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why not multiple husbands?

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3 So then, if she has sexual relations with another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress if she marries another man.

Romans 7:3 NIV

22 If a man is found sleeping with another man’s wife, both the man who slept with her and the woman must die. You must purge the evil from Israel.
Deuteronomy 22:22 NIV
 
Religious teachings aside, there is no benefit to one woman having multiple husbands. I suppose the old argument of "what's good for the goose!" immediately comes to mind, but what woman wants to rotate husbands or households?

In societies where this was/is practized, the whole point was to keep the husbands AWAY from his family. He's more valuable in the field or in battle, so give him a wife that he can share. Make his responsibility to her less.

I've never been a man, maybe they do fanatize about harems filled with beautiful, lonely women :lol: but as a woman, I can say with confidence that all women want is the heart of a good man.
 
Kathryn said:
I've never been a man, maybe they do fanatize about harems filled with beautiful, lonely women :lol: but as a woman, I can say with confidence that all women want is the heart of a good man.
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Wow, nice of you to feel free to speak for all women! I happen to know quite a few women with more than one man she calls husband. Very often they live together so she does not rotate households, the benefit is being able to live and share her life with the men she loves. You may not understand it, but for petes sake you can't claim to know what we all want. How arrogant!!!

B
 
Isabella said:
Kathryn said:
I've never been a man, maybe they do fanatize about harems filled with beautiful, lonely women :lol: but as a woman, I can say with confidence that all women want is the heart of a good man.
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Wow, nice of you to feel free to speak for all women! I happen to know quite a few women with more than one man she calls husband. Very often they live together so she does not rotate households, the benefit is being able to live and share her life with the men she loves. You may not understand it, but for petes sake you can't claim to know what we all want. How arrogant!!!

B
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I'm intrigued, please elaborate.

You're right, I was making a generalization, which has gotten me into trouble in the past. I've never heard of such a practice outside of very remote places, so this is a new frontier me. Mea culpa.
 
Isabella,

I took the liberty of reviewing this post to save you the trouble of repeating yourself. This questions seems to me like the perfect opportunity to express your own point of view. However, all you've done is nit-pick with people over definitions and make them clarify their questions/answers. I dont know why it took a comment you deemed offensive for you to personally discuss something you're obviously passionate about. If you've done so out of respect for the forum guidelines than I invite you to PM me. Personally, I think it would be eye opening to post here, but it you think I was so far out of line, then I can understand you not bothering to defend yourself.

PS - I suppose I also owe the sultans and their harem beauties an apology. I'm sure it's a consensual, mutually fulfilling relationship. :roll:
 
I have no idea what you are talking about Kathryn. I don't care what you think, believe or feel, that is up to you, you have the right to believe whatever you like, all I request is you not talk for ALL women and since I have been on this board, I have seen many strong opinions but I certainly have never seen any of these fine people assume they know what is in the hearts and minds of 50% of the human population. Yes, that is something I am passionate about.

B
 
Isabella said:
I have no idea what you are talking about Kathryn. I don't care what you think, believe or feel, that is up to you, you have the right to believe whatever you like, all I request is you not talk for ALL women and since I have been on this board, I have seen many strong opinions but I certainly have never seen any of these fine people assume they know what is in the hearts and minds of 50% of the human population. Yes, that is something I am passionate about.

B
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Sorry, I don't know how to do multiple quotes so I've had to copy and paste. THIS is what I'm talking about...

In cases where a man is the sole provider for a child it may be a concern, but in most modern families, especially large ones, this is not the case. In a group situation one would think the men involved would be as keen to share parental responsibility as do women in some polygamous families. However, It would not be, cannot be compatible to Biblical Patriarchy where it is assumed that children are, in effect, property of their fathers (which was indeed the case in the ancient world) therefore Paternity must be assured. This is hardly an issue with a group marriage by consent and no more complicated than any Polygamous situation (Poly relationships being more complicated by nature) Many men, and indeed most men I know, have raised children who are not theirs and doing a good job of it too.

Bels

Surely that is a problem with serial monogamist culture rather than Polygamous culture? Sharing responsibility is normal in families, men jumping from woman to woman to woman is the sick cultural norm (not meaning to absolve women from engaging in serial monogamy just sticking to the issue of men taking responsibility) If we aim to try to get back to or strive for a responsible and honest (and religiously valid, for some) form of relationships, this would not be an issue.

Bels

Ermm, Steve, perhaps I am not explaining it right. My point is, he knows who his children are, they just may or may not share DNA with them.Any man who takes care of ALL the children, regardless of paternity, is a really responsible man and helping to maintain a stable household (ie multi parent/shared parenting) as opposed to a less stable or deprived household (single parent/serial monogamist).

Bels

Wow, nice of you to feel free to speak for all women! I happen to know quite a few women with more than one man she calls husband. Very often they live together so she does not rotate households, the benefit is being able to live and share her life with the men she loves. You may not understand it, but for petes sake you can't claim to know what we all want. How arrogant!!!

B

It seems to me that you're saying multiple husbands is in some cases acceptable, even preferable to "seriel monogamy". I've spent some time trying to wrap my head around the idea, and it just doesn't make sense to me. If this is indeed what you're saying, I'm asking you for a further explanation. You're right to say I don't understand it. I don't understand the justification, the motive, any of it. Until I can - if I'm ever able to - I'll have to retain my gut reaction to polyandry.

And let me apologize again for my origional post. I shouldn't have said that.
 
My one and only opinion is, and has always been, that people have the right to form any relationship they want to according to their personal belief systems. So, whilst I can understand that Biblical Polygamy forbids Polyandry (as does Islamic Polygamy) that does not mean that I think it is inherently immoral. Fact is, we are all individuals, I know people who would describe themselves as staunchly monogamous by nature, male and female, I know people who would describe themselves and inherently Poly, male and female. Whether they decide or not to stick to rules imposed on them by their religion, society, relationship or culture is their own decision.
I have no beef with anyone's choices and since it is my belief that almost any family system which focuses on stability, whether that stability is MFM, MFF, FFF I don't care, surely the most important thing is that people are willing and able to stick it together and work through their issues rather than replacing a partner as soon as the novelty wears off is a good thing. I don't think serial monogamy works, it is so destructive. As I said, you have the right to believe what you wish. I am not trying to change anyone's mind, you can believe something is morally right or wrong according to your personal belief and opinion, the only thing I requested was not to say 'this is what all women want' everything else is up to you.

B
 
Polyandry has been practiced in a few cultures in the past, presumably at least some of the participants were ok with the idea. And clearly it does continue today on a consensual basis, to a limited extent. So Bels is correct, we must not think that we speak for everyone when saying how all men or women would feel about an idea.

Plenty of people in society find polygyny disgusting too, and think they speak for all women when they say no woman would want it, all women in it must be forced into it etc...

How we feel about something and whether it is morally right are two separate things of course. This forum in no way promotes polyandry, only polygyny is allowable in the Scriptures. However there's nothing wrong with us recognising that others have different beliefs to us and are just as entitled to live as they believe is right. If only the rest of society would recognise that freedom for us, many people on these boards would have a much easier life.
 
FollowingHim said:
.

Plenty of people in society find polygyny disgusting too, and think they speak for all women when they say no woman would want it, all women in it must be forced into it etc...
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Too true, I have had that said to me SO many times, in fact in a slightly inverse way to what Kathryn said in 'Woman would never, ever want that, they would only agree to it to keep a man but they must be desperately unhappy' etc.

I cannot even count the amount of times I have heard that. No matter how many times I have said, 'I would be very happy to live Polygamously' it has been ignored under the ingrained opinion of people who simply refuse to believe that any sane woman would ever want to 'share' her husband. When people have made up their mind though they cannot afford to change their mind because then it is a threat to their identity. So, why waste your time with trying to change minds, rather better to live your life authentically.

B
 
We all certainly have varied opinions, backgrounds, and desires. I know that when we lived in one place most of our lives, we saw the world as if everyone were like the people around us here in Maine. When we began to travel and work in various churches, all of a sudden we knew immigrants from dozens of countries, coming here for all sorts of reasons. Raised by mom and dad, two women, two men, just a mom or just dad, all sorts. We learned so much, but I have to say that though there are exceptions, for the most part we are also quite alike.

John Whitten spoke at a BF retreat last year, a great message from a kind hearted brother who has lived a lot more years and a lot more experiences than most of us here. He did an informal poll and asked the question of men and women alike something to the effect of the following; "If you had to choose between one or the other in a relationship/marriage, would you rather be loved or respected?"

Almost every man wished to be respected, even if he had to choose to not be loved. Almost every woman chose to be loved rather than respected. While it is much deeper of a subject than just that basic question, I believe God has put it in the hearts of men to need respect and for women to need love more than anything else in relationships. Some may be an exception, but it is a minute percentage, maybe 1 in 200 or so. There are many who, due to the influence of culture or extreme circumstances of hurt may say one over the other, but even then I wonder if someone really offered them both love and respect, which one they would appreciate more.

I am so glad I don't have to choose, as my lovely wife loves me more than I deserve and respects me MUCH more than I could ever earn. We should not have to choose, but in nearly every single instance of broken homes and marriages, the women long for and complain about the lack of love. The men complain about and long for, or even demand, the respect.

Yeah, I am pretty glad I don't have to choose. If God ever leads me to another wife, I can't imagine settling for anything less than both love and respect. I know that is what I offer to my wife and would expect that I should do the same for anyone else.
 
To put it simply not in my house I cannot even have a male roommate w/o a fight breaking out. It is also against scripture as to where you cannot serve more than one master. In a situation one male will dominate the others making only one the master and the rest followers. Plus just as I said before men are very competitive so I doubt that would work very well.
 
I would say it in a simple and basic way, if a man had 10 wives he could have 10 kids one each.
If a woman had 10 husbands she could only have one at a time, also if a Man is The Head of The House
How could there be more then one Head of that House. Women must Obey and Submit to her Husband as they would to GOD,
how then could a wife submit to more then one at a time or whose will should she do?

Therefore I Man as Husband is Head over his house and His Wives must Obey and Submit, there is no way for there to be two Heads of House
or your house will fall. Woman can not be leaders of men they must be followers so how can a wife be head if GOD has said she can not do so.
 
let me just say that el poeto is not exactly the poster-boy of patriarchy.

we had a pretty good discussion with him about his being called to have a solomon class group of wives. it was removed from view because (i presume) it did not contribute to a positive atmosphere
 
im sorry, i just wanted to say one more thing...wouldn't you feel absolutely disgusting concerning the most intimate things ...?

referring to the question "why not multiple husbands"
 
i am sorry,
i am not sure what you are referring to. the intimate details with his envisioned wives?
 
When I first approached my 10 yr old son about PM, I said, "Just think! Then you'd have TWO Moms. Wouldn't that be great?" :D

His response: "NO WAY! Then there'd be TWO of 'em saying 'Do This! Do That! Do This! Do That!' all the time!" :(

I can only imagine a woman feels much the same at the thought of two husbands. :roll:
 
CecilW said:
I can only imagine a woman feels much the same at the thought of two husbands. :roll:
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Haha... :lol: Most men I have known in Polyandrous relationships do not behave in that way. Contrary to popular beliefs (on here) it IS possible to have a long term relationship without someone being 'in charge' it depends on the family. But of course, these are not religious people who believe in submission and such. Though in all honesty they have been some of the most stable Poly families I have known, maybe there is something in the nature of men and women and the expectations that they have which actually makes it easier for men to adapt?
But of course amongst men who believe in headship than there would not be any adaptation at all because they fundamentally believe it is wrong. Does not mean there is a quality in all men which makes them suitable for that task though, I know few men I would trust to lead a procession, let alone a family.

B
 
impossible said:
im sorry, i just wanted to say one more thing...wouldn't you feel absolutely disgusting concerning the most intimate things ...?

referring to the question "why not multiple husbands"
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I can't understand this, could you elaborate a bit please?

B
 
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