Ranked criteria for your family

[paterfamilias]

Has to be named "kindheart640" on Modern Polygamy. <sigh>

She is so pretty. Why, oh why will she not respond?!?!

I looked at the profile and also sent a message long ago. Don't recall what it said but whatever she said must have sounded nice or i would not have dropped a note.

I suspect that because she is seen as physically attractive in an environment where the ratio of families vs woman is out of balance, especially woman of peak child bearing years vs families...she has tonnes of attention.
That is always the equation on any dating site. Mass majority of woman compete for top perceived percentage of men.

I saw a new profile this morning and one of the portions struck me as interesting. My paraphrased take away was that all the couples profiles were telling woman how great and fun and how "real" they are and how she was frustrated by this commonality and overt disbeliefof their framing. That she wanted something legitimately real.

I have in the past read couples profiles on sisterwives and found most of them to be total narcissistic d'bag tier stuff where if these guys...cause it is absolutely guys writing them without wives input...were coworkers or in my social group. I would 100% end up bullying them over their attitudes. Judge me harshly if you like...some guys need social pressure to not act like an ass.
So, if that is how the profiles look on modern polygamy from the woman's point of view, I am honestly not surprised that most guys get blown off constantly.

It is important that we are honest with ourselves though.. I know why I get blown off. Not 35, look like a man wearing a poorly fashioned gorilla suit, I am explicit about my political leanings and being unvaccinated and retaining my fertility. The bit about shopping for a homestead in the hinterlands probly sounds cute and little house on the prairie on paper to them but like hard work and isolation in real life and thus excluding even more.

I think we can be realistic and keep swinging or we can exit the ring.

Having experienced how good plural marriage can be and how great being a dad is, I will be in there no matter what.

 

[paterfamilias]

Looks are not really important to me, despite my joke above. They have to be willing to wake up and look at me as well, and I’m not the greatest looking guy.

Glad to hear it.

If women are supposed to be queueing up to marry us big ugly dufuses, then we should be considering other qualities more highly than what they look like and the bit frequently not mentioned, how they look bolstering our egos

 

[theleastofthese]

High standard.
It is to a large degree something that the man can control but not entirely.

I agree which is why I think women should take responsibility in the matter. It's not very difficult to not take part in gossiping and creating unnecessary tension amongst the family. Put your pride to the side and move on.

 

[theleastofthese]

ugh.. I bet you even smile in the mornings too don't you

I do but it's not because I like mornings I hate the sun, I hate the smell of coffee and breakfast, I hate how early the world begins and how early it shuts down. I'm a night person, I love the stars at night, the peacefulness, I love see/hearing the wildlife, I love driving at night. I dread being up early but such is life.

 

[paterfamilias]

I agree which is why I think women should take responsibility in the matter. It's really not very difficult to not take part in gossiping and creating unnecessary tension amongst the family. Put your pride to the side and move on.

Well said

But because I can't just say a little.
Dovetailing into my own criterion that I should have put in my initial list, I think it is important that all members of the family adopt a family over themselves attitude. That they all love each other and not desire to harm the other either whether over big or small issues, real or perceived.

 

[frederick]

I think it is important that all members of the family adopt a family over themselves attitude.

Abso-complete-lutely and for sure.

 

[theleastofthese]

Well said

But because I can't just say a little.
Dovetailing into my own criterion that I should have put in my initial list, I think it is important that all members of the family adopt a family over themselves attitude. That they all love each other and not desire to harm the other either whether over big or small issues, real or perceived.

And think about how often we practice avoiding these things in our work and social lives, why is it so difficult to practice at home? The same as you pointed out with politeness earlier.

 

[paterfamilias]

And think about how often we practice avoiding these things in our work and social lives, why is it so difficult to practice at home? The same as you pointed out with politeness earlier.

Bingo

Besides, life out there in the work world just flat sucks.
Home should be the safe haven where you are seen as real and valuable as opposed to just another cog in the machine.
Where smiles should be real and not a professional mask.
Everyone should be working towards eliciting those real smiles from each other.
Not a place for competition.

 

[theleastofthese]

I do but it's not because I like mornings I hate the sun, I hate the smell of coffee and breakfast, I hate how early the world begins and how early it shuts down. I'm a night person, I love the stars at night, the peacefulness, I love see/hearing the wildlife, I love driving at night.

Ok, forget my intial post. I don't need any of that. I just need a super nice vampire family to join

 

[MemeFan]

I'd like a family where being "too nice" is seen as an asset and not as a weakness because everyone in the family are genuinely good people who want what's best for one another and for the family.

Where forgiveness is practiced, instead of "one upping" one another, we all trust that everyone has our best intentions at heart. Regardless of personality clashes or misunderstandings.

Problem is that too nice people are among worst people around. They are beaten by pschopaths, narcissts, Cluster B group, but too nice people are still best to avoid around.

Their real issue is pschological inability to stand for themselves. They lack assertiveness to go for they want. Their niceness is mask because they are totally afraid of offending someone, so they totally unable to to show anything except smiles and being helpful.

Inside, they don't help anything cheerful. And since they can't say they want and think, their only option is being passive-aggresive. Imagine offending someone, this person punishing you by withdrawal and when you try to fix situation they are all smiley and pretend everything is OK. This is real too nice person.

EDIT: spelling

 

[paterfamilias]

I do but it's not because I like mornings I hate the sun, I hate the smell of coffee and breakfast, I hate how early the world begins and how early it shuts down. I'm a night person, I love the stars at night, the peacefulness, I love see/hearing the wildlife, I love driving at night. I dread being up early but such is life.

So much good stuff to say and then the heretical anti coffee and breakfast fake news.
Gonna tell me next you don't like bacon

 

[paterfamilias]

Ok, forget my intial post. I don't need any of that. I just need a super nice vampire family to join

Not sure if that is code or not.

I do know that most girls I have known who claim to want be the next Morticia tend to shy away from real life Munster boys

 

[FamilyCEO]

Problem is that too nice people are among worst people around. They are beaten by pschopaths, narcissts, Cluster B group, but too nice people are still best to avoid around.

Their real issue is pschological inability to stand for themselves. They lack assertivness to go for they want. Their niceness is mask because they are totally afraid of offending someone, so they totally uanble to to show anything except smiles and being helpful.

Inside, thry don't help anything cheerful. And since they can't want they want and think, their only option is being passive-aggresive. Imagine offending someone, this person punishing you by withdrawal and when you try to fix situation they are all smiley and pretend everything is OK. This is real too nice person.

Very insightful. +100

 

[FamilyCEO]

• Love for God
  • Despite the pain and suffering life has and will present
• Strong faith
  • Rise above the fear
• Family values
  • We cherish our future when we celebrate their journey and protect them from predators
• Trustworthy
  • Can trust their judgement and how they apply their values
• Independent
  • A strong will with goals and desires that I can invest in and nurture
• Dependent
  • Willing to trust me to provide and protect and invest in their future
• Empathy & Forgiveness
  • We all carry our own burdens and failure will happen
  • How do we get back up when we fall?
  • How do we help others get back up when they fall?
• Optimist
  • There are things to be pessimistic about
  • Being realistic does help you navigate tricky situations better
  • Chooses optimism because God promises us he has a plan and it will be done
    • You are part of it right now as you read this

 

[theleastofthese]

• Love for God
  • Despite the pain and suffering life has and will present
• Strong faith
  • Rise above the fear
• Family values
  • We cherish our future when we celebrate their journey and protect them from predators
• Trustworthy
  • Can trust their judgement and how they apply their values
• Independent
  • A strong will with goals and desires that I can invest in and nurture
• Dependent
  • Willing to trust me to provide and protect and invest in their future
• Empathy & Forgiveness
  • We all carry our own burdens and failure will happen
  • How do we get back up when we fall?
  • How do we help others get back up when they fall?
• Optimist
  • There are things to be pessimistic about
  • Being realistic does help you navigate tricky situations better
  • Chooses optimism because God promises us he has a plan and it will be done
    • You are part of it right now as you read this

These are perfect!

 

[theleastofthese]

Problem is that too nice people are among worst people around. They are beaten by pschopaths, narcissts, Cluster B group, but too nice people are still best to avoid around.

Their real issue is pschological inability to stand for themselves. They lack assertiveness to go for they want. Their niceness is mask because they are totally afraid of offending someone, so they totally unable to to show anything except smiles and being helpful.

Inside, they don't help anything cheerful. And since they can't say they want and think, their only option is being passive-aggresive. Imagine offending someone, this person punishing you by withdrawal and when you try to fix situation they are all smiley and pretend everything is OK. This is real too nice person.

EDIT: spelling

You are correct! However, I wasn't really referencing those with the personality type "too nice." I meant genuinely good people doing kindnesses for one another without ulterior motives.

 

[MemeFan]

You are correct! However, I wasn't really referencing those with the personality type "too nice." I meant genuinely good people doing kindnesses for one another without ulterior motives.

But even in very close family you have "favor tracker" by both people. As long as numbers of favours done by both stay in close promixity situation is OK. Otherwise, someone will feel taken advantage.

 

[theleastofthese]

But even in very close family you have "favor tracker" by both people. As long as numbers of favours done by both stay in close promixity situation is OK. Otherwise, someone will feel taken advantage.

I don't know why a family would keep score

 

[MemeFan]

I don't know why a family would keep score

It's subconscious. And done against anyone to make sure we aren't take advantage.

Think, you put resources in relatioship and get nothing back. Would you stay? I doubt. Reality is that to stay alive we have to consume resources and we need return on this consumption to regenerate resources we need to stay alive.

It's life and death, simple as that. If you still don't get it, imagine life with only taker. Icky.

 

[theleastofthese]

It's subconscious. And done against anyone to make sure we aren't take advantage.

Think, you put resources in relatioship and get nothing back. Would you stay? I doubt. Reality is that to stay alive we have to consume resources and we need return on this consumption to regenerate resources we need to stay alive.

It's life and death, simple as that. If you still don't get it, imagine life with only taker. Icky.

If I can't give out of good faith, I'll simply say "no." Expecting something in return seems a bit manipulative to me. I'd hate to be in the position of keeping score with close family and friends. I'd rather someone be honest and just deny my request if they feel it's too much to ask, and vice versa.