today. Do u really think u have "privacy"?

I think there's a deeper question. Does it even matter what I believe? Does it matter what any other random stranger on the internet believes?

As far as I'm concerned, no. Alexa puts more stock in your opinion than mine. She only started "reconciliation" discussion after a month's silence after chatting w you. I was hoping this would help her. But u see that result.

What we believe is completely irrelevant to your life.

True