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Who should offer marital advice?

Ruth Elizabeth said:
And your statements have been so laughably bizarre that they detract from any legitimate point you are trying to make.
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Bizzare doesn't make them wrong or untrue. I just follow logic towards it's conclusion and "connect dots" between various domains.

You see, most Christians aasume their theology and beliefs are correct. What always is never asked is how previously dominant ideologies have contributed to current s..t.

Just as classical liberals can't imagine how their disregard of seccesion, love of international institution starting with EU etc... has directly created current problem.

Same thing is happening with Christian conception of marriage. Basic problem is that being married is blessing. It was never true.

In Far East where stigma against divorce is strong, couples just separate. So show together on social duties (weddings, church), while being unable to stand each other (there must be reason they can't live together). Such lovely example of marriage happiness.

Yet, most Christians would call such societies proper, with family values etc...just because they are too blind to check anything more than marriage rate.

Christians can't see problem because commintment is good == being married is OK.

Similar issue is in Western churches. When our enemies have pressed and attacked martiage, why did they break? I'm certain bought hirelings (looking at you, @Mark C), but is that full story?

Notice how commitment is great mindset never pays attention is marriage as practiced between couple great? And what makes great marriage?

It's obvious. Married people in great marriage can't be bribed to leave. And this is why Western marriages have been broken.

Christian cultural dominance = commitment basis == just stay married == most marriages are meh == under attack by enemy == divorce rate same as unbelievers.

There is reason I put emphasis on attraction, joy.
 
frederick said:
But you don't have the right to bed her without commitment. Maybe you are advocating for a short term renewable contract; say, monthly rollovers, signed by both partners(?) Hmmm.... she may be the one to decide not to renew after the first month.... . 🤔
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I'm not advocating such rollovers. I don't have answer, not that simple.

Every day you stay married you have made implicit "buy decision". Same with house you are living, car you drive, business you have.

Everyday of ownership is implicit buy decision. We are creatures of habit. But, when and under what conditions to sell is real question?
 
MemeFan said:
I'm certain bought hirelings (looking at you, @Mark C), but is that full story?
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Trying to understand what you mean by this part.
Do you believe that Mark is a hireling?
If so, why?
 
FollowingHim said:
So, what are you actually saying here? Are you saying that you should have no commitment, and as soon as you decide that you don't like your spouse any more, you should just leave?
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Not that easy.

If situation is hopeless, then leaving is best. But who can know which marriages are hopeless in advance? All or some?

There is no clear answer. But concept of red flags exists for reason.
 
MemeFan said:
Bizzare doesn't make them wrong or untrue. I just follow logic towards it's conclusion and "connect dots" between various domains.
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I haven't even commented on your commitment policies only your opinion on the methods women unconsciously use to keep men. Those were bizarre and far from a logical conclusion. Rather statements like that detract from any opinions or valid points you may have.

I personally think attraction is important and do not think it is wise to marry someone just to be married. I also despise the idea of leaving someone just because "the spark died." And since we will all become old and ugly, physical attraction should never be the only thing holding one in a relationship.
 
MemeFan said:
Christian cultural dominance = commitment basis == just stay married == most marriages are meh == under attack by enemy == divorce rate same as unbelievers.
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That is the problem in today’s so-called Christianity, people are listening to the same voices that you are teaching from and losing that commitment. They intend to be committed, but when the cares of life starts eroding the attraction they throw the commitment aside.
A new relationship is attractive, at first.
 
MemeFan said:
divorce rate same as unbelievers
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Nonsense. The statistics on this are highly misleading.

Non-Christians don't usually get married (legally), they just live together. Their relationships fail very frequently as we all know from looking around us - but never feature in the divorce statistics because they didn't "get married". After going through a few relationships they finally decide one is serious enough to be a "marriage", and the divorce stats only take into account the breakup of those relationships - already pre-selected as the most serious and solid ones they had, the ones most likely to survive. This biases down the divorce rate among unbelievers, as most of their divorces don't feature in the statistics.

While Christians generally get married legally due to a belief that not to do so would be sin. So almost every relationship breakup of a Christian is counted as a divorce.

Yet despite this massive bias in the statistics, with only a fraction of non-Christian divorces being recorded but all Christian ones being recorded, the official stats for Christians are still the same. That shows that the actual divorce rate is far lower among Christians.
 
FollowingHim said:
@MemeFan, is scripture true?
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I hate to do it, but I have to agree that it isn’t an absolute. It is a great principle though.

There are women who just aren’t a great thing, although the jury is still out on the last part of the verse. He may or may not bless you for giving a woman who is dressed in red flags a chance to walk your walk.
 
FollowingHim said:
Proverbs 18:22
He who finds a wife finds a good thing,
And obtains favor from the LORD.
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steve said:
I hate to do it, but I have to agree that it isn’t an absolute. It is a great principle though.

There are women who just aren’t a great thing, although the jury is still out on the last part of the verse. He may or may not bless you for giving a woman who is dressed in red flags a chance to walk your walk.
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It's true, Steve, if we put the emphasis on finding a wife.

And here, I still like the term "etzer kenegdo," suitable help-meet, for clarity.
 
Mark C said:
It's true, Steve, if we put the emphasis on finding a wife.

And here, I still like the term "etzer kenegdo," suitable help-meet, for clarity.
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Good point, a female is not necessarily a possible wife.
 
Not every woman is good wife material. You have to be selective about who you are choosing to make a wife. The Word of the Lord is absolutely true that He who findeth a wife findeth a good thing- This is a conditional promise verse in Scripture and it means that you are having to select quality and God will bless the quality not quantity. Especially in polygyny people start focusing on quantity rather than quality. I think this is where it goes wrong. You want a second so bad you are willing to throw blinders on and when I was a single woman I admit I wanted a husband badly enough that sometimes I had blinders and Thank God I did not marry the wrong man and God led me to my husband. I think this is why we should take time to really know someone before you consider them marriage material. I will also say for the men wanting to help women there are ways to help without making an unsuitable woman a wife.
 
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