The "What do I have to offer" list

[paterfamilias]

It was suggested in the other thread wherein we were discussing the desired qualities in a potential wife, that we should ask what it is that we have to offer as a husband. So I thought I would kick off this exercise in self examination as I am such an enthusiast for conversations about the practical concerns of living in a plural marriage.


- I am experienced in that I am currently very happily married to two wonderful women.

- I am very focused on fatherhood and ensuring that kids have a different experience than I did growing up without a dad around and involved.

- So far at least I throw good babies. Only the one at the moment as we just started the production run but he is exceptional and that is the charts of the pediatrician, not just the proud father talking.

- Not rich but solidly middle class with realistic and attainable financial security goals that will result in my hopefully being the parent most focused on the homeschooling some day

- Hyper-focused on security and safety for the family and this takes many forms up to and including aspirations of acreage and a decent swing at self sufficiency

- Enough space for another woman and more children

- I like to think that I am fairly intelligent but I do know that I am possessed of a deep intellectual curiosity that keeps me exploring new topics in depth be they simple or esoteric. So at very least I can offer most any woman good conversation on more topics than she can imagine. I like to think that I am apt to pass this trait along to children as well.

- I am as doggedly stubborn about making a relationship work as one might believe and I like to think quite loving and affectionate in my own stolid fashion.

- I am extremely overtly masculine so there will be no trouble with children lacking a strong male role model. I don't imagine I need to try to sell the readers on the value of a overtly male influence in children's lives

- I have quite symmetrical features that for reasons inexplicable to me, my wives find attractive. I think I look more like a strategically shaven albino gorilla but there is no accounting women's tastes

- Two amazing women have managed to love me enough to marry me and I imagine that is the best thing that can be said for me.



Presumably I could come up with a bit more but let's see what the crest of the gang has to contribute. Gentlemen, what have you got to bring to the table?

 

[Cap]

It was suggested in the other thread wherein we were discussing the desired qualities in a potential wife, that we should ask what it is that we have to offer as a husband. So I thought I would kick off this exercise in self examination as I am such an enthusiast for conversations about the practical concerns of living in a plural marriage.


- I am experienced in that I am currently very happily married to two wonderful women.

- I am very focused on fatherhood and ensuring that kids have a different experience than I did growing up without a dad around and involved.

- So far at least I throw good babies. Only the one at the moment as we just started the production run but he is exceptional and that is the charts of the pediatrician, not just the proud father talking.

- Not rich but solidly middle class with realistic and attainable financial security goals that will result in my hopefully being the parent most focused on the homeschooling some day

- Hyper-focused on security and safety for the family and this takes many forms up to and including aspirations of acreage and a decent swing at self sufficiency

- Enough space for another woman and more children

- I like to think that I am fairly intelligent but I do know that I am possessed of a deep intellectual curiosity that keeps me exploring new topics in depth be they simple or esoteric. So at very least I can offer most any woman good conversation on more topics than she can imagine. I like to think that I am apt to pass this trait along to children as well.

- I am as doggedly stubborn about making a relationship work as one might believe and I like to think quite loving and affectionate in my own stolid fashion.

- I am extremely overtly masculine so there will be no trouble with children lacking a strong male role model. I don't imagine I need to try to sell the readers on the value of a overtly male influence in children's lives

- I have quite symmetrical features that for reasons inexplicable to me, my wives find attractive. I think I look more like a strategically shaven albino gorilla but there is no accounting women's tastes

- Two amazing women have managed to love me enough to marry me and I imagine that is the best thing that can be said for me.

Presumably I could come up with a bit more but let's see what the crest of the gang has to contribute. Gentlemen, what have you got to bring to the table?

John 15:5 "I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

Where does all you have and all that you are go when you die?

My statements are not meant to be confrontational but more of a concern.

 

[paterfamilias]

You must be misrembeing the number. You had me thinking I had done a typographical error in my profile but I checked and it says one. He is big enough for two his age (in literal fact) but there is only one beast for the moment.

 

[Cap]

Hi, just wondering what you mean by this?

I recall reading these words in your introduction; "I'm a married man with two wives and 7 kids."

I thought you said you wouldn't marry a woman with a child(?)

I think that is the other patriarch that is asking questions about child brides and racism.

 

[PeteR]

First on the list for any wise woman should be a man who is solidly grounded in the Scriptures and exhibits the ability to lead spiritually. Without a Godly foundation rooted in eternal truth, everything is subject to change in the man making him much less stable than he or the prospective wife may think.

Nothing is more important.

 

[Pacman]

First on the list for any wise woman should be a man who is solidly grounded in the Scriptures and exhibits the ability to lead spiritually. Without a Godly foundation rooted in eternal truth, everything is subject to change in the man making him much less stable than he or the prospective wife may think.

Nothing is more important.

Amen!!!!!

 

[Pacman]

Romans 12:3 NASB
[3] For through the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think; but to think so as to have sound judgment, as God has allotted to each a measure of faith.

The only qualification that we may have should be measured by our level of faith, discernment and obedience to scripture...

 

[steve]

The only qualification that we may have should be measured by our level of faith, discernment and obedience to scripture...

A reasonable level of financial stability should be part of the picture.

Not the guy who has had seven wives through his bed in the past few years.

Yes, that male exists. Notice that I didn’t call him a man.

 

[paterfamilias]

Where does all you have and all that you are go when you die?

My statements are not meant to be confrontational but more of a concern.

I am new so I will end up restating this from time to time for the sake of clarity. I focus on the practical nuts and bolts of plural marriage because I am not of the dominant faith on this forum or of any other for that matter. So as a result, the part that is so important for the majority here simply does not exist for me. Trust me, i envy tbose who posses a faith. It must be comforting. I absolutely am not that guy though. It should be noted, I don't take issue with Christianity in the slightest and were there suddenly some far fetched scenario in which there were modern day religious wars, I would stand with the Christians to fight. That is the culture after all that I grew up in and you would not find me standing with another. Unfortunately shared morals do not a faith make so I content myself solely with earthly concerns. Now all of this being said, I would ask that none here decide that I am in need of counseling, instruction or saving. Allow me to walk my parallel path and just assume that I will only be participating in conversations that are focused on practical aspects of practicing polygamy as opposed to those concerned with the spiritual. Those are the areas where the lines may intersect before returning to parallel paths again.

 

[AmericanIsraelite]

I am up for participation in some self examination.

As a faithful husband and dad to many I have a fair bit of life experience.

What I have to offer is the lifestyle I was raised with. I grew up in a large family and we grew a lot of our food. Raising a large family in this manner is not the financial burden it would be if all were just consumers.
Living as we do, our children have greater opportunities to develop their God given abilities through meaningful participation in the day to day of real life. I have raised my children to have real skills and problem solving abilities.

My family is and will be raised with christian principles and real respect for elders. My children are raised to value the wisdom of their elders and to respect real authority. They value highly their senior friends.

I have a marriage, business and lifestyle that is scale able, as in all that is required is doing more of what is already working to accommodate additional growth.

Working in the family business my children get to see real life examples of my beliefs in action. I get many chances to show them how to treat others right, and how real world application of the golden rule solves problems.

As one who values truth I can share what I have learned. In this modern world a body free from toxic drugs and unneeded surgeries is a rarity. I was blessed with parents that protected me from the greed of modern medicine, and I have done the same for my children.

My wife is very supportive of me marrying again, that should count on the positive side.

Because I am not perfect I can offer another woman the guarantee she will have many opportunities to forgive me for being me.

If Yah grants me the desires of my heart, my family will soon be living completely off grid, and with a greater degree of God dependent self sufficiency.

Ultimately what any of us have to offer could be gone tomorrow, so in my opinion I can only offer to share what I have been blessed with today, because tomorrow is promised to no one.

 

[AmericanIsraelite]

It should be noted, I don't take issue with Christianity in the slightest and were there suddenly some far fetched scenario in which there were modern day religious wars, I would stand with the Christians to fight.

I do believe that people who are not true followers of Yeshua are missing out on something major, but everyone comes to the full knowledge of Yeshua at different times in life. My understanding is that believers are to judge, but they are to judge righteously.

I can understand not having a desire to be christian, given what passes for christianity today. Christians tend to throw scripture around as if those verses somehow show how righteous they are, rather then be living examples of their belief.

Yeshua said in Mark 9:40 and Luke 9:50 that "He who is not against us in on our side."

I for one am happy to know I will not have to fight you.

I won't be making further comments here as this is as far as I care to derail this thread.

 

[Verifyveritas76]

Let’s make sure this thread doesn’t get derailed like so many of the other threads that have had potential to improve our online presence and help those who may be looking for usable information.

Just state your own pros and cons, and what you believe you have to offer, instead of using this thread to minutely examine someone else’s poly worthiness.

No doubt there is room to delve deeper at some point . . . . Once you have posted your own list of what you think you have to offer.

 

[steve]

A chance to grow.
In fact, growth is not an option.
Growth in spiritual health, physical health, and mental health.

Something that I learned almost 50 years ago:
Yah loves you just the way that you are, and too much to leave you that way.

This isn’t the military, but it isn’t a playpen either.

That sounds sooo serious, but we are very dependent upon humor.

 

[Verifyveritas76]

So as difficult as this may be, I’ll try not to overwhelm all you guys

A rockin Iron man bod like an 18 year old

I’m a gazillionaire.

A house and estate that could house another 20 or 30 wives or so, give or take.

Intelligence off the charts

A Super Baby maker (either way you read that)

And the poise and presence to tame the wildest Feminazi.

And I’m the humblest man I know.

 

[Cap]

What I have to offer is based on the gifts that God has given me to follow Him in whatever relationships He would have me dedicate my life to for the benefits of others. I have had the gifts of failed relationships that has taught me how to appreciate a genuine and loving relationship. The importance of offering security and loyalty to those who would trust me with thier soul. The ability to listen and not be so focused on my own desires and take into consideration the hearts of others. The ability to be physically productive and compassionate at the same time. I thank God for the ability to truly see sacrifice in the work of bringing a first wife to accept the path given to me, which helps me truly reflect on what it really takes to live a life based on humility and grace. What I have to offer is only limited by my faith in the One who provides.

 

[FollowingHim]

Now all of this being said, I would ask that none here decide that I am in need of counseling, instruction or saving.

This is a Christian website. Therefore, by definition, everyone here already believes that you are in need of saving. So such a request is impossible to grant, it's already a foregone conclusion.

If you walk into a church because you like food and they have a nice shared lunch today, don't expect to say "I'm just here to talk about food, don't mention God to me". The shared lunch only existed to get people in the door. People will talk about it a bit to share recipes etc, to improve their cooking at home and the next lunch, but they didn't fundamentally get together to discuss food.

Polygamy is our shared lunch. We do talk about it a bit, but now you're here, there's a God we'd like to introduce you to.

This earthly life is simply God's testing ground. He is finding who will seek Him, and who is uninterested in Him. Those who choose to seek Him will spend eternity with Him - and with each other. Those who choose to ignore Him will, truly, go to hell. That is the truth. That is all that matters. One day you will die, and will stand without possessions, wives or children, before a God who has only one question for you - "did you follow Me?".

It's like the matrix. We can choose to be entertained and distracted by the illusion of the present, or can "take the red pill" and see the reality that is beyond it. We're here to offer you the red pill.

 

[Slumberfreeze]

I sort of didn't think this thread would get made. In retrospect I suppose I shouldn't underestimated the crew here... Way to call my bluff, Pater!

Here we go. I'll go with a "warts and all" approach
Finances:
+ Fairly secure. God has blessed us and we're a fairly shrewd people. I have sort of a ministry in helping other people sort out their finances and getting them out of debt.
= Not wealthy, nor do I intend to be. I have a history of being the exact opposite of ambitious.
- I'm a cheapskate. Gift giving isn't really a thing with me. Also what are birthdays?

Family:
+ We know what's up. I lead, everyone else follows. We don't do drama and we have each other's back or else. It tastes weird to say it out loud, but people come to us with their problems because we have the fundamentals on lock, and we look forward to those opportunities to breathe life into others.
= We watch a boat-load of anime and aren't big on out-doorsy stuff usually. Pretty big dorks.
- While it's true that my wife is admirably trying to have the best possible attitude about plural, she's really not excited about it at all tbh famalam.

Vision:
+ I'm fully mission driven. For me, plural marriage or not, it's all about war. The cause of the kingdom will be advanced by my household. Souls need saved, people need fed, hearts need healed.
= I'm often driven to help people who have burned all their bridges because they have made horrible mistakes due to their atrocious personalities. Sometimes to the tune of letting them stay with me. Sometimes this leads to a temporary suspension of the "We don't do drama" rule. I have been known to import drama. However we have learned some valuable lessons through our experience and I can't say that I'd do differently given the chance to re-do.
- At the completion of a mission, or when ever I'm not active on some "making the world better" project, I get depressed. I'm not even humble bragging here. I full-on sulk. How does that work in conjunction with me being generally lazy? It works like crap.

In short, why would any chick try to latch on to me? Same as it ever was, because God led her to it. Her doom is upon her.

I would ask that none here decide that I am in need of counseling, instruction or saving.

I hope you stick around for sure, but my attitude about your soul is not up for negotiation. I feel much stronger about your soul being saved than I do about plural marriage. If a genie popped up in front of me and told me he could ensure that you would become a disciple of Christ, but I would forgo ever taking on a second wife, I'd tell him to go ahead with it with no hesitation. You're simply worth too much for me to even need to think about it.

 

[paterfamilias]

"This is a Christian website. Therefore, by definition, everyone here already believes that you are in need of saving. So such a request is impossible to grant, it's already a foregone conclusion."

All well known and understood in advance but my words are mainly for your (collectively) benefit. It is a simple statement of fact that I represent infertile soil for that sort of cultivation. As i said, it must be nice to have faith. Quite comforting I imagine. I am simply not someone who does or will possess spiritual faith.
So I will continue to walk the parallel path.

 

[Cap]

Matthew 7:7
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.

Not asking is on your own head, and your families, since you are the leader.

You really do need to consider that everything in your life is by design, and there may be a reason you are here. The path away from this place may not be what you think, they can only be parallel for so long as fate allows them to be.

 

[FollowingHim]

As i said, it must be nice to have faith. Quite comforting I imagine.

There is a myth that humans invented the idea of God for comfort. But, on consideration, this is nonsense.

Imagine there are two tribesmen walking through the jungle at night, hearing strange noises around them.
One thinks "That's just animals and the wind".
The other thinks "Those noises must be invisible spirits or gods of the forest or something like that".
Which tribesman will be more comforted? Which will be scared out of his wits?
Would any primitive man invent the idea of gods to comfort himself?

Faith in God is not a comforting crutch. Belief in the supernatural does not make life simpler. Rather, our lives are a search for truth.

We know God is real because, when you look around you and see the complexity of nature, you realise it is impossible for it to exist without a Creator. The deeper you study science, the more this is confirmed - the deeper you look, the more complex you realise everything is, and that it could not have come about by chance. Therefore, there must be a Creator, who is powerful enough to make everything. If such a being exists, who is He? (is he a he?) How does he affect my life? Would it be wise to ignore Him?