I just have to say that your family must be awesome if a wife wanted to help pay off debt just to join it lol
It's a long story but Steve and Christie were really an amazing match. I totally understood why they fell in love.
I just have to say that your family must be awesome if a wife wanted to help pay off debt just to join it lol
Are they supposed to wait to get married until all debt is paid off?
No, he would not. He wouldn't make the perfect the enemy of the good. He would recommend entirely reorienting their finances, but I've never heard of him promoting extended celibacy for the sake of getting rid of debt. What I have heard him say is that it's worthwhile to reorient the finances to line up with scriptural imperatives at the beginning of the engagement period -- including forsaking the spending of money on a lavish wedding when it could be used to pay off debts and/or invest in something like a home or starting a reasonable business.What do you think Dave Ramsey would say? And I do not ask that lightly, I know of Dave Ramsey but I do not know much about everything he says so this is a serious question.
My point is that, while I'm all in favor of eliminating debt, I don't believe it should be a hard and fast rule before entering into any marriage, poly or mono.
Isaiah 4:1Because it is a technicality.
If she decides that family M is a better choice than family C, even though it would require her to bring in income, then that is her choice.
Not every family is family A, multimillionaire and perfect spiritual credentials.
These verses state that a man should provide for his household through work.
1 Timothy 5:8 "But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."
Proverbs 13:22 "A good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children, but the sinner's wealth is laid up for the righteous."
2 Thessalonians 3:10 "For even when were with you, we would give you this command: If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat. For we hear that some among you walk in idleness, not busy at work, but busybodies. Now such persons we command and encourage in the Lord Jesus Christ to do their work quietly and to earn their own living. As for you, Brothers, do not grow weary in doing good."
2 Corinthians 9:10 "He who supplies the seed to the sower and bread for food will supply and multiply your seed for sowing and increase the harvest of your righteousness. You will be enriched in every way to be generous in every way, which through us will provide thanksgiving to God."
Among others.
What peeked my interest in this is the following-
Exodus 21:10 "If he takes an additional wife, he must not reduce the food, clothing, or marital rights of the first wife."
If a household needs a first wife's additional outside income to support the family. Technically the man is not providing enough.
Also these verses imply that women should work within the household-
1 Timothy 5:13 “They also learn to waste their time in going around from house to house; but even worse, they learn to be gossips and busybodies talking of things they should not. So I would prefer that the younger widows get married, have children, and take care of their homes, so as to give our enemies no chance of speaking evil of us. For some widows have already turned away to follow Satan.”
Titus 2:3-5 “In the same way instruct the older women to behave as women should who live a holy life. They must not be slanderers or slaves to wine. They must teach what is good, in order to train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, and to be good housewives who submit themselves to their husbands, so that no one will speak evil of the message that comes from God.”
However these reference working outside of the household, sort of...
Proverbs 31:12 “She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.”
Proverbs 31:18 “She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night.”
Proverbs 31:24 “She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant.”
I'm genuinely curious about what i'm misunderstanding? Also I am not trying to start another submission debate lol i've had enough of that. However I do have another question. I've seen others reference that women should submit to men because men provide for the household. If a woman needs to work outside of the household, then is he holding up his end of the bargain?
These verses state that a man should provide for his household through work.
1 Timothy 5:8 "But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."
...
[But] Exodus 21:10 "If he takes an additional wife, he must not reduce the food, clothing, or marital rights of the first wife."
If a household needs a first wife's additional outside income to support the family...the man is not providing enough.
...women should work within the household...[but] these reference working outside of the household, sort of...
...Proverbs 31...
I'm genuinely curious about what i'm misunderstanding?
I was wondering when Isaiah 4:1 would come up... clear indication that the woman can come to the man and gladly provide for self/pull her weight in the equation in order to be covered.. Seems, that would include working if he allowed that.Isaiah 4:1
Well said sirAccording to scripture he is to ensure a wife has food, shelter, and clothing.
Those are relatively minor expenses.
What would concern me when I was looking for my first wife if her attitude was something along the lines of “you have to provide all my needs and I’m not working” I’d have passed over anybody with that attitude.
I chose my wife because her attitude was. “I’ll happily work and help you in any way I can. I will joyfully submit to you in everything and obey you. I will follow your lead wherever you lead me.”
That was her attitude and that’s why I chose her.
While I applaud your efforts to make sure you are choosing wisely and to vet a potential man. Make sure you aren’t minding God’s business and getting into the mindset of being the judge of your man. God judges him and chastises him for wrong behavior. That’s His business not yours. Again, great if you’re learning this in order to vet a good man and ensure you’re not going to submit to a lazy so-and-so.
In scriptural examples you have to understand that the man owned all the property, labor, proceeds, children, everything that was in his household. Everyone was culturally expected to work and contribute to the household. Everyone worked period. Everyone contributed. If he didn’t clothe one of those wives, he would be reprimanded by the elders. Because it would be shameful to not take care of his family or to show favoritism. He was not the sole provider and worker that did all the labor while everyone else enjoyed his fruits. Went to soccer practice, school, puttered around the house, did cooking and cleaning. Got her nails did.
The modern western world’s idea of a stay at home wife is much more leisurely minded than the rest of history. Those women WORKED!
So to answer concisely. IF I were to seek a second, she would be expected to work in some capacity and contribute to the household with some kind of productive behavior. That should be expected. That might mean working outside the home for a time, it might mean working as a secretary for me, or helping me with writing books. Might mean helping with growing food in our garden and caring for livestock. If another grown adult is joining a family, why should they not expect to pull their own weight? Shouldn't she desire to help as much as she could?
Speaking personally. I can't afford to take a second wife if she's a freeloader and dead weight. But having a second would likely more than double my income since I'm self employed and could branch out into more enterprises, writing and teaching more. It would be a tremendous leap forward in financial security for my family.
So the real question comes down to what do you mean by "support another wife"? Does that mean pay for the lifestyle she is used to? Pay for her to sit home watching soaps and eating bonbons? Or does that mean "can she have her material needs met by joining?". Because if she's worth her salt, she could be bringing more to the table than she's removing.
Exodus 21:10 is about fairness between wives, not where the money comes from. Don't neglect your first wife while spoiling the new one with fancy clothes.Is a man right in seeking additional wives if he needs a first wife's income to provide food and clothing?
Generally yes to the former, no to the later. All are to work, the idea that a man's work is outside the home is a unique cultural artifact of our corportist capitalistic society.What caused my confusion was the Bible verses stating that a woman's work was is in the home and implying that a man's was outside of the home. I needed some clarification.
What do you mean?Second wife has to explicity waiwer for marriage to happen.
That is my situation right now, and I am going on week # 6 of NOT being able to work. Before I did a career change we were always a one income home, the only reason Paula is working now is because we empty nesters and she wanted something to do. As she put it I can only clean the house so many times, I gave her my blessing BUT she is not to take on a role that would put her over a man. So I am glad she is working right now.What about if he breaks his legs and can't work,
Amen, the Father knows best, we just need to have faith that the Father will meet those needs.However, if God drops an additional wife in his lap and says "here she is", then he should marry her regardless of financial circumstances.
Yes we need to... KISSThere's nothing in there about smartphones, social media, trips to the museums, or any kind of generalized grins and giggles. Much less 401Ks.
When Paula and I met all I had was a job and a room, I definitely did NOT have my ducks in a row. Are they in a row now at going 31 years? Yes I think they are. Are they in a row to take on a second or more?? I hope so. So If I were to take a second this would be my FIRST rodeo.So it's all well and good to say that a man shouldn't seek a second wife until he's got all of his ducks in a row,
AMEN!!“you have to provide all my needs and I’m not working” I’d have passed over anybody with that attitude.
Some women just want a sugar daddy.Speaking personally. I can't afford to take a second wife if she's a freeloader and dead weight.
They seemed to think it was right.Was he right in seeking the first wife at all,
Exactly.If it wasn't a problem originally, why would it become one now?
Yes, if there is not order in the home with one, two could either make it or break it.Instead I would be more concerned about whether his house is in order, allowing for successful integration of the new wife.
In sense that she is aware and has acceoted thst husband can't fullfil his duties toward her.What do you mean?
What is he is ootential husband is lacking only as provider, but not in anything else? Political dissident in authoritarian regime wouldn't certainly lack in bravery department.@MemeFan, you are making no sense. The second wife has to agree the husband cannot fulfil his marital duties to her if she wants to marry him? What's the point in marrying him then if he's not going to fulfil his marital duties - what sort of marriage are you even talking about which has no sex, protection or other marital duties?
I am sure I am misunderstanding you. If it's an important point you need to explain it more clearly.
What I hear you saying is that if a potential husband has problems that prevent him from providing the normal requirements, she can waive her rights to them and still have a marriage.What is he is ootential husband is lacking only as provider, but not in anything else? Political dissident in authoritarian regime wouldn't certainly lack in bravery department.