Whose responsibility is it to earn money?

[theleastofthese]

Moderator note: The first 15 posts were originally in the below thread, and have been separated to allow two different lines of discussion to be pursued with clarity. Check the original thread also to understand the context.

How much money should I be making before I get married?

I am 26 years old and single. I know that having a family is expensive and I want to be financially responsible and not get married and have children before I can afford to. Right now I have a steady job and I make enough money to pay for the things that I need and to save a little bit. I could...

www.biblicalfamilies.org

--------------------------

Forgive me for coming in all cynical, and please don't think I'm discouraging you from seeking a wife. However, some of the men offering you advice are much older than 26. Most haven't attempted to establish themselves from the ground up in the present-day economy. No amount of canning, sewing, or gardening is really going to put a substantial dent in the present cost of living.

Every woman works to help sustain herself. Some go out of the home and work for money to use to buy the things the family needs. Others stay at home and work even harder gardening, preserving food, mending clothes and so forth to directly provide the things the family needs. Most do a mix of both.

You, as the husband, provide an environment in which she will receive food, clothing and shelter - but she will most certainly be working to grow and cook that food, make or mend that clothing, paint and repair the shelter, and even earn the money to pay for some of it.

Expecting a wife to do all of this while a husband is seeking other women to marry? This is what sounds like entitled princess behavior...by the husband.

If she loves you while you are poor.. life is just better as you build future together... yes, you are responsible, but it is a together journey to build and grow in all areas, including finances.

There's no guarantee that a woman will be more devoted to you or that your life together will be better because she struggled along with you. One of the things men often boast about when selling the idea of plural marriage is the benefit of joining an already established family. Yet the first wife must struggle along with you in the beginning? To what end? Struggling by your side, just to share her husband at the end of the day.

I know that if I had several wives instead of one we could all pool our income together and better afford things. I am just not sure if it would be a good idea to pursue plural marriage for financial reasons.

Finding women who are receptive to poly is challenging enough, even for financially successful men. Being at home with their children is what women need and want most. Don't be surprised when ladies aren't queued up at your doorstep, begging for the opportunity to work outside of the household, away from their children, in order to help financially contribute to a husband's household because he wants more wives and children than he can afford.

 

[steve]

Forgive me for coming in all cynical, and please don't think I'm discouraging you from seeking a wife. However, some of the men offering you advice are much older than 26. Most haven't attempted to establish themselves from the ground up in the present-day economy. No amount of canning, sewing, or gardening is really going to put a substantial dent in the present cost of living.


Expecting a wife to do all of this while a husband is seeking other women to marry? This is what sounds like entitled princess behavior...by the husband.

There's no guarantee that a woman will be more devoted to you or that your life together will be better because she struggled along with you. One of the things men often boast about when selling the idea of plural marriage is the benefit of joining an already established family. Yet the first wife must struggle along with you in the beginning? To what end? Struggling by your side, just to share her husband at the end of the day.

Finding women who are receptive to poly is challenging enough, even for financially successful men. Being at home with their children is what women need and want most. Don't be surprised when ladies aren't queued up at your doorstep, begging for the opportunity to work outside of the household, away from their children, in order to help financially contribute to a husband's household because he wants more wives and children than he can afford.

You obviously are not real strong on the idea of teamwork.
A team starts with two against the world, whether or not another woman ever joins the team isn’t the focus. Hopefully children join the team and eventually leave for their own teams.
If another wife comes along and wants to coast on the bootstrapping that the present team has already done, she won’t have had the experience and may never be of the same caliber of the first two.

 

[theleastofthese]

You obviously are not real strong on the idea of teamwork.
A team starts with two against the world, whether or not another woman ever joins the team isn’t the focus. Hopefully children join the team and eventually leave for their own teams.
If another wife comes along and wants to coast on the bootstrapping that the present team has already done, she won’t have had the experience and may never be of the same caliber of the first two.

What was being explained didn't appear to be teamwork. It's a woman doing everything, including the man's role. What woman in their right mind would leave her children to work outside of the household, handle the house work, sew, garden, canning, share her husband and submit to him all at the same time. Shoot, I can do that all on my own without having to obey someone else. I'm sorry if I live in the real world and that's proven by the fact that women aren't knocking down doors to live that sort of life because men don't do a very good job of making it appealing.

 

[Ruth Elizabeth]

Don't worry about it too much. My family is large and because my parents didn't do anything to prevent having kids or delay for finances, God has always blessed us financially. We have never been rich. We have only ever been what US citizens would consider poor. Our income increased along with the amount of children for most of my life growing up. Now we live in a smaller house with a smaller mortgage and more land.
So I say, if you are doing the right thing, don't worry, God will help you.

I'm with @theleastofthese

The idea that women need to provide is wrong. Help, sure. Get a job while your children are raised by another wife, no. Children need their mom. Not some other sister-wife.
I believe if the men were willing to let the women raise their kids that God would bless them and they would find themselves much better off financially. Men complain about feminists but when it comes down to the idea of a polyganist wife wanting to be in the home, taking care of their own children and house, they shirk.
Women are the weaker sex literally. We are not physically made to do all the work of a man. That doesn't mean to be lazy, but anyway taking care of kids and a house is a big enough responsibility that people pay others to do it for them.

God commanded women "thou shalt bring forth many children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee."
God commanded men "In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread..."

 

[theleastofthese]

The idea that women need to provide is wrong. Help, sure. Get a job while your children are raised by another wife, no. Children need their mom. Not some other sister-wife.

This exactly! I'd be heartbroken leaving my children with another woman to raise for long periods of time even if she was a co-wife. Men often bring this up as though it's a benefit

 

[Ruth Elizabeth]

You obviously are not real strong on the idea of teamwork.
A team starts with two against the world, whether or not another woman ever joins the team isn’t the focus. Hopefully children join the team and eventually leave for their own teams.

Do we a get a cheer and a team name?

If another wife comes along and wants to coast on the bootstrapping that the present team has already done, she won’t have had the experience and may never be of the same caliber of the first two.

Maybe I'm misunderstanding (and if that's the case feel free to correct me!!!) but from what I gather that's a sad outlook on a second or third wife. Wanting to be a stay-at-home-mom is not coasting on the bootstrapping of someone else's work. It never has been. Is only the first wife allowed to stay at home with her kids? Or do they have to swap turns with a job in order to raise and hold their own children? In that case, how many first wife's who want to raise their children without wanting to swap would want a second wife?
To consider a woman as being not of the same caliber because she doesn't want to have a job while raising children is just not right

People need to have faith that if they are living the way God intended, that he will help provide for their family.

 

[steve]

What woman in their right mind would leave her children to work outside of the household, handle the house work, sew, garden, canning,

Where did anyone advocate that she do all of that?

 

[steve]

Wanting to be a stay-at-home-mom is not coasting on the bootstrapping of someone else's work.

I never said that.
I was referring to the idea of not being willing to join a family that is in the building stage, but wants to parachute in after the hard work is done.
Not accusing anyone, it’s just a mentality that I don’t honor.

 

[NickF]

Forgive me for coming in all cynical, and please don't think I'm discouraging you from seeking a wife. However, some of the men offering you advice are much older than 26.

Yes, and they have been 26, worked through it and have perspective to offer.

Most haven't attempted to establish themselves from the ground up in the present-day economy. No amount of canning, sewing, or gardening is really going to put a substantial dent in the present cost of living.

Not with that kind of attitude it won't. You do not know what kind of situations these men have grown up in, therefore you can't even hope to make a comparison. Most of us men have lived through worse economic cycles and harder times in life.

Expecting a wife to do all of this while a husband is seeking other women to marry? This is what sounds like entitled princess behavior...by the husband.

I don't even know what to say that would be charitable.

There's no guarantee that a woman will be more devoted to you or that your life together will be better because she struggled along with you.

What is guaranteed in life? Nothing, you are not promised breath tomorrow.

One of the things men often boast about when selling the idea of plural marriage is the benefit of joining an already established family. Yet the first wife must struggle along with you in the beginning? To what end? Struggling by your side, just to share her husband at the end of the day.

Why are you even here entertaining the idea of poly if you're so repulsed by sharing with another woman? My wife has struggled with me through early seasons. To the end that she can glorify God in her time here on earth. To help her husband, to live a good life. Nothing good comes without work and struggle. Catie would be blessed to have the struggle of bearing and raising another child to share in life with us all. Yes it's struggle and hardship. Yes there would be struggles with sharing the house with another woman. There's struggles with sharing your life with a new dog that has health problems, yet you open yourself to those struggles, why? Just because it makes your life easier? Or because there is good to be done in the world. Should Catie be hateful towards another woman who's been lonely for decades and needs the care and protection, the provision of a husband? Just because she is required to sacrifice something of herself? Are we not as believers to lay aside our own selfish ambitions in service of God?

Are we not given the parallel of Christ and the Church as an example of Husband and Wife?

Do we come to Christ with demands or with humility and hope for His gift of life? And upon kneeling before Him, do we say "not my will but yours Lord."? So if it's His will to seek out another soul to add to His house, His Kingdom, shouldn't we be joyful and encouraging EVEN if it means we are asked to sacrifice of our comfort to give a winter coat to one in need?

Finding women who are receptive to poly is challenging enough, even for financially successful men.

Finding women/humans who are not selfish is harder than finding poly accepting people. We should all aspire to set aside selfishness and look to the good of those around us.

Being at home with their children is what women need and want most.

This is undoubtedly what the men of this forum uphold as the best situation, I have no idea how you've come up with the opposite idea.

Don't be surprised when ladies aren't queued up at your doorstep, begging for the opportunity to work outside of the household, away from their children, in order to help financially contribute to a husband's household because he wants more wives and children than he can afford.

Who said that?

 

[Ruth Elizabeth]

I never said that.
I was referring to the idea of not being willing to join a family that is in the building stage, but wants to parachute in after the hard work is done.
Not accusing anyone, it’s just a mentality that I don’t honor.

Ah well then it's a misunderstand on both sides.
I agree that it shouldn't matter if they are in the building stage and it would be rude to specifically avoid that. Actually thinking about it is there ever is a time when it feels like you're past the building stage...?
Maybe at 60?

 

[NickF]

Don't worry about it too much. My family is large and because my parents didn't do anything to prevent having kids or delay for finances, God has always blessed us financially. We have never been rich. We have only ever been what US citizens would consider poor. Our income increased along with the amount of children for most of my life growing up. Now we live in a smaller house with a smaller mortgage and more land.
So I say, if you are doing the right thing, don't worry, God will help you.

Beautiful! I think this is exactly what the men were communicating above. Thank you for this.

I'm with @theleastofthese

The idea that women need to provide is wrong.

I don't think any of the men have said or were trying to say that "women need to provide for themselves while the men sit around like bums"

I think they are saying that more adults means more hands. Catie and I get 3x more work done together than we could otherwise. Adding one more adult set of hands would increase that by more than 1x. So adding more people is not a detriment but a blessing and an increase.

Help, sure. Get a job while your children are raised by another wife, no. Children need their mom. Not some other sister-wife.

I have no idea where this idea comes from but I don't think I've ever seen it espoused as an ideal anywhere on this forum. A temporary solution for some who are forced into the position, or as a solution for a wife who really wants to pursue a career. But certainly not an ideal thing.

I believe if the men were willing to let the women raise their kids that God would bless them and they would find themselves much better off financially.

Yeah! Exactly what all those men above are saying! Maybe I need to go back through and re-read the posts but I honestly don't understand how people are speaking at such cross purposes here and misunderstanding so much.

Men complain about feminists but when it comes down to the idea of a polyganist wife wanting to be in the home, taking care of their own children and house, they shirk.

Who? What? Huh? I for one am the polar opposite of this supposed viewpoint. I could be wrong but I'd be willing to bet at least a grand that 90% of men view stay at home mom and wife as the IDEAL situation.

Women are the weaker sex literally. We are not physically made to do all the work of a man. That doesn't mean to be lazy, but anyway taking care of kids and a house is a big enough responsibility that people pay others to do it for them.

Absofrikinlutely, and I think everyone on this forum agrees with that as well.

 

[NickF]

Ah well then it's a misunderstand on both sides.

Probably!

Actually thinking about it is there ever is a time when it feels like you're past the building stage...?
Maybe at 60?

VERY GOOD question. @Bartato recently recommended a book. I bought it and the prequel volume. @CatieF (my wife) has read the first one and is reading the second that Bartato recommended. It speaks to this question quite well. I highly recommend them both to all women. (Even though I think the author is quite feminist/egalitarian)

 

[CatieF]

@Ruth Elizabeth @theleastofthese

I don't ever really post on here but, wanted to give my two cents. Y'all are making assumptions about what these men are saying.
I don’t think any of these men that have commented on this thread have been of the opinion that their women should work themselves to the bone with house work, gardening, sewing, canning, raising children, helping with income or that any additional wife is gonna be extra slave labor…that they will give their wives all this work so they may go search for more women to add to the household... they have mentioned ways in which their wives may help or have helped them. I didn't see any comment saying that the wife should garden, do housework, raise children, AND go get a job outside of the home. The men were mentioning ways a wife could add value to the home by either helping lower costs of living (gardening, cooking from scratch, homeschooling, etc) or by helping with income (that could mean anything from selling baked goods from your own home, cleaning houses, or getting a part time job outside of the home). We as women are supposed to add value to our husbands life. Whether you're the first, second, third wife etc. Shouldn't we as women WANT to add value to the life of our husband?

Men aren't our enemy and we shouldn't treat them as such. They are a blessing to us as women. They offer love, protection, and provision. I'd recommend y'all read Keys to the Kingdom and The Queen's Code. Those books will help you to understand men and hopefully change your perspective.

Having a second wife that is able to help with childcare is a benefit. And I believe that if the second wife has a good attitude, love, and good will towards the family that she chose to join, she will have no problem watching those children to help the family as a whole. There are times when one wife may have to work while the other stays home with kids. That's not what is ideal but, it is reality. I'd happily watch my sister wife's kids while she worked if necessary. That's what a family does for each other. They help one another, they support one another.

 

[theleastofthese]

Yes, and they have been 26, worked through it and have perspective to offer.

Not with that kind of attitude it won't. You do not know what kind of situations these men have grown up in, therefore you can't even hope to make a comparison. Most of us men have lived through worse economic cycles and harder times in life.

Marital perspective, definitely. OP is asking about the financial perspective as well. When the majority of these men were 26 years old, large purchases were far cheaper and easily attainable, and the pay wasn't much lower than it is presently. It's going to cost far more to establish oneself in the present economy than it did in the past. What I was doing was pointing out that there's a difference. The OP is referencing legitimate concerns and being given false solutions by people who do not have the same experiences he has and are absolutely not under the same circumstances.

What is guaranteed in life? Nothing, you are not promised breath tomorrow.

I was responding to this...

If she loves you while you are poor.. life is just better as you build future together

"IS" sounds like a guarantee to me.

Why are you even here entertaining the idea of poly if you're so repulsed by sharing with another woman?

I never said that at all. I stated, Why would a woman help fulfill a man's role when needed as well as her own, and on top of that, be required to share and submit to her husband as well. When she can do all of that alone and not have to submit to or share with anyone. You guys don't do a very good job of making polygyny sound appealing to single women. If you don't want to hear that, it's fine. Continue to play it off as "misunderstandings," but it's quite obvious what you're really saying. Even your own wife's post, which was meant to defend your stance, literally just inadvertently proved our point.

My wife has struggled with me through early seasons. To the end that she can glorify God in her time here on earth. To help her husband, to live a good life. Nothing good comes without work and struggle. Catie would be blessed to have the struggle of bearing and raising another child to share in life with us all. Yes it's struggle and hardship. Yes there would be struggles with sharing the house with another woman. There's struggles with sharing your life with a new dog that has health problems, yet you open yourself to those struggles, why? Just because it makes your life easier? Or because there is good to be done in the world. Should Catie be hateful towards another woman who's been lonely for decades and needs the care and protection, the provision of a husband? Just because she is required to sacrifice something of herself? Are we not as believers to lay aside our own selfish ambitions in service of God?

Are we not given the parallel of Christ and the Church as an example of Husband and Wife?

Do we come to Christ with demands or with humility and hope for His gift of life? And upon kneeling before Him, do we say "not my will but yours Lord."? So if it's His will to seek out another soul to add to His house, His Kingdom, shouldn't we be joyful and encouraging EVEN if it means we are asked to sacrifice of our comfort to give a winter coat to one in need?

I never said anything of this sort and wouldn't even argue with that stance to begin with. You, @CatieF and @FollowingHim are doing the very thing you're accusing me of doing. Saying things that I did not say based on your personal bias and emotional investments. Except I don't think I misunderstood @FollowingHim post to begin with, as he suggests. What i'm responding to has been said on this forum many times over by many men, i'll even go find the posts if need be. There's a difference between a help-meet and robbing a woman of her God-given right to be an active mother in her children's lives because you, as men, need help fulfilling your end of the financial burden.

This is undoubtedly what the men of this forum uphold as the best situation, I have no idea how you've come up with the opposite idea.

That's fine; however, insisting that building a pyramid scheme of women working outside of the household because you can't afford the ideal situation for your wives is not a credible solution for some of us.

I don't ever really post on here but, wanted to give my two cents.

I'm glad you did

Having a second wife that is able to help with childcare is a benefit. And I believe that if the second wife has a good attitude, love, and good will towards the family that she chose to join, she will have no problem watching those children to help the family as a whole. There are times when one wife may have to work while the other stays home with kids. That's not what is ideal but, it is reality.

because you just proved that what we're speaking out against is, in fact, a reality. You just disguised it by grandstanding behind flowers and rainbows.

@Aaron_D, I think it is obvious that @theleastofthese completely misinterpreted what I was saying by reading it with her own personal biases in mind, and @Ruth Elizabeth just went along with this misunderstanding. I was not writing to them, but to you, and am fully confident that you will have understood it correctly from the beginning. So I'm not going to take the time to reply to them - it's pointless as I don't think you'll have this misunderstanding to begin with, and I really don't want to clutter this thread with such a tangent. @NickF, @steve and @CatieF have adequately responded already and I'd like to end it there and get back to talking to you.

If you have any questions about any of the advice you have received just ask.

I won't comment any further, as to not derail the thread, but this is manipulative and dismissive.

 

[Bartato]

Why would a woman help fulfill a man's role when needed as well as her own, and on top of that, be required to share and submit to her husband as well. When she can do all of that alone and not have to submit to or share with anyone.

It sounds like you don't like the idea of marriage in general (forget polygamy for a bit). You seem to be saying "I don't want to be a helpmate".

You also seem to be operating in a bit of economic hopelessly and despair. I know things are rough, but maybe you are not seeing the God of the Bible clearly. God is still on His throne, and is able to provide for His children.

The thing is women generally can't and won't successfully fulfill their role apart from men.

Single moms are almost all highly financially dependent on big Daddy government for childcare, health insurance, education, housing, and food.

They are totally dependent on men via theft by taxation. These single moms aren't raising their children either. The kids are all raised in daycare and public schools.

Instead of helping one man who actually loves her, women are choosing to serve faceless bureaucracies and corporations.

 

[FollowingHim]

@theleastofthese, to go back to the start and respond to your initial objection to my statement:

Every woman works to help sustain herself. Some go out of the home and work for money to use to buy the things the family needs. Others stay at home and work even harder gardening, preserving food, mending clothes and so forth to directly provide the things the family needs. Most do a mix of both. If you meet a woman who expects you to provide everything for her and won't lift a finger to help, run away as fast as you can! You need a wife who is willing to work alongside you, not an entitled princess to bleed you dry. You, as the husband, provide an environment in which she will receive food, clothing and shelter - but she will most certainly be working to grow and cook that food, make or mend that clothing, paint and repair the shelter, and even earn the money to pay for some of it.

Expecting a wife to do all of this while a husband is seeking other women to marry? This is what sounds like entitled princess behavior...by the husband.

Two points:

Firstly, at the same time that I made that post, I separately recommended to @Aaron_D in a post on his other thread that he should just seek one wife and not even think about polygamy yet, so the phrase "while a husband is seeking other women to marry" is the opposite of what I am actually saying. This seems to be a simple misunderstanding, you may not have read both posts and understood the totality of what I was saying, which is understandable since the posts were in different threads.

Secondly, and more importantly, I do not understand what you object to in my description of married life. Every wife is either a housewife, or a working wife, or both (e.g. has a part-time job and functions as a housewife outside those hours). I don't know any wife who is not in one of these three categories. Every wife works in some way. My grandmothers worked until they had children, then were busy housewives (one a farmer's wife, the other a miner's wife) doing all the work that entails. My mother was a schoolteacher except for breaks when we children were young. My wife is a stay-at-home mother caring for more children than my mother or grandmothers ever had. My sister is a housewife, my sisters-in-law are working wives. Every woman I know, whether single or married, works hard in some way. And every married woman is doing so as part of a team with her husband.

Can you please clarify what you expect married life to look like, and how what I have described is different to your expectation? I may have missed something. I cannot understand why you see this as being an abnormal expectation.

I'll be pleased to discuss it further once I better understand where you're coming from.

 

[theleastofthese]

It sounds like you don't like the idea of marriage in general (forget polygamy for a bit). You seem to be saying "I don't want to be a helpmate".

I'm glad you were able to gather that from my post which was removed from a thread that was in response to another topic

For the record. If I ever do join a family I'll most likely be working outside of the household. Therefore assuming my opinion is based from a personal situation holds no basis. I feel strongly that women who have children should not be asked to work outside of the household. I think it's insulting to attempt to manipulate them into thinking they're not a good enough help-meet because they don't want to sacrifice being a mother for making income which shouldn't even be their primary role to begin with. And don't even get me started on telling them they should be happy for other women to raise their children while they do it.

 

[FollowingHim]

I feel strongly that women who have children should not be asked to work outside of the household. I think it's insulting to attempt to manipulate them into thinking they're not a good enough help-meet because they don't want to sacrifice being a mother for making income which shouldn't even be their primary role to begin with.

And I am pretty sure that every man here agrees with you on that 100%.

 

[theleastofthese]

@theleastofthese, to go back to the start and respond to your initial objection to my statement:


Two points:

Firstly, at the same time that I made that post, I separately recommended to @Aaron_D in a post on his other thread that he should just seek one wife and not even think about polygamy yet, so the phrase "while a husband is seeking other women to marry" is the opposite of what I am actually saying. This seems to be a simple misunderstanding, you may not have read both posts and understood the totality of what I was saying, which is understandable since the posts were in different threads.

Secondly, and more importantly, I do not understand what you object to in my description of married life. Every wife is either a housewife, or a working wife, or both (e.g. has a part-time job and functions as a housewife outside those hours). I don't know any wife who is not in one of these three categories. Every wife works in some way. My grandmothers worked until they had children, then were busy housewives (one a farmer's wife, the other a miner's wife) doing all the work that entails. My mother was a schoolteacher except for breaks when we children were young. My wife is a stay-at-home mother caring for more children than my mother or grandmothers ever had. My sister is a housewife, my sisters-in-law are working wives. Every woman I know, whether single or married, works hard in some way. And every married woman is doing so as part of a team with her husband.

Can you please clarify what you expect married life to look like, and how what I have described is different to your expectation? I may have missed something. I cannot understand why you see this as being an abnormal expectation.

I'll be pleased to discuss it further once I better understand where you're coming from.

When I said you were being dismissive, I meant towards Ruth and her opinions. She was going to make a comment before I did because I am not the only one who noticed this sort of thing on the forums.

I felt my original post was on topic to begin with. The OP asked about financial advice. I advised that he think carefully about starting a family immediately which was suggested by other men in the thread because they grew up in a different time and are a little out of touch with new beginnings in this economy.

I also pointed out that he's possibly putting the cart before the horse when being concerned about multiple wives because most modern women are not lining up to "pool their income" as he stated.

I disagreed that women should be asked to work outside of the household, have children, raise children, handle household chores etc. And pointed out that there's even less of a chance that a woman will happily do all of that while their husband is in pursuit of other women instead of pursuing better ways to support his family financially. This wasn't an accusation or insult to plural marriage, I was suggesting that the husband get his priorities straight.

I did not disagree with all of the advice given. I don't have an agenda against plural marriage or marriage. I don't think men are awful or useless. I can't even believe that I have to explain this based on very limited remarks I made, regarding very specific circumstances.

And I don't see why this needs it's own thread based on assumptions of things I did not say and based on a question under my name which I did not even ask.

 

[Ruth Elizabeth]

The first part of my comment was in direct response and not off topic: "Don't worry about it too much. My family is large and because my parents didn't do anything to prevent having kids or delay for finances, God has always blessed us financially. We have never been rich. We have only ever been what US citizens would consider poor. Our income increased along with the amount of children for most of my life growing up. Now we live in a smaller house with a smaller mortgage and more land.
So I say, if you are doing the right thing, don't worry, God will help you."
I know he isn't married yet but he asked the question and I do believe if he is in a situation where they aren't the best financially and a wonderful second wife appears that he can take the opportunity to marry her in confidence God will help provide for them.
But honestly it doesn't matter either way entirely, it's between two people (or more) and God.

Now I understand you were trying to get rid of my comment wholesale so I can't wholly disagree with that. Forums are chaos, at least I'm not in charge, cheers

My other comments merely center on the fact that I do not believe a woman needs to work (even part-time) if she has children to raise and a husband to provide. I believe if she has faith and puts her kids first God will take care of them financially. That has been my experience in life. Even though my dad has been in and out of jobs my whole life. The times when my mother worked part-time were much more tight financially than when she waited, trusted God would help my dad get a job (or his pay would raise) and provide for the rest.